Chapter 15

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Series: A Love That Lurks at the Dining Table

Previous chapter

“Hah, I wonder if Maki-kun is okay…”

Meina-chan held her head between her hands. Today was cooking class. It’s been a while since this happened because of summer vacation. The menu consisted of curry and naan baked in the oven. After listening to the teacher’s explanation and getting the cooking utensils together, we gradually added water to the flour and kneaded the dough for the naan.

“What if Maki-kun burns himself? What if he sticks his hand in the pot when the curry is boiling…? He could also chop off a finger while cutting up vegetables…”

“Meina-chan, you should go to Maki-kun. I’ll be fine.”

I patted Meina-chan on the shoulder. She was worrying so much that her eyes looked dull. It would be best for her to go to Maki-kun’s group again. Because he might really be in danger.

After half a year of being in the same class, all our classmates realized the extreme danger surrounding Maki-kun.

And the danger happens daily. His childhood friend understood this more than anyone, so her concern was appropriate.

She would probably lose her mind if I made her participate in a different group while she was worrying so much.

“Then leave the stubborn grease stains to me…!”

After thinking about my words for a while, she said something that sounded like an advertisement for detergent and went to Maki-kun.

After seeing her off on her way to war, I returned to kneading the naan. The curry we were making today was a simple one, not a greener curry with spinach or butter chicken.

It consisted of basic ingredients like meat, potatoes, carrots, onions, and curry roux.

I wanted to add a hidden flavor, but I couldn’t use soy sauce or anything else since it wasn’t included in the ingredients.

“We’re in different groups for this cooking class.”

I turned as soon as I heard a muffled voice to see Hino-kun standing right next to me.

Strangely, he wasn’t surrounded by girls. He seemed to have come over to grab a bowl, but he glared at me while holding a bowl and wooden spatula.

“Yes…?”

“It’s a huge shame. Can’t I join your group?”

“Y-you can’t. If you did that, all the girls who wanted to be part of your group would panic.”

“I see. That’s unfortunate.”

The other day, a huge commotion happened around Maki-kun during a science class. Meina-chan was in a different group and the teacher took their eyes off of him for just a moment.

Meina-chan rushed to put out the flames, but it was still a small scale fire cause by the flambé.

That’s why everyone in class was okay with Meina-chan joining Maki-kun’s group. In fact, they insisted.

But Hino-kun was different.

If everyone was allowed to switch groups, every girl would be scrambling to join Hino-kun’s. So Maki-kun and Meina-chan were the only exception.

“We haven’t been able to eat dinner together lately, even though I’ve wanted to.” After whispering that, Hino-kun left.

It’s been about two weeks since I realized my feelings towards him. We haven’t been eating dinner together since then. Including lunch on the weekends.

I just gave him the bento I made him and we didn’t eat together.

One time I had errands to run. Another time I was visiting a relative’s house. I’ve been making excuses to avoid Hino-kun.

He looked lonely, but I couldn’t spend a lot of time with him and risk my feelings being exposed. If he knew how I felt about him, it would surely be a huge trauma to him.

Hino-kun said that he didn’t feel comfortable with the girls who liked him romantically.

Because of the incident in the spring where the employee took secret photographs of him and he was so distressed that he couldn’t eat, I knew he must have a mountain of traumatic incidents that I didn’t know about.

If he knew that I had feelings for him, he would be depraved of food.

He said that everything other than what I make had the same flavor. He must really trust the food I make. I needed to avoid him finding out about my feelings at all costs.

So until my feelings calmed and things could go back to normal, I wasn’t going to eat with Hino-kun and just make him bentos.

…One day, I’ll be able to properly pretend these feelings didn’t exist. To erase them.

That’s what I decided after thinking to myself for two weeks. I’ll put some distance between Hino-kun and I and wait until I calm down. Surely my feelings will cool after enough time. I believed that.

To calm down and avoid thinking about him, I threw all my effort into kneading the dough for naan.

“There.”

I put the plate with the curry and the platter with the naan on the table.

I thought that I could at least make something tasty and pretty as I cut the potatoes, carrots, and half the onion into large chunks, and shredded the other half of the onion.

I tried cutting the onion into thin slices to see if it would melt faster and give a more stewed look, but it was still difficult to make with the limited amount of ingredients.

The naan, on the other hand, was fluffy and crispy on the outside. I’ve always used a frying pan to bake naan, but I think it comes out fluffier in the oven.

I gasped when I realized that I started thinking about making this for Hino-kun.

This was no good. Whenever I think about cooking, I also think about Hino-kun.

I shook my head to scatter my thoughts. I should try not to think about it. Oh, I should think about the school trip.

Next week, we’ll be having a one-night two-day school trip. The destination was a holiday resort in a neighboring prefecture. They were known for their hot spring eggs and manju. Souvenirs… yeah, that’s safe. My mind drifted to souvenirs and specialties.

While I was thinking about what souvenirs to buy, I heard an excited voice.

“Oh, yeah, for the free period during the field trip, there was a nearby place called Ai– ……huh?”

The girl’s voice was cut off by the sound of a plate breaking echoing through the room.

It seems that Maki-kun broke a plate. Meina-chan and the teacher were gathered together to rigorously clean it up.

“That scared me… To think it was Maki-kun again… Anyways, I heard that the two captains of the volleyball club went there the year before last.”

“Oh~ Those two are famously close! Then it must be really effective. What do you think about it, Hino-kun?”

“I don’t really believe in superstitions.”

“Really? But you know, there also something horror-ish about it. If you go there with someone who isn’t your lover, you’ll be forced together.”

“Oh…?”

“And if they fell in love with someone else, they would get cursed and killed! It’s scary!”

“Hmm.”

Hino-kun didn’t seem very interested. His group was across from mine, so I accidentally looked at him a lot. I looked down and started wiping the table even though it was already clean.

“This turned out really good, Hino-kun.”

“Yeah.”

When I heard his voice, I instinctively looked up. He was turned away from me so I couldn’t see him expression, but the girl shoveling food onto a plate next to him was chatting happily.

No.

My chest was beginning to hurt. My chest always hurt when I looked at Hino-kun, but this felt different and more painful. It was different from when Sasaki-san confronted me. My head felt foggy and even though I knew I should look away, I couldn’t.

“It turned out delicious! Hey, you eat too, Hino-kun! I cut the vegetables.”

“And I added the spices! Eat up, Hino-kun!”

Don’t eat it.

I couldn’t say that. Who did I think I was? And yet, my greedy, disgusting thoughts wouldn’t stop.

“Is it delicious, Hino-kun? Well?”

“Eat some more.”

The girls held out spoons like they were going to feed him.

I couldn’t hear his reply over the sounds of cooking and dishes. I could only see Hino-kun’s back, so I didn’t have to see him eat.

Before now, I always liked to watch him eat, but now I was glad I could only see his back.

I wanted Hino-kun to be well. I wanted to make him happy, but why was I thinking like this? No more. I didn’t know why I was thinking such out-of-character thoughts. Why was I like this?

I hate it.

My face heated up painfully from remembering Hino-kun’s words.

No. Why am I thinking of that? Why does my chest hurt? I should be happy. But this is painful. I hate this. It hurts.

This dirty feeling, the feeling that could torment or hurt Hino-kun, came up more and more, and it was painful. I wanted to hurry up and stop liking him.

I gripped my fist tightly. Even though I once thought I only needed food, for the first time ever, I didn’t want to eat the curry or naan in front of me.

…I should give it to someone.

That vague thought came to mind as I looked down on the table.

◇

After school, I was sitting in my seat, leaning against the wall, with the sunset the same color as the trees turning red outside my window.

Homeroom was already over and I was the only one in the classroom. Today I handed Hino-kun his dinner bento at lunch so I could head straight home.

But my feet felt heavy and I didn’t want to move, so I ended up lazily sitting here. My memories from fifth and sixth period were vague.

I should have eaten a light bento with Hino-kun after class, but I don’t remember him eating, what we talked about, or even the flavor of the food.

I didn’t know why I’ve become like this.

I didn’t know why I came to like Hino-kun. Even though it would only be painful for him.

At first I liked seeing him eat delicious food. But that was it. Now, I adore just seeing or hearing him.

Even though I wasn’t interested in him at first. I wanted to return to that time.

The sun was setting, but I didn’t feel like going home. But I had to go home soon. As I moved my heavy limbs to grab my bag on the side of my desk, I heard the door next to the teacher’s desk open.

“Me-chan’s friend.”

Maki-kun was standing at the door. He seemed lethargic as he yawned and lied across the teacher’s desk, his sleeves ruffled and loose.

“Me-chan’s friend is crying…”

“I’m not crying. I’m just doing a little reflecting on my gross feelings.”

“About love…?”

“No. It’s something else.”

I shook my head. I wasn’t going to talk to Maki-kun about something I haven’t even told Meina-chan.

When I was about to leave the classroom to escape the awkward atmosphere, I heard Maki-kun whisper to himself.

“Why don’t you take off?”

I turned around to see him staring straight at me so he must have been talking to me. While I was thinking about how to respond, he continued with, “About the school trip, why don’t you take off?”

“…Why?”

“You’re going to disappear if things stay like this. If you do, then Me-chan will be lonely, and I’d feel bad for her.”

I couldn’t understand his carefree words.

I knew that “Meina-chan’s friend” was me, but I didn’t understand how I would disappear if I went to the school trip.

“I’m saying that if you like someone but don’t say it, then it will be too late.”

My eyes widened as I suddenly heard words that seemed to flow smoothly. The owner of the voice was Maki-kun. And now, sitting at the teacher’s table was a man of appropriate age, with no trace of lethargy.

He continued, giving me no time to be surprised by his sudden change.

“Humans are beasts full of contradictions, no matter how much we try to fix them. In the end, they keep changing their definitions from day to day. If you assume that they are a certain way, you will get hurt.”

“Maki-kun…?”

I looked down at Maki-kun. Was this person in front of me really Meina-chan’s childhood friend…?

“Well, if you really can’t do it, I’ll help you out just for your time in high school. Surely Meina would want that.”

“Eh…”

“Keep being friends with Me-chan. Also, I’ll kill you if you tell her about me today… Me-chan’s… friend…”

Despite looking at me coldly, in the end he curled up on the desk and fell asleep. While I was stunned, I heard the sound of footsteps and Meina-chan appeared.

“Oh, Mizuka-chan, are you going home n… Maki-kun!? If you sleep here you’ll catch a cold! That isn’t a bed! Wake up Maki-kun!”

“Uu… Me-cha…? My bed is hard…”

“Yeah, becuase you’re sleeping on the teacher’s desk! That’s not your bed! This is school! Wake up!”

He lazily got up after Meina-chan shook him strongly, but then he groaned and tried to go back to sleep.

“Wake up, Maki-kun!”

“Me-chan’s voice is loud.”

I was shocked by how different he was from before as my phone vibrated in my pocket.

I checked my screen to see a simple message from Hino-kun reading, “come to my house Igarashi-san.”

Something must have happened.

I hurried to grab my stuff, say good-bye to Meina-chan and Maki-kun, and left the classroom.

◇

I ran into Hino-kun’s apartment building and called him on the intercom. My chest felt erratic and I couldn’t calm down. I sent him a message while riding on the bus to the nearest station, but he never read it.

I prayed while I waited in the entrance hall, terrible scenarios running through my head, when Hino-kun appeared.

“You came, Igarashi-san.”

Hino-kun looked much calmer than I expected as he gestured for me to come inside. When I approached, he grabbed my hand and pulled me close.

“Eh, H-Hino-kun?”

“Come to my room. I don’t know who could be looking.”

Then he dragged me to the elevator and pressed the button for his floor. We made our way to his room without me understanding anything.

◇

I timidly followed Hino-kun into his home. Today was Thursday, so since I’ve been avoiding eating dinner with him since Monday, it’s been about four days since I was here. It hasn’t been too long.

Even though nothing should have changed, the room felt enveloped in a different atmosphere.

“Actually, when I went to pick up my home delivery, that woman just gave me a bad feeling… Nothing happened, but I got scared so I contacted you.”

…Home delivery.

He faced something horrible from the employee that brought him dinner before. He probably got a flashback from that time. His weak voice hurt me as he bowed and said, “You’re busy today, right? Sorry.”

“No, it’s okay.”

“But, you said you had errands today, right?”

“Sure, but… but it’s something that I can change for your safety.”

I actually didn’t have any plans. The reason why I refused eating dinner together was because I couldn’t bring myself to look at him. I averted my eyes, feeling guilty for multiple reasons.

“Then, I’m sorry but could we eat dinner together today then? I don’t have much of an appetite because I’m scared, but if you’re here I think I can eat. I have work tonight so I want to eat.”

“Um…”

“No…?”

Eating together with Hino-kun. Even though I decided to wait until my feelings calmed down, I was feeling guilty because he faced something scary.

Maybe if I had been there, I could have done something. I wish I had been there… but on the other hand, I wonder what I could have done.

But being alone when something scary happens feels hopeless. I couldn’t just leave him here.

“Okay. That’s fine.”

I can’t like him anymore than this. I needed to stop liking him. Today, I’ll try not to look at Hino-kun, not to listen to his voice, not to feel his kindness, and just think about food and cooking.

I nodded at Hino-kun with a lonely feeling and tried my best to smile.

◇

Today, the dinner I had given to Hino-kun was Naporitan. After receiving the lunch box from him, I took out the Naporitan and put it on the skillet over the fire.

Since it was already fried, I didn’t need to add oil. The ingredients; onions, mushrooms, peppers, and sausage, were already hot. As the skillet warmed up, I began to beat the eggs in a bowl.

I added a little milk and powdered cheese, and since the cheese already had salt, I just added pepper.

I poured the egg mixture around the Naporitan and stirred gently so as not to mix it all in, and the surface of the egg mixture began to harden.

As I turned off the heat, Hino-kun was taking out the spinach salad and yogurt tiramisu dessert from his bento box

“I’ll get the coasters out.”

“Thanks.”

I thanked Hino-kun as I set up the tiramisu, salad, and Naporitan on the table. He was staring strangely at the Naporitan.

“What is it?”

“I was wondering why there was only one serving.”

He stared at me as if he was accusing me. I couldn’t look at him as I lied and said my food was at home. The truth was I was scared I would come to like him more from eating together.

“Then…”

Hino-kun began to move my chair next to the one he always sat at. I wondered what he was doing when he patted the chair and told me to sit.

“I don’t know if I’ll be able to eat it all, so let’s eat together?”

“Eh…”

Before I could reply, Hino-kun sat me down and sat down on the chair next to me. Then he clasped his hands together while staring at me.

“C’mon, let’s eat.”

“But…”

“Please? Let’s eat together?”

I put my hands together as I was told. He happily clapped his hands and said, “Thanks for the meal.”

“May I take a quick bite?”

“Sure. Go ahead.”

“Yay! Thanks, Igarashi-san!”

He grabbed his fork and elegantly scooped up some Naporitan and egg and brought it to his lips.

I couldn’t look at his expression so I focused on his hands as he said, “Mm, the eggs are liquidy! They fit the Naporitan perfectly! Delicious.” My heart started racing from just hearing his delighted voice.

This was no good. His voice also made my heart hurt.

Before now, this was a happy time, but now it’s just painful. I hated it, but whenever I saw Hino-kun eat good food, I realized how much I liked him.

I knew lunch would be painful, so I at least wanted to avoid having dinner together… This was really painful. Stop, I need to think about food.

“The salad is also delicious! I like this combination.”

“I used yogurt to make the tiramisu and no eggs, so I was able to lower the calorie count.”

“Really? Thanks, Igarashi-san!”

For the tiramisu, I replaced the cheese with yogurt. I mixed watered-down unsweetened yogurt with whipped cream and served it on a coffee-soaked cookie like a regular tiramisu, chilled it, and sprinkled cocoa powder all over it afterwards.

The cookies were store-bought, high in grains and low in calories, but if I make them by hand, I could adjust the nutrition and calorie content, so I could still make a lot of changes. Besides, it could be a snack for Hino-kun.

While thinking, I realized how naturally my thoughts shifted towards things to cook for Hino-kun. I really needed to stop. Today with the curry incident, I didn’t want him to eat the food someone else made. And now, I’m thinking this like I’m going to be making him meals forever.

This really wasn’t good. While looking down, for some reason something orange entered my vision.

“Okay, open up, Igarashi-san.”

Hino-kun held out a fork with some Naporitan on it. I stiffened up, unsure of what to do.

But when he said, “Hurry up and eat. If it falls it’ll get my clothes dirty,” I quickly opened my mouth.

“Good girl.”

The taste of the sour Naporitan and the fluffy half-boiled egg exploded in my mouth. I ate it up after some shock, but he followed up with another forkful to my mouth, saying, “Alright, open up.”

Hino-kun looked elated to be feeding me. Please don’t look at me so happily. But he brought the Naporitan up to my mouth again and then went for the salad.

“Hey, Igarashi-san.”

I was busy eating the salad, so I met his eyes to show that I was listening. “Today…” he started, his voice thick.

“Why did you give Kawauchi your curry?”

I thought back on the events of today at his question. He was probably referring to the cooking class today.

I did give Kawauchi-kun my curry today.

I ate half the naan but didn’t feel like eating the rest. While I felt distressed, Kawauchi-kun came up to me and offered to eat it even though he was part of a different group.

After I finished chewing my salad, I tried to open my mouth to answer, but he shoved some Naporitan in.

“Do you like Kawauchi?”

I couldn’t respond because of the food in my mouth. When I shook my head, Hino-kun furrowed his eyebrows, looking like he was testing me.

“Then don’t give anyone else any more food. Not girls or guys. If you have any leftovers, I’ll eat it. Promise me.”

I nodded. After observing my reaction, he shook my hand with his free hand as if to remind me it was a promise. I was touching his hand. My body naturally tensed from nervousness.

“…Oh yeah.”

After a strange silence, Hino-kun seemed to remember something as he turned to his calender on the wall. He let go if my hand and pointed toward the calender.

“I’m off of work during tomorrow’s school trip. So did you want to take off too and come see my work?”

Taking off tomorrow to go see Hino-kun’s work?

My mind went completely blank at his sudden offer. When I finally felt ready to speak, he laughed, saying, “It’s a joke.”

“I’m off tomorrow for the school trip, so I’ll make lots of memories.”

Even though he was laughing happily, his eyes looked strangely empty.

While I was wondering how to respond, he fed me some tiramisu.

The taste of the tiramisu he fed me was very different from when I taste-tested it yesterday. It had a decisively different flavor.

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