Chapter 20

Chengshui

"Whiiik!"

The sound of a pig squealing filled the government office.

The magistrate, upon seeing the jade plaque, trembled as if struck by lightning.

I’m the one who should be in trouble, so why am I the one screaming?

After letting out a scream, the magistrate, despite his heavy body, moved as if he had mastered lightness skills, his fat jiggling as he ran like the wind to pick up the jade plaque.

Every time the magistrate moved, a sound that shouldn’t have been audible echoed in my head, the jiggling sound of his fat.

The magistrate, who had picked up the jade plaque, immediately ran to me and asked,

"Y-You, how did you get this? You! No, you. Ah, you have this? So, you have this? No, is this yours?"

He started in a high pitch, his voice dropping to a low pitch.

The change in octaves was like a legendary tenor warming up his voice, as if from a past life.

In response to his question, I rubbed my aching stomach and answered,

"Master Zhuge gave this... this token of the family. Cough... cough..."

With a tattoo on my forehead, the only thing I could trust now was Zhuge Guanxi.

No matter what, I had to hide behind Guanxi’s back.

As my answer ended, a sound of dripping water came from somewhere.

-Drip drip drip drip

A clear and cheerful sound, yet somehow disgusting.

I looked up at the ceiling of the government office, tears welling in my eyes.

Was it raining?

'Is the sky crying for my sad reality?'

But the ceiling was intact.

I turned my eyes to find the source of the sound, but what was falling was not water.

It was broth.

The magistrate seemed to be a geyser of broth, continuously oozing it from his body.

Then, with a stern face, the magistrate suddenly took a deep breath, followed by a loud exhale, emitting a sound like a dolphin’s ultrasound.

"Bring me a cudgel!"

"Ah! Please spare me!"

Despite my desperate plea, the magistrate, his face red and hands trembling, did not seem to be acting out of joy or anger.

'His voice sounds kinder, but how can I tell if his expression, hidden by the layers of fat, is angry or not?'

The magistrate’s squinted eyes were a result of his fat.

It was hard to tell why he was smiling, just like with most squinted eyes.

As I trembled, wondering how to minimize the pain, the soldiers brought a cudgel that looked like it could crack a skull with one hit to the magistrate.

The magistrate, grabbing the cudgel, lunged at me.

-Swallow

"Ah! I’m going to die!"

At the sight of the unrealistic cudgel, I swallowed hard, screamed that I was going to die, and curled up, protecting my head as much as possible.

Then, a sticky sound was heard.

-Squish

A squelching sound was followed by a scream next to me.

Gurk!

Then, the magistrate and the gambler, Mr. Quanzhou, began to exchange screams that sounded more like animal noises than human conversation: Gurk! Kyeooh! Gweeek! Kyaah!

The process of turning a person into soft meat unfolded before my eyes.

With considerable experience, the magistrate started by striking the mouth, then moved to the head and the rest of the body, a skilled process of softening.

The magistrate pummeled the gambler’s entire body.

Since the magistrate had started by striking the gambler’s mouth, the gambler couldn’t protest and was beaten enthusiastically until he became soft and lay sprawled on the floor of the government office.

After turning a person into soft meat, the magistrate, still unsatisfied, kicked the already softened gambler with his ham-like legs for a while, then wiped the broth from his forehead and panted,

"Ah, because of that dirty liar, I almost became a bad person who would harm the family of my old friend, Brother Noubeng. Huh... What, what? Yes, is the head of the family well? No, I should introduce myself first, huh... I am Podailun, an old friend of Brother Zhugejue, the younger brother of Master Zhuge. Ah, I’m going to die. A friend’s family should be dealt with personally. Isn’t that what a true friend does? Huh, huh..."

There was a bit of misunderstanding between the magistrate and me, but since we were both part of the Guanxi network, it was polite to let it slide.

When he introduced himself as an old friend of my Guanxi’s younger brother,

The person in front of me was no longer a plump pig.

His fat was not fat but an overflow of character and personality, temporarily expanded to fit a small body.

And the liquid oozing from the magistrate’s body, who was not a pig but a person of great character, was not dirty broth.

It was Chengshui.

The Chengshui flowing from his forehead and his dazzling smile entered my eyes.

"Keeer... Sir, Magistrate!"

I was moved and embraced him.

The magistrate, who held me like a baby chick in his broad arms,

"Ah! You, the magistrate! A friend’s family is my family! Call me brother."

The magistrate, drenched in sweat, comforted me.

Even though I was drenched in broth and his breath was heavy, the situation felt sweet.

I was immersed in the sweetness of connections.

'This is Guanxi! This is Guanxi!'

And so, I was deeply moved by the magistrate’s sweat.

The magistrate, who introduced himself as an old friend of Master Zhuge’s younger brother.

An old friend is one of the stages of Guanxi.

Guanxi relationships can generally be divided into five stages:

Xin Pengyou (新朋友, Xin Pengyou).

Hao Pengyou (好朋友, Hao Pengyou).

Lao Pengyou (老朋友, Lao Pengyou).

Xiongdi (兄弟, Xiongdi).

Gan Xiongdi (干兄弟, Gan Xiongdi).

These are the five stages.

Xin Pengyou is used for people you just met, like saying, "Isn’t everyone you meet a friend?" It’s just a casual acquaintance.

In the martial world, you might use it to say, "Aren’t all martial artists friends?"

Hao Pengyou is a good friend, a good buddy, someone you start to exchange favors with.

Lao Pengyou is the end of a friendship, where you can use each other’s things freely and introduce each other to others.

Since the magistrate and Master Zhuge’s younger brother were Lao Pengyou, it meant they were very close friends.

The next stages are not friends but family.

Xiongdi refers to sworn brothers, and Gan Xiongdi means becoming family.

They are like one family, helping each other with family matters and stepping in to solve problems. In martial novels or movies, when a character’s family is killed and only the children are left, and someone takes them in, it’s at this stage.

The pinnacle of Guanxi, the ultimate Guanxi, the king of Guanxi.

So, the magistrate was terrified at the thought of harming his close friend’s family.

Because betraying a friend in a Guanxi relationship, which is often boasted about in society, would result in severe social ostracism. If he had harmed an old friend’s family,

He would be socially buried.

'So, that’s why he was sweating so much, not broth, but Chengshui.'

After comforting me for a while, the magistrate also yelled at the criminal affairs officer, Xian.

"To arrest my old friend’s family without proper verification? Are you crazy? To believe a gambler’s words? I’m disappointed in you! And you, the law forbids private torture, yet you beat my old friend’s family! Apologize now!"

The three, now with squinted eyes, cautiously apologized.

Especially the soldiers, who had been the ones to torture me the most, must have felt bitter.

But soldiers do as they are told, and in the Central Plains, you need Guanxi to get ahead.

"I’m sorry, young master. We didn’t know he was such a person."

"I’m sorry, young master. We got carried away for a moment..."

"It’s, it’s okay. He’s a very bad person."

I should have questioned why they had arrested and beaten me without knowing who I was, but I couldn’t because of the magistrate.

Doing so would have damaged the magistrate’s face, which he had saved by arranging the apology.

'That damn face!'

***

When Podailun saw the Zhuge family’s plaque fall in front of him, he thought his heart had stopped.

The Zhuge family’s plaque, which was hard to connect with.

It was not something that could fall from the arms of someone who introduced himself as an orphan from a humble family.

He ran over and picked up the plaque to confirm it again.

The clear sound it made when it rolled on the floor confirmed it was a Mingyu (鳴玉), and the characters “Zhuge” were clearly visible.

The character “Qing” on the other side confirmed it was the plaque of the head of the family, the Jinzhi Yuye (金枝玉葉), which he had tried to connect with when he wanted to connect with the Zhuge family.

"Y-You, how did you get this? You! No, you. Ah, you have this? So, you have this? No, is this yours?"

Podailun asked, his voice trembling.

It was not something a mere innkeeper could possess, so he wondered how this person had come to have it.

Then, an unbelievable answer came.

"Master Zhuge gave this... this token of the family. Cough... cough..."

'The head of the family personally called him family?'

If the head of the family had given him the daughter’s plaque, calling him family, there was only one reason.

Fiancé!

The Zhuge family preferred unique talents over status or martial arts. Even if this person, no, this gentleman, was an orphan with no background, he must have had something that made him a suitable son-in-law for the Zhuge family.

And if he was an orphan fiancé, he was naturally a son-in-law, soon to be part of the Zhuge family’s wealth.

'Oh my God!'

Podailun’s hair stood on end.

More than when he was surprised at eating an entire sheep by himself.

He knew that the criminal affairs officer, Xian, sometimes arrested innocent people for petty gains and occasionally bribed him, so he thought it was just a matter of making a quick judgment and releasing them after a few months.

'On the forehead of the Zhuge family’s son-in-law...?'

Only then did he realize what he had almost done.

Connecting with the Zhuge family, one of the most powerful families in the government, or even with its head’s younger brother, was almost impossible. If he had made an enemy instead of a connection, he would struggle to keep his position.

'No, it’s not just the position, but my head...'

Cold sweat started to pour down his face.

Xian’s voice, which had whispered about a large bribe, had been venomous.

He had to silence the gambler, who was clearly in cahoots with Xian.

"Bring me a cudgel!"

As the Zhuge family’s fiancé was about to be beaten, the gambler smirked.

Podailun ran over and struck the gambler’s mouth first.

-Squish

The gambler’s teeth were all gone, and he screamed and rolled on the ground.

"Kyeooh!"

Podailun recalled the martial arts he had learned in his youth, pretending to channel nonexistent inner energy.

He let out a battle cry, wishing the gambler would die quickly.

'Just stop squawking and die already!'

His breath was short, but he couldn’t stop.

The gambler had to die to somehow resolve this situation.

He had come this far and couldn’t fall because of a trivial person.

"Kyaah!"

Sweat poured from his body, drenching the floor.