Chapter 63

It felt as if all my doubts had converged and struck the back of my head.

[I thought I was dead this time.]

A deeply relieved voice hugged me so tightly that it seemed to crush my body, and we fell.

In that instant, an excruciating pain hit my right arm, as if it would be strange if it didn't hurt right now.

“Oof.”

I clung to my fading consciousness and checked my body.

My uniform was torn to shreds and soaked in dark, congealed blood.

My right arm was wrapped in bandages along with a piece of wood, a temporary treatment.

The bandages were so thick that it was hard to discern the shape of my arm. From what I remember, it had been mashed to a state where treatment was almost impossible.

Ah, right.

‘This was a battlefield.’

And the allied forces suffered a major defeat against the Mephisto army early this morning.

We were pushed back and scattered, and each of us fled for our lives.

After that, I was lucky enough to run into the Sword City's knights, who were on a secret mission, and they were able to treat my arm urgently.

We then walked for a full week to reach the nearest city's base.

Looking back, it was a situation where I would have been treated as a casualty.

[Your arm...]

Raphael, who had just realized my condition, gritted his teeth.

“Don’t worry, I’m not dead. My right arm is a mess, though.”

[That’s terrible. What’s the condition? Do we need to amputate?]

“Want to hear something terrifying? I found and collected the finger bones that were scattered. If we have a military mage, they can reattach them.”

[...You’re lucky. A reinforcement unit is expected to arrive by tonight. The clear-headedness you’re showing is thanks to <Compassion Grass>, right?]

“Yeah, I took more than the limit, so the moment the drug wears off, I’ll lose my mind. Get the mages here as soon as possible.”

Raphael, who had been silently staring at my face, led me to the command post.

[Andert!]

[You bastard, you’re alive!]

Several soldiers who recognized my face rushed over, causing me a bit of trouble, but it wasn’t bad.

Once inside the post, I filled my stomach with the simple food Raphael had prepared, and only then did my tension ease.

I felt like I had received greetings from at least ten people who came to see me. However, one face that should have been there was missing.

“Where’s Natasha?”

[She cried herself to sleep.]

“...Natasha?”

[A landslide buried twenty mages alive. Natasha almost got swept away too but was lucky to survive. She blamed herself.]

Natasha is strong.

I always thought her mental fortitude was even more solid and resilient than mine.

For her to cry herself to sleep, I could feel how painful this retreat had been.

Not long after, Dsherro, Raphael’s adjutant, entered. After welcoming my return, he whispered something to Raphael and left again.

Raphael’s expression darkened.

“The reinforcements are delayed?”

[...There are too many injured on the way, so they’re being held up. I urged them, so they should arrive soon.]

“Alright. Other people’s lives are lives too. If they don’t get treated, they’ll die. Maybe it was my fate to die in this war.”

‘The real’ Andert would have said the same.

It’s not bad for brothers to share the same fate.

I stared blankly at my bandaged right arm and then, noticing the strange silence around me, looked up.

Raphael was leaning back in his chair, staring at me with cold eyes.

[Do you find it amusing to say such things?]

“...Hmm. Sorry. I take it back.”

[Looking at you, it seems like you’re desperate to die on the battlefield.]

“That’s not true. Who in this world would want to die on a battlefield?”

[Or just disappear far away.]

Raphael, pressing his temples, sipped cold coffee, his usual cold gaze fixed on my face.

[That’s a talent in itself. We’ve been together for eight years now... You seem like you’ll vanish without a trace once the war is over.]

“Sorry.”

[Are you planning to leave far away?]

“Sorry.”

[Where do you plan to go? The desert region of the Western Continent? The Allied Kingdoms of the Northern Continent?]

“Hey, when did I say I was going to disappear? Why do you think that? Do you want me to leave?”

[Then you’re not leaving?]

I looked at Raphael in disbelief.

My partner is great, but he sometimes gets fixated on strange things.

After the war. Is that so important?

I’m not sure. Even if I survive by luck, I won’t be able to remain friends with you.

[You can’t say you won’t leave.]

“How can I plan that far ahead? It’s uncertain if I’ll even survive tomorrow.”

[Only you talk like that.]

“...”

[Only you talk like that, Andert. Everyone hopes this war will end and dreams of a peaceful new life after the war. Only you act like it’s someone else’s business. It’s as if you’re planning to go somewhere and die...]

“Ah, right. Got it, got it! You’re a real pain. I’ll go back to my hometown when the war is over. My family’s graves will be in a mess. Since I couldn’t even properly set up tombstones, I’ll have to start with that.”

I thought of Andert’s grave, overgrown with withered weeds.

Under the grave were not my dead brother’s remains but his belongings.

I couldn’t find my brother’s body until the last day I left Queen’s Island.

[You have a sister, right?]

“Yeah. If she were alive, she’d be your age. She was three years older than me.”

[That’s a shame. If she were alive, she could have married a war hero.]

What the hell is he saying? Has he gone crazy from lack of sleep?

“Are you asleep? You’re talking about siblings.”

Raphael pointed to himself with a shameless face.

[Me.]

“What? You? You and my sister? Are you crazy? Why would my brother marry you?”

I imagined a wedding between the original me and Raphael.

Huh. It was an impossible future, but I felt a chill run down my arm.

[So?]

“So why would my sister marry you?”

[Wouldn’t you be okay with it? I thought it would be fine to be in-laws. Don’t I meet your standards?]

Is this even a matter of meeting standards?

“My sister... might not find you suitable.”

[What? My face? Or my status? Wealth?]

He looked genuinely curious, wanting an honest answer.

I found it odd, but considering Raphael’s rising status, it wasn’t entirely laughable.

After all, he would be a prime catch in the marriage market after a victorious return.

Given Raphael’s personality, his future was predictable.

He would choose to marry a reliable ally rather than be manipulated by central nobles into a political marriage.

This guy. Does he trust me too much? It makes me feel guilty.

[Andert! Where are you? Where are you?]

At that moment, a desperate cry came from outside. The tone was unfamiliar, but the voice was not.

We left the tent and moved to a noisy place where people had gathered.

The person who had cried out, recognizing my face, stumbled and ran towards me.

“Natasha.”

[Andert, what do I do?]

“...”

[What do I do? What do I do? They’re all dead. They all died right in front of me. Everyone! Even the kids who weren’t even adults! Everyone!]

“...”

[So you can’t leave, Andert.]

She was supposed to be asleep from crying. Was she drunk instead?

A thoroughly drunk Natasha looked very unstable. I patted her back with my good arm.

“I won’t leave.”

[You can’t leave. Absolutely not. If you die, I’ll die too. I thought you were really dead this time. I always thought you would leave someday... I thought it would be today...]

It seems she was quite worried about not seeing me for a week. Raphael and Natasha were saying similar things.

Sniff. Natasha, who had been sobbing, lifted her tear-streaked face and clung to me.

[Let’s get married.]

Here we go again.

“No.”

[I’ll treat you well... Really well. So well that you won’t want to leave.]

“If you want someone who will treat you well, marry Raphael. He’s looking for a bride, apparently.”

[Are you serious... Ugh, ugh, ugh.]

“Do you hate it that much?”