A Round Trip To Love Volume 1 Chapter 22 115 Mar 04, 2020

The bed felt a little hard, the quilt missing the familiar fresh grassy scent, instead exuding a faint smell of sheets deprived of a sun exposure. The posters haphazardly pasted on the walls were not mine, the curtains hanging over the windows were not the light blue shade I chose.

This is not my room, but baffling enough it looked very familiar.

Lacking the energy to investigate who the owner of this place with a floor that had not been swept for at least a week is, I could only hope that the person pushing the door open right now is not Qin Lang.

The effects of a hangover was making my head spin wildly, but I was clear headed enough to know that I had sex with Qin Lang in the car last night.

I did not have the guts to face him right then, nor have an explanation as to why I offered myself into his arms. Please, do not force me to jump down from this window.

That person came over and whipped the covers that was covering my head right off.

This harsh action could not have originated from Qin Lang, luckily.

” It is noon already and you are still in bed! Get up now!”

I was stunned momentarily and sat up to look into the unkind expression of……… Yi Chen.

” Why am I…. at your place…… Where is……… Qin Lang?”

Yi Chen was getting antsy: ” Don't tell me you wished to wake up on the bed of that womanizer?"

I lowered my eyes and squinted at the sheets, not replying.

” Brother, you and that guy…….. ” Yi Chen let out a long breath and said with difficulty, ” He forced you into it, right?”

” No,” my head remained lowered, ” I was the one who seduced him.”

Yi Chen blew up in anger: “What is the matter with you? Have you not had enough? Don't be so stupid as to fall for that sort of playboy!”

” He treats me very well.”

” He treats everyone whom he hasn't had enough fun with very well.”

” It doesn't matter.” I flattened the bundled quilt with an exaggerated effort, ” It's just a matter of getting ditched after he had enough, it is not as if I haven't been abandoned before. I am used to it. “

” When have you degraded yourself like this?” Yi Chen was turning mad with anger, he looked like he wished he had two daggers in his hands, ” Mom and Dad will be forced to enter their graves early if they found out that you got yourself involved with a man again.”

” You are telling me you are all still hoping that I will get involved with a girl?”

” Why can't it be a girl? You were doing so well these few years, we were all thinking that you are cured now and will soon marry a woman and have children like a normal person…………”

I exploded in laughter, and kept laughing until I noticed the startled look on Yi Chen.

” I doubt I can ever be cured of this disease." I raised my head to look at him, ” Yi Chen do you remember Lu Feng?”

Yi Chen dodged his eyes for a moment.

” He is getting married.” I smiled. ” Isn't that impressive, he has made a full recovery from his sickness, even able to marry a girl now, you must be hoping that I can become normal like him? What a pity, I am not as capable as him, able to cure himself so quickly. I will always be interested in men my whole life, you can't cure a freak of nature, so you might as well give up now.”

I slowly shifted myself off the bed to put on my clothes and shoes: "Yi Chen, if you feel that having a homosexual brother is something very disgraceful, then treat it as if Cheng family only had one son."

Yi Chen did not seek me out again since. I understood that he was vexed and disappointed, because I had hurt him. However, he did not understand, that he had hurt me too.

What is wrong with being homosexual. I only want someone to love me, what is wrong with that.

I kept on avoiding Qin Lang, for fear that we would both feel very awkward if we met. Since he is Yi Chen's friend, then he could not be gay. Being with me that way………. the bigger chance was that it was only a physical reaction to my temptation.

Eventually he invited me out on an afternoon after-lunch hours. In a rather empty cafe, seated near the windows with the winter sun shining down a pool of light on our table. The atmosphere was warm and harmonious, yet the two persons seated face to face looked uneasy.

I could tell he was very nervous, I lowered my head playing with the crystal glass in my hand, not in any better condition than him.

" Yi Chen………" He spoke in a deep voice, finally opening his mouth.

I did not dare to make eye contact with him, only inclining my head slightly to indicate that I was listening.

" That night……… we were intimate…………." he stumbled.

Come on, I know all these, do you have to bring up this subject?

He was unable to continue with another word.

I lifted my head and he was looking straight at me. His eyes conveyed the image of having seen an abandoned dog, wet and crouching before him. There might as well be a banner overhead screaming with the four words: " What a poor thing." I felt even more embarrassed, as I could see how pathetic I must appear in everyone's eyes, but it was never my intention to deceive him of his sympathy.

" Qin, Qin Lang."

"Mn?" He looked at me very attentively, his expression giving me a tiny faint hope.

" You……….", The things I planned to say was disrupted by the feel of a piece of folded newspaper in my pocket. I found myself opening my mouth to ask, " You……… would you like to, be together with me?"

He looked to be in shock, his hands visibly trembling.

He was scared indeed, the situation now painfully clear that he was not there to make a proclamation of love, but rather to make a clean cut to this matter.

It turned out to be my self-delusion.

After having plucked all my courage and dispensing it entirely, I was left with nothing more except shame. I stood up hastily: " I was only casually asking………. no big deal……… please don't mind what I said."

" Yi Chen……………"

" I have to get back……………"

" Listen to me………….."

" It's ok, I was only asking, don't take it seriously………."

My lame self-comforting and self-justifying words were cut off by him, " Yes! I will always be with you!"

He hugged me tightly, fondling my head and back, in a careful and gentle way, seemingly to comfort me.

" I love you, Yi Chen……. I love you……………"

I hesitated, then stretched out my arms cautiously to hold him.

It did not matter if his affections towards me stamp from more pity or more love, all I need right now is for someone to hold me tight and keep me warm and secure. I am too lonely, so lonely that I am gradually fading away.

Inside the pocket of my jacket lies a wrinkled page of today's entertainment news. The headline is an announcement of the grand engagement ceremony of a certain prince in the business world and his princess.