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“Your Highness, what are you doing out there?”
“…….”
“You’re trying to kill them, aren’t you?”
What’s the reason this time? A war? A disaster? An epidemic? A man-made disaster? An accident? What lies were hiding the truth this time?
Was the reason he kept telling her to wait was so that she wouldn’t be able to meet them after all? To get rid of the place she could to return to?
“That’s why you’re trying to summon a new Akarna.”
The Crown Prince covered both his eyes with one hand as if he was not very happy with this situation. After a while, his dark and tired eyes were revealed, showing a vulnerable appearance that looked as if he was about to collapse.
“…No. It’s not like that.”
Tears flowed down her eyes nonstop from the moment she met Tevon.
The Crown Prince stretched out his hand and wiped the tears from her cheeks, but Jiwoo, who had been turning her head away from him since he came here, trembled but did not avoid his touch.
“Why do you keep saying no?”
“…….”
“I’ll just continue with the Akarna’s duties. Don’t summon a new Akarna or anything. I’ll do what you tell me to do, if you want me to be the Crown Princess, I’ll do it. Please don’t summon a new one.”
“…Akarna.”
A trembling hand reached the Crown Prince’s shoulder. But she couldn’t hastily put her hand on his bloody shoulder.
“I-I can treat this too.”
Oh, she was so dizzy.
The strong scent of blood unique to the children of Elandos, as well as the smell of iron exuded from the Crown Prince.
She felt like she was going to vomit because of the mixture of all kinds of scents, each insisted on their own existence. In the meantime, only she was getting tattered.
“G-Give me a blade. I can do it.”
Jiwoo got up and tried to run towards the sword he had thrown away, but the Crown Prince grabbed Jiwoo by the shoulder and held her back.
“Let go! I’m going to heal you!”
“Akarna!”
“Hurry and give it to me…!”
Unable to hug Jiwoo because of his open wound that kept bleeding, the Crown Prince muttered in a daze while pressing only on her shoulder to calm her down.
“Please… calm down… I was wrong.”
“Then would you like to use another method? Would you?”
As Jiwoo grabbed her collar and began to untangle it without hesitation, the Crown Prince’s complexion turned pale. Paler than when he was pale by blood loss.
When Jiwoo undid the front of her dress that’s over her chest, the Crown Prince held Jiwoo’s hand.
They were both shaking. It’s hard to even tell who was trembling more.
“Stop. Stop…”
The Crown Prince tightly closed his eyes.
“Please.”
His hands trembled as he straightened the clothes Jiwoo had loosened.
“Please… stop…”
“Your Highness, go back to the way you used to treat me before.”
The Crown Prince’s expression as he looked at Jiwoo became stunned.
“I’ll do the Akarna’s duty in the temple as I am told to do, and I just have to stay by Your Highness’s side. If you ask me to be the Crown Princess, I will do it. If you ask me to be your concubine, I will do it. No matter who you meet, I won’t complain. It’s the same anyway…!”
Hearing Jiwoo’s tearful words made the Crown Prince even more dizzy. He was aware of it on his own, but all the words Jiwoo shouted stabbed at him like sharpened blades.
Saying that she would heal his wounds by harming herself, Jiwoo was no different from the way she was in the past—willing to go to the wastelands for him and the empire.
She looked cornered and put on a desperate face. That desperate look. It was his first time seeing that.
The Akarna, who smiled warmly in front of him, saying that it was okay and that it was an honorable duty, was drying up like that from behind him. She had been doing her duty for the Crown Prince all along.
As Jiwoo headed to pick up the sword without hesitation, the Crown Prince realized. Jiwoo’s dedication to work her body like that and devoted herself to him, was already replaced by someone else.
He felt like filth. And so far Akarna has spilled her blood when sent to people for the sake of filth like him. Only for him.
“…Akarna.”
The Crown Prince’s mouth opened and closed several times without saying anything. I’m sorry, please forgive me. He couldn’t even dare to say those words.
It’s hard to get rid of feelings for one person. Whether it was love, jealousy, or hatred, intense emotions could burn even if the object disappeared.
However, it was different if the target was replaced. He couldn’t shake the feeling that he had been completely pushed out.
The Crown Prince stood up in front of Jiwoo, unable to take out the dagger stuck in his shoulder.
“…Now rest. The messy room… I’ll send for a servant to clean it up.”
It was better for her to say no or that she was disappointed. It was better that her eyes were fixed on him because she hated it.
Let’s go back to the past. Perhaps it would be better to do so than now. Jiwoo spoke about it as if she was going to fall into the pit to avoid the worst.
Was it that terrible? It’s even more disgusting now.
What was his position in this relationship?
The Crown Prince strongly felt that he was filth, but the Akarna valued even that filth before.
Staggering out of the bedroom door, the Crown Prince heard Jiwoo muttering in a wet voice. She didn’t even have the energy to cry, so she barely squeezed out the sound.
“Why won’t you listen to anything I say…”
But he couldn’t help it.
Even if it’s just the shell, he had to hold on to it. The Crown Prince’s face, who was always full of confidence and dignity, became dark in a short time.
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An unprecedented madness shone sharply across his unrefined face.
It felt like being on a battlefield even without cutting people.
t/n: this part is so tough, i felt my feelings getting drained too >.< the author is really pushing Aleph’s redemption and the bad news is… im kind of starting to buy it. i know i shouldn’t but this insight to his mind breaks my heart as well T.T this is actually what i want to read when novels have the tag ‘regretful ml’
* * *
No matter how much Jiwoo begged and begged, the Crown Prince did not listen.
Even when she cried in anger, he did not back down. Even when she screamed, cried, or pleaded miserably, he would rather bear her hatred just to keep Jiwoo by his side.
Like Jiwoo, who lived her life only looking at the Crown Prince, the Crown Prince was desperate as if he would die soon without Jiwoo.
Soon, Jiwoo was moved to another place.
It was obvious why.
Even though Tevon only met Jiwoo for a short time, and she didn’t escape, it seemed like it was a shock that Tevon broke through the mansion’s security alone.
The Crown Prince was planning to completely move her residence before the other children of Elandos could come.
The Crown Prince, who was watching Jiwoo nervously in the carriage, could not bear the heavy silence and opened his mouth.
“It’s going to be a long trip. Even if it’s a little uncomfortable, bear with it.”
“I don’t care.”
Jiwoo looked at the window and said calmly.
“…It’s just moving the prison anyway?”
“It’s not like that.”
The Crown Prince sighed.
“…I’m going to strip you of your duties as the Akarna. I can’t help but need publicity from the temple. Maybe it’s better to hold the wedding ceremony itself in the temple.”
Even if she said she didn’t want to become the Crown Princess, it didn’t work. It was like talking to a wall.
The person who would imprison her in a tower somewhere if she continued to rebel was the Crown Prince. He was such a person in the first place. A man who does whatever for a purpose in the end.
He was rumored to be cruel. There were also rumors that he would run wild on the battlefield.
He was as admirable as he was capable. He approached with sorrow, used people, and discarded them when they were no longer useful…
There must be an intention in approaching her in the first place.
But Jiwoo also had a reason to love him for five years. The time they spent together could never be considered short.
No matter how he had been, Jiwoo had never seen such ferocious violence. Rather, she knew what other people did not know.
When he was in front of her, he would shake his legs like an immature boy, or put his hands together and wiggle his fingers.
He was embarrassed to say that he had come to Akarna’s dispatch without knowing it.
When they were connected, he habitually put his lips on her, and hugged her as if he couldn’t stand it in a place where no one was around. There was a time when they hid in the corner of the temple, playing with his hands and secretly whispering about love.
Jiwoo watched with sunken eyes as the Crown Prince wiggled his fingers in front of her as usual.
After a while, Jiwoo called him quietly.
“Your Highness.”
“…Mmh?”
He raised his head hurriedly. It’s been a while since Jiwoo called him.
“Many people have to die to summon an Akarna. You know that.”
“…I do.”
“You also know what the new Akarna will be treated like when they’re summoned.”
“…I know.”
“I’m the only one who gets out of it, so I have to deal with that guilt again.”
“…….”
Silence passed for a long time.
The Crown Prince, who had pursed his lips, said a short word after a while.
“I’m sorry. There’s no other choice.”
He was the Crown Prince who lived for the empire, his people, and his ambitions more than anyone else.
Thinking about it, she could understand what he was dealing with now. The values and position he had maintained throughout his life from the root were being shaken.
There was a time when she wished the Crown Prince to do the same, just as she burned her whole body with love.
But why? It was clear that what she had wished for had come true, but she felt nothing.
“…At least don’t touch the outsiders. Your Highness, I will do as you please.”
Was it right to love like that? But his love couldn’t always give her what she really wanted. It always just made her suffer.
What Jiwoo dwelled on was resignation.
The Akarna’s destiny was no different from crawling into hell for someone you hold dear.