28 - But I only have you

CW: Gore and explosion-related injuries. To skip, scroll past until “Lady”.

Zhou Yanling felt hot. It was as though a red hot dagger had been taken to his back in order to peel off all his skin. It was only later that he had realized–it was an explosion.

The train’s alarm rang out, an ear-piercing “bi bi bi” sound. The crowd, wailing, bellowing and crying, rushed about with a great crashing sound, striving to be first and fearing to be last. From the side someone tread on his arm, crushing it, as they hurried past without apologizing. He rolled over to the wall and lay on his stomach without moving. The bottom of the train car was still shaking, it’s swaying upsetting his stomach. He raised his head a little. The smell of blood was extremely provoking. His eyes watering, he turned over once and saw milky white smoke roiling and curling, blooming into a cloud and pressing down on the crowd. Necks bowed under the smoke. Visibility was awfully low; beyond two meters, nothing could be seen.

He sighed and slowly stood, levering himself upright by holding onto the wall. Only then did he have a clear view of the car. Luggage and human flesh intermingled, heaped on the seats, on the floor, and on the tables. The aisle was full of dismembered and mutilated limbs, a road paved with human flesh. It resembled a corpse’s tongue lolling out from within the thick smoke, painting everything it touched with blood. In the seat to the right was a woman with long hair. A suitcase had fallen from above, incidentally smashing the back of her head. The suitcase had snapped her neck by pressing down on her crushed head. Her head leaned to the side. Her wide eyes, staring at something beyond reach, bored into Zhou Yanling’s. Her arms dangled from the chair, blood dripped along the back of her hands onto the cloisonné-patterned bench, staining it brown.

Zhou Yanling swallowed with difficulty. For a moment, he had thought that he was back at the Myanmar border’s mountain region. The trenches which had been baptized with artillery barrage had also been like this: narrow, deep, and filled with the dead. The dead flesh, piled high, had turned into the winter’s stockpiled rations of the gods. He moved his foot a little, disrupting small bits of glass and dust with a crackling sound 1 . Everything in the train had been jolted. A severed finger rolled to a stop against the side of Zhou Yanling’s foot. It was small, very white 2 , and covered in dust, resembling a little flower bud that had just broken ground.

People were constantly crowding into the car from behind Zhou Yanling, who hadn’t moved from his original position. He looked everywhere trying to find Wu Fengrong’s lunchbox, unsure where it had landed after being thrown. His head was a complete mess. One moment he was occupied assisting people, the next he was trying to find the train’s crew.

“Yanling–” Distantly, Wu Fengrong shouted for him.

Zhou Yanling turned around and stepped over a corpse. Wu Fengrong staggered along then threw himself into his arms, his face set into an expression of calm. The two men looked at each other both seeking calm in the other’s eyes. Zhou Yanling was the first to open his mouth to speak: “I’m alright. I was in the doorway to the dining car, far from here.”

The sheen of tears inside Wu Fengrong’s eyes receded and he nodded briefly. Trembling with fear and trepidation, he turned to look back towards the terrible scene, his mind still muddled. Someone vigorously tugged at his clothes, hissing and shrieking with all their might: “My husband is dead! Are you going to turn your back and not take responsibility? He’s dead! He’s really dead!” With dishevelled hair 3 and bloodshot eyes, the woman was trying her best to speak, but even more people rushed in from behind her. They tread on the corpse, destroying limbs and kicking mangled arms underneath chairs, as they pushed and pulled at each other in a frenzy. Wu Fengrong wanted to help the woman, but she lifted her bleeding arm and waved it in front of Wu Fengrong’s face. With her fingernails carelessly scratching the air, her ghastly fingernails resembled many brightly shining hooks, both vicious and feral. Small drops of saliva speckled Wu Fengrongs face. From the side, someone grabbed her hair, seized her, and pushed her to the ground. Zhou Yanling urgently pushed Wu Fengrong behind him, covering him with his body.

“Lady. Calm down, lady,” Wu Fengrong supported her by her arm: “We will be sure to make arrangements for you. Everyone, please do not worry.”

He cleared his throat and roared: “Zhao Xintao–”

Zhao Xintao waved at him from across the crowd: “I’m here! Hey! I’m coming! Don’t crowd! Don’t hurt people!” The police followed behind him, trying to get the living out of the car. The door was already guarded by the service crew, not allowing anyone else entry.

With great difficulty, Wu Fengrong struggled free of the crowd and gasped for breath: “Seal off the scene. Check to see if there are fires anywhere and promptly extinguish them. While you’re at it, check the onboard fire suppression systems. Inventory well all human remains and make a list of the murdered. Make arrangements for staff to accompany dependents, relatives and friends to be reunited in one section of the train. Use water, food and medicine as needed. Don’t be afraid to waste it.” Wu Fengrong found Zhou Chi: “Xiao Chi, you are in charge of listing injuries. If you need someone to help you, just ask directly and say that I said so. First make sure that the injured receive emergency treatment. Yanling, you must also have a lot of experience in first aid. Follow Xiao Chi. Rescuing lives is the most important.”

The two surnamed Zhou nodded their heads at the order and immediately squeezed into the car’s aisle. Wu Fengrong called the leader of the transit police team over and told him to look for the source of the explosion. Not even a moment later, Zhou Yanling and a transit officer found a battered suitcase surrounded by many thin pieces of shattered plastic. The officer covered his nose and mouth with a hand and turned toward Zhou Chi to ask for a mask. Then, he tossed the plastic to land at Wu Fengrong’s feet.

“It’s probably this, conductor.”

Of course, Wu Fengrong did not see anything out of the ordinary. He was close enough only to detect a faint fishy smell. “What is this?”

Zhou Yanling explained: “It’s chlorine which has a good ignition action. If it’s put into a sealed container and continuously heated, the pressure inside the container will increase and can lead to a chlorine explosion. RongRong, put on a mask. If you breathe in too much of this, you can be poisoned. Before the explosion, I’d smelled a hint of it when I walked by a section of the car. But it wasn’t very distinct, so I didn’t pay it much attention. I only thought it was a little smelly, possibly that the toilet door wasn’t fully closed or that perhaps someone’s food had spoiled.”

“Dangerous and poisonous chemical gases are not allowed on trains.” Wu Fengrong frowned.

“It didn’t necessarily need to be brought onboard. It’s easy enough to make.” Zhou Yanling said: “Just find two suitable cleaning agents and mix them together. They’ll automatically produce chlorine gas. Most common toilet cleaners and disinfectants will do.”

Zhou Chi interrupted to explain: “The main ingredient in disinfectants is sodium chlorate, which is a highly alkaline 4 ; toilet bowl cleaners are comprised of hydrochloric acid, which is strongly acidic. Because sodium chlorate contains chlorine, when it comes in contact with a strong acid the chemical reaction that occurs displaces chlorine forming chlorine gas. It’s the reason why families teach their children not to play around mixing cleaners and disinfectants together. It’s easy to inhale chlorine gas. Rong-ge, all crew members must wear masks and we should also check to make sure that the passengers are wearing them, too. Chlorine poisoning is no small matter.”

Because chlorine mainly acted on the human body through the respiratory tract, poisoning could cause difficulty breathing, severe coughing, and, when symptoms are severe, could lead to pulmonary edema, making breathing and circulation difficult and causing death. Breathing in concentrated amounts of chlorine could cause suffocation after only a short time. With a narrow window of time for rescue, medical personnel would be placed under great pressure. Not only that, chlorine could also burn the skin and eyes, which is the reason why the manufacture of goods with chlorine required such high levels safety equipment.

At the sight of the explosion, even if many people hadn’t been killed by the explosion itself, many people could be dying because of breathing in such high concentrations of chlorine gas. Dying of poison was excruciatingly painful. Zhou Chi couldn’t help but inwardly curse. The people who used these types of immoral and insidious methods were lower than animals.

“Then find the site of the explosion and open all windows to ventilate the gas. All passengers with any contact with this car must be examined at once. No exceptions.” Wu Fengrong said, irritably, “Xintao, get in contact with the Ministry of Public Security immediately. Tell them that there’s been a situation on the train, and many are injured or dead so emergency personnel are needed. Explain the state of affairs clearly. Do not gossip about the heavy snowfall in the mountains or anything. And make sure to get a helicopter to fly over here!”

By the time he’d finished speaking, Zhao Xintao had already run out. Wu Fengrong followed Zhou Chi to inspect the scene. At the site of the explosion were two plastic buckets with fragments strewn all around. It was very difficult to determine where it had begun. The explosion had rocked the car, immediately causing everything stowed in the luggage rack to fall which resulted in the injuries and deaths of many of the passengers. Still others, even though they were far away from the explosion, had been in the middle of fleeing when they were struck and so were not able to escape the clutches of death.

Although Wu Fengrong had been the conductor for decades, when seeing this kind of catastrophic scene he couldn’t help but pale. The more he saw, the more frightened he became. With shaking hands, he helped an old woman off the floor. Her right leg had been struck by a large suitcase and was fractured. She couldn’t stand on her own. Wu Fengrong crouched down so she could lie on his back and carried her to the dining car next door. The elderly woman, who found it difficult to sit stably, sighed and didn’t speak. Wu Fengrong stood in front of her, throat clogged with emotion. He tried to apologize but was unable to force any words out. Nevertheless, the woman shook her head to stop him.

Clearing the scene, evacuating passengers, handling the injured…..it wasn’t until after four o’clock in the morning that they called it a day. The number 6 car had become nothing more than an empty tin can in complete disarray and heavily bloodstained. Both Zhou Yanling and Wu Fengrong found a slightly cleaner bench on which to sit. Wu Fengrong’s mouth was bruised with fatigue and underneath his eyes the skin was deeply and heavily bruised. Zhou Yanling passed him a cup of hot water which he noisily drank from until empty. The rims of his eyes were flushed slightly red as though all his blood and life had accumulated under his eyes.

“Don’t 5 tell me that Shi Xiaoran did it,” Wu Fengrong said, coldly: “Such a young girl can’t perform on the stage 6 . She can’t be capable of something like this.”

Zhou Yanling sighed softly. The sound of the wind screaming through all the open windows rendered his sigh almost inaudible.

“I also don’t think that she did it. She has no motive.” Zhou Yanling said.

What Shi Xiaoran wanted was to flee with Hé Youan to the other end of the world. That was her beautiful dream. Hé Youan was the last thing that she could hold onto in her life. Now that she had Hé Youan, she should be satisfied. She shouldn’t be creating such a large commotion. She had no reason to kill so many innocent people who had nothing to do with her. When she killed Xiao Quan it had been to protect Hé Youan. She wasn’t the type of psychopath who would kill just for the sake of killing. However if it wasn’t Shi Xiaoran, then who was it?

Wu Fengrong lit a cigarette: “Liu Qin was caught so it’s unlikely to be him. And it’s not Shi Xiaoran. What about her uncle? Where is Huang Ye?”

“Does Huang Ye have a motive?” Zhou Yanling said: “At most he spoiled his niece, put forward plans and ideas to abduct Hé Youan, and then was he who instigated the two children to flee. But that’s it right? Was there something else that he wanted from this?”

Indeed, what else could he want? Wu Fengrong also didn’t understand. Wasn’t the case already close? Shi Xiaoran took Hé Youan. Hé Da’s goal was also exposed. Was there anything else that they didn’t understand? Could it be that they’d made a mistake somewhere? Or did they miss something?

Wu Fengrong wiped his face, feeling tired and sorrowful. After the sorrow came confusion and emptiness. So many lives blasted to nothingness on his train. This was his duty and his fault. On his train, he was the one to bear the responsibility and it was he who was accountable for his passengers. Their lives pressed on his heart. Pressed down until there was no light before his eyes. It was a perpetual endless night 7 .

For a long time, Wu Fengrong was unable to speak. He could only lean sideways on the bench, smoking cigarette after cigarette. Finally, Zhou Yanling couldn’t watch it continue. He approached and took his cigarettes away. Wu Fengrong 8 jumped up and waved Zhou Yanling away, cursing in rage: “Mind your own business!”

Zhou Yanling’s face was gloomy. He straight away grabbed him and carried him in his arms. Wu Fengrong shouted until his voice was hoarse: “Zhou Yanling! Fucking put me down! Laozi doesn’t need you meddling in my affairs, Zhou Yanling–”

Punching and kicking was useless. Ultimately, a retired armed police officer still had the ability to smoothly and calming restrain a resisting conductor, hustle him back to his office, and throw him onto the bed, all without even needing to remove his belt to restrain him. Wu Fengrong was still trying to kick him, but Zhou Yanling nimbly dodged them as he manhandled him beneath a quilt. Wu Fengrong opened his mouth and bit his arm, breaking skin. Zhou Yanling’s brows didn’t wrinkle, however he hurriedly flipped him over onto his stomach, placing both his arms behind his back. Wu Fengrong looked like a tortoise with its belly exposed with all four legs facing the sky 9 waving wildly.

“See here. I’m going to take care of you no matter what….still moving! After all this trouble tonight, why can’t you be peaceful….”

“Let me go! Fuck 10 ! Who are you to order me around?”

Zhou Yanling was so angry that he actually laughed: “I’m not just going to let you smoke like that. It’s making you anxious. Who am I? Do you think I’m your enemy? I tell you, even if after we leave this train we take different roads and urge our horses on 11 , you still shouldn’t smoke this much!”

Wu Fengrong went crazy and bellowed: “This is my train! I am the conductor–”

Entirely bereft of reason, the words were spoken without care. Zhou Yanling’s grip loosened. Even after Wu Fengrong had been released, he was still struggling. His throat was tight with sobs, tears forcibly leaking from his eyes. Hearing the words “take different roads and urge our horses on” had made him unable to exercise any restraint. He sat up and shrunk against the foot of the bed. Zhou Yanling was did not move but looked lovingly and tenderly at him. Seeing this made Wu Fengrong want to die of shame and anger.

“You’re the conductor. You’re capable and you’re good at it. But if later you lose your life, do you think I’d remain unconcerned over it?” Zhou Yanling said, softly: “RongRong, you’re too ruthless 12 . You’re good to others, but ruthless towards me.”

“I am ruthless to you?” Wu Fengrong laughed, holding back tears: “I can’t have just you, Yanling.”

Zhou Yanling was very pained: “But I only have you. I have nothing, when I got on this train I was a fugitive. I had looked on helplessly as I almost lost my life. You are all I could ever hope for 13 , life without you is a thousand tribulations 14 . It’s because of you that I have regained my reputation and dignity. Now you’ve told me to let go. You should never have given me anything from the start.”

Unexpectedly, Wu Fengrong couldn’t say anything. He closed his eyes, tears overflowing.

T/N: Happy Belated/Ongoing Holidays! Stay cozy and healthy!

拉喀拉喀: lit. lākālākā 白森森: very white; https://baike.baidu.com/item/%E7%99%BD%E6%A3%AE%E6%A3%AE ) 披头散发: unkempt/dirty a base that can dissolve in water 千万别: don’t or never; lit. not ten million 上不得台面: idiom for knowing how to do something 漫漫长夜L idiom for boundless suffering added for clarity 四脚朝天: flat on one’s back 妈的屁: lit. your mother’s fart 分道扬镳: idiom for part ways 残忍: can also be read as cruel, mean or merciless 希望 means to wish for; desire; or hope; so in essence ZYL is saying that WFG is his only hope and all that he wants 万劫不复: beyond redemption or hopeless