Chapter 41

Finally, my exit has appeared. But something feels strange.

‘Didn’t I just speak?’

Moreover, it stands confidently on one leg, looking up at me with a bold gaze. It was so different from the usual exit I knew.

‘It used to follow me with a frightened face, trailing behind me like a puppy.’

And it never spoke, as if it were mute.

That means...

‘...Ah, right. This isn’t my exit, but my nemesis appearing instead.’

I was in a trap, and yet I ended up hallucinating. It was an experience that was not just surprising but intriguing.

‘My nemesis usually appears as Andert or the Great Mage Mephisto. Sometimes, it’s a fallen comrade. Why has it changed to my younger self?’

Perhaps feeling frustrated by my silence, my younger self tugged at my clothes with a sullen expression.

“Why are you staring at me like an idiot? Let’s go now.”

“...Yeah, sure.”

I need to break the hallucination to find a new exit.

I picked up my younger self, who was standing there, and carried her in my arms.

My younger self, who had been frozen in shock, soon calmed down, looking at me with a puzzled expression, as if to say, “Are you crazy? Why are you doing this?”

I remember my younger self being quiet and well-behaved. Is my memory idealized?

My younger self, now relaxed in my arms, asked me.

“What were you doing here all this time?”

It feels strange to be questioned by my younger self. I answered sincerely.

“I was saving my friends.”

“Friends? How can you save something that doesn’t exist? Were you just hallucinating?”

The shock of my younger self’s mockery left me dazed.

Could it be...

‘My nemesis... is a loner with no friends?’

It feels uncomfortable.

Although this is a hallucination, it’s still my younger self. I don’t want to make my younger self feel like a loner.

“You’re completely mistaken. I’m not a loner. I have many precious friends, both in the present and the past. You and I are no longer alone.”

My younger self asked with a indifferent look.

“Who are your friends? Tell me.”

“Hanyang, the butler assassin, the potato old man...”

Should I include Yeger and Volkwin? Technically, they are Weatherwood’s friends, not mine. Well, three is enough, so I won’t force it.

“End?”

“Yeah, roughly.”

“There’s no way it ends there.”

“Really?”

“The cook and gardener?”

My younger self, who had been looking at me with a displeased expression, smirked.

“Ah, right. Lu isn’t a friend but the owner holding the leash. You have a very clear understanding of your role. I’ll praise you for that.”

Second shock. What? Who is my owner?

Could it be...

‘My nemesis... is Lu?’

No, I don’t want Lu to be my nemesis! I hugged my younger self tightly and screamed.

“Snap out of it! Lu isn’t my owner! That guy is just a princess living in her own world!”

My younger self, still in my arms, looked at me with a bewildered expression.

“Princess?”

“Yeah.”

“...Whatever. I understand that you need to respect her.”

The sarcastic smile on her lips felt strangely familiar. My younger self should be cute when she smiles, but why does it feel so unpleasant?

“Enough with the wordplay. I have one question.”

“Ask away.”

“Why do you think this is a hallucination?”

I closed my mouth and looked at my younger self.

‘Why?’

Can a hallucination recognize itself as a hallucination? No, I’ve never heard of such a thing.

“Because you’re not my exit.”

“Why am I not your exit?”

“My exit looks like my younger self, but it has never spoken.”

At that moment, my younger self smiled strangely and asked.

“Do I look like your younger self?”

That statement felt familiar.

The reason is clear.

“Do I look like Yeger?”

It was the exact question I had asked Volkwin.

My legs stiffened. I put my younger self down and stepped back.

My younger self mocked my actions.

“What are you doing?”

“Who are you?”

“I don’t know. You seem to need more productive self-reflection.”

“...”

“Like, what is causing this hallucination?”

“...”

“And why you just leave it without trying to overcome it.”

Only then did I look around.

The world is dark. I am standing alone in the middle of the darkness.

[Die, Andert!]

[We don’t need you if you can’t save us. Just die!]

A world filled with screams and curses.

I know. Those voices are all hallucinations, very old hallucinations.

The people I couldn’t save.

[If you can’t save me, just die!]

Those beings are my nemesis.

They always appear when I’m trapped, but that’s all.

I can escape the trap through the exit, even if I hear their voices. It’s natural since I recognize them as my nemesis.

As I thought this, a question came to mind.

‘Why was my exit my younger self?’

Why was a weak and fragile young girl my exit?

A frightened girl couldn’t save anyone.

A frightened girl couldn’t save people.

For such a weak existence to be my escape...

“Yeah, it seems like you’re starting to think clearly. You’re right, Daisy. Your nemesis isn’t the people you couldn’t save.”

My younger self, giggling, whispered lovingly.

“Your nemesis is saving people.”

“...Saving people is my nemesis?”

“Why? Are you ashamed?”

I felt dazed.

The reason my younger self was my exit. I understand it now.

Because I could run away.

As a child, it’s okay to run away.

Because I could give in to fear and disappear into the distance.

‘Oh.’

Suddenly, my face felt as if it had been burned.

“What are you ashamed of? That you were forced to do something burdensome? That you find it ridiculous to pretend to be strong? Oh, you’re completely wrong, Miss Daisy.”

I could hear my younger self’s steps getting closer. Her small shoes appeared in my field of vision.

“Don’t be ashamed of yourself. Instead, pity yourself for being overworked by a pitiful sense of duty.”

“...”

“Listen more to the inner voice you’ve ignored.”

“...”

“Push yourself harder for treating your own sacrifices as normal.”

If I’m not mistaken, the young girl’s voice seemed to grow heavier.

“Ah, right. Let’s ask again.”

A light rhythm with a firm chill.

The loving tone was now like a dark and gloomy wave in a cave.

“Do I still look like your younger self?”

The newly changed voice was very familiar to me.

Long legs, walking confidently, stopped in front of me. The man was so tall that his waist was in my line of sight.

“Come on, look up.”

But I couldn’t bring myself to look up.

“Huh?”

The person was no longer a girl.

A man who had come to break my hallucination.

The man’s sleeves were rolled up, revealing smooth skin with various straight lines.

‘Traces of oaths.’

At least ten. The only person I know with so many traces of oaths on their inner arm...

The only person, besides me, is Lu.

.

.

.

I want to die.

My exit is in the form of Lu. Does this mean I’ve been relying on him without realizing it?

Clearly, it was my younger self at first. Why did it change to Lu later? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why