Chapter 13

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Series: A Love That Lurks at the Dining Table

Previous chapter

I could hear the cries of cicadas echoing from the window as I walked down the corridor to the classroom. In the school yard underneath the pure blue sky, the baseball and soccer club members were working up a sweat during their morning practice.

Summer vacation had ended and the new school term had begun. But my lifestyle hasn’t changed that much. Before I woke up in the morning and went to Hino-kun’s house, but now I just went to school.

Today, I was holding Hino-kun’s lunch that I woke up early to make. Since he said he didn’t have work today, I was going to go to his house after school to make food.

My daily life hasn’t changed that much, but even though it’s been a week since summer vacation ended, I wasn’t able to get that incident at the aquarium before the dolphin show out of my head.

That was an accident, without a doubt. We just accidentally collided with each other because we were both careless.

But I’ve become way too conscious of Hino-kun. I didn’t know how to look at him and lately I feel like I haven’t been talking very well.

I was a mess when we were talking yesterday and when he looked at me, I felt even more distraught.

I entered the classroom with a sigh, only to see Meina-chan with a similar distraught-ness. She had her face laid across her desk near the window.

“Morning, Meina-chan. What’s wrong…?” I quickly walked up to her and asked.

She slowly lifted her face, revealing how tired she looked with her powerless smile. “Morning,” she said before beginning to explain the reason behind her lethargy, “Even though… I made sure to check it yesterday, Maki-kun’s bag came apart at the top of a hill and everything in his bag got scattered across the road… I was able to clean his gym clothes, but his bag got completely wrecked…”

I looked where Meina-chan was pointing to see gym clothes with “Maki” written on it drying on the side of the window.

They were fluttering in the summer wind, but it didn’t seem like she needed to worry about securing them to the window so they didn’t fall.

“I see…”

“Even though I tried to check it… What should I do? We have an overnight field trip at the end of the month,” She said with a faraway look.

On the other hand, Maki-kun was stretched out like a cat, sleeping in his seat near the blackboard.

“Then how about going to buy a new bag after school?”

“Eh, a-ahh, that could work… That is an option.”

“You’re on cleaning duty, right Meina-chan? I’ll sub for you.”

Cleaning was only thirty minutes, so it wouldn’t stop me from making dinner for Hino-kun. Maki-kun could get in more trouble while waiting for Meina-chan, so it would be better if I did the cleaning instead. Because there was a possibility for him to get an even greater injury.

“But…”

Meina-chan was agonizing over my proposal. “It would be bad if something happened while he was waiting,” I pointed to Maki-kun and saw that he was looking over here.

His eyes lacked their usual languidness. What? But as soon as I noticed, it was gone. The next moment, he yawned with fatique and went back to lying on his desk. I wondered if I should say something to Meina-chan, but she didn’t seem to notice his momentary change.

“Okay… Then we should trade… I’m really sorry, Mizuka-chan. I’ll take over for cleaning duty twice for you after this!”

“No way, just once is fine.”

Meina-chan seems to have made up her mind. She kept bowing her head to me. While I kept trying to get her to stop, I glanced at Maki-kun to see that he was still lying down.

…What was that? Was it my imagination? For just a moment, Maki-kun looked like he was alive, like he was a normal, straightforward person who wasn’t weak at all. Well, he was alive before that, but…

Despite repeating to myself that it was just my imagination, I couldn’t stop strange doubts from consuming my thoughts as I continued talking with Meina-chan.

◇

I was gathering leaves that had fallen from the trees with a broom. It was after school and I was in charge of collecting fallen leaves for cleaning duty in place of Meina-chan.

But collecting green leaves like this reminded me of frying spinach with a wooden spoon and I got hungry.

But it was still too hot for an autumn appetite. Even though some leaves were falling from the trees, I could still hear the cry of cicadas and the sunlight shining down from above was strong and irritated my skin.

What should I do for today’s dinner since the weather was still so warm?

Hino-kun’s house was cool and comfortable because he had good air conditioning, but the temperature difference could make him feel unwell.

I wanted to make something nutritional, good for his stamina, and that would give him lots of energy…

Something like cold shabu-shabu… maybe?

“Hey.”

While I was staring at the leaves and thinking up the menu for tonight, I saw a clean pair of loafers enter my vision directly to my side.

I lifted my head to see Sasaki-san standing there with a smile. According to the class attendance order, she shouldn’t be on cleaning duty.

“Sasaki-san?”

“Do you have time right now?”

“Oh, give me a second. Right now I’m cleaning…”

“It’s fine.”

Just as I noticed an unusual atmosphere, Sasaki-san grabbed my arm and dragged me away.

After a brief moment of surprise, she shoved me against the wall at the back of the school.

“Woah–“

I staggered and the broom I was holding slipped from my hands. The dry sound of it falling echoed. Before I could pick it up, Sasaki-san stomped on the broom with all her strength.

“Because of you, Yousuke is ignoring all of my messages.”

“Eh…”

Her cold tone stunned me. But my reaction seemed to anger her even more as she glared at me with a sharp gaze.

“I’ve always been angry about it… See, weren’t you walking with Yousuke? During summer vacation. In the shopping district you intentionally left some distance between you two. And the aquarium too… You actually went there together, right?”

In the shopping district.

Sasaki-san must have seen that time he called me there, without a doubt. And since she saw us together at the aquarium, that was why she was here now.

…But wait? I felt like something didn’t match up. When she saw us together at the aquarium, she seemed more surprised than suspicious.

No, now wasn’t the time for thinking this. First I had to deny–

“Hey, what kind of relationship do you two have? There’s no way you’re his girlfriend, right?”

“O-of course I’m not. W-we just happened to meet…”

“Then why were you two walking together? You didn’t need to.”

“That’s because Hino-kun’s destination–“

“What? What about me?”

I turned in the direction of the new voice addressing Sasaki-san. Hino-kun stood there with a blank expression.

He sighed and came closer. Sasaki-san quickly tilted her head and said, “It’s nothing. I was just having a little chat with Igarashi-san. Isn’t that right?”

“Y-yeah.”

Sasaki-san turned to me with a soft voice but her eyes weren’t smiling at all. I hurried to agree with her. She approached Hino-kun with a smile, like nothing had happened.

“More importantly, what are you…”

“See, weren’t you walking with Yousuke? During summer vacation. In the shopping district. And the aquarium too… You actually went there together, right?”

Hino-kun imitated Sasaki-san’s tone. But it didn’t seem like he was joking at all, more like he was forcing a machine with his voice to read off a script.

Those words were something she said a while ago, so he must have been listening to our conversation for a while.

“…You were talking about my relationship with Igarashi-san, right?”

Hino-kun’s gaze shot through Sasaki-san, unable to hide his bad mood. It was the first time I’ve seen that sort of expression from him, and I gasped.

“Y-you’re wrong. I didn’t say that. Right, Igarashi-san? I didn’t say that, right?”

“Do you intend to make Igarashi-san lie even more? I said it before at the aquarium. Your attitude towards her is bad so cut it out.”

“But–“

“Didn’t I say it? Didn’t I tell you not to say rude things like she was plain or we didn’t match?”

“B-but, then, Igarashi-san…”

“Didn’t I say it?”

He kept repeating that like a broken record until she silently nodded. And then he started laughing.

“Hahahaha! I said it. I said it. So many times!”

His mouth was curved in a beautiful arc and his eyes were narrowed.

But his voice alone was cold as ice, and he seemed like a completely different person than the usual Hino-kun. It left me shocked.

“I said it.”

Hino-kun’s expression disappeared in an instant. Sasaki-san fearfully shook her head countless times and kept apologizing, but he just looked down at her and said, “Don’t apologize to me. I’m not going to ask you to drop out or anything, but from now on, don’t do anything to Igarashi-san. Don’t talk to her, even if the teacher asks you to. Don’t have any contact with her and don’t indirectly use her for anything.”

“I-I understand…”

“I really hate this kind of thing, so thanks.”

After saying that, Hino-kun instantly turned to me. His cold expression from before changed to a smile and he spoke to me with a bright voice.

“Then, shall we go, Igarashi-san? I came here to tell you that the teacher was asking for you. If we don’t go then the teacher will be angry at me.”

It seemed like Hino-kun couldn’t even see Sasaki-san anymore. Even though he just lightly tapped my shoulder, if felt like he was rejecting Sasaki-san completely.

“Cmon, Igarashi-san. The teacher needs you.”

I followed him as he prompted. After walking in silence for a while, we turned a corner in the school hallways and he stopped moving.

“I’m sorry, Igarashi-san.”

“Eh?”

I raised my head at the unexpected tone and saw Hino-kun with an expression like he was about to cry.

It was the same expression as that time at the aquarium. He looked like he was deeply hurt, like when he got upset over me being bad-mouthed. The pain in his eyes pricked my heart and I unconsciously put a hand on his shoulder.

“Hino-kun…”

“I’m sorry. Because of me, you have to endure her saying bad things about you…”

“I don’t mind that at all. I’m completely fine.”

“I’m not fine at all… I wasn’t able to protect you. And I was so mad that I said bad things and scared you… This is the worst…”

Hino-kun buried his head in my shoulder, just like that time at the aquarium. He wrapped his arms around my back like he was clinging to me and I rubbed his back nervously.

“I can’t do anything well… I thought it didn’t matter what I had to do. I can’t explain how I feel when you get hurt. I don’t know what’s going on with me. Just what is going on with me? It’s painful.”

He quickly ran his hands over my back before letting go. Through the gaps of his hair, I could barely see his terribly sad, twilight irises.

“Hino-ku…”

“Then, I’ll see you at my house.”

The figure of Hino-kun smiling and walking away gave me the impression that the sunset was going to steal him away. Even though I had a feeling that he shouldn’t be left alone, I felt like my feet were sewed to the ground and I couldn’t move from that spot.

◇

“Um, tonight’s dinner…”

It was after school. I was in Hino-kun’s house like usual, checking the contents of his refrigerator.

He was sitting on his sofa, wearing glasses and working on his laptop.

“Hmm, the deadline for this interview is…?”

When I got to his house, Hino-kun was the same as usual. Actually, I didn’t know if it was right to say he was back to normal. Perhaps it would be better to say that he had changed…

I was checking the vegetables and meat while thinking of the menu for today, but my thoughts were hazy and I couldn’t concentrate.

My phone vibrated when I thought to check the dried food section.

“Oh, Igarashi-san.”

“Hm?”

I went to take my phone out of my pocket, but Hino-kun’s words stopped me. He checked something on his laptop and muttered, “As I thought.”

“The day after tomorrow, I’m busy with work from the afternoon to the night, so I want you to make me a bento for dinner… Yep, the day after tomorrow. Is that okay?”

Hino-kun closed his laptop and turned to me. Then, a bento for the night after tomorrow. I took my cell phone out of my pocket, wrote a memo in my schedule app, and then opened my messages, but nothing was displayed there.

But, it should have vibrated earlier.

“Huh…?”

Phone calls were set to ring at all times. I barely got emails and it wasn’t time for my parents to contact me.

The fact that it vibrated only once meant that it was a message, but there were no new messages.

“What’s wrong?”

“Well, I thought that my phone vibrated, but there’s nothing.”

Hino-kun’s expression changed at my response, his eyebrows furrowing together with a look of concern. He came up to me and touched my arm.

“…No, I didn’t hear any vibration. Are you okay, Igarashi-san…?”

His terribly serious voice made me lose confidence that my phone vibrated. It was probably my imagination. He stroked my arm repeatedly in sympathy.

“I’m sorry, you exhausted yourself because you have to cook for me so much…”

“T-that’s not true. I’m just a little lacking in sleep because of the exams lately…”

“Really? I heard on TV that you can start hearing things when you’re tired.”

“Yes, I’m really okay. It’s nothing.”

“…Then, can I brew you some tea to get rid of fatigue? I got it from a tea shop after a shoot the other day.”

“Um…”

Hino-kun prompted me to sit on the sofa before making his way to the kitchen. I watched as he started to pull a small pot out. I couldn’t see his hands very well, but he seemed skilled at what he was doing.

“I’m fine so go ahead and sit down. It’s fine if you want to sleep too.”

“But–“

“Go to sleep. Here’s a blanket too.”

He took out a blanket and put it on me. He also took out a cushion for a pillow and I was in the perfect position to sleep.

“C’mon, close your eyes.”

I closed my eyes like he said and heard the sound of a lid opening. That was probably the tea leaves. I listened with my eyes closed to hear the sound of something being shaved.

I was in the same space at Hino-kun.

Even though not a day went by without my heart racing painfully, lately, perhaps because I was getting used to it, I’ve been able to calm down.

My heart was still a mess, but I was able to feel more calm around him.

I used to just like the way he ate something like it was delicious, but now I felt more and more sad when he laughed, said kind words, or made a sudden gesture.

Now that I thought about it, we’ve been together a lot since April…

“I’ve finished.”

“Woah!”

My eyes shot open from hearing his voice next to me and I saw Hino-kun holding a tray.

“Here you go.”

“Thanks…”

I took the mug he handed to me. Inside, a walnut-colored liquid rippled and steamed. It smelled sweet.

“This smells great…”

I took a drink, careful not to let it burn me, and a gentle sweetness spread through my mouth. The unique scent must have been in part because of the milk. It was gentle on the tongue, so it was easy to drink and delicious.

“…Chai?”

“Yep. It’s relaxing and helps you sleep. Since it’s effective at relieving fatigue, I put in honey instead of sugar.”

Hino-kun sat down next to me after lightly nodding like a store employee and he touched my cheek. He rubbed my cheek with his thumb like I was a child and I averted my gaze.

“Are the spices too strong?”

“No, that’s not it, it’s delicious…”

“Remember when you made curry? The butter chicken curry. I used a bit of those spices.”

“Really…”

As I was drinking, I felt my body lose strength and my eyelids grow heavy.

I thought it would be a waste not to drink the rest of the tea, but my arms were also hopelessly heavy and I couldn’t lift them. Hino-kun’s voice also felt like it was getting further away, and his tone felt like he was singing a lullaby.

“Oh, are you sleepy? If you’re tired, then you should take a nap.”

After I somehow managed to finish the chai tea, Hino-kun took the mug from my hands. I tried to thank him, but I couldn’t open my mouth well. I was too tired. I felt like I was slurring my words.

“……Hi…no…ku……”

“It’s okay, Igarashi-san. You can sleep. I’ll clean up everything while you’re asleep, so don’t worry, okay?”

After he patted my head, I felt something soft touch my forehead. It felt so peaceful that I closed my eyes.

◇

“Mm… Hm?”

The feeling of light in front of me prompted me to open my eyes. On the ceiling was a light that didn’t belong in my room.

But it wasn’t that I didn’t recognize it. I knew that shape, which looked like an upside-down tulip.

“Huh?”

I got up while search around with my hands and something slipped off my stomach – a blue blanket.

I seemed to have fallen asleep on the sofa. I was wondering things like if I had a blanket of this color when I heard Hino-kun ask, “Oh, are you awake?” next to me.

I turned to see him standing next to the counter of his kitchen. That’s right, I fell to sleep after drinking the chai tea.

“Morning, Igarashi-san. Err, well, I suppose it is eleven P.M.”

His words prompted me to hurriedly check the time, and it really was eleven P.M… The day was about to change in just twenty minutes.

Oh no. I slept too long. It must have troubled him. I quickly stood up from the sofa.

“I-I’m sorry, I’ll go home right now!”

“Nooope. Why don’t you stay here today? It’s already late at night, and you must have been exhausted to have slept so long, right? I’m worried, so don’t go outside anymore today.”

“But…”

“Oh, I bought an overnight set from the convenience store. I’m not sure if it will fit, so check it out in the other room, okay? For the ones you don’t need, just throw it away. Because I won’t use it myself.”

Hino-kun handed me a convenience store bag and urged me to leave the room. Like he said, there was a towel, shirt, shorts, and an underwear set inside.

And, there was S, M & L sizes. So that’s what he meant by throw it away…

In any case, after I checked the bag, I returned to the living room where Hino-kun was and was greeted with the scent of butter and the sound of something cooking. He was cooking something in a frying pan and turned his eyes to me.

“Are you hungry?”

“Y-yeah.”

“Then, once I’m done, let’s eat together. If you wash and dry your sweatshirt and other clothes now, it should be clean by the time you get out of the bath. Sorry, but could you run the washing machine?”

“No, I’ll just wear this. It’s already night.”

“It’s soundproof, so you don’t have to worry about that. Besides, I would hate it if something happened to your skin because of what I bought. Can you listen to my selfishness? Please?”

Hino-kun’s pleading eyes made my chest squeeze again and since I felt like I couldn’t calm down, I averted my gaze and nodded.

“Th-then I’ll start the washing machine… Do you have anything you need cleaned?”

“No, I don’t. You just need to wash your clothes. Isn’t it faster that way?”

“Yeah.”

I went to the changing room. I put the clothes he bought in the washing machine and started it.

The washing machine was the newest model, but Hino-kun taught me how to use it before and told me to use it whenever I needed. After making sure that it was working, I wondered what Hino-kun was making.

I smelled butter. And I think there was a bit of a vegetable scent. And he was frying something…

I returned to the living room while puzzling over it, to see Hino-kun finishing laying out the plates on the dining table with perfect timing.

Orange and blue soup plates were lined up on the half-transparent white table. Inside the cream-colored stew were colorful vegetables like carrots, corn, potatoes, onions, and spinach.

“Looks delicious…”

“I fried the vegetables and then added milk… I also seasoned it was consomme, but… I’m sorry. As I thought, it seems bad just looking at it. While making it, I realized how amazing you are. Thanks for everything, Igarashi-san.”

“N-no… I’m not really…”

I couldn’t look at his gentle smile. He urged me to sit down in the chair and said, “I did my best to cook it, so could you try it?”

After we both sat down, we brought our hands together in perfect harmony.

He laughed in delight, but I grabbed my spoon to distract myself from the heat gathering on my face.

When I brought the stew to my mouth, I could smell the fried vegetables and it was soft and easy to eat. The salt also conveyed the feeling of how hard he worked just from one bite. It was so delicious that I kept eating more and more.

“Delicious. It’s gentle, just like you.”

“Like me?”

“Yes. It’s very calming.”

I couldn’t stop smiling and Hino-kun stared at me with shocked, wide eyes. I stopped eating, worried I said something wrong.

“W-what’s wrong?”

“…I just wanted to burn in the sight of you smiling and ingesting the food I made.”

“Eh-“

“It’s deeply moving to think that something I made is now a part of you. Because I’m always just eating what you make.”

So that meant the food I made was a part of Hino-kun…?

That thinking made me happy. I was happy to be useful to him. I wanted to be even more useful.

“I always want to eat your food, so I didn’t think I had to be good at cooking, but if I can give you delicious food, then maybe I should study.”

Those words were unfair. I felt like I would misunderstand him more. I had Hino-kun’s handmade stew in front of me. I wanted to properly savor it.

After I calmed down, I went back to eating the warm, delicious stew with Hino-kun.

◇

“By the way, did you see the message in the class group chat?”

After eating, Hino-kun and I were sitting leasurely on the sofa next to each other. It seems like he put my phone on the table, but I haven’t touched it.

“I didn’t see it. What was it?”

“Apparently, Sasaki-san might get expelled from school.”

“Eh–“

His words caused my mind to go completely blank. Sasaki-san getting expelled…? There wouldn’t be such a heavy punishment unless it was for something serious. The basketball club had their activities suspended before the rainy season, but even the students who were caught drinking were able to go back to school normally after a few days.

“She was shoplifting for a while. It was on group messages from the other grades and there were a lot of rumors about it.”

“The other grades…?”

“Yeah. I was wondering why she had more than enough money to go around despite having no job and that the families from her same middle school were lower class. So, a senior member of another club… the basketball club? It seems that a senior member of the basketball team was joking around and chased her around. Then they got a video of her shoplifting… Didn’t you know?”

“…No. I don’t know anyone or talk to anyone in other grades much.”

“It’s a good thing, isn’t it? Someone who shoplifts and judges people isn’t suitable for you. I’m glad. That one is gone from school.”

Hino-kun spoke like he didn’t have much interest in Sasaki-san.

It seemed like she was someone he neither liked nor disliked. It was just too sudden for me to respond.

Then Hino-kun gasped like he just remembered something and asked me with a bright voice, “Well, putting that aside, I have two open rooms – a Western-style one and a Japanese-style one. You can use whichever one you please… Which one do you want? Do you usually sleep on a bed or futon?”

“U-um…”

“Let me know once you’re decided. Oh, the Western room has a foldable bed I haven’t used yet. Also, my father and mother aren’t coming here, so you don’t have to worry about that.”

“O-okay…”

I nodded and then realized. That was the first time Hino-kun talked about his family. At the same time, I noticed that I never questioned why he never talked about his family.

Looking around the room, I could see that it was tidy and clean. It was his usual living room. But, like always, it didn’t feel very lived in.

I thought it was because it was beautiful and luxurious, but more fundamentally, I didn’t feel like people were living here at all.

I’m always going in and out of the living room and kitchen, but… There were no signs that his mom or dad… or even anyone, was living with Hino-kun.

Why didn’t I notice before now…?

Where were his parents now?

I felt my mind boiling over with questions I wanted to ask Hino-kun. I wanted to ask him, but there might have been certain circumstances.

First, he never spoke about his family. Not once before now.

And I knew now that he called them “father” and “mother”. So, I think he doesn’t want to talk about it.

…And I was just his classmate. If you asked if we were friends or not, I wouldn’t even be considered his friend.

“Oh, it’s not that I have a bad or complicated relationship with my family, it’s just that they died when I was young, so you don’t have to worry about it.”

Hino-kun supplemented with the same zero-intonation voice he used when talking about Sasaki-san’s expulsion. However, I was stunned by the fiercely troubling content. He laughed.

“That’s…”

“Don’t cry. I didn’t even know what they looked like when I was a baby and I don’t feel sad because it was normal for them to be gone. And I don’t really like the existence of parents. So I’m not lonely, you know?”

I could make out his next words as he spoke with a laughing tone.

“My next adopted father and mother, or rather, just my mother was in over her head. Even though we weren’t blood-related, I was still her son, and yet she said she loved me. In the end, she got sick and died soon after. My adopted father didn’t want to bother with me, so he gave me money, gave me this house, and holed himself up in a mountain in the countryside. So I’m the most comfortable right now. I’m very well.”

“Hino-kun…”

“I guess that’s why I’m happy when people say they like me, but I can’t help but also hate it. Unless it’s with someone I like, it would be impossible to be with someone like Sasaki-san. Because girls that like me attack people I talk to and take secret photos of me, right? Lately I’ve been having trouble talking to girls outside of work. That’s why you are my only– …Igarashi-san?”

I was surprised to be called by Hino-kun. I grabbed my arm to warm my cold body and forced a smile.

“I’m sorry, Hino-kun, i-is it okay if I use the bathroom?”

“Y-yeah.”

I left the living room immediately so he didn’t realize anything was wrong or heard my voice shake. As soon as I closed the door, tears started falling from my eyes.

Hino-kun was hurt. His parents died and he had to face terrible things from his adopted parents. Then he worked hard to live alone. He must be in so much pain.

“I guess that’s why I’m happy when people say they like me, but I can’t help but also hate it.”

I couldn’t get the memory of Hino-kun talking while laughing out of my head. My chest felt like it was tearing apart, but now I could clearly understand the feelings I was pretending not to see.

I was happy to hear his voice talk about delicious food and see his smiling face. I couldn’t calm down when he touched me. My heart beat violently when I looked at him. Everything… was because I loved Hino-kun.

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