Chapter 15

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The scene to be filmed today was set in a quicksand tomb. When I walked into the elaborate shed meticulously built by the props team, appa was almost moved to tears.

This crew is really too conscientious.

Sure enough… money makes the world go round.

However, I went cross-eyed upon seeing the script.

What the heck is this?! The director actually added back the emotional lines that I chopped off?

My smile instantly froze.

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It was like this. In the youth of my days, I was ignorant enough to intentionally sell skinship, letting my precious shou fall into quicksand and arranging for a venomous snake to give a vicious bite to his waist.

And only the gong’s saliva could act as an antidote to the venom.

Following this line of logic, when licking the shou to mend the wound, the sight of beauty stirred some ideas in this ancient-mythical-being, stayed-single-for-1000-years gong’s head.

But as the screenwriter and a lead actor, I am determined to exercise my privilege!

How can I possibly let Jiang Ran lick laozi’s precious waist??

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I immediately leapt to my feet. “Director, when we were discussing the screenplay we had agreed for the bite to be on the wrist. Why did you change it back to the waist?”

The director gave a hard slap to the screenplay. “You still dare to bring this up? As an experienced screenwriter you actually deviated willy-nilly from the novel. When the scene doesn’t live up to expectations, the novel fans will start scolding, and I’ll even have to be your shield!”

The hell, is this guy actually questioning my screenwriting abilities?

I flew off the handle. “Director, how can you directly compare the screenplay to the novel? This scene is too brazen, the broadcasting board…”

But the director cut me off in disbelief. “Mo Shuyao, I’m starting to suspect that you haven’t read the novel at all. This is a pivotal point in the male lead’s emotional arc. If Jiang Ran hadn’t made this valuable observation, I would have been completely blindsided by you.”

“What? Jiang Ran brought this up?” Hearing this, I almost committed seppuku.

The director still wasn’t through. “Jiang Ran is really a film emperor deserving of praise despite his young age. He is so thorough in his understanding of the source material.”

Shete.

He’s a supergay, ofc he gets excited reading a crispy duck BL!

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“Teacher Mo really hasn’t read the novel?” Jiang Ran even seemed very proud of it, taking a hardcover edition of the novel with laozi’s pen name printed on it from his agent. “My fans have given me many copies, why don’t you take one to study?”

Study, your head! “You didn’t really read through the whole thing, did you?” Me, tactically backing away.

Jiang Ran confidently nodded his head, even saying unhurriedly, “I really have my fans to thank for this. I’m not used to reading web novels online. Once I had the physical book, I finished it within a week.”

!!!

Even I, the daddy of this work, would feel embarrassed going back to read it, not to mention that the novel in Jiang Ran’s hand…

Is the traditional Chinese publication, in its raw uncensored form, even containing official merchandise art!

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Just as a million field horses galloped across my mind, Jiang Ran opened the novel, expertly flipping to a page.

Then, I heard him narrating precisely and resonantly, as if speaking for a broadcast. “When everything was hanging on a thread, Shen Linhe flicked the long whip in his hand, wrapping it tightly around the waist of the other man. The whip seemed to touch Chen Mingge’s wound. He let out a stifled moan, lowly murmuring, “Ah, don’t… it hurts…”

Wha, what is this!!

He was like an emotionally stunted AI bot, holding the book and reading it with relish.

Even the “ah, don’t” was rendered PG-13 by the precision of his broadcasting voice.

My worldview instantly collapsed.

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Half a second later, I finally found my voice. I roared loudly, “Get lost! Farke’u! Jiang Ran, shut up for me right now!”

Jiang Ran tactfully closed the book. “I’m only reading what we’re about to film. It’s clearly such a moving scene, why aren’t you letting me finish it?”

Hah. Even if you blow rainbow farts about the novel I wrote to the sky, I’ll never forgive you.

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Seeing that I did not give him any response, Jiang Ran picked up the long whip that the props team made, carefully touching it as he said, “This prop is very well-crafted, especially the handle. It is faithful to how the novel described it.”

“……” I couldn’t tell if Jiang Ran had read the extras.

This damned plaything was the chief culprit that had firmly… bound up my darling shou.

Ever since I promised my readers that I would write extras, I was never able to look at such a rough and long thing the same way again.

Yet Jiang Ran looked at it like he was admiring a work of art.

This expression… either Jiang Ran is well and truly gay, or he’s too young to know the taste of ****.

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The director called us over to start filming.

Alas, sigh, welp. Woe is me.

Suspended on a wire, I started to pray for my pitiful waist.

After a few hours of muddling my way through, it was finally time for the famous scene.

The long whip in Jiang Ran’s hand wrapped around me. The suspension wires sent me into his arms.

To act out how delicate the wounded shou was, I could only ‘die like a martyr’, collapsing into Jiang Ran’s embrace.

Effffff, this is too humiliating, this is the most humiliating thing I’ve ever done in my entire life.

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Little did I expect that the director would suddenly call it to a halt. “Mo Shuyao, go limper when you lie in Jiang Ran’s arms. Your character was poisoned so badly that he’s about to lose his life.”

“What??” I still hadn’t broken free from my humiliation.

The director grandly waved his hand. “Shoot this scene another time!”

Holy, holy shit!

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This time, I really couldn’t calm myself down.

I had clearly acted so well!

Director, are you blind or did you take Jiang Ran’s money? Is there no justice in the world?

I want to report this! I want to file a complaint!

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After being forced to toss myself into Jiang Ran’s embrace four or five times over, the director finally let me off.

Following this, the director got a crew member to come over and use makeup to create a fake wound on my waist.

I was stupefied. “Director, why the heck do you want to take close-ups??”

“Without close-ups, the visual effect is too dry.”

“……”

Before I could recover, my waist was already exposed to the wind, and the ticklish sensation of a powder brush rubbed across it.

The crew member even praised softly, “Brother Shuyao, your waist is so fair. It’s a little flabby but not fat, it looks quite nice to squeeze. It’s like you’ve walked right out of the novel. I heard that you’re a screenwriter who often holes up at home; how are you not fat?”

W T F ? ?

I got a great shock hearing this, thinking to myself, ‘It can’t be that the entire frigging crew has read my novel, right??’

I was sorely tempted to punch this guy in the face and blast him off into the sky.

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After the makeup was done, filming officially resumed.

Jiang Ran picked me up in a horizontal hold, placing me down at the relatively safer passage to the tomb.

“Wait!” I abruptly thought of something important. “Director, I want to do a forced perspective shot. Jiang Ran must not lick my waist!”

“That’s workable.”

However, I could still feel the oppressive aura behind me, spreading from my waist into my heart.

I could practically feel Jiang Ran’s gaze scorching my pitiful waist.

Agony was written all over my crumbling expression.

Wuwuwu, I’m so sorry my son. If I ever go back to writing novels in the future, I’ll definitely not have you endure this type of human suffering just to make some quick cash.

Most, definitely, not QAQ