Chapter 6, Part 2: I Am a Kindergartener (1)

On a morning when the spring breeze was gently blowing.

I was having breakfast with my parents.

The main dish was doenjang stew and egg roll.

There were also three side dishes, including spinach namul.

What made this ordinary menu extraordinary was the egg roll. At that time, eggs were rare, and only fathers could eat them.

Now, as an only child, I was well-behaved enough to eat eggs.

I ate my breakfast, even using my parents' faces as side dishes.

After becoming a doctor and working in a hospital, and eventually becoming a thoracic surgeon, I naturally had fewer opportunities to sit down and eat with my parents.

Especially after my father, who passed away during a coronary artery bypass surgery, there were even fewer chances to eat together.

So, this moment was priceless.

I didn't realize back then that loving someone means eating together.

"Faith, how can you use chopsticks so well?"

My mother, who had finished eating, looked at me and said. Her eyes, resting on me with both hands on her chin, overflowed with affection.

"Do I use chopsticks well?"

I asked, feigning innocence.

"Faith, you're probably better than most elementary school students."

"I need to use chopsticks well. You know, I want to become a great doctor when I grow up."

"Our Faith is always the same. But why do you want to become a doctor?"

"Because it's cool."

Since my body was that of a child, I answered like one.

There were unresolved issues from my previous life.

For example, my untapped talents and my arch-nemesis, Kang Tae-sub, were things I couldn't talk about.

My parents smiled contentedly at my desire to become a doctor.

They might see me as just a cute kid now, but the day my words would come true was not far off.

I picked up a bean paste rice ball with my chopsticks, showing off my skill, and ate it one by one.

It was nice to see my parents marvel at me.

My mother's gaze soon shifted to my father. Her look was different from the one she gave me.

"Dear."

"What?"

"Try to eat a variety of side dishes. Eat some spinach, carrots, and onions. Don't just eat eggs and kimchi."

"You know I don't like vegetables."

Father scratched his cheek, looking troubled.

"Still, you're too picky. People might think Faith is the parent and you're the child."

With no choice, Father reluctantly put some vegetables in his mouth.

But after a few bites, he went back to the side dishes he liked.

Watching my parents bicker over the side dishes, I smiled to myself.

I didn't realize back then that even such trivial arguments would become cherished memories.

"I'm going to the bathroom."

I put down my utensils and left the room attached to the used bookstore. I went to the toilet in the small yard and urinated.

As the stream flowed freely, my bladder felt relieved.

'Time really flies.'

I checked my appearance in the full-length mirror on the bathroom wall.

A small child with a mischievous look and delicate features was looking back at me. Despite the passage of time, I was already six years old.

There were still not many things I could do, but my range of activities had definitely expanded.

I was finally starting to feel more human.

'There's nothing to remember...'

I laughed to myself as I tried to recall this period of my life.

My clear memories and consciousness began when I entered elementary school.

The first page of my memory was the day of my elementary school entrance ceremony, when I threw a tantrum because I didn't want to go to school.

"Dear, it didn't work out this time."

"What didn't?"

"The novel I submitted to the New Year's Literary Contest. It seems it didn't pass the preliminary round."

"It's okay. You can't expect to fill your belly with the first spoonful, right? You're good at writing, so you'll get in soon. I believe in you."

I heard my parents' conversation through the door.

Suddenly, my heart ached.

As our family's financial situation worsened, my father from the past eventually gave up his pen. He abandoned his dreams and suffered a cursed and painful life, like Sisyphus in mythology.

It was probably because of this that my father developed angina.

He learned to drink and smoke while doing manual labor and suffered from stress due to loan guarantees.

Kierkegaard's words were spot on.

But don't worry, Father.

I'm here, a 40-year-old chameleon, by your side.

You will live a happy life, and your novels will be loved by the public.

When their conversation died down, I entered the room as if nothing had happened.

My parents also greeted me as if nothing had happened. Our family of three was in perfect sync.

"Faith, are you ready?"

"Yes!"

"Then let's change your clothes."

I put on the yellow school uniform my mother took out of the closet. It was the uniform for the Samsoori Kindergarten, which I would start attending today.

After changing, I looked down at my name, "Lee Faith," embroidered on the chest of the uniform.

My name, Faith, was derived from my father's belief that among faith, love, and hope, faith is the greatest.

With my father's farewell, I left the bookstore with my mother.

"Mom, do I really have to go to kindergarten?"

I asked, pouting.

Kindergarten might be necessary for a six-year-old.

I don't deny that.

But for a six-year-old with a 40-year-old consciousness, kindergarten was practically irrelevant. What could a former thoracic surgery professor learn in kindergarten?

The main reason I didn't want to go to kindergarten was that it would be a financial burden on our already tight budget.

"Going to kindergarten, you'll meet many good friends and learn to write from the teacher. Isn't that exciting?"

"But kindergarten is expensive."

"Faith, where did you hear that?"

Mother's eyes narrowed.

"I heard it from the neighbor's aunt. She said kindergarten is very expensive."

I deflected her sudden question like an amateur table tennis player returning a serve.

Compared to my previous life, my speaking skills had improved remarkably.

I could tell white lies appropriately, handle awkward questions easily, and express my thoughts clearly.

How could I do that?

Because the period when I couldn't speak, or rather, didn't speak, had acted as a medicine rather than a poison.

Living as a child with consciousness, I naturally learned to read people's subtle facial expressions and emotions.

I learned how to be loved and how to persuade others.

So, the time from one to six years old wasn't a complete waste.

"Mom thinks Faith is a special child. So, you should go to a special kindergarten. Understand?"

"...Yes."

It seemed impossible to change Mother's mind.

I nodded obediently.

If going to kindergarten was a way to be filial, then I should go.

If going to kindergarten made my mother happy, then I should go.

I will continue to do what I should do in the future.

While avoiding what I shouldn't have done in my previous life.

Step by step.

I held Mother's hand tightly and set off for school.

'Who would have thought my life's trajectory would change like this?'

According to my memory, I didn't go to kindergarten in the past.

After Mother quit her job as a nurse due to a traffic accident, our family's financial situation worsened.

The situation was changing, albeit subtly, but definitely for the better.

"Hello, Faith's mother. Faith is here."

As we entered the kindergarten, a teacher greeted us warmly.

"Hello, teacher."

I bowed deeply.

"You're so polite. When we registered Faith, I mentioned that she seems to have a good impression."

"Hehe, even if it's a compliment, it feels good."

"Oh, it's not a compliment. I mean it."

The teacher's words were probably sincere.

I don't know how many times I smiled to be filial to my parents since I was one year old.

Those smiles made my face appear kind and bright.

"Faith, I'm going. Your father will pick you up later. Don't cause trouble for the teacher, okay?"

"Yes, have a good day."

After parting with Mother, I stepped into the kindergarten.

It was the start of my first social life.

* * *

Before a major incident shook the kindergarten at dismissal time, my day was unbearably boring.

I had already completed elementary, middle, and high school, medical school, and worked as a thoracic surgeon.

It would be strange if I found living with six-year-olds enjoyable.

Right after school started, the kindergarten was slightly chaotic.

"Whaaa!"

"Mommy!"

Children who had parted from their parents burst into tears. One child's crying often triggered a chain reaction among the others.

The teachers managed to calm the children down, and the official day began.

The children, dressed in their school uniforms, lined up and did simple exercises with the teachers.

Next, new students were introduced.

We had lessons on learning to write and read picture books.

I followed the lessons outwardly but was lost in thought.

To capture my interest, it would have to be at least a conference at a large hospital.

After two hours of lessons, we had a rare free time.

I stood by the window, keeping my distance from the other children. I was looking at the lush flowers in the kindergarten garden.

Like a monk who had left the secular world.

"Do you want to play with me?"

A strange voice broke my thoughts.

Turning my head, I saw a pretty girl standing behind me. Her name tag read Kim Ji-won.

"I want to be alone."

"Aww, you're just shy because it's your first day. I'll play with you. Let's play house."

Kim Ji-won dragged me to the floor by my sleeve and laid out a set of toys.

"I said I want to be alone."

"..."

When I firmly refused, Kim Ji-won's eyes welled up with tears.

If she cried, it would be noisy.

On my first day, I would be labeled as the child who made Kim Ji-won cry. Even though it was troublesome, I thought I should go along with her.

After all, I was a six-year-old, even if I was a thoracic surgeon at heart.

"Okay, let's play."

"Hehe, let's play doctor first. I'll be the doctor, and you be the patient."

Kim Ji-won's tears stopped as if by magic. Was this young girl already a skilled actress?

"Okay, I'll be the patient."

I lay down on the floor, figuring that being a patient was easier than being a doctor.

"Where does it hurt?"

"My chest hurts."

"Wait a moment."

Kim Ji-won placed a plastic stethoscope on my chest.

Her serious face made me want to burst out laughing.

"Teacher, why am I in pain?"

After thinking for a while, Kim Ji-won answered.

"Because you're a picky eater. You should eat a variety of vegetables. Eating vegetables is good for your health."

"Does the teacher eat vegetables well?"

"The teacher is healthy, so I don't need to eat vegetables."

Kim Ji-won's answer was indeed childish.

"Teacher, my stomach hurts."

"That's easy. Go to your mom and ask her to rub your stomach. Her hands are magical."

Wow, what a great doctor!

Diagnosis and treatment, she was a genius doctor skilled in all subjects.

When I said my eyes hurt, Kim Ji-won blew warm breath on them, showing off her skills as a divine doctor.

However, there was someone watching us with a sour expression...

"Hey, don't play with Ji-won."

A boy, bigger and taller than me, inserted himself between Kim Ji-won and me.

His name was Son Seung-woo.

He seemed annoyed by our playful interaction.

"I want to play with Faith."

Kim Ji-won spoke up for me.

"I play with him a lot. Now, let's play together. I want to play with you too."

"No, you're too scary."

Hurt by Kim Ji-won's rejection, Son Seung-woo glared at me. It was like getting slapped in Jongno and taking it out in Han River.

"Hey, it's all your fault!"

Son Seung-woo approached me and tried to push my shoulder.

Of course, I wasn't going to let him.

I didn't want to.

I was attending this kindergarten with the precious money my mother had arranged.

I absolutely refused to be bullied in such a place.

I slightly turned my body to avoid Son Seung-woo's hand.

Then, I kicked his ankle.

Thud!

"Ouch!"

Unable to play with Kim Ji-won and now in pain from falling, Son Seung-woo wailed like a mosquito.

"What's going on?"

To the hurriedly approaching teacher, I replied with a nonchalant expression.

"He fell by himself."

* * *

As dismissal time approached.

I was eating snacks with Kim Ji-won, who had become my best friend after our playtime.

The snacks were red bean bread, milk, and jelly.

Soon, the snack time ended, and the children started to nod off like sleepy chickens.

But the most peaceful times are often the most dangerous.

A huge wave unexpectedly hit the quiet kindergarten.

"Teacher! Teacher! Seung-woo seems to be in a lot of pain. Here!"

A loud cry came from the bathroom.

I perked up and looked in the direction of the bathroom.