Chapter 4

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Chapter 4: This is a golden1 knight

Translator: yuzu

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Despite your empty-handed return, your good friend Lizzy is not disappointed or angry.

She just quietly murmurs something like, “So even sending you2 was ineffective”, then flashes her usual sweet smile and thanks you. She reimburses the hefty amount of money that you spent in the brothel.

After hearing Lizzy’s muttering, you can’t help but wonder if she used to have some kind of special relationship with the half-beast named Dubin.

Although, why did her words make it sound like you and Dubin also somehow knew each other, even though you have no memory of this?

When Lizzy tries to pay you back, you feel a bit guilty for failing to fulfill your promise to her. You wave your hands in a fluster and insist that it’s not necessary, but she shamelessly pulls your face into her plump chest and rubs your soft black hair like kneading pastry buns, ruffling your hair into a mess.

“Aaah… Little May3 is too sweet. I’ve been bullying you so much, but why don’t you resist?”

You feel a little suffocated from being buried in such soft breasts.

Although your luck with the opposite sex is very poor, for some reason you’re unexpectedly close with women.

Ever since you were little, you have always been popular with older girls, neighborhood aunties, and elderly ladies4. Even when you go grocery shopping, they often give you small gifts, pet your head, or squeeze your cheeks.

This is probably because you have a cute and lovable baby face, and your personality is a lot like a soft little lamb.

Furthermore, you are basically a dull rock5, and have a lot of trouble refusing other people’s requests. You are often slow to react, and when other people’s conversations are bustling with enthusiasm and excitement, you’re often stuck in a daze, almost like you’re floating around in outer space.

When you were a student at the Imperial Academy of Magic, people often quietly remarked that you never seemed to get angry and never hated anyone. There were weird rumors that you had absolutely no desires or needs, a lot like the ascetic nuns in the Holy Church who dedicate literally everything to the gods.

The first time you heard such bizarre gossip, you were totally stunned.

Your honest opinion was that the people of this world are simply too direct and straightforward, with incredibly colorful imaginations.

In fact, the main reason why you rarely argue, pick fights, gossip, or whatever, is not because you have a good temper, but rather because you’re simply… lazy.

As someone who is generally averse to trash talk and prefers the pen over the sword, you think that useless arguments are a fucking waste of breath6. Furthermore, you don’t earn anything from winning a fight, and people often end up hurt.

No matter what, someone ends up all bloody. You’re not a singer or an actor, so why bother to torture your throat and brain so cruelly?

Instead of using your spare time to argue with people, you’d rather hole up in the library to read some more books or take a nap in a hidden corner of the woods.

At first, many people who disliked you because of your commoner background tried to pick on you, but they quickly discovered that harassing you was a lot like punching cotton balls. No matter what they did, they couldn’t get much of a satisfying response, and most people gave up after a short while. As for the more persistent ones that remained, you eluded them with your circuitous roundabout methods, much like how one practices Tai Chi7.

For example, in the Imperial Academy, there was a period of time when a scandal about you and one of the most famous stars in the academy suddenly spread. That incident was seriously exhausting, and it only happened because that person abruptly joined the student council without the slightest warning. He somehow ended up as your partner, even though you were just an ordinary member, which caused all kinds of absurd rumors to spread without any basis.

You had only joined the student council because you were poor, and you needed the extra allowance that student council members received, as well as the extra cash that occasionally came out of running certain school activities.

Although you were lucky enough to pass the entrance exam to the Imperial Academy of Magic, the exorbitant tuition fees discouraged most commoners from attending. In order for you to afford going to school, your sister was always so busy working that she rarely came home. She even took out a large loan from the Adventurer’s Association. To relieve her burden, you unexpectedly became a hardworking and studious top student, despite the fact that you are lazy by nature. Whenever there were tutoring opportunities for extra cash, you always took them, even if you were completely unfamiliar with the subject matter. To make up for it, you would often pull all-nighters for several days straight. With dark panda circles underneath your eyes, you would finally collect a meager payment that your aristocrat classmates wouldn’t even count as pocket money.

Originally, you wanted to sneak by with a peaceful and invisible life at the Imperial Academy. Once you graduated, you could help your sister earn money to pay off your loan, then buy a small house, and finally live life as a peaceful couch potato until the day you die.

But when a certain school celebrity appeared, it shattered the first step in your grand plan.

That guy was basically born with a golden spoon. His background was super scary, and his aristocratic family was second only to the royal family. It was said that many strange phenomena occurred on the day of his birth. Countless rose petals rained from the sky, and all seven great elemental fairies appeared to bless him. Even the Bird of Light, which was acclaimed as the living incarnation of the gods, circled around the ramparts of his family’s castle screeching.

Everyone thought that child was a blessed messenger of the gods.

And that child was certainly no disappointment. He was the first person ever born with a magical affinity for all seven elements, and he also possessed a rare dual attribute fighting aura of light and thunder. This meant he could become a combined martial arts spiritualist and seven-element mage, the first in the history of this continent.

Not only that, but his academic ability was a total cheat. He only needed to read a book once before it was perfectly imprinted in his memory. It was almost like nothing in the world was difficult for him, not even considering his absurd luck.

What was even more infuriating was that it was impossible to pick out a single flaw in his appearance. He had a warm and idyllic complexion like Apollo8, dazzling golden hair that was brighter than the sun, and faded azure pupils that were bluer than the sky. If he smiled at any woman, they would instantly melt and fall hopelessly in love.

Compared to him, you used to think you had a pretty decent reincarnation experience. However, as a completely mediocre person like a cabbage on the side of the road, there was simply no contest.

The first time you heard those ridiculous exaggerated descriptions of that person, you thought he must have been a game-hacking Gary Stu9 reincarnator who had come to start his otherworld saga.

But at that time, before those inexplicable rumors started spreading, you didn’t think you would ever interact with this kind of ridiculous person who was blessed with cheats ever since he was a fetus.

Until one day you were cornered by his fan club in the woods.

No matter how you tried to explain yourself, they didn’t believe that you were unfamiliar with that person. His fans were really insistent, and in desperation, you violated your moral code and said, “Actually, he10 really likes curly hair, and doesn’t like straight black hair like mine.”

Unexpectedly, those people actually believed the nonsense that you spewed without the slightest bit of doubt.

You were even more surprised than them.

But one thing led to the next, and after this incident, even more of that guy’s fans came looking for you. The excuses that you gave became more and more ridiculous.

“He likes big boobs and doesn’t like flat chests.”

“Rather than loli’s, he prefers MILFs11.”

The more the rumors spread, the more exaggerated they became, and they spun out of control. Each version bred dozens and dozens more.

Fortunately, these rumors overshadowed the rumors about you and him being a couple, and your school life became peaceful again.

One day, you were sitting underneath a big tree quietly reading a book, when you heard the voice of a sobbing girl choking with emotion behind you.

“I’ve changed myself into the type of woman you like, but why won’t you accept my confession?”

“Is it because my breasts aren’t big enough? Is my hair not curly enough? Do I need to look more seductive?”

When you heard this, you almost choked on your own saliva.

The recipient of the confession was silent for a long while, and then he replied apologetically, “Sorry, I can’t accept you.”

The girl burst out into tears, gave the boy a resounding slap, and then fled the scene crying.

After listening to this brutal confession in cold sweat, you started to tiptoe away with your book in hand. But then a tall and slender figure blocked your path.

That person’s shadow towered over your body, and suddenly it was difficult to breath.

“You heard everything?”

The boy’s voice was deep and smooth like moonlight, and it subconsciously gave you the shivers.

You backed away several steps, and you were so scared that the blood practically drained from your face. You didn’t even dare pick up the book that you accidentally dropped, and you quickly ran away.

You fled in such a hurry that you didn’t notice that person reaching out for your retreating silhouette, his empty fingers lingering in the air.

“Ah, she ran away again…”

A soft sigh of disappointment floated in the air.

…

As you recall the stupid things that you once did, you can’t help but sigh as you hold your forehead.

There was a period of time that your stomach would hurt whenever people mentioned that person.

But fortunately, all of you already left the academy. You had heard that person was recruited by the Imperial Knights once he graduated. Since there was such a big difference in your social statuses, the two of you would most likely never meet again.

As you think of this, you immediately feel relieved.

It is starting to get late, so you say goodbye to Lizzy. Then, you go straight to the vegetable market on South Street.

After thinking about the leftover groceries you have at home, you decide to make potato stew and pumpkin pancakes for dinner.

“Mrs. Emma, I would like to buy two potatoes…”

“…Miss May?”

The pleasant and gentle voice of a grown man comes from a short distance behind you, carrying a trace of hesitation and surprise.

Your body stiffens, and suddenly you feel a tinge of pain in your stomach.

N-No way, this couldn’t be a coincidence?

You turn your head sluggishly and slowly, and you see a party of knights outfitted in court armor and silver cloaks riding on their horses from the South Gate.

The leader of the retinue dismounts from his horse, and he walks towards you with a few strides.

Then his towering and straight body stopped in front of you. The azure blue eyes under his helmet stare at you scorchingly.

“It really is you?”

He lifts his hand and takes off his helmet, revealing a breathtakingly gorgeous adult male form and bright hair like the sun.

He gives you a big smile, and his entire handsome face seems to glow.

“Long time no see, Miss May.”

When you regain your senses, you immediately think, are the two of you really that familiar?

You try to recall the number of times you spoke to this shining star in the academy, and you could count all the instances on one hand.

You hadn’t even told him your name.

Why did he call your name in such an intimate way??

“S-Sir Renault…” You look straight into his unabashed scorching hot gaze despite your stomachache, brace yourself and ask dryly, “Excuse me… Is there something that you12 need from me?”

Could it be that he found out that you were the source of those character-assassinating rumors from back then, and now he wanted to settle the score?

Ah… your stomach seems to hurt even more.

“Hmm…” The blond and golden-haired knight thinks about it for a moment, but then smiles at you: “Nope, I just wanted to say hi.”

You can’t help but breathe a sigh of relief.

“Um… Then I’ll buy my groceries and go home to cook. It looks like you’re busy, so I won’t trouble you.” You squeeze out a forced and stiff smile as you respond to him, and you can’t wait for him to scram.

“Miss May, please wait for me.”

Bewildered, you stand there blankly as you watch him turn around and walk to his teammates. He seems to explain something to them, and then he takes off his heavy armor and cloak, stripping down to a lightweight knight’s tunic. Then he turns back and walks to you.

“Alright, let’s go.” He says to you.

???

Go where??

There are a series of question marks over your head, and you are utterly flabbergasted.

You are utterly stunned as you watch the golden-haired knight skillfully bargain with the shopkeepers, completely out of place in the vegetable market. With his warm smile and charming visage, he blinds the aunties’ eyes and buys a bunch of fresh groceries at a very low price.

“Hey handsome, remember to come back next time~”

“Aaah, when did such a stunning hunk come to our tiny street?”

“Aiya, it’s so sweet of you to go shopping with your girlfriend.”

Furthermore, those excited shopkeeper aunties completely ignore your weak protests.

By the time you return to your house in total exhaustion, you suddenly remember something belatedly.

You look back at the calm and composed golden knight who has been following you with a basket of vegetables. You struggle to maintain your composure as you ask with difficulty: “Sir Renault, what… what are you doing?”

“I’m a guest at your house.” The knight blinks, as if he doesn’t think there is anything wrong with his behavior.

You purse your lips tightly, and your expression is a bit reluctant.

The knight’s golden eyelashes flutter atop his deep and translucent blue eyes. He seems to notice your hesitation. He lowers his gaze and sighs with disappointment: “You don’t want me to come over your house, Miss May? I was really happy to see you today, but if you really hate it…”

You suddenly see a big golden retriever with its ears drooping.

“…Please make yourself at home.13” You swallow a mouthful of blood in silence.

“Thank you, Miss May!” The knight immediately gives you a dazzling smile that practically blinds your eyes.

You actually don’t understand why this nationally acclaimed celebrity suddenly wants to visit your house. But considering his status and strength, he probably wouldn’t do anything strange to you, and you are afraid of offending him and causing trouble. You can only accept reluctantly for now.

You assume that he’s only here because of a whim. Once he sees your small and shabby cottage, which pales in comparison with his magnificent and splendid palace, you figure that he’ll soon get bored and leave on his own.

“Please take a seat. I’m going to go cook in the kitchen, so feel free to call me if you need anything.”

In order to get this person to leave early, you don’t even pour him a cup of tea. You think that he’ll definitely be able to take the hint with such an obvious action.14

But you seem to have underestimated how thick-skinned this guy is.

Instead of politely sitting in a chair in the living room, he leans against the entryway of the kitchen with his arms folded over his chest. He watches you with those charming deep blue eyes.

You feel like you are getting goosebumps from his overly focused gaze.

By the third time you almost cut your hand with the kitchen knife, you take a deep breath, turn around, and smile at your only audience member: “Sir Renault, can I trouble you to cut these two potatoes?”

Hmph, if you order that guy to do a measly civilian’s task, you don’t think he’d be able to bear the shame.

“Absolutely!” Without the slightest hesitation, the golden knight’s smile brightens several degrees, and his entire body seems to glow. “Miss May, would you like it diced or sliced?”

“…D-Diced then.”

Then you watch him take out a bejeweled dagger that looks very expensive from his belt, and then he chops the two potatoes into perfectly uniform and evenly distributed tiny cubes in a blink of the eye.

“Miss May, is this about the right size? Do you need me to cut them even smaller?”

“…”

Hold it… you really need to hold it in!

No… you can’t hold it any longer!

“Sir Renault! What do you think you are… ow!”

Since you are too angry, you don’t pay attention and accidentally cut your finger with your kitchen knife. Bright red blood dribbles from your finger.

You frown slightly. But just as you are about to use a low-leveling healing spell to mend the wound, you are suddenly picked up15 in the air.

“S-Sir Renault, you…”

“Don’t move.” The golden knight speaks seriously with a low voice.

He places you on a chair in the living room and gets down on one knee. He brings your injured hand to his lips, and starts sucking on your white fingertips which ooze with blood.

You almost spring up in surprise because of his reckless behavior, but he seems to have anticipated your reaction. He uses his other hand to press your shoulder down to stop you from moving.

You feel your finger enveloped by a warm mouth, and the tip of his moist and flexible tongue gently licks your fingertip over and over. It flits and darts delicately over your finger, so thoroughly that it doesn’t even miss your smallest finger joints.

This feeling… is basically the same as being caressed.

As you watch the golden-haired knight’s fluttering eyelashes and his tender lips sucking on your fingers, you can’t help but flush red. Your voice quivers, “Please, don’t be like this…”

Hearing your voice, his body trembles involuntarily.

“Don’t worry, it’ll stop hurting soon.” His voice softens, as if he is afraid of hurting a butterfly that is resting atop a flower.

“No… What I mean is, don’t we have healing spells? For this kind of injury, a low-level spell is perfectly fine.” Your face is entirely blank.

“…”

The golden knight smiles a bit stiffly. He averts his eyes, as if afraid to to meet your gaze. There is also a faint blush on his face.

From the corner of his eye, he suddenly notices a folded up piece of paper on the ground. He reaches out to pick up.

“Miss May, you seem to have dropped something…”

You feel like that piece of paper looks familiar, until you suddenly remember something. You pounce on him with a look of horror, desperately trying to snatch that piece of paper away.

“Don’t open it!”

But you’re too late.

The golden knight stares blankly at the advertisement leaflet. There is a close-up picture of a blond man dressed like a knight, tied in a dungeon, and covered with marks of abuse, but the knight’s face is full of ecstasy despite the intense humiliation.

He is weirdly silent for a while, and then he looks at you seriously. He suggests tactfully: “I don’t mind doing this…”

“…No, you can’t.”

With your heart completely dead, you reject him.

Translator’s notes:

Golden Knight (金毛骑士): This is a pun on Golden Retrievers, which is a breed of dog. In other words, you can think of this literally as “Golden Retriever Knight”.You (尊亲自): In the raw, “your honorable self”.Little May (小梅伊): In Chinese, adding the diminutive “little” (小) is a common nickname and way to show affection. It is comparable to May-chan in Japanese.Older girls, neighborhood aunties, and elderly ladies (姐姐和奶奶阿姨们): Literally in the raw, “sisters, grandmas, and aunties”. It’s common to refer to strangers as such in Chinese, but I’ve localized this in my translation.Dull rock (泥人性格): Literally, “clay figurine type”. The idea is someone who is unresponsive, kind of like a statue.Yes, the obscenity (“fucking”) is present in the raw. This paragraph is rather vulgar and has several references. The first is a reference to an idiom, “A gentleman uses his mouth and not his fists” (能动口就绝不动手), and the second is slang for spewing meaningly trash (瞎BB).Tai Chi: A form of martial arts that emphasizes circles and redirecting someone’s energy instead of taking it directly.Apollo: The Greek god of the sun.Gary Stu: The male version of a Mary Sue.He (学长): In the raw, the protagonist refers to him as the Chinese version “senpai” (elder classmate), which is pronounced “Xuezhang”.MILF: Slang for a mature and sexy woman.You (您): The protagonist speaks with the formal “you”. In contrast, the knight speaks with a casual “you”.Please make yourself at home (请您随意): Literally, “please do anything you like”. The protagonist uses stock polite phrases, so I chose a common idiom in English that means the same thing.In Chinese etiquette, pouring tea for guests is sort of a bare minimum.Picked up (横抱): Picked up horizontally, like a princess carry.

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