Chapter 1

19 June 2010

Location unknown

Time unknown

“What will you see when you’re dead?”

A chain of words crossed onto my mind as I glared powerlessly toward a charade of gray and white on the raging and storming sky. This view was the first thing I saw after whatever happened to me, and for who knows I had been passed out. That chain of words was also the first thing I thought. I didn’t know why, might had been just the way of my mind telling me that I was still alive.

But still, what will I see when I die? My mind is too weak to imagine such what If. The question remained unanswered, however seeing that I was not staring into nothing must be the sure sign that I was indeed, alive. I could only blink while my whole body felt like it was swung up and down without touching any solid surface. I was not falling, it was something else.

My whole body felt wet all over, my whole body was wrapped in a damp, thick fabric. Raindrops fell onto my face and bounced off, while my damp clothes absorbed them. As my body kept swinging up and down I began to realize that I am currently drifting on storming ocean with raging sky above me, all alone.

My hearing slowly began to recover, the only noise I could hear was the sound of how the heavensend raindrops failed trying to pierce the salty heap of the sea. It was no music, but it actually sounded beautiful to me. I admired how the ocean showed her mercy for me. Despite the raging storm and the rise and fall of tides, the ocean never even for once rolled me inside her mighty waves.

I could have drowned any moment, but it would seem the sea had her own plan. Scientifically speaking, my body’s mass is not enough to press against the intensity of ocean’s salt waters; that is why I was not sinking. But still, I couldn’t help but think whether there was anything else in the work here.

To be honest, I didn’t think I will survive this situation. Being alone in such a vast place, even if I were to squeeze my voice out, I doubt that someone would hear my desperate scream.

“…”

I tried it, even. I tried to force my voice out, nothing came out. The hopelessness of the situation, the cold within the damp cloth which wrapped my frail skin, the soothing sway of ocean calming from a storm’s lullaby, and the chiaroscuro the sky played as the rolling clouds which hid its true heaven faded to clear sky had somnolent effect to which my weak body was unable to resist. Slowly but surely, my eyes were losing their battle against sleepiness.

1a-11a-2

“…”

“Someone is floating out here!”

“…”

“Help him!”

“…”

“Ready?! Hoist!”

“…”

“Is he alive?!”

“Is he breathing?!”

“How did he ended up here?!”

“…”

“His heartbeat is too weak!”

“…”

[…]

“…”

“We have done what we can, the rest is up to him…”

“…”

Perhaps it was just a dream, I thought I heard some noise entering my sense of hearing during my dreamless rest. Despite the deep sleep I was in, I began to regain my function. But it was not yet enough to wake me, instead my mind began to dream. Not a wild dream where I went through something I never had during a pitiful moments of inability we call ‘reality.’ But a dream which felt so real it trapped me inside and gave me hard time differing which was real and which was not.

The lids of my eyes began to raise, both of my eyeballs recognised a wooden desk right in front of me. Meanwhile my own self was sitting on a chair with my hands resting on its arms. As I slowly raised my head, I could feel a small knockback from my motion. My body felt like rotating a bit, just then I realised that I was sitting on some kind of rotating chair.

“You awake?”

A sound had alarmed me, for a second I frantically turned around to see where it came from. But instead of finding it, I realised another bizarre fact; the place I was in was literally nowhere. The chair, the desk, and me were placed in a vast room where the floor was black bottomless while the ceiling was topless grey and the walls, if there was any, was borderless shades of gradient between black and grey.

“Please, do not panic. Remember that I’ve promised not to hurt you.”

Abruptly I stood from the chair where I sit, again looking where that voice came from. I’ve tried to observe every angle available in this place, from my back around to my back again, but still nothing, I was alone in this place.

“Please Mr ———, sit, and I’ll explain everything.”

I turned myself around abruptly, this time because I was definitely sure that that voice was coming from my back. Both of my eyes dilated as I found a black silhouette of a man standing behind the desk. His whole figure was shrouded in darkness, making me unable to recognize any feature of his body. But from his silhouette, the only thing I could notice is that he was about 170 centimetres tall and was wearing a doctor’s coat.

[Wait, what did he just call me?]

He just said only three lines and obviously he just called my name, I remembered everything he just said, but no matter how I recalled everything he said in my mind, I could not repeat the part where he called my name.

“I understand that you are willing to participate in our program—”

“What did you just call me?!”

I furious barged and walked around the desk toward him, but when I reached my hands to his collar about to grab his figure, my hands just went through his figure, as if I was trying to catch a ghost. His figure also disappeared when my fingers touched his silhouette, making me frantically turning around looking for him. But despite his figure gone, his voice could still be heard continuing his sentence behind my back.

“…and I thank you for your consent. Believe me when I say that you will do great deeds should you succeed.”

As I turned myself around, I found the logic of this place had been bent. The desk I walked around should had been at least four steps away from me, but instead I founnd it standing right in front of me. Terrified, I took a step back. But the back of my thigh bumps against something hard and deprived me of my balance. I braced my bottom to land on something solid, but instead, my fall halted mid-way on something else; a rotating chair.

I literally dropped my jaw. I started gasping, not just through my nose, but also through my mouth. Soon I remembered that I had to calm myself, start with stopping to breathe orally and closed my lips. The sudden change on my breathing pattern forced me to swallow some of my saliva, which ironically almost made me choked. But it actually helped, I had calmed a little.

But still I hadn’t yet to understand what was really happening here. Even I began to doubt if I was really still alive. Since everything, from this ‘room,’ this chair, the desk, the sensation of grabbing a ghost I felt when I was about to grab that figure, the feeling of almost got choked by my own spittle, and the sensation I felt when I fell to this chair, all of those were too damn real for a dream.

“From this moment on, you’ll be living in this facility. You will get everything you want, but we expect you to always be prepared any time we need you.”

Despite I had several questions about what he just said, like what did he called me, what he meant with ‘program,’ or who is he, I had given up on asking. The only thing I wanted now was to get out of this place.

“Every once and then, I will monitor your condition personally. There is no actual schedule for that, I will do it sporadically—”

“Shut up! Just get me out of here!”

I screamed as loud as I could, but he did not react. Even I realised that my loud voice didn’t even echo, as if this ‘room’ I was in was boundless, literally infinite.

“…and that’s all you need to know for now. Someone will show you your quarter. If you ever need anything, just let us know.”

I couldn’t hold my impatience anymore, not if I was going to be confined in this room forever. I wanted to scream, loud enough that my lungs would break. I stood from the chair where I sit and slammed both of my hands onto the wooden desk in front of me.

“You deaf fuck! All I want is to get—”

Just in an instant, I could feel something, I can differ what is real and what is not. It felt just like when someone has kidnapped me, put a blindfold over my eyes, taken me on a plane, opened my blindfold, and then threw me out from that plane.

“—OUT!!!”

I woke up from my sleep while still continuing what I did last in my dream; screaming on top of my lungs. My voice was so loud, that was the only thing I could hear until ten seconds later. That kind of sudden shift in my conscience made me slightly confused, but only for a brief moment before I could adapt to my new surroundings.

Immediately after I stopped screaming, my senses began to recover. First thing I did was to apprehend what had happened, I needed to know where I was. Currently, I was sitting on a bed in a white room where there was only one bed, which I sat on. There were also a desk with a chair, a mirror, a jacket hanging next to it, and a medical kit cabinet.

After a few seconds, I could feel my head was dizzy. I realised that this room was a part of a ship. Not too long after that, I began to hear rushing footsteps from outside the room. The room did not had any door, only a rectangular hole in the wall with a doorframe covered by a cloth as its curtain.

As the footsteps outside got louder, my instinct began to react. I scaned the room for weapon to defend myself since I didn’t exactly know where I was now. But I couldn’t find anything useful.

*FLUSH*

A sudden voice of flapping fabric diverted my focus, from looking for a weapon towards the entrance which covered in cloth. There stood two sturdy-looking man who fixed their eyes on me for a moment.

“HE’S AWAK—”

One of the men shouted. Yet before he finished, I managed to silence him by throwing a pillow to his face. To my surprise, my throw was strong enough to knock him back off the doorway. The other man immediately ran toward me while looking violent. I could read his movement, he was trying to pin me onto the bed where I was sitting.

Before he could reach me, I jumped at him and landed my right foot to his left shoulder. I used the direction of my fall and my weight to bring his whole body down. My body was not heavy enough to actually pin him on the floor, but I still had enough force to kick him back using my right foot still on his left shoulder.

His back collided against the wall and the medicine cabinet, some of its content pouring to the floor. Some of the medicines got scattered all over the floor as their glass bottles shattered from crashing the floor. Meanwhile the plastic bottles withstood the fall with only pouring out their contents as the fall broke open their lids.

Among the cluttering pills, I noticed a pair of small scissors which also fell out from inside the medicine cabinet. Realising my opponent was still struggling to rise up from my recent attack, I seized the chance to pick the scissors with my right hand.

Right after I grabbed the scissors, the man thrusted his right shoulder at me while his left hand caught my right wrist. The force of his attack pushed me backward, strong enough to land my back against the bed. He had my upper body pinned against the bed and his grip upon my wrist so tight that it forced me to let my grip on the scissors go. Even my free left hand was not strong enough to push his face away.

Suddenly I realised that my legs were still free. Didn’t took me long to pull my legs towards his abdomen and then push him with all my might. He stepped aback trying to regain balance. Yet the pills on the floor undermined his effort. He tripped and fell to the floor with the back of his head first against the wall.

He groaned in pain. I guessed the fall must have made his head dizzy, the sound of his head crashing against the wall was loud enough to distract me that I realised that outside there was stampeding sound of footsteps approaching. Immediately I shifted my eyes toward the scissors in my right. I turned around and grab them with my left hand since my right hand was still hurt.

At the corner of my eyes, I noticed four men were standing by the doorway, looking at me amazed after they found the man I knocked down lying against the wall. I tightened my grip to the scissors in my left hand while sorting my breath. My left foot hovering slowly onto the floor, trying to find a solid surface while my right still sitting on the bed along with the rest of my body, preparing to charge towards them.

“Quick! Hold him!”

Suddenly, a voice commanded from outside. The voice had all of us distracted, but it also gave me the chance to attack first. I thrusted myself forward while holding the scissors and ran towards them. There was only small chance that I could win against four people, but taking advantage of their distraction, I might be able to take one of them as my hostage.

It should only take me three steps until I reach the one who stood at the front, but my first step alerted them all. The man in the front managed to avoid my first attack with the scissors, but he didn’t do anything after. Instead another man proceeded to grab my left wrist and another man tackled my chest. Both of them pushed me backwards towards the bed.

After the two had me pinned down, the other two joined them, making it harder for me to break free. The man holding my left wrist bit my hand, making me screams in pain and forced me to open my grip. I didn’t know what he did next with the scissors, I couldn’t see him. I kept expecting the worst, but four of them just kept restraining my movement without doing anything that would damage me fatally.

Among the chaos, I noticed someone else had entered the room. He walked hastily toward me, trying to face me without having his men leting their restrain off me. It would seem he was their leader, someone who was responsible for my condition right now.

Using all the power left in my body, I raised my body trying to stand. To my surprise, I was strong enough to resist against them. Although barely, I was finally able to face him, there stood a man wearing green sweater, slowly taking steps aback to make his distance from me. The four men were restraining me with all their might, one pulling my left arm, one pulling my right, and two other locking my neck, but their effort was rendered useless. I was stronger alone then four of them.

“It’s okay, don’t panic…”

The other man in front of me slowly approached, he lifted his right hand toward my forehead. Then I could feel a damp sensation on my moustache area, some liquid dropped from my nostrils into the grinding teeth inside my opened mouth, from which I could tell a distinct taste of salt.

“Calm down! You’re bleeding!” the man ordered loudly. Even without his order, I slowly lost strength, I began to feel weak, not even strong enough to stand. Also slowly, the grips of the four men were loosening. But without their support, I couldn’t even stand on my own.

As I was losing my balance, the man in front of me caught me. His slightly taller figure than me forced me to look above so I could look him in the eyes.

“What’s happening? Where am I? What—”

Weakly I querried a barrage of question, as I was unsure how long I could maintain my consciousness. I just wished he’d at least answer one of my questions.

“Relax, I know you have so many questions.”

“Just answer— Wait… who… am I…?”

“Rest…” his voice is keeps fading away as I lose my awareness, “we will talk later.”

“…”

“…”

Again, I fell into a dreamless rest, but I was still too restless to have this rest. The next thing I knew, I was back in that room; a room with only one chair and one desk. I raised my hands onto the desk, once and twice I tried to clap them. The sensation and the sound they produced, they felt so real. Yet I was sure that this place was not real at all.

“What is this place?”

Another question, as if there was not enough matter to confuse me at the moment. The solitude of this place gave me peace to reflect on myself, I tried to answer the entire questions myself, but I didn’t have the facts I needed to arrange the facts.

“What happened to me?” That was the first question, “what is the reason I ended up here?”

The last thing, and ironically also the first thing I could remember was waking up staring at stormy sky while floating on the ocean.

“But what happened to me that I ended up there? Fuck! I can’t remember anything!”

I covered the top of my head with both of my hands and furiously scratched it. I hated myself for knowing absolutely nothing.

“Who am I?” I asked myself. “What did I do to deserve all this?!”

“Good day, Mr. ———.”

“What?”

It was happening again, I was not alone here. Someone or something was communicating with me. Not just that, he also called my name but I was still unable to hear my own name.

“Who’s there?!”

I looked around, at least waiting for another voice. Just let me believe that I was not insane.

“Who’s there?”

Another voice, but I didn’t like this. I knew exactly that voice, that harsh voice of mine.

Did my voice echoed? That voice was definitely mine, my voice talking to the other voice. I had no recollection of it anywhere, yet I felt like I knew what I will have to say. Was I the one in control of this room? Or instead, this room controls me?

“I’m the one in charge of this project.”

Suddenly another black silhouette of man appeared from my right. He walks around me to the other side of the desk until I can see his full figure. He is completely different from the one I meet in my previous visit to this room. This one is slightly taller, at least 180 centimetres, he is also wearing a suit and his hair is neatly combed aback.

“Then you must be Doctor Einhorn…”

“Then you must be Doctor Einhorn.”

I correctly guessed what ethereal my voice had to say. Finally I realised that this was not something that was happening to me, instead something that had happened to me. This room was a place from my memories. But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t remember anything about this Doctor Einhorn, what he called me, nor what happened in this room.

The silhouette approached me who was sitting on the chair and offered me a handshake, doubtfully I raised my hand to answer his gesture. And to my surprise, I could feel a solid texture of a hand as I shook his hand. The sensation was definite meat, flesh and muscle. His grip was firm, yet so gentle, like handshaking with a living stone statue, only far more alive.

“How are your progresses?”

“I’m still struggling with the basics, what do you expect me to accomplish?”

When he spoke, I already knew the respond. But at the same time, I also felt like I had never been here before. It felt like re-experiencing a past you never knew about. Despite being the one who was experiencing this, I could only watch like a bystander.

“I believe my subordinate had briefed you.”

“Yes, but not in details.”

“Okay, what do you want to know?”

“Can you start from the very beginning?”

“Well, I’m not sure how…”

He pondered for a moment, might be thinking about what he should say next.

“…do you like this world?”

“Excuse me?”

“How the world is governed by the olds and frails who manipulate the young and toughs to protect what they have and to get what they don’t have nor deserve?”

“…”

For a moment, my voice went silent, even if I had experienced this, I didn’t know how I would respond to that kind of question.

“I’m not sure, but I don’t think I’d like it.”

“You should be. In my early days, I’ve killed one to many human souls before I understood their value, not to me, but to those who cared for them.”

“You were a soldier?”

“Yeah, my past is something that I can’t replace with good deeds.”

“…”

“I never liked it, and I don’t want anyone else to feel the same.”

“That’s why you choose to do something about it?

“Yeah, and you are the key to that.”

“What do you mean?”

“You know time travel, right?”

“Yeah, what does that have something to do with me?”

“Two years ago, I witnessed an important event which is probably the most influential event of my life.”

“What event?”

“It’s a long story, but enough to make me say that I might have found a way to change the whole world.”

“Okay, but what does everything I am doing have something to do with… time travel?”

Without context, I was unable to understand a single thing they’re talking. What does Doctor Einhorn and I have to do with time travel? What happened between us? I was beginning to see the importance of Doctor Einhorn for me. At least enough to believe that if I wanted to know about what happened to me, I should search for him.

“To be honest, I can’t say anything for the moment since I am not yet sure that I am absolutely right.”

“And, what will happen if you’re wrong?”

“…” he went silent for a moment, with his hollow face looking at me deeply. It was odd, despite him being only a silhouette, I could feel something inside his faceless gaze, some kind of sympathy, as if I deeply believed in him. “That choice is yours to decide and to fight for, I can only guide you through the way, the way I’m not sure exist.”

“Doctor Einhorn?”

Suddenly another voice could be heard interrupting, it took Doctor Einhorn’s attention away from me. He turned around and faces my right, looking blankly at nothing, as if he was talking through his eyes. After a few moment, he nodded and turned his face back at me.

“It would seem this concludes our session for today, we will continue this later.”

He proceeded to walk around to my back through my right, I fixed my eyes at him, tracing his movements to find him fading away as he reached the back side of my chair.

I was left here alone, left to do nothing. His conference with ethereal me didn’t help me. Instead it left me with even more questions to answer. I covered my face with both of my hands and rested my elbows on my knees, closing my eyes tightly while wishing when I open my eyes, everything would have been just a nightmare.

“Hey, ———!”

Another ethereal voice can be heard, but the voice is different from any voice I’ve heard. The voice was so soft, calming, and soothing. It was calling my name, but my ill perception for sound was preventing me from hearing my own name. That voice also felt so familiar, so familiar it forced me to turn around looking for its source.

After turning around more than half a circle to my right, a little far from the chair, I could see a white figure standing and waving its hand at me. Its perpetual motion seemed like asking me to approach it. I raised myself from the chair. Still clearing my doubt, I slowly approached the white figure in afar.

“Come on!”

Its movement broke, it stopped waving its hand sideward and begins to waving its hand back and forth. Slowly, I began to notice that the white figure was a girl.

The closer I got, the white figure’s shape began to form a noticeable silhouette, just like Doctor Einhorn’s black silhouette figure, just in different colour. Her hip long hair swayed as her hand moved, she wore a one piece dress as long as her knees and a wide brimmed straw hat.

“Hurry up!”

When I was about at least fifteen steps away from her, she lowered her hand and began to run away from me. As she made a distance between me and her, I could hear playful giggles, as if she wanted me to catch her.

“Wait!”

She had made enough distance before I started chasing her. She didn’t run fast, didn’t take much effort for me to catch her. But when I touched her figure, her body broke to hundreds of ravens flapping their wings to fly upward and disappeared to the air. This surprise had me covering my face by crossing my arms. But oddly, her playful giggles didn’t disappear. I could still hear it from somewhere. I turned my face left and right and backwards to find her again.

“Hey, ———!”

I could hear her again. But instead of approaching her, I turned myself and tried to ignore her. But wherever I turned, I could still see her in afar in front of my eyes.

“ENOUGH!”

I unleashed my rage by shouting on top of my lungs. But what followed was this place’s sky and ground began to swap. The black ground shifted forward while the grey sky shifted backward until the black ground ended in where the grey sky was and the grey skies ended in the place where the black ground formerly occupied. After which, the white figure stopped giggling and calling me.

The sudden change of this place made me terrified. Again I wanted to get out. For at least four times, I turned around looking for the desk and chair or—better yet—the exit without finding anything. Until suddenly I saw the same white figure again. But now she was hanging from the black ground ceiling, staring its hollow face at me blankly.

“You’re la~te!”

“Huh?”

She touched my forehead using her right index finger, her touch made me flinch and close both of my eyes. Her touch made this whole place collapse, the sensation of her touch soon be swept by the explosion of gushing wind all around me. I didn’t know what happened. The next thing I knew, I went unconscious. I fell into dreamless slumber, the time revolved, the world rotated, all without me.

There was absolutely no way for me to know how long time had passed. My mind literally turned off for the moment, sleeping so deep in a dreamless rest felt so peaceful. These moments of tranquillity I was enjoying soon to be disturbed by a feeling of falling. My body suddenly felt heavy, as if I was thrown from heights so high onto the ground. But I was unable to enjoy the drop nor the fall, I just felt the spontaneous jolt which woke my corporeal body.

“Agh!”

I woke up in the same room where I remembered having a clash with seven people. Despite still having to adjust my breath, this time I woke up peacefully, no sudden need to assess my surroundings nor the need to protect myself. This kind of serenity gave me the chance to understand the situation.

I realised that I was resting in an infirmary of a small ship. Unlike the last time, I slowly got off the bed and slowly traced my way toward the doorway, covered by a cloth. From there I could see small corridors which only led one-way, and this infirmary I was in was right in the end of the corridor.

I pressed my left hand on the left side of the wall to withstand the dizziness from this ship’s wobbling. The corridor’s wall was made from polished fiberglass while the floor was made of metal. My bare feet felt cold from touching the metal surface. As well as my left hand, just not as cold as my feet.

As I walk, my sight got disrupted by glitching ghostly yellow figures wearing lab coats. Their presence also produced some kind of ambient noise, like the sound of chattering crowd. Not too long after their appearance, I could feel a damp sensation on my upper lip. I tried rubbing on, indeed there was something liquid dripping from my nostrils. I lowered my eyes to see that my fingers were drenched in blood. Despite still worrying over my own condition, after I put my hand down, the sight and sound of ghostly yellow figures had disappeared.

In the end of the corridor, beamed a square light brightly. As I wiped my bloody upper lip, I raised my right hand to cover my eyes as I approached the light. The flashing light behind the end of the corridor was enough to blind me. I ascended the small set of stairs which led to the upper deck. Upon reaching the deck, my eyes began to slowly adjusting to the blinding sunshine, and I could have sworn that this was the first sunshine and blue sky I had seen in forever. As my eyes were gradually adapting, I began to understand that this ship was a fishing vessel.

On the upper deck, I noticed four people were lounging around. The first one was sitting on the port side of the deck, he was the sturdy looking man I knocked out back in the infirmary. The second one was looking at the seas from the port side, slightly farther than the first man, he was slightly smaller than the first one. His distinctive feature was the black cap with red front brim he was wearing. The next one was standing near the starboard, talking with the fourth. The third one was wearing short pants and the last one white stripped orange shirt. The one wearing cap and the one wearing short pants noticed my presence, they alerted the other two and then the one in short pants proceeded to enter a door on the deck, right to the doorway to the lower deck.

“You okay?”

The one I beat up back then approached me, offering me a handshake. I looked at his hand hesitantly and reluctantly responded his gesture. Unlike last time, he turned out to be friendly enough. Might be my fault though.

“I’m Mory, you should talk to the doctor.”

“Doctor?”

My first thought is the name “Einhorn,” but I know it wouldn’t be this easy. Plus I knew that whatever happened to me must have separated me and Einhorn.

“Yeah, Tim is calling him,” he averted from my eyes and pointed at the door where the one wearing short pants entered earlier. “Ah, there they are.”

As he finished speaking, he immediately returned to the place where he was sitting. From behind that door, two figures appeared. The first one was wearing short pants. And the second one was, if I recall correctly, the last figure that I saw before I lost my consciousness the last time.

“Doctor?”

“Yes, my name is Jordan. Are you feeling well enough?”

His confirmation of his identity disappointed me. I was slightly hoping that the doctor they were calling was Einhorn. Although even as he came out of that door, I almost immediately accepted that his appearance and voice was completely different from the black silhouette I met when I was unconscious.

“Yes, do you know what happened to me?”

“Frankly, I’m not so sure.”

[Great, just someone who doesn’t know anything.]

“I was hoping you could tell me. We should talk in the infirmary.”

He pointed his right palm back toward the lower deck corridor; the place I was coming from. He walked before me and led the way back to the infirmary.

“So, what happened to me?” I asked.

“Like I said, I’m not sure,” he answered. “What was the last thing you remember?”

“…I was floating on the ocean, at night…”

“I mean about you.”

“…”

Again, I tried to remember anything I could about myself. But my mind hid my memory too well, I couldn’t remember anything at all, not even glimpses. As if I was born yesterday.

“I’m sorry, I can’t.”

“I see…” he commented briefly, a hint of disappointment could be heard in his voice.

After our small chitchat, we had reached the infirmary. Jordan waved the cloth covering the doorway and entered the room. Soon I followed him inside and stop, awaiting his side of the story.

“Wait, how long had I passed out?”

“About fourteen hours, before that you passed out for five hours.”

“Before I woke up and clashed with your crew?”

“Haha, yeah,” he laughed sincerely. “You know, Mory is the strongest in this ship, and you won against him.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, you even managed to escape from four men’s restraining.”

“…” in retrospect, I highly doubt it. “I don’t know how I did that, I’m not even sure if I can move that chair.”

“Probably you had adrenaline surge, or something like that.”

That might be the cause, I knew I was ferocious that time.

“When we found you, you were wearing this.”

Jordan took the jacket hanging on the wall next to the mirror and gave it to me. The jacket was very thick, decorated with fur on its collar. Just like what they wore in winter. I immediately searched its four pockets for any clue, first the right and left hip pockets, then the right and left chest pockets, but nothing. The only thing that caught my attention was a name tag above the left chest pocket.

[Theodore Quentin.]

“Is that your name?”

Jordan noticed that I was focusing on the name tag, my brain turned to aggressive trying to remember this name. I pushed myself trying to remember, so forceful my head began to hurt. I pressed my right hand against my left eye to suppress the pain, but despite my effort and the pain, I couldn’t remember anything.

“I… can’t remember…”

“It’s okay, you don’t have to force yourself.”

Jordan took the jacket away from me and helped me sit on the bed, maybe in case should I collapseed suddenly. Despite I didn’t like being treated like this, I couldn’t help to accept his courtesy.

“What is happening with me? Why can’t I remember anything?”

“…”

Jordan stared at me, his eyes were filled with curiousity, I could tell that he was also asking the same questions.

“My guess is, you are suffering from severe amnesia, your long term memory has been locked, I don’t know the details since I am not a neurologist.”

“Ugh…”

I pressed my right hand against my left eye harder to suppress the sudden sharp pain inside my head, this feeling came with sudden presence of glitching ghostly figures, but instead the earlier one, this time the figures were colourful ghosts of children. Running and playing all over the room while laughing playfully.

“What’s wrong?”

Jordan exclaimed as I suddenly removed my right hand from his shoulder and pressed it to my face. He used both of his hands to hold my shoulders and lead me towards the bed.

“Can you see that?” I asked him while pointing towards the ghostly figures children inside this room.

“See what?”

It would seem that he could not see them, those ghostly figures were only visible to me.

“Never mind.”

Those figures gradually disappeared one by one. As each one of them disappeared, the sharp pain in my head also slowly faded away.

“If I don’t have anything that could reveal my identity, then I don’t mind being called Theodore Quentin.”

“…”

He went silent for a moment, staring at me intently. This time I could feel that his eyes were judging me.

“I’ve checked your name last night, you’re being searched after your helicopter fell.”

“Helicopter?”

“It would seem that while you were escorting for some kind of private corporation, some accident happened, you might have hurt and got amnesia.”

“I see,” I remarked. “Where was I going?”

“India.”

“Then that is where I should go.”

“In two days, we are returning to Mombasa. They have arranged a rescue party to pick you up on the pier.”

“Thanks.”

“It’s okay.”

“Is there something I can help you?”

I was glad at least I could hear some good news. Without Jordan and his crew, I’d probably died on the sea. I didn’t know how I could express my gratitude, this was the least I could do for him.

“No, it’s okay.”

“I insist.”

Really, I had this feeling of responsibility to fulfill. I took the liberty to walk off the infirmary toward the deck, looking for something I could do. Also since my last headache, I was pretty sure of my condition. The only dizziness I could feel right now was from the constant wobbling of this ship.

“You should rest. I haven’t checked your condition thoroughly.”

“Don’t worry about it, I’m fine now. Beside you’ve seen what I’m capable of right? I did beat your friend.”

As I hastily walked through the corridor, again the sunlight blinded my sight. I wanted to do something because I’d like to see the open skies which I would be unable to do from that windowless infirmary.

When I reached the deck, one of the ship’s crew had left, leaving only three men on deck, the sturdy looking man with tight shirt, the man wearing short pants, and the man wearing white stripped orange shirt.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, I’m a lot better now.”

The one wearing short pants noticed our presence, he approached us who from his side would have seen having a cooling argument.

“Jordan, what’s up?”

“Oh, Tim. You haven’t properly met him, right?”

“No?”

“All right, Theodore, this is Tim. Tim, he is Theodore.”

Jordan introduced me to him, I thought I remembered him back when I was rampaging in the infirmary.

“Hi, sorry about then.”

“It’s okay. You know, you seem to be stronger than Mory if you were able to fight a four men restraining.”

Jordan shook his head a little, asking Tim to have a private conversation with him. I understood and I stepped a few steps back, letting them having some privacy.

From this distance, I saw that Jordan was trying to explain something while whispering, and Tim seemed to be disagreeing with him while also whispering. Seeing them having disagreement had me wished that they were not talking about me.

Finally they seemed to have reached agreement. After they finished talking, Jordan approached me again while Tim returning to his friends and informed them of something.

“Sorry, we had to sort something.”

“Did I do something wrong?”

“No, not you…” Jordan pauses for a moment. “I think you’ve already known, this ship is a fishing ship.”

“I see…”

“We lost someone in the last storm, even with eight people on board, we barely survived that storm.”

As Jordan spoke, Tim gathered the other ship’s crew around me, including a man wearing blue shirt under white unbuttoned white shirt who just exited a room in the right side of the deck.

“According to today’s broadcast, there is a storm we have to pass if we want to reach Mombasa.”

“Yeah, we’d need more hands on deck too.”

The man in unbuttoned shirt joined the conversation, despite not facing me directly, but instead he stared into the far horizon, where grey clouds have seems gathering.

“We’ll need your help to get through that storm,” he continues, while averting from his glance towards me.

“I will help.”

“We’ll need to reach the storm before night, before the tide pushes us away from land.”

“By the way, you haven’t known every one of us, right?” Jordan cut in again. “We haven’t properly introduced each other.”

The man wearing unbuttoned shirt raises his right hand, offering me a handshake. He was only slightly taller then, about one hand above me. He hovered his right hand one step away over my stomach, with a little doubt, I answered his hanging hand and he firmly grasped on my right hand.

“I’m Dasan, captain of this ship.”

“Theodore Quentin…”

Before I even release my hand, other’s hand has been waiting for me. Immediately I move my hand to the other’s. First one I shake is the hand of the man wearing short pants.

“Tim.”

Under two seconds, he let my hand go, it’s a definite hint that I need to move towards the other’s. Next one I shake is the hand of the sturdy looking man in tight brown shirt.

“Mory.”

His grip is so tight, I can’t help but to let go first. I can see satisfaction in his face, must be because he had his payback when I knocked him out back then. The next one I shake is the man wearing white stripped orange shirt. Among all the people here, I believe he has the friendliest face.

“Alvi.”

This one’s grip is the weakest so far, despite his limp fish grip, also he doesn’t let my hand go until I release my hand. And the last one, is the youngest. When my right hand is hovering in front of him, he offers me a high five instead. His right palm remains hanging a few spans of hands in front of my face. Despite a bit awkward, answer his gesture ineptly.

“Peppy!”

Well, that’s all of them. I look at every one of them without saying anything, blending in a warm environment like this somewhat make me uneasy.

“Actually, there were an eighth crew. But unfortunately he passed away in the last storm.”

Jordan points to the lower deck, there must be a room where they keep the eighth crew. I try to look in the direction he pointed, and judging from that, I believe the eighth crew must be kept in the room beside the infirmary.

“His name was Ben,” Dasan, the captain, adds. “We have four hours before the sun sets and the tide rises. We have to reach the storm in that time so we can ride the waves.”

“I agree with Dasan,” Tim says, concurring to what Dasan said.

I could see the intention. From midday to midnight, the ocean waves always flow toward the coast. It will be easier to ride on the storm to reach the land. Once we entered the storm, we will only have to balance ourselves against the waves.

“Yeah, we don’t have time. Our cargo won’t stay fresh for another day,” Peppy added, while pointing toward a square hole in the bow side of the deck.

Howls of agreement suddenly roared among the crews. They were all in agreement. They all also had the same expression; anxiety and hesitation. From their faces, it wasclear that they feared to share the fate of their fallen friend. On the other hand, they had to overcome their trauma if they want to survive.

“Excuse me…” I interupted while raising my left hand requesting their attention. I waited until every one stoped their muttering before I informed them of my thought. “I think that all of you are afraid, after seeing what happened to your friend.”

“…”

“I’m not your friend, but I’ll work as hard as he did if not more.”

The vacant look on their faces told me that I was right,. I was literally nobody to them, but they had saved me. Now it was my turn to repay their deed.

“If we keep this up, we are not going to get through that storm. We need to have faith and courage. I’ll try my best, and I need you to as well.”

“Well said,’ Dasan replied on my brief speech. “He’s right, we can’t keep brood in sorrow for Ben. We keep calling it sympathy. But really we simply are scared of ending up the same way.”

As Dasan spoke, I could see their faces began to rise and filled with determination.

“Thanks, we needed to hear that,” Jordan added, then smiled before entering the door in the right side of the deck.

Mory, Alvi, Peppy, and Tim patted my shoulder before they scattered to their own stations. Alvi and Peppy entered the lower deck, while Mory and Tim stood on the starboard and port side of the deck. Dasan stayed with me.

“Ben works on the sails with Mory and Tim. They could use your help.”

“I will help them.”

Dasan and I parted ways. I headed for Tim in the starboard on the deck while Dasan went for the door on the same side, where Jordan entered earlier.

“Hi,” I greeted Tim whose eyes were fixed on the brewing storm in the horizon.

“…”

He only took a quick glance at me before averting his eyes back onto the horizon. It would seem that he was still preparing himself before entering the storm.

“Dasan told me to help you, is there something I can do?”

“You know how to tie knots?”

“I… do.”

[Wait, something was wrong. How did I know how to do that? I could even remember what happened to me two days ago, yet I knew how to tie a knot?]

“Then you should be fine.”

After a few moments, the ship began to move forward. Gushing breezes with splashes of salty water touched my face as the ship moved. As we approached the storm, the skies were getting darker and the cat’s skin breeze turned into a gale.

“Everyone’s in position?!” Dasan yelled from the bridge on the second story of the deck, along with Jordan in the same room.

“Get the line, now!” Tim shouted at me as he sees Mory had begun climbing the mast.

I hastily grabbed two rolls of rope which lied under the mast and threw one at Tim. After receiving the rope, Tim threw something at me which I awkwardly caught with my both hands. I looked at my hands and saw a pocket knife in them. Well, if I were to work with ropes, it makes sense to hang on a knife.

“When Mory cut the sail, quickly roll it!”

I nodded to Tim’s instruction then shifted my eyes towards the top of the mast and tucked my pocket knife to the right back pocket of my pants as I waited for Mory to finish cutting the sail. As I looked at him, drops of water had begun to fall from the dark skies onto my face.

“Two storms in one week…” Tim scoffed at me, which I responded with an awkward smile.

“Done!”

Mory yelled from the top of the mast, dropping a layer of thick fabric to us. Without hesitation, Tim grabbed it before it even touched the deck and rolled one side of it.

“What are you waiting for?! Get on to it!”

Tim shouted at me for being slow, the roll of sail was leaning to his side. Knowing that he was waiting for me to react, I abruptly joined him rolling the other side of the sail. Soon as the roll was square, Tim continued his rolling in a pace I was almost unable to catch.

It didn’t take much time to roll the seven meters tall sail with that speed. Tim climbed onto the guard rail to lift the roll of sail and tied it onto the boom. He pointed his finger towards the mast, hinting that I should climb onto the mast and do the same.

Meanwhile Mory has climbed down and ready to help us, I’m the only one between them who stalls since I don’t know what I should do.

“Get up there and tie the sail!”

Mory instructed me to climb onto the boom, I complied without saying anything. He grabbed the sail roll as I climbed and as Tim waiting on the other end of the branch.

Mory lifted the sail to my side first, he held it on its place while waiting for me to tie the sail onto the boom. The rain which showered us had now turned into downpour. The raindrops had made our clothes from damp to wet in minutes. Mory kept raking his hair backward every time his hair fell down his face because of the water. Fortunately my hair was short, so Mory’s problem was not mine.

I wrapped the sail at least ten times before I secured it with a knot and tested that it was fixed in its place. I gave a signal to Mory that I was done here so he lifted the other sail’s end. It’s true though, Mory was stronger than me. I tried to lift the sail earlier and I couldn’t do it, and to see Mory able to do it alone proved it.

“Tim! You need help?!” I shouted at Tim who noticeably having a hard time tying the sail.

“No, stay there!”

The strong wind around us pushed Tim around. He was having a difficulties between hanging on, keeping his balance, and tying the sail. Despite his conditions, he rejected my offer for help. Knowing that Tim needed me where I was, Mory proceeded to help him instead while I continued securing the sail.

“Ugh!”

“What happened?!”

I heard a groaning noise from the other end of the boom, there I found Tim was sucking the valley between the index and thumb finger of his left hand. I took it he accidentally cut his hand as he about to close the tie.

“You okay?!” Mory asks.

“I dropped my knife!”

I was right, he accidentally cut his hand and dropped his knife off the ship, I could see that he hadn’t finished securing the sail yet. I hastened my pace to finish this tie so I could help Tim and Mory.

“Wait! I’ll be there!” I shouted at Tim and Mory who didn’t have any difficulties hanging on. Yet from the looks on their faces, I knew they wanted me to hurry. “Done!”

I jumped off from the mast onto the deck and run towards Tim and Mory. But when I landed, the ship was crashing against a big wave. The turbulence was enough to throw me, Tim, and Mory off balance. As I raised myself up, I could see that Mory was helping Tim to stand up.

I held the knife’s edge and pointed the handle to Tim. He shook his head after seeing me handing him the knife, hinting that he was not in condition. I could see blood was dripping from his lips, despite him desperately sucking the blood, enough to say that his wound was pretty deep.

“I’ll check the engine room, I think I can help there!” Tim said still biting his left hand as he kept his balance from toppling while he walked himself towards the lower deck. “I’ll ask Alvi or Peppy to help you here!”

“No, just help them down there!”

The only option was me to finish his work. I’ve seen Alvi and Peppy, they were not suitable for deck works. That was why I refused Tim’s offer while still focusing myself to tie the knots.

“Yeah, you just help them!” Mory adds, agreeing with me.

Also it was unnecessary, soon as Tim entered the lower deck, I finished tying the knots. I shook the sail a few times to make sure that it was firmly secured.

“Done?!” Mory asked.

“Yeah!”

“We’re done here! Let’s wait in the bridge!” he continued, expressing his thought which I was not differing with.

After I put the knife to my pants’ back pocket, I looked at the skies for a moment, I vaguely remembered this scene. The grey and black chiaroscuro I pondered under when I was having a difficult time telling what was real and what not. This time I knew exactly that this was real.

“What are you doing?!”

Mory shouted from the door leading towards the bridge, his shout was indistinct as it’s trying to fight against the storm’s song. But his vague voice was enough to attract my attention.

“I’m coming—”

“Help!”

Suddenly a startling scream could be heard approaching from the lower deck, it’s not Tim’s voice, but I was sure that it was Peppy’s panicking voice.

“What happened?!” I asked him who was rushing out from the lower deck.

“The engine! It’s overheating!”

“What?!”

“The engine’s overheating!”

“What do you need me to do?!”

“We need to cool it off, I’ll try with pouring water on it!”

“Okay, then. I’ll tell Dasan the situation!”

Peppy and I dispersed without saying anything, I soon headed to the door in the right side of the deck.

“Dasan! The engine is overheating!” I screamed through the door without entering the room, I knew my voice is loud enough for them to hear.

“Dammit! Turn it off then!”

That should goes without saying, I slammed the door and run towards the engine room in the lower decks. But before I could enter, I stop just right before Alvi about to clash with me, in his hands were four buckets.

“There you are! Can you fill these buckets?!” He asked me.

“Right, and Dasan wants you to turn the engine off!”

“Okay!”

He handed me all the four buckets in his hand to me, which I immediately put down to catch some of the rainwaters. It didn’t take long to fill, I poured all the contents of other three buckets to one to make it full and put the other three back on their places. I carried the full bucket into the lower deck and head for the engine room.

“Water!”

“Pour it to the engine!”

Without hesitation I followed Alvi’s instruction, I took my stance to splash the engine with the water. With one swing I emptied the bucket and all the content collides with the hot engine. A lot of steam spread all around the engine room, which meant that the engine was still heating.

“I’ll get more water!”

I rushed myself towards the lower deck corridor and without stopping run towards the upper deck. I found all the buckets I put down had almost filled to its full. I put down the empty bucket I was carrying and took two buckets, one in each of my hands.

“Tidal wave!”

“Huh?!”

I could hear someone yelling from the bridge, I raised my face upwards, despite it felt hurt when the rapid raindrops lands on my face. From here I saw Jordan under a window of the bridge.

“A tidal wave is approaching from port! Turn the engine back on!”

“It’s still heating!”

“Just do it! Or we will get capsized!”

Again, I rushed myself into the lower decks, run with two buckets of water across the corridors towards its end and turn left, across the infirmary.

“Turn the engine back on!”

I shouted as I barged into the engine room. Tim, Alvi and Peppy looks at me with discontent, perhaps questioning my statement. While they busy staring at me, I had already preparing myself to splash the water onto the engine.

“It’s still heating!”, Alvi exlcaimed, with his palms pointing towards the steaming engine.

“I know, but there is a tidal wave! We need to turn!”

“The engine will bust!”

“Every second we keep arguing, the tidal wave is closing in and nothing we can do about it except to turn!” I shouted while putting the bucket in my right hand down and preparing to pour the other one.

“Dammit! Turn it back on!”

Alvi finally gave in and instructed Tim and Peppy to turn the engine back on despite the engine still steaming. While all of them were trying to turn the engine on, I was still emptying the second bucket. Peppy wrapped a cable onto the generator and pulled it with his might a few times before finally the engine turned on, and at the same time I have poured the second bucket empty.

“I’ll get more water and tell Dasan that the engine is on!”

I grabbed the buckets and ran toward the deck again and checked the other two buckets. I replaced the buckets on the deck with the ones I carry.

“The engine’s back on!” I shouted towards the open window of the bridge.

“Brace for impact!”

Jordan warned me, and accidentally I caught a glimpse from the corner of my eyes. From the port side of the ship, there was an at least ten meters tall of tidal wave, which I thought was the sky at first. With this sight in front of me, I dropped both of the buckets in my hands and dropped my jaw also.

[Too late for a turn!]

Soon as I regained my alertness again, I ran towards the guardrail on the port side and grabbed it. I wished I could have at least told the other three in the engine room. Also, as I tightly held on to the guardrail, I noticed that my nose was bleeding again. This was not the best time for this.

“Promise me, ———. You will show me the sea.”

“What?”

I heard something, someone whispered. That’s impossible. Even when someone shouted here, I could barely hear them. Yet I could hear this whispering voice crystal clear.

That soft and soothing voice, I remembered that voice. That was the voice of the white light figure in my dreams. How could I hear her voice? I was not dreaming now, was I? I tried to bit my right index finger to confirm and it hurt. But then still, how could I hear her voice here?

This ship had only made two third of the turn when the tidal wave collapsed and crashed with the ocean waters. The aftershock it caused mad this ship lose its balance. It was slanting almost half of its side, the slightest push will turn this ship over.

During this moment, I could feel a sharp pain in my head and my nosebleed was still running. I closed both of my eyes, pressed my right hand against my left eye, and ground my upper and lower teeth to suppress the pain. But no matter how hard I tried, the pain was still too sharp.

“———“

For a moment I closed my eyes, but something odd was happening. The sound of the rain suddenly stoped, replaced with a soothing sound of calm waves. Slowly I opened my eyes as the pain gradually beginning to disappear. But as my eyes were adjusting themselves, all they saw was a sight of something impossible.

1b-11b-2

Thousands of raindrops, or even millions of them, were floating right in front of my eyes. The raging ocean had disappeared despite the sky was still shrouded in dark clouds.

“What happened—”

Tim, Alvi, and Peppy barged out from the lower deck soon with shocked look on their faces. Slowly I raised my body and tried to undersand what happened. Jordan, Dasan, and Mory also could be seen in the bridge having a dazed looks.

I touched one of the raindrops, slowly the raindrop crept on my finger skin like a gel. But soon as I removed my finger, the water did not return to normal. The three men under the lower deck doorway also tried the same thing, with the same result.

The first one to snap out from this façade was Dasan, he immediately accelerated the ship when the sea was calm as water in a bathtub. The floating raindrops which collided with us only streetched like gels to avoid hitting us. The calm sea and the floating raindrops persisted despite the sky was still shrouded in storm cloud, even after we navigated through the storm, we never know what had happened.

All of us was trying to rationalize the situation as Dasan was getting us out of the storm, but none of us could even spit a theory. Except for me, that for some narcissistic reason I came to believe, quietly, that I might had something to do with this phenomenon.

Hours later when I was staring at the night horizon over calm seas, Jordan approached me. He offered me a cup of hot chocolate which I quite enjoyed.

“What do you think about today?” he asked with a look of suspicion in his eyes, I knew he must think that I had something to do with it.

“I don’t know, I am just as clueless as you.”

“…” I didn’t know what was in his mind, but I could see he seemed to had confirmed something in my answer. “Anyway, thanks.”

“For what? I hardly did anything.”

“…” again, he thought for an answer. “I must tell you something.”

“What’s that?”

“Remember when I said a rescue party will be waiting for you in Mombasa?”

“Yeah?”

“I lied, there will be no recue party.”

“…it is okay, I think I can make my own way to India.”

“That is not what I meant.”

“…”

“What I mean is, it will not be a rescue party waiting for you in Mombasa…”

“What are you talking about?”

“When I reported about you yesterday, we knew that you were not a victim of plane crash, but you were wanted.”

“Huh?”

“You were wanted because you are said to be responsible for the fall of a private flight owned by Graille Einhorn.”

What he just said changed my emotion and expression. My eyes dilated and I couldn’t hear anything else, my mind was too busy processing that previous stark raving information.

“What did you just say?”

It’s that name again. A name that I kept hearing. I knew that name was important. But what? I crashed a plane? Seriously, what happened to me? I lost my memories, I kept seeing things, I didn’t even know my name. And seeing what just happened earlier today…

…what am I?