Chapter 51

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Yuan Ye had said that he wanted to find himself, but what was a “self”? Where could one find a “self”? Ten years of marriage had long since caused him to become accustomed to this way of living – scheduling everything around Fang Shaoyi’s schedule, thinking about things from Fang Shaoyi’s perspective first before anything else. All these years, he hadn’t found anything wrong with this lifestyle. Especially in recent years. Most of the time, Yuan Ye couldn’t even remember that he was “Yuan Ye” anymore. His first identity was Fang Shaoyi’s lover. Only after that was he himself. From blurting things out to considering if something could be said or not, many of his thoughts and opinions that he wanted to share simply ended up staying in his head.

The things in his heart and on his mind ended up flowing into his pen. His literary works started becoming sharper and more realistic, but were no longer as straightforward as before. His words were like a sword that stabbed in whatever direction they pointed at. Yet, there was always something covering the target. Previously, his writing had been down to earth – some people said that he was romance personified by the culmination of spiritual energy in the mountains. Later on, this romanticness became weaker and weaker. This was probably related to his age. Past the age of thirty, people’s ways of thinking changed too. m1XYMG

But ultimately, this change was wrong. Additionally, the way they had been interacting all this time was unhealthy as well. After two people became split into two separate entities, no longer tied together, these thoughts became more and more common, more and more prevalent.

Feng Leizi called Yuan Ye at almost every opportunity. The film industry had a severe lack of screenwriters: there were never enough experienced screenwriters to go around. However, there were too many low-level screenwriters. The disconnect was quite malformed. Yuan Ye was like a sizzling piece of meat placed on a plate. Literary coordinators all kept a close eye on him. Using his personal friendship with Yuan Ye, Feng Leizi always wanted to get him to join his own projects.

“Ye di, help a desperate friend out.” Feng Leizi chattered on through the phone, “My boss wants me to find someone. After listening to all the requirements he listed, I thought, fuck, isn’t that my Ye di?

But right now, Yuan Ye couldn’t get any words out of his mouth. His emotions were in too much of a mess. They were all squeezed together. Yuan Ye was an author, yet he couldn’t find the right words to describe his feelings at this moment.

When was the day that they had started needing to interact like this? Looking back at things now, everything seemed a bit like a failure. The harder they tried, the greater the defeat felt.

One morning, Yuan Ye finished making breakfast as Fang Shaoyi walked down from upstairs. He poured out a cup of water and took a sip. Yuan Ye smiled at him. 60bWvn

Fang Shaoyi actually couldn’t stomach much, but in order to help Yuan Ye rest at ease, he still forced some porridge down. He still looked a bit pale, meaning that he hadn’t fully recovered. Yuan Ye stared at his dry and unnaturally colored lips and suddenly blurted out, “Yi ge, are you tired?”

Fang Shaoyi gazed at him and asked, “What do you mean, tired?”

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“Being with me.” Yuan Ye lowered his head. A while later, he added, “I feel like you’re exhausted right now.”

Fang Shaoyi set down the things in his hand. His fingers gently brushed against each other. He asked, “You’re tired?” psTodc

Yuan Ye didn’t say anything. He only shook his head.

“We……” Yuan Ye started. He didn’t know how to continue. What was wrong with them? Actually, nothing much. But why did things feel so uncomfortable? They had already said what needed to be said long ago. Even if they had another conversation, it would only be about the things they had already discussed in the past.

Two thirty-something men had turned their problemless relationship into a mess. Thinking back, they couldn’t even remember the reason. This was too hilarious.

Fang Shaoyi was expressionless, but his gaze was heavy. He stared at Yuan Ye. After, he asked the other, “What do you want to say?” p0ysQ3

Yuan Ye looked up at him. He didn’t continue speaking. He had already said all that could be said.

“What do you want?” Fang Shaoyi asked him again. His voice was low and deep. “If you want something, just tell me.”

Yuan Ye sighed again. He rubbed his head and even kind of wanted to laugh. He innocently said, “I don’t want anything. What could I want?”

After saying this, he really did laugh. He reached out and stroked Fang Shaoyi’s hand. He shook his head and said, “Nevermind, let’s not talk about this anymore. I just want you to be okay. Don’t be unhappy.” RcaLBo

Fang Shaoyi grabbed Yuan Ye’s hand too. His fingers squeezed the other’s ring.

Yuan Ye smiled at him.