C12 Part2

Parsed with an automated reader. The content accuracy is not guranteed.

Chapter 12: The Heart Belongs To (Part 2)

“He confessed to you?”

“…It should be.”

There came a quick bell-like laughter from the other end of the phone. Gu Jiayi asked excitedly, “Did he pull your hand? Kiss you? Sleep together?”

As if three consecutive arrows were piercing Qiu Ying’s heart that was filled with joyful balloons, her head dropped down bit by bit. “He didn’t pull, we didn’t kiss, we didn’t… sleep together, you crazy!”

Gu Jiayi made a sound as if she was flicking away a toothpick: “That’s absolutely nothing, you didn’t do anything. What kind of confession is that?”

Qiu Ying now remembered to give her a summary of previous events. “Actually, I was the one who asked him first whether his impression of me had ever changed, whether he hated me… He said back, ‘I don’t hate you, I really like you.’”

“And then?”

“And then my whole body froze, my whole mind went blank, and when I took off the helmet his expression was just like normal. He even smiled and asked me how I felt about the game I’d just played… But he doesn’t really show his joy or his anger. I can’t guess what he’s thinking, either.”

**

After she hung up the phone, Qiu Ying suddenly felt a bit hollowed out. She regretted that she didn’t ask and clarify, was afraid that she was too self-involved. Should she look for him again?… With the recent fighting incident not yet resolved, it was already risky enough to have gone out together tonight. It would be best to listen to Lin Yixuan’s recommendation and not contact him for the time being, avoid stirring up a storm.

Qiu Ying opened her computer and began browsing the esports news. Out of the headlines of the websites, there was one about a Conquer team announcing its disbandment due to not doing well enough. The boss of the club released an article revealing the side within the circle that many knew nothing about: popular players signing expensive contracts with livestreaming platforms and treating practice casually, wasting even more time streaming; distracted by love, bringing their girlfriends back to the club to stay the night, playing worthless games with their girlfriends; opening internet cafes, busying themselves with their supply stores; spending the whole night playing other games, considering an Internet addiction as practice; losing their will to fight but thinking that at any rate they still had their popularity, so it’d still be fine if they muddled around in the competition to get an almost good enough ranking…

This boss with his deep love for esports wrote, “I once wanted to create the very best team who would share my convictions and climb bravely up to the top of the world. But we can only choose to disband now, because there’s already no way for me to talk about dreams with them.”

Qiu Ying’s heart went tight as she thought of what she’d talked about with Ji Xiangkong before.

Upon mention of Qi Yue’s opposition against him, he was a bit helpless. “The key thing is our ideological differences. They’re not willing to practice any new heroes or new tactics, and they just want to guard their own unique skills that they used in the past.”

Qiu Ying nodded. “They were the World Champions before and already proved themselves. If they don’t have an extremely strong desire to win, it’s really easy for them to not be able to stand the extremely boring training and become slothful.”1

Ji Xiangkong sighed, barely audible. “When the esports circle was still a field that was marginalized by the mainstream, there weren’t any people who were willing to pay attention to it. Now that its overall situation is getting better and better, the number of esports fans looks like it’s rising exponentially, and a large amount of assets have courageously followed them. The entire circle’s become fickle as well.”

Qiu Ying widened her eyes. “You’re saying… VPG’s members are already no longer as eager to make progress as before?”

Ji Xiangkong flicked her nose, smiling as he said, “So smart.”

In regards to players who had a celebrity-like status, which one of them needed to be afraid that they wouldn’t be able to become the champions in a competition? By relying on tens of millions in annual pay from streaming contracts, endorsing commercial brands, internet cafes, earnings from supply stores and earnings from their salaries, a comfortable life was guaranteed as well.

Qiu Ying looked at Ji Xiangkong with a complex expression. Although he had a mixed reputation, his relevance was high, his image was prominent, and he had a strong female fanbase. Quite a few companies had had their eyes on him from early on and fought with each other to throw him olive branches of commercial endorsements, but he’d — rejected all of them.

Qiu Ying tentatively asked, “The other four VPG people have all started streaming and opened up online shops, so why haven’t you?”

“I can’t with my training, where would I get the time?” Ji Xiangkong smiled, not in the least concerned. The luster of his eyes gradually became dignified, his tone calm and steady. “As a professional player, becoming a champion is the only thing that gives meaning to my existence in this arena.”

At that moment, Qiu Ying had held her breath in rapt attention. She felt as if her eyes were burning hot, all of the warm blood in her entire body boiling up.

**

Qiu Ying returned to herself and continued looking at the club boss’s breaking news article.

“In recent years, esports competitions have performed extremely well in global sports markets. According to official statistics, in 2015 the Chinese gaming industry reached a revenue of 140.7 billion yuan. Esports accounted for a share of 27 billion of that, surpassing America to become the world’s largest esports market.

“There’s been a brilliant record in international Conquer competitions. After winning awards, the Administration of Sports, the CCTV, People’s Daily, and all of those mainstream media outlets all report on it one after another. But what happens if the results aren’t good?

“There’s still a very long road to go for esports in China. Its recognition within society still can’t be considered very high. Every year, every competitive season, professional players struggle and fight in all sorts of different places, wearing their national flags to win one after another championship. They know that if they want to gain everyone’s respect, they have to win the results for it!”

Qiu Ying pulled the blog post up to the forwarder’s message and saw the name of the retired previous captain of Legend, the top player in Chinese Conquer, Cris.

“A heart that aims for victory is a fundamental in sports. I hope that the new generation of professional players won’t be fickle, won’t forget their original hearts, won’t bury their dreams because of money and temptations. I hope that you’ll be able to defend the glory that we once created and not betray the expectations of those in esports!”

Qiu Ying closed the window. For some reason, an intense anxiety arose within her heart.

**

The phone on the desk vibrated. It was a WeChat message from Ji Xiangkong.

“Are you free next Saturday? Want to come with me to a concert?”

Qiu Ying clutched her stomach, momentarily so happy that she could not speak. Was he… asking her out on a date?

The balloons in her heart that had just been popped by Gu Jiayi’s deadly series of questions were once more filled up with joy, growing larger the more they blew. Her body felt feather-light, as if she’d be able to fly at any time.

This entire day was full of emotional highs and lows, even more hectic than a roller coaster. It was good that at the very end, she really could watch the clouds open to reveal the moonlight!

**

From childhood to adulthood, Qiu Ying had always felt that she had a tremendous merit in that she took things extremely seriously such that all of the tiny details all turned out perfectly. And she also had a tremendous shortcoming in that every time she was immersed in an intense joy, she’d always selectively ignore certain parts which were important. For example, when she’d agreed to participate in the variety show before, she didn’t check the guest list. For example, when she painstakingly dressed up today, reading up on 36 Love Stratagems, fully armed while sitting in Ji Xiangkong’s car, and then she discovered that their destination was completely covered with publicity posters—

The super-popular girl group Firework’s first China meetup.

Qiu Ying’s scalp prickled and went numb. She nearly grabbed her head and screamed, What is this place?

Seeing that her face was full of surprise, Ji Xiangkong, with one hand on the steering wheel and the other casually draped over the car window, said as if nothing was happening, “I have two VIP tickets and remembered how you also like Firework a lot, so I thought to bring you.”

Qiu Ying subconsciously pulled on the hem of her clothes. She’d liked them before, but now…

She did her best to calm her heart down. It was just a concert, and they were already here, and one of them was onstage, the other below the stage, and was it possible that the two of them could still relight dead ashes, was it?

**

As a girl group that was extremely popular all across Asia, the effects on Firework’s concert stages were extremely dazzling. The arena was completely sold out; the audience held high their cheer signs, flickering bracelets, and lightsticks, so that a resplendent galaxy spread out wide. When the native Chinese mbmer, Miya, came on stage for the finale, she received the most passionate screams.

The faces of the fans overflowed with crazed love for her. Many people were even shouting out her name, nearly crying it aloud with pain.

“The artist of the year with the most calls to go solo”, “Changed the fate of her entire group just with her own strength” … With mixed feelings, Qiu Ying looked at the girl on stage who was as brilliant as a sun. She had two sweet dimples and her eyes curved when she smiled, so cute that it could move you. She was once the person Qiu Ying yearned for. In those countless dark nights of loneliness, it was her songs, her smile, that gave Qiu Ying the strength to move forward.

Qiu Ying once imitated Miya, even longed to become her. But just as a figure below strong lights would become even more shadowed, she was even more dazzling, and it made Qiu Ying feel her own humility even more.

The prelude sounded, the dance began. All members of Firework were wearing miniskirts, but Fu Miya’s knees were different from the others’. They were near and could see very clearly. Qiu Ying couldn’t help but ask, “Why is she wearing knee braces?”

Ji Xiangkong smiled, his voice a bit helpless. “She probably used too much energy again, hit it somewhere…”

For some reason, such an ordinary sentence as this plunged into her heart like a needle. An unending pain spread. Qiu Ying lowered her head, unable to keep herself from starting to think it over. Her heart was in a restless flurry. Her hand slowly moved toward Ji Xiangkong, but just as they were about to touch, he went to pick up his water bottle.

Her eyes darkened, the scene in front of her gradually becoming blurry. The clamorous screams of the entire arena as if it were isolated in another world, and she felt as if she couldn’t hear any other sounds clearly except the noise of something rolling around in a void.

Fate really loved its tricks. The first love of the person she liked was the dream person of countless men.

Qiu Ying remembered absolutely nothing of the songs that Firework sang later on in the concert. In her mind was only Ji Xiangkong’s profile, focused on watching the stage. His eyes were like a clear and calm pool, the colored lights flickering on his handsome face.

When it ended, there was a staff member who came forward to inform Ji Xiangkong that Fu Miya was inviting him to meet her backstage during their break.

Qiu Ying’s entire body went stiff when she heard this. Her temples twitched and bitterness spread within her mouth. Ji Xiangkong considered it for a moment, lifted up his arm, and covered her head with a large palm. He rubbed it. “Let’s go together.”

Qiu Ying stared at his unmoving expression, frozen for a good while.

The real Fu Miya was even more beautiful than she was in the cameras. She had no ordinary kite-shaped face; with her ruddy cheeks slightly filled out and curly brown hair tied into a high ponytail, she looked even healthier and approachable.

There were no other people in the place they agreed to meet. As soon as the assistant manager opened the door, Fu Miya excitedly ran over to Ji Xiangkong. She was too hasty in her movements and slipped into a big somersault, but she didn’t care, climbing up from the ground while brushing off her clothes.

Qiu Ying noticed that when she jumped to hook her arm around Ji Xiangkong’s neck, he bent down slightly, almost out of habit.

What kind of close relationship must they have had before in order to possess such a silent understanding? Qiu Ying bit her lower lip and looked down at her feet. Some of the ideas that made her feel sour if she thought about them began to take over the entirety of her mind.

“Xiangkong!” Fu Miya grinned, revealing pure-white teeth. “Long time no see! I really missed you!”

“Yeah, it’s been over two years. Your songs are getting better and better.” There was a smile on Ji Xiangkong’s face as he silently removed her arms from him. Then Fu Miya became aware that something wasn’t right, and out of the corner of her eyes she saw Qiu Ying. The smile that had been on her mouth just now quickly froze and her eyes darkened, but she still immediately recovered the sweet smile she used when she performed. “Xiangkong, this is… your girlfriend?”

Ji Xiangkong tilted his head to look at Qiu Ying, his eyes filled with a clear brilliance.

Qiu Ying was unable to read his mind. What was this? Did he have to look like he was basking in happiness while he took her to see his ex?

Thinking that he was hinting for her to act along with him, she pretended to be intimate with him, took his arm, and leaned her head close to him.

The corners of Ji Xiangkong’s mouth lifted, unable to restrain his smile as it spread within his eyes. He turned and said to Fu Miya, “She is.”

Fu Miya’s expression momentarily collapsed. Her entire body seemed to tremble violently, all four limbs faltering ever so slightly. She blinked, then blinked again, as if digesting a fact that was difficult to accept. And Ji Xiangkong looked at her like that, his eyes calm and undisturbed. Fu Miya’s mouth moved then closed. After a while, she finally returned to her previous vivid and lively appearance, laughing drily. “You… your girlfriend is really beautiful.”

“Thank you. You performed really well today, as well.” Ji Xiangkong’s voice was as gentle as it had been in the past. He tilted his head to glance at the person who was holding his arm, Qiu Ying, who was so nervous her entire body was taut. The smile in his eyes deepened. “It’s not early, we should return. I wish you success in your future performances, and we’ll take our leave.”

“Ah, I see, I see…” Fu Miya’s eyes glittered as she tugged at the hem of her clothes in a sort of fluster. “My agent is about to get here, and I actually can’t stay for long, so… you guys can go first.”

“Mhm, goodbye.”

With that said, Ji Xiangkong put his arms around Qiu Ying’s shoulders and turned to the exit. Qiu Ying glanced hurriedly at Fu Miya. Her heartbeat sped up even more, though whether out of nervousness or her imagination she didn’t know.

“Xiangkong!” Fu Miya called from behind, her voice trembling slightly. “Stay in touch!”

Qiu Ying turned back her head to see Fu Miya still standing there, her lips pressed tight, her eyes red.

Seeing that Ji Xiangkong hadn’t turned back his head, Qiu Ying anxiously looked at him. He took in a deep breath. His jaw tightened and then relaxed again; he turned slowly and brought up a smile. “Alright.”

The moment he turned, his palm went back to find Qiu Ying’s hand and tightly clasp it, their ten fingers interlocking.

This scene was like a fatal strike. Fu Miya covered her mouth, her entire body like it’d been robbed of all air, shrouded in a mournful shadow. Only Qiu Ying knew how much strength Ji Xiangkong was holding her hand with. He held it so hard her knuckles were in pain, as if searching for a support, as if coming to a resolution. So she could only endure the pain and hold his hand in return. And then she showed him a similarly false smile, but she did her very best to make it a nonchalant smile.

Qiu Ying thought that even if it was a performance, she hoped as well that she could become his pillar and give him strength, to let him think he was not completely alone.

When they reached the parking lot, Qiu Ying softly spoke, her voice as if walking on thin ice. “…You guys haven’t seen each other for a long time. Won’t you reminisce with each other?”

Ji Xiangkong stopped walking, raised his eyebrows, and laughed. “Then should I go back to reminisce and ditch you here?”

Qiu Ying’s chest stuffed up. Perhaps she could be like the pure and selfless female leads in TV dramas who responded with, “You should go, I’ll take a taxi home” or “As long you’re happy, it’s alright.” But in the end, she wasn’t as broad-minded as that. She grabbed onto his sleeve, shook her head as hard as a rattle, her eyes covered in a layer of mist. “No, you aren’t allowed to go.”

Ji Xiangkong’s eyes curved. “Mhm, I won’t go.”

Qiu Ying’s hanging heart finally dropped back down.

previous chapter | contents pages | next chapter

1 uses 懈怠, a specific Buddhist term that refers to the mental fault of “spiritual sloth”

Like this:Like Loading...

Related