Chapter 30

The thief

After experiencing the rough food of the Central Plains wilderness, what’s next?

Now it’s time to meet the rough monsters of the Central Plains.

Bandits of the mountains (山賊), bandits of the fields (野賊), and bandits of the waters (水賊).

Perhaps because Sichuan is located in the center of Gansu (甘肅), Qinghai (靑海), Shaanxi (陝西), Chongqing (重慶), Guizhou (貴州), Yunnan (雲南), and Tibet (西藏), there were far too many bandits.

On the road from Qingtian to Guangyuan (廣元) and then to Mianyang, I encountered bandits not infrequently, but showing them the character "Tang" (唐) on the backs of the warriors, or

"Are you daring to ask for a toll on Tang territory in Sichuan?"

When Tang Yingying casually threw out these words, the bandits would be frightened and make way, so nothing much had happened until now.

But now, with Mianyang, which is close to the Tang Clan’s base, not far away, there were bandits.

"Pay the toll or give up your head, choose one! Hahaha!"

A line that had become so cliché from hearing it so many times.

It was as if there was a national certification exam for bandits, all of them spouting the same lines.

I stepped forward as I had agreed with Tang Yingying and shouted at the bandits.

"How dare you, mere bandits, block the road! Do you know who this person is? The overlord of Sichuan, the Tang Clan! She is the granddaughter of the legendary Poison King and the daughter of the great hero Poison Friend, Tang Yingying! How dare you ask for a toll on Tang territory in Sichuan?!"

As soon as I finished speaking, Tang Yingying lifted her chin.

Her eyebrows were arched, indicating she was quite excited.

She spoke in a very lazy voice.

"Mr. Liu, that’s enough. What do bandits like these know?"

The bandits, hearing my words and Tang Yingying’s reaction, were frightened and shouted.

"T-Tang Clan!"

The dirty, unkempt bandits were sweating profusely at the mention of the Tang Clan and tried to explain.

"Ahem, I just stopped you for a moment to greet you."

After passing the frightened bandits and reaching a quiet place, Tang Yingying’s voice was heard.

"Phew! Ahaha! Master, you’re so funny!"

She was holding her stomach, not knowing what to do.

She eventually squatted down, tears streaming down her face as she burst into laughter.

The Tang Clan’s warriors were also chuckling.

This situation arose because we kept encountering bandits, and they kept spouting the same lines, and we kept responding with the same lines. It felt like meeting NPCs in a game.

So, out of boredom, and because I had become a bit closer to Tang Yingying through our conversations during the journey, I made a suggestion.

"Miss Tang, when the next bandits appear, I’ll step forward and talk to them. Just play along with me. I’ll keep you entertained."

"Play along? Hmm... Alright, sure."

Despite the initial hesitation, she accepted my proposal, and I introduced her to the bandits grandly, as if introducing medieval knights. It seemed she liked it.

After laughing and wiping away tears, she asked as we continued walking.

"Master, what did you do before you became an innkeeper?"

"I was just a scholar from a humble family."

"I don’t believe it!"

We continued our journey, chatting.

As I got closer to her and shared various stories, I also learned a lot from her.

For example, why the head of the Tang Clan and the head of the Zhuge Clan became sworn brothers.

"So, other martial families practice weapons like swords, spears, and halberds. But in the Central Plains, only our Tang Clan and the Zhuge Clan are considered distant from the concept of martial arts (武). The Zhuge Clan is skilled in wisdom and formations, and our Tang Clan uses poison. So, they subtly consider us different. Thus, the two of them, being in the same situation, became close."

They’re like muscleheads with brains packed into their muscles, or rather, muscles packed into their brains.

Anyway, muscleheads were a problem wherever we went.

In the face of mass destruction, martial arts were insignificant.

To make someone harbor poison, especially someone who uses poison.

I decided to give a bit of lip service as a token of friendship.

"Truly ignorant fellows. Martial arts (武) ultimately mean killing. Is it beautiful to die by a sword and dirty to die by poison? In the end, they all rot and disappear. Anyway, the problem is those who only practice. Handling poison means always risking your life, but these people don’t even know that. Right?"

As I continued to criticize the muscleheads, I suddenly felt something amiss and looked to the side. No one was there. Looking behind, I saw the Tang Clan’s people frozen in place.

‘Huh? Did I say something wrong?’

I scratched my head awkwardly, and suddenly, seven of them rushed over, surrounding me and cheering.

"Master, we feel so relieved. How did you understand our hearts so well?"

"Master, today we must catch a deer and treat you to precious meat again..."

"Master, tonight I want to treat you to a three-foot stream. There’s a very clean stream ahead, with very white and clean stones and very fresh moss."

It seemed the Tang Clan rarely received praise.

Why were there so many people around me who craved compliments...

As the Tang Clan’s friends kept offering me food I couldn’t eat, we were walking through the forest when the grass on both sides of the forest rustled, and a few more bandits appeared, shouting.

"Do you know where you are...?"

Seeing the bandits, I quickly rushed forward and shouted.

"Hey (喝)!"

The bandits flinched at my shout.

I shouted at the bandits again.

"How dare you, mere bandits, block the road! Hah—"

But my mouth was suddenly clamped shut.

Looking to the side, I saw Tang Yingying running over with a shocked look, covering my mouth.

Her face was pale with fear.

Looking at her with a questioning expression, she suddenly bowed to the bandits and spoke in a polite voice.

"Heroes of the Green Forest (綠林), what brings you here?"

‘G-Green Forest?’

The Green Forest was a nationwide alliance of bandits.

The most notorious bandits formed a league, selecting 72 of the strongest.

It was like the Kanto Alliance, Kansai Alliance, and East Japan Alliance in the Japanese Yakuza.

Cold sweat trickled down my spine.

A large figure slowly emerged from the bushes, glanced at me, and spoke to Tang Yingying.

"I’m sorry. We were just moving some goods. We had to pass through Sichuan, Tang territory. Who was on watch? How could they not recognize the Tang Clan!"

*Punch*

The large figure’s fist hit one of the bandits’ heads, making it sink in like a mole in a Whac-A-Mole game.

Seeing this, I involuntarily swallowed hard.

*Swallow*

"Then we’ve caused each other inconvenience."

Tang Yingying quickly bowed and tried to lead me away, but a displeased voice came from behind.

"But, that guy was saying something strange just now, right?"

The Tang Clan’s people, who were walking together, suddenly stopped.

The Tang Clan’s warriors, sensing the danger, had their hands on their weapons.

A tense situation.

Tang Yingying, sweating, turned around and awkwardly replied.

"Our supervisor, who works outside, is suffering from madness and we’re bringing him back to the main house. He just keeps talking, so please don’t mind him. Ahaha."

"Madness? But he looks relatively normal?"

The bandit looked at us suspiciously, and Tang Yingying elbowed me.

Taking the cue, I shouted at the bandit.

"Y-You! Mere bandits! How dare you try to steal my thousand-year-old snow ginseng! I won’t let you have it! You scoundrels!"

I quickly ran to the bushes, tore a handful of grass, and stuffed it in my mouth.

The bitter and astringent taste filled my mouth, but I had to chew to survive.

Seeing me chew the grass, the bandits’ eyes softened.

The large figure also looked at Tang Yingying with pity.

"Madness, they say, can be treated with eagle’s medicine? How about I help a little?"

*Crunch*

The large figure crushed something in his hand.

Tang Yingying awkwardly laughed and punched me.

"Ah, no. I—"

*Punch*

"Kyaah!"

A heavy punch hit my abdomen.

Her slender hand was surprisingly powerful.

I spat out the grass and fell to the ground.

Two of the Tang Clan’s warriors helped me up and quickly moved away.

After running for a while, we reached the shade of a large tree, and Tang Yingying’s worried voice was heard.

"A-Are you okay, Master?"

"Ugh... black..."

But the pain was so intense that I couldn’t even breathe properly.

The warriors asked Tang Yingying.

"Miss, did you use your inner strength?"

"No, I just hit him lightly to act, but I realized Mr. Liu hasn’t learned martial arts..."

Lying in the shade for a while, my body finally returned to normal.

The punch from Tang Yingying felt like I had crossed the Jordan River and almost died.

Tang Yingying wet a towel and wiped my forehead, checking my condition.

"Master, are you feeling better?"

"I feel like I’ve come back from the dead."

"I’m sorry. That guy was suspicious, so—"

After lying there for a while, I calmed down and asked her about what happened.

"But thinking about it, shouldn’t the Green Forest and bandits be something that martial artists should all eliminate? They seemed to have a mutual understanding."

"Just catching and delivering each bandit to the authorities is too troublesome. In the case of the Green Forest, if you touch one, the seventy-two camps (七十二寨) of the Green Forest will all become enemies of our escort company or clan, which is annoying for us, and if they touch us, some camps will definitely disappear, so we just avoid each other."

It felt like they avoided each other because they were dirty.

"Also, I was most curious about how you knew they were from the Green Forest. There was no special mark or anything."

When we first met the bandits, they looked no different from other dirty bandits, so I stepped forward, but I was curious how she distinguished them.

"Ah, now that you’re stepping into the martial world, I should explain."

Tang Yingying wiped the sweat from my forehead and said.

"The weapons they carried were horizontal knives (橫刀) or pole knives (樸刀)."

"Huh? What’s different from the previous bandits?"

"The previous bandits carried large knives (大刀)."

To me, they were all just knives, but it seemed different to martial artists. Seeing my confused expression, Tang Yingying explained further.

"Large knives are commonly used in southern Jiangnan households. They are often used to cut grass and trees. Therefore, martial artists don’t use large knives. They are originally made for farmers to cut grass, so it’s understandable if they use horizontal knives or pole knives, but not farmers’ knives. Although Sichuan is not Jiangnan, it’s close, so farmers in Sichuan often use large knives, making them very common."

Only then did I understand.

Jiangnan is a land with dense vegetation and many unexplored areas, so farmers made large knives like machetes. Martial artists can’t practice martial arts with machetes, so those who have learned martial arts use horizontal knives or pole knives.

So, bandits carrying large knives are not trained in martial arts but are farmers who have turned to banditry, and the opposite is true.

From today’s incident, I learned a valuable lesson.

‘Never act cocky when you don’t know anything.’

I almost got into big trouble by being too confident as a mere cook. In the martial world of the Central Plains, a humble cook like me must be humble to survive.

The astringent pain from Tang Yingying’s punch remained in my abdomen, along with the lesson.

Thus, humbled by the bandits and Tang Yingying’s punch, I was led by her hand and arrived at the grand sign of the Tang Clan two days later.

"Master, this is the Sichuan Tang Clan (四川唐門)."

Tang Yingying smiled as she led me inside.

‘Maybe I’ll enjoy the Tang Clan’s birthday feast a bit.’