Chapter 30

"Regarding the study abroad at Termwill -- it was something Grandfather told me. Even as he said it, he seemed quite worried... He mentioned that the marriage proposal with Lord Theodor was also part of the discussion."

"...I think there are also Berryne's considerations. While I am grateful for the high expectations, I haven't accomplished anything yet. I thought that I should understand each other as friends with Lord Ashley before -- and then proceed with such talks more slowly."

Ashley nodded seriously in response to my words.

Rosetta left the room, saying she would prepare the tea.

I closed my eyes and thought about Ashley again. The words she said to Maurice, and everything that has happened so far.

I don't think it's right for someone like me to judge her way of life or her thoughts... But I think she is trying to be a proper noble now that her health issues have been resolved. From my conversations with Grace, I can infer that.

It must be similar to the thorny path my mother walked. Ashley seems to have feelings of admiration and respect for my mother, beyond just gratitude.

So, support... I understand. I get what Grace means.

It's easy to dismiss Ashley's thoughts as just a child's idealistic dreams, lacking in reality.

But I know the humiliation of being dismissed like that. What's wrong with being a child?

Moreover, I know someone who lived that way until the end.

But it's said that five years ago, in that winter -- she fought a demon and was cursed, and no one who had been helped by her could save her.

Grace told my mother that she could be saved if she became a vampire -- but she shook her head. She was concerned for Grace.

If she had become a vampire, my mother might have continued to exist, but if she had contracted that disease, there would have been no certainty that she would be safe as a dampire.

At that time -- the adventurers who accompanied her by contract were the ones who saved and brought her back. My father was away from the territory during the agricultural off-season and was absent. By the time he found out, it was too late.

Now that I have Kagehisa's memories... I can understand the thoughts of those who left my mother behind. They probably had no room to spare, and they were worried about the curse -- the disease spreading, and whether they could do anything. For all these reasons, they dismissed the idea that a child could understand.

It was a snowy night. I can't forget the backs of the adults who left.

But until the end, my mother never uttered a word of resentment to anyone.

However, I can't accept the reason why. Even if I couldn't do anything, even a word of gratitude would have been enough. I didn't want to be abandoned at the end. That's why I also left those people and the house. Whatever happened after I left, I don't care anymore.

...Whether it's Grace or Ashley. If they recognize and support me. If they walk with me. If they protect me.

It doesn't have to be me specifically. There must be someone out there, and if we can meet, that would be fine.

But when it comes to marriage, especially for the head of the family, it's not up to the individual. In other words, I can't trust someone I don't know, no matter how far I go.

"At this point, anything I say is probably just a wish. If I can't do anything, Lord Ashley can break off the engagement without hesitation. But if you recognize my right to do so... I want to be involved in your life."

If becoming your fiancé can shield you from various things, I will do it.

But all of this is for myself. I'm doing this because I don't want to see things I don't want to see. I act for myself. That's all.

Eventually, Ashley might be disappointed in me, but I can't and don't intend to live like my mother.

No matter what kind of life Ashley chooses to live from now on, I won't change my evaluation of her. I won't forget the words she said to Maurice.

So, as long as they recognize me, I want to carry as much as I can and run as far as I can.

Ashley took a deep breath and said quietly after hearing my words.

"Since my parents passed away... Grandfather hardly let me go outside. I was afraid of things coming from outside. But I thought it was okay. I was often sick and lying down. I thought I couldn't do anything. I had my brother, too."

...Can't do anything, huh.

"But my brother didn't come back either. When I was suddenly told I was the lord, I didn't know what to do. But I heard something once. Someone avenged my father and mother --"

"Was that your mother?"

Ashley closed her eyes and nodded.

"I asked Lady Lisa to tell me many stories. She was like someone from a story. I admired her. I was always weak, but I wanted to be like Lady Lisa, so I could stand up and face forward. Grandfather said he would wait for the day I could stand on my own -- and he is working hard for me."

She paused and looked at me as she continued.

"I think you already know. When I heard about Oslar -- and that he was from the Gartner family, I thought he might be Lady Lisa's son. I -- left home."

That's certainly... something I couldn't say in an apology.

I admire your mother. So I want you to forgive me because of that. It might sound that way.

That's why... instead of me, you talked about Grace and your mother -- to become friends.

"But Lord Theodor forgave me and even took away my physical weakness. It was very strange -- and I was very happy. I felt like I was part of the continuation of a beloved story. My body felt light, and I thought I could do anything. So I didn't want to leave and held onto Lord Theodor and Grace."

"That night, right? You came to talk to me."

Grace nodded in response to Ashley's words.

"I couldn't bring myself to tell Lord Theodor..."

"But you knew about me from the beginning, didn't you, Lady Ashley?"

You probably heard about how my mother took in Grace. That's why you weren't afraid of dampire, right?

If you heard about my mother -- even if not in detail, you might know that I and Grace were the ones who were with her at the end.

"Yes. So, I thought you two were a very well-matched and wonderful couple."

Ashley smiled and then her expression darkened a bit.

"As a noble, I try to understand certain things. I thought marriage proposals were still far in the future for me."

I don't know how much education Kannel gave her about marriage proposals.

At least, it didn't seem like something close to her.

"But when it comes to talking with the two of you... I didn't think I could be next to you, who came later. Is that even allowed?"

"I -- can accept it. Because it's Lady Ashley. You have the words that Lady Lisa wanted to be told."

The words that my mother wanted to be told... maybe the words I wanted to hear from someone else.

"I've already conveyed my words. They won't change."

The two of them looked at me, and I answered.

A smile appeared on their faces.

"Would you like some tea?"

After a while, Rosetta entered the reception room with a tray of tea set, smiling strangely.

This timing... she poured the tea briskly and prepared the snacks...

"Did you wait outside?"

Rosetta's smile froze, and her eyes darted around.

"Well... it's fine, I guess."

She really is a worrywart.

From her perspective in Termwill, she probably thought that since I had a father, there was no place for her -- but she must have felt quite frustrated.

But when I ended up at the Gartner family and was treated coldly, she probably felt regret about my mother and wanted to take care of me. Her somewhat harsh attitude towards my father might be due to this.

...From tomorrow, huh. Well, we have plenty of time. I should talk with Rosetta too. I'm sure she will want to get involved, no doubt.