CHAPTER 22 He, Fu Changling, had been in love with Qin Yan since forty-two years ago.

“Kill me?”

Fu Changling looked at the person in front of him and couldn’t help laughing out loud, “You want to kill me again?”

“Fu Changling.” Qin Yan gripped his sword. “Wake up.”

“Wake up? What do I have to wake up to?” Fu Changling raised his voice in revulsion. “Wake up to hear you telling me that I cannot break the seal of the hidden realm, that I will destroy Yunze, so that I wouldn’t save Yanming?”

As Fu Changling spoke, he gyrated the palm of his hand. The spinning array beneath him abruptly picked up speed. At the same time, the Soul-gathering Pagoda began to aggressively gather spiritual air. Qin Yan’s expression finally changed. Out swept his long sword, holding nothing back. But from the moment his sword shot out, a shapeless force was holding his sword back. It was the effects of the Coaxial Heart Spell. Qin Yan gritted his teeth as he clashed against the spiritual air with sheer force. At the peak of their exchange, he gritted his teeth and allowed the final wave of tempestuous spiritual energy to gather at the tip of his sword. The invisible force on his sword finally dispersed. With a howl, the long sword aimed for Fu Changling’s head, but Fu Changling had raised his hand with ease, stopping Qin Yan’s sword with both of his fingers.

He didn’t lift his head, only depicting the array on the ground and calmly said, “You forcibly broke the spell and injured your body, while here lies the God’s Massacre Array at my command. I don’t want to hurt you. In a while, once I forcibly break the array, my golden core will be gone and you can let me die in whatever way you please.”

“Stop now.” Qin Yan swallowed down the mouthful of blood that had surged up into his mouth. “You have a heart demon in your body. You, turn around and look again, see what Yanming is to begin with.”

“Heart demon in my body?”

Having heard this, Fu Changling momentarily paused and after a period of time of looking at the array, he behaved as though he’d hear something funny and quietly laughed. “If Yanming is a heart demon, aren’t you one as well?”

“Fu Changling…”

With a pale face, Qin Yan panted as he parted his lips, “The Hidden Realm of Xuanji cannot be broken. If you break it open, the walking lives of Yunze…”

“What lives of Yunze do you care about?”

Fu Changling turned to look at him, eyes full of mockery. “If you cared about the walking lives of Yunze, would you have allied with the Avici, broken the seal of the Avici in secret, allowed those demonic cultivators to sow chaos in Yunze and wear everyone down into misery?”

Hearing these words, Qin Yan’s eyes widened. Fu Changling stared at him, death in the gaze as if he was a deceased soul who’d climbed up from the depths of hell. “If you cared about the walking lives of Yunze, would you have turned to the demonic paths, would you have betrayed your sect, would you have assassinated your shifu, your friends, built the Unsullied Palace, and turned into the Suiyan Mojun?!”

“If you really cared about the walking lives of Yunze, if you really were a saint with a kind heart, why don’t you feel pity for me?!”

Fu Changling raised his voice. He grabbed Qin Yan’s sleeve and stared deathly at him. And yet, there was a thin wave of light in his eyes. He knelt onto the ground in the same manner he did back when he’d met young Yanming in the midst of a snowstorm.

This time, the tears streaming down his eyes were real, that no medicine could heal; his pain was the pain from two lifetimes, that no person could save.

He clung to Qin Yan’s sleeve, interrogating him, “You destroyed my life. You have already destroyed my life. Is that not enough?!”

“Set me free.” He swallowed. “Set Yanming free…”

Qin Yan could not find it in himself to speak.

He looked at Fu Changling in shock, emotions in his eyes turbulent like a thousand sharp winds. After a long time, all he said was, “Fu Changling…”

It was at that moment, a rattan reached out from under Qin Yan’s feet. Caught unguarded, it wrapped itself around Qin Yan’s ankles and casted him out.

Qin Yan was originally wounded to begin with. When he landed heavily onto the ground, the injuries that had just healed on his body were cracked open again. Blood pooled on the ground and spread out. There he lay, his breath hanging by a thread. Fu Changling got to his feet and watched Qin Yan from afar. After a momentary pause, someone grabbed his sleeve.

He turned around. It was Yanming begging him pitifully. His mental state was cast into a momentary disarray before it once more quietened down.

He wanted to save Yanming.

At that split of second, his mind was only filled with one thought.

He wanted to save Yanming. He must save Yanming.

He could not abandon Yanming just because of Qin Yan.

Abandoning Yanming, would mean betrayal.

A seal quickly formed in his hand and as he looked at the array engraved to the ground, he mumbled its incantations:

“The law models all conduct, all acts spin from reason; the deeds of all walking life, shall draw its cause; to the brush that paints the mountains and rivers, lend me the heavens and the earth[2]…”

An uncanny feeling began to spread from his chest, but he was in no mood to care, neither was he in the mood to ponder over it.

He needed to break apart this array.

Right now. Immediately.

Panting, Qin Yan forced himself up. Just as he got to his feet, the swords from inside the array flew towards his direction. Every step Qin Yan took forward was done with great difficulty.

He pushed through each and every step with sheer willpower.

Flying swords drew lines across his body. They had spared no efforts trying to stop him. But strangely, these flying swords showed no intentions of taking his life.

“Fu Changling, don’t unleash the seal…” he quietly mumbled, but Fu Changling could no longer hear him.

Fu Changling was drowned in his desire to break open the seal in the Hidden Realm of Xuanji.

The God’s Massacre was an array passed down by generations. He only needed to understand how to operate it. But presently, the Hidden Realm of Xuanji had become an array that he needed to break apart—these were tasks with widely different difficulties. Naturally, he needed to expend more effort in doing so.

He could feel Qin Yan walking over. The other person was like a spent arrow that posed no threat, so he didn’t care. He fixed his attention on the array until Qin Yan walked up to him and raised his sword.

Qin Yan’s movements were very slow. Even raising a sword proved laborious to him. This drove Fu Changling into furious laughter.

Taking Qin Yan’s present state into consideration, killing him was no different from betting his life on it.

But Qin Yan was still stubbornly determined to kill him.

Even if this was the first time they met, they were just people with intentions to use each other. It was just yesterday that they were sharing cups, and now, that wine cup had turned into a sword pointed to him.

A sharp pain pierced through Fu Changling’s heart like a spear. There wasn’t enough time for him to feel the source of this pain as resentment filled his heart and drove him to cast the spell. He lifted his head and yelled, “Scram!”

The moment those words rolled out of his mouth, Qin Yan’s sword was pointed at Fu Changling.

Even so, that sword didn’t move. Not even half an ounce of strength was used on it.

Fu Changling stared at him in blankness. He didn’t understand what Qin Yan was doing. If he wanted to kill him, why had the tip of the sword paused? If he wasn’t going to kill him, why point it at him?

And then, Qin Yan’s answer quickly came.

That sword carried a frosty glare, and yet, a pure white flower was gradually blooming from its sharp blade, turning into golden dust when it was at its most vibrant stage, and dispersed into the air. It sailed along the winds like the spring winds of the month of March, passing a thousand li through the rivers and mountains. In a split second, the ice of December thawed, the tips of branches burst into green and birds took off from among the tall grasses.

Fu Changling’s eyes abruptly widened, awoken by the ring of a certain memory from his past.

“A sword of blooming spring; a secret technique unique to my sect.”

“Once we get out, after I’ve finished my task, I will look for you. I will heal your eyes and when the spring flowers bloom again, we will drink together again.”

“Fu Changling! Leave this place alive! You must live this place alive! I will search for you out there!”

“Fu Changling.”

Young Yanming’s voice and Qin Yan, who was quietly looking at him in this moment, blended into one.

“Stop it, Fu Changling.”

There was pity in the calm gaze of Qin Yan. A pair of eyes that seemed to have seen through all the present, past, and future. Hoarsely, he blurted out, “He is not Yanming.”

Fu Changling said nothing. He looked at the person in front of him.

The Cleansing Heart Spell once again lit up, its spiritual energy rapidly flowing through Fu Changling’s meridians, engulfing the black mist as it went. The piercing sharp cries of the black mist faded away, leaving Fu Changling behind as he stared at Qin Yan, dazed. He parted his lips, speaking with absolute disbelief, “Yanming…”

“He is your heart demon,” Qin Yan repeated, golden dust-like fragments fluttering down from the tip of his sword onto Fu Changling’s head. All of a sudden, Fu Changling could clearly hear Yanming’s voice from all those years ago. His voice back then was no different to Qin Yan’s, who repeated it again, “He’s not Yanming.”

He’s not Yanming.

Fu Changling suddenly woke up.

His breaths were laborious, using this fragment of consciousness to wake himself up.

Yanming was his heart demon. He was made in the Hidden Realm of Xuanji and had somehow come to some sort of agreement with it. Otherwise, he would not have so many spiritual stones to fight with them in the auction.

A normal cultivator would not have so many spiritual stones, and all heart demons have their own source of supply.

If one were to say that Yanming and the Hidden Realm of Xuanji had a close relationship, then how wouldn’t Wu Sisi be able to tell considering her capabilities?

She knew, but she hadn’t told them.

Moreover, Yanming wasn’t only a heart demon made to stir up his emotions. He had another goal. He was deceiving him. But deceiving him into what?

He wanted Fu Changling to break the seal of the Hidden Realm of Xuanji!

Realizing this point, Fu Changling’s expression changed as he quickly withdrew.

It was at that moment, in the midst of the array, many hands broke the surface of the earth and reached out. Very quickly, they grabbed Fu Changling’s arm, refusing him any form of leeway to resist, before Fu Changling found himself being forcibly pressed to the ground, atop the array!

Qin Yan drove his sword as these changes of events unfold. But no matter how fast his sword was, everything around him was quicker. The ‘Venerable One’ broke through the currents with his sword. Qin Yan was forced to turn around to bar him. Afterwards, behind him, a narrow and thin sword pierced through Qin Yan's body!

“The God’s….”

Watching as Qin Yan was harmed, Fu Changling abandoned all he had in his hands and parted his lips with the intention to use the ability of his clan. But once he started speaking, someone clasped a hand onto his mouth from behind.

He vehemently fought it, but the other person behind him was like a rattan, stubbornly strapping themselves onto him.

He watched as Qin Yan’s blood spilled to the ground as the enemy drew out his sword. Qin Yan looked as if he couldn’t hold it in any longer, slumping to the ground as the sword was being pulled out of his body. And then, Wu Sisi’s calm expression came into sight.

Fu Changling’s eyes cracked with fury. The heart demon behind him had a hand clasped onto his mouth, sighing/ “Tsk tsk tsk, how pitiful. But rest assured,” the heart demon whispered into his ear and lightly said, “He wouldn’t be dying. You are the only one who would.”

Just as he finished speaking, the heart demon pressed him onto the ground. Dozens of tusks burst out from the array and bit down onto him. Blood beaded out of his arm and filled the entire array, turning it into a magnanimous soul-gathering array wildly absorbing his spiritual energy.

The designer of this array was world’s apart in terms of skill compared to Fu Changling. It was impossible for him to escape it.

This was what only an immortalization stage cultivator was capable of.

The Soul-gathering Pagoda next to him was incessantly providing him with spiritual energy. His golden core was spinning swiftly, causing him so much pain that his face had turned pale white.

Painful enough for him to wake up. That he knew now, he needed to get Qin Yan out alive.

He used all the efforts he was capable of to take control, using all his understanding of spiritual energy to control the spiritual energy that was flowing in and out, trying his best to stabilize his golden core. Overusing spiritual energy could cause damage, but at the same time it was also a workable method to use against these people.

Presently, his enemies were two immortalization stage cultivators; one of them was his heart demon whose skill rivalled himself. Had it been a normal method, he would have no chances of winning. The only chance he had was using the God’s Massacre Array.

However, this God’s Massacre Array was given by Wu Sisi. It looked like an array without an owner, and that Fu Changling was the one controlling it. But in reality, every array has its own owner, and that person would be its creator.

If he wanted to use this array against Wu Sisi, then he must force this array to switch its owner.

Fu Changling secretly took a small portion of the blood that flowed out of him and observed his surroundings.

The heart demon, Wu Sisi, and the others were obviously unfamiliar with arrays, so they had not noticed this discreet action he’d made.

Fu Changling fixed his gaze into the array, currently at the moment of absorbing his blood and his spiritual energy. Bit by bit, the patterns on the array had begun bursting into light. He suddenly found these patterns familiar.

He suppressed all the pain he felt using all the consciousness he had and forced himself to recall the source of familiarity of this array. At the strike of lightning, he saw a lotus flower blooming in front of his eyes.

The strange incantations on Shangguan Yuemin’s back surfaces in his memory.

No, that wasn’t an incantation.

That was an array. An array similar to the one lighting up in front of him right now!

It was inlaid on the seal array of the Hidden Realm of Xuanji, it was an array nested within another array.

If there would be one nested array, couldn’t there be two, or even three?

The thought flashed across Fu Changling’s mind as he observed the array.

In his last life, he had thought greatly of his intelligence since he was able to break open the seal of the Hidden Realm of Xuanji even when he was only a foundation establishment cultivator. But during that time, he hadn’t properly understood the meanings of the patterns on that array. Presently, as he stared at death in the eye and merged these patterns with all the knowledge he’d obtained in the last forty years, he finally realized—

This wasn’t the seal array of the Hidden Realm of Xuanji!

Or perhaps, one should say, this wasn’t just only the activation seal of the Hidden Realm of Xuanji!

Bit by bit the patterns of the array were filled with spiritual energy and blood. Fu Changling could finally discern the incantations and his entire person was shocked stiff where he stood.

It was at that moment, the entire array began to slowly burst into light. It had suddenly turned into a mirror, a piece of glass, a bead of clear water.

In this mirror, behind its glass, beneath its clear waters, there were dozens of pairs of eyes and hands. There were so many people looking back at Fu Changling with crazed and excited gazes.

They had painted red cheeks that Fu Changling was familiar with. This had also been a symptom from the Avici. This sinister, malicious air that filled the skies had come from the Avici that Fu Changling had fought an uncountable amount of times with.

His mind had blanked. All of a sudden, a distant voice resounded from his memories.

“Have you heard about it? Qin Yan from the Heavenly Palace of Hongmeng had infuriated the Golden Light Temple and they’d nailed him against the wall of their stupa. They nailed him, alive, with sixty-four bone-piercing nails for as long as an entire year!”

“Say, why do you think Qin Yan killed his own shifu? Wasn’t it just because of a grudge? Back in that year, when he broke the seal of the Avici, his shifu sent him to the Golden Light Temple to be punished after he’d found out. And so, hate was born in his heart.”

“This person, Qin Yan, had indeed lost all his rational sense of judgement. Let alone breaking the seal of the Avici, he had even killed his own shifu and betrayed his own sect due to the hatred in his heart. Heavenly Palace of Hongmeng burned for three days and three nights. Will he ever have the sense of pride to face his elders again after he’d gone to hell in the future?”

*＊✿❀○❀✿＊*

Those were memories from long ago, so far back that he’d never realized that he’s still keeping it.

But thinking back now, he remembered clearly the way he’d discussed Qin Yan with those people back in those years.

Suddenly, his heart ached. The heart demon yelled happily and dived into his body.

He didn’t know how the array in front of them seemed to have turned into the walls of the stupa of the Golden Light Temple back in those years. Qin Yan was nailed onto it, a pair of eyes expressionless with neither joy or sorrow as he quietly looked at him without saying a word.

Qin Yan knew A Sword Of Blooming Spring. It was the same technique Yanming had used.

Qin Yan’s sword was a white jade sword. The sword Yanming held, too, was a white jade sword.

Qin Yan’s daoist monastic name was called Suiyan and Yanming was called Yanming.

The time Qin Yan was nailed against the walls of the stupa was also the same time they left the hidden realm. The time Yanming delivered the Flower of Rebirth was also the time Qin Yan had just been released from the Golden Light Temple.

He should’ve known.

He should've known earlier…

Why did Qin Yan go to the Golden Light Temple to be punished back in that year? Because he is Yanming.

It was Qin Yan and himself who broke the seal of the hidden realm. The Hidden Realm of Xuanji belonged to the Golden Light Temple, so Qin Yan had gone to the Golden Light Temple to receive his punishment.

But the Hidden Realm of Xuanji was not just a hidden realm. It was also where the energy pulses of the Avici lied. And so, when Qin Yan owned up to the crime of breaking open the seal, he was also owning up to the crime of opening up the Avici.

But the seal of the Avici was broken by him, Fu Changling!

It was him who broke the seal of the Avici, but in the past forty years, Qin Yan had chosen to shoulder all the penalty himself. Even until his death, his meridians all broken, his golden core destroyed, his eyes dug out, his spiritual mind collapsed. Even when everyone scorned him at the Judiciary Platform, even as he was hacked by a thousand knives, he had never blurted out a single word from this fragment of the past.

Fu Changling could not breathe. He should have felt pain, but he didn’t know why he was feeling like someone was drowning him into water, and every part of him had turned numb and senseless.

He gripped his sleeves tightly as he glared deathly at the array.

Beneath those waters were pairs and pairs of crazed-looking eyes.

It was him who unleashed the Avici.

Su Wenji was right. If he entered the Hidden Realm of Xuanji, he would destroy all the walking lives of Yunze.

How preposterous that he hadn’t believed it. How dare he not believe it!

It was him back in those years who destroyed the Hidden Realm of Xuanji. It was him who broke the first seal of the energy pulses of the Avici!

But he insisted that Qin Yan was the mortal enemy of Yunze, said that he had lost his rational sense of judgment, said that he deserved to go to Hell, that he deserved to be nailed against the stupa, spending the rest of eternity begging for forgiveness!

He remembered Qin Yan's expression when he said those words. He never had been an expressive person. Yet, it was in that moment when a ripple of emotions flashed across his gaze before his sword struck at him with thunderous force.

He thought that Qin Yan was driven into fury by his words, but now he understood.

That wasn't fury, that was obviously—

Sorrow.

It was him who opened the Avici. It was him who destroyed the Hidden Realm of Xuanji. But the one who shouldered the punishment from the Golden Light Temple, who endured the scorn of thousands of people… was Qin Yan.

Why didn’t he tell him?

Fu Changling lifted his gaze. He saw Qin Yan, who was struggling from afar, and couldn’t help laughing out loud. The sight in front of him was obviously a blurry mess, but he couldn’t stop laughing.

He felt absurd. He felt preposterous. In the midst of this nonsense, there was pain and hopelessness.

He had a countless number of questions he wanted to ask that person.

In his last life, why didn’t he tell him?

How many things did he hide from him? How much had he been lied to?

In his last life, when was truly the moment when he became Suiyan Mojun?

Did anyone force him? Did anyone threaten him?

Seventeen year old Qin Yan was a glistening white gentleman. He was the illustrious moon of tomorrow, the beautiful jade of Yunze, the pearl of his generation.

He would eliminate the strong and rescue the weak in a hidden realm. He would risk his life on words he had promised. So how would he have killed his shifu and harmed his friends, abandoned his sect and harmed all living things under the sky for some so-called techniques of the Avici?

How preposterous that he only came to know so late in life.

How hateful that he only came to know so late in life!

Fu Changling knelt in the heart of the array, watching as the patterns gradually fade away. His tears had fallen into the array and he saw, reflected on it, the pitiful gaze of a young man.

The entire Hidden Realm of Xuanji began to shake. The black mist had begun to shroud the Hidden Realm of Xuanji. Greyish dust spectacles fluttered down from the sky, landing onto Fu Changling’s shoulder. The mountains all around them cracked, fires began erupting from all around, and the sky was breaking apart piece by piece before falling off, creating a resounding thunder across the realm. There were even remnants of townspeople running about everywhere as if the entire realm was about to come to an end, the last moment before an apocalypse.

Wu Sisi watched as everything happened, then turned to the Venerable One who stood next to her and said, “It’s ended. Wait around somewhere and let me speak a few words to this little friend.”

The ‘Venerable One’ bowed and walked off.

Wu Sisi watched as Fu Changling stared at the array in a daze. She half-knelt and looked at him quietly with pity in her eyes.

“Thank you.” Her voice sounded apologetic. “I, too, have no choices left. Ming Xiu was still inside.”

“He’s still inside…” Fu Changling lifted his head, staring at her dead in the eye. “Don’t you know why he’s in there? He shouldn’t come to Yunze.” Fu Changling gritted his teeth and howled, “He shouldn’t come!”

“So he should remain in that hellish place for his entire life, is it?” Wu Sisi mocked.

Fu Changling gripped the fan in his hand and urged, “Who made the array?”

“It was me,” Wu Sisi coldly said.

Fu Changling glared at her with mockery. “Just you?”

Wu Sisi’s expression changed. Just as she wanted to say something, it was at that moment a vibrant light shot out from Qin Yan’s hand. A force only those in the ascension stage were capable of clasped down onto Wu Sisi, sending her afar with a clap of thunder!

At the same time, fresh blood from Fu Changling spread across the God’s Massacre Array. It erupted into light. He raised the little golden fan in his grasp and at that moment, a shapeless force latched itself onto his hand, trying its best to pull him down.

It’s the heart demon!

It was fighting him for control over his body!

A countless number of images flashed across Fu Changling’s mind. Cold sweat beaded on his forehead. Every inch he tried to raise his hand was like trying to lift a mountain. Every word he tried to speak was like lifting a tongue made of stone.

“The God’s…”

As he was fighting an inner battle with his heart demon, someone’s hand had reached out to hold his.

That person’s hand was steady and cold. Fu Changling’s breath hitched. He abruptly lifted his head and saw Qin Yan opposite of him, holding onto his hand with one leg bent as he quietly looked at him.

His other hand was holding his sword, its tip propped up against the floor, a sword array spreading out under both their legs. A round, blue light spun into vision around them, billowing winds so strong that his bloodstained white robes were fluttering wildly in it.

He held onto Fu Changling’s hand, raising it up high with all his strength, inch by inch bringing it close to the side of his lips. As the little golden fan touched his lips, the outermost patterns on it abruptly burst into light. It was at that moment, the heart demon let out a piercing sharp scream and leapt out of his body!

Fu Changling met Qin Yan’s gaze.

That person’s eyes were like ice, like snow, like a watery green lake reflecting its true nature.

It was firm and steady, like a vibrant light amid darkness.

He had pulled him out from the throes of chaos, from the chasm of despair, allowing him to retain his calmness and peace.

“The God’s Massacre Array, heed my orders.” Every word Fu Changling spoke turned into golden letters and made their way towards the array.

His other hand held the Soul-gathering Pagoda tightly and spiritual air from the entire Hidden Realm of Xuanji gathered in the pagoda like a sharp whirlpool, delivering themselves into Fu Changling’s body.

“Ignorant little child!”

A howl burst through the air and a sword glare belonging to an immortalization stage cultivator flew at them both. Qin Yan’s sword array burst into vibrant light as he held onto Fu Changling’s hand, only saying, “I’m here.”

And then, the sword glare ruthlessly clashed into Qin Yan’s sword array. Qin Yan spit out a mouthful of blood. Fu Changling switched the grip and held onto Qin Yan’s hand tightly, pushing past every force that was stopping him from speaking as he gritted his teeth and spoke, “Heed me, the heavens and the earth, perish!”

Just as he spoke those words, the array rushed up into the sky. The spiritual energy on his body burst into all sides horizontally around him, turning all that it passed into fluttering ash.

The heart demon next to him was sprawled on the ground, blood oozing out of his fingers. He turned into the face of Fu Changling’s father and cried painfully, “Changling! Save me! Changling!”

“Look at me.”

Qin Yan spoke a second before Fu Changling’s gaze turned. His voice shocked him and as Fu Changling looked at Qin Yan in front of him, he only heard him repeat, “Just look at me.”

Look at him he did, and it was at that second, his vision was filled with nothing but this person.

The heart demon next to him cried, “Changling! Save me! Why don’t you save me? Save me……!!!!!”

A sharp wind blew past and the heart demon’s body turned into dust as it was swept away with it.

When the wind died down, Qin Yan finally gave away and fell right onto Fu Changling.

Fu Changling reached out to hold that person in his arms, and then, panting, he looked around him.

Fu Changling’s golden core was forced to its limit. Even if he was rich with knowledge from his last life, he could not withstand such a gigantic force.

Everywhere around them was cleared. Only, everything in front of them was completely shattered, currently at the moment of melting away in the seal. There were even a countless number of pale white hands reaching out.

He watched as a countless number of demonic cultivators tried to climb out as this seal quickly faded away. He gritted his teeth and added a few more incantations to the array with his final breath.

As the final incantation landed, he felt a sharp pain in his stomach. Stomping it down, he spun his hand above the array once, and after turning the Hidden Realm of Xuanji’s array into an exit array, he leapt into it with Qin Yan in his arms.

A strong wind rose around them, similar to back in that year when they separated. Only, this time, Fu Changling clung hard onto him. He didn’t let go.

He looked at the person in front of him. That person was closing his eyes, like a lull before the storm.

Fu Changling clung onto him with all his might. In that moment, he finally experienced the delayed sorrow as it clasped onto him like the weight of the sky on his shoulders.

His tears fell onto this person’s body. He had so many things to say, so many things to ask, but a second before he spoke, he clearly realized that:

This person wouldn’t have answers.

This wasn’t Yanming from back in that year. He wouldn’t be able to answer to all his sorrys, all his hows, and all his whys.

The both of them fell swiftly down. After their surroundings became clear, the both of them hit the ground.

Fu Changling fell first and Qin Yan fell onto him with a dull thump. He didn’t have the time to breath as he turned and got to his feet, feeding Qin Yan medicine as he observed their surroundings in alertness.

He had entered the Hidden Realm of Xuanji from the Shangguan Manor. At this moment when they came out, it was also the Shangguan Manor.

Fu Changling was initially worried whether the wraith would be waiting for them here, but as he scanned the place with his spiritual mind, he noticed a strong aura of a sword. The only person in this present world who could own such a strong sword aura was Qin Yan’s shifu, the Palace Lord of the Heavenly Palace of Hongmeng, Jiang Yebai.

Since Jiang Yebai’s sword aura was present, then it could only mean that he’d come here and had most likely taken care of the wraith. As the Palace Lord of Heavenly Palace of Hongmeng, Jiang Yebai might not have been able to wait for Qin Yan for so long, but he must have already sent someone from the Heavenly Palace of Hongmeng to wait for him here.

Fu Changling theorized in his mind. He quickly fished out the jade pendant Qin Yan used to communicate with the Heavenly Palace of Hongmeng. He stomached his pain as he infused spiritual energy into it and panted as he spoke, “Yun Yu, your Shixiong and I are in the Shangguan Manor. He’s injured. Come, quickly.”

After he finished speaking, he could no longer hold on. He hadn’t even heard the other side’s reply before all sounds faded from his ears.

It had only been a message, but it had already caused Fu Changling such pain. However, after sending the message, he finally relaxed.

Dark clouds gathered in the skies. Fu Changling knew then and there that this was his heavenly tribulation.

After he formed his golden core in the Hidden Realm of Xuanji, it didn’t matter how this golden core turned out, but the heavenly tribution would strike upon him the moment he left the Hidden Realm of Xuanji.

He looked at Qin Yan with great difficulty and knew that if he didn’t leave at this moment, Qin Yan would also be struck.

He swiftly made a decision and took out all the arrays left in his pouch, stomaching his pain as he placed them under Qin Yan’s body. And then, he fed him some medicine and treated his wounds.

After finishing all of this, his vision began to blur.

He hugged himself, a hand pressed onto the spot where his golden core was, as he knelt next to Qin Yan.

He wanted to tell him something, but the heavenly thunder had begun to rumble. He couldn’t delay any longer and could only look back at him once as he limped his way away.

He didn’t dare to go too far. He wanted to find a spot where Qin Yan wouldn’t be harmed, but could allow him to see Qin Yan from it, so that as long as something happened to Qin Yan, he could hurry over to his rescue.

Even if he didn’t know how he would be hurrying over.

Carrying this thought in his mind, he limped his way to the peak of a mountain quite far off.

As long as he reached the peak, he could see Qin Yan.

But when he had just only reached the foot of the mountain, the first thunder had struck, exploding off his body. Fu Changling spat out a mouthful of blood. He panted as he sprawled on the ground. For a moment, he had no strength to get to his feet.

But he couldn’t give up.

He needed to watch over Qin Yan. He needed to ensure nothing happened to Qin Yan.

And so, he pushed himself up and once again, another thunderbolt struck him down.

The thunderbolt sizzled its way to his lungs. At the same time he moved forward, he tried to manipulate the thunderbolt in his body like he was manipulating his spiritual energy.

He needed to live.

He didn’t stop telling himself that.

It didn’t matter what heavenly tribulation came this way. It didn’t matter how many people had died in one. He needed to live.

Because he has wishes he hasn’t fulfilled, beliefs he hasn’t realized.

He hasn’t found out who harmed Qin Yan. He hasn’t found out what the future Qin Yan would be like.

There was a person in his heart that he wanted to protect. He cannot die.

As thunderbolts continuously struck him, he still took steps forward. At first, he could still manage through it, but when the latter half of the journey came, he was practically sprawled to the ground.

The thunderbolts kept ringing for an entire night. When the sky brightened, he finally made it to the top of the mountain. At this moment, there wasn’t a single piece of flesh on his body. He seemed to have already turned into a bloody skeleton.

He looked into the distance; people from the Heavenly Palace of Hongmeng had arrived. They seemed to have already set up a base camp and as he watched the banner of the Heavenly Palace of Hongmeng fluttering in the air, he finally relaxed.

He kept watching and saw that person’s shadow coming out.

A thunderbolt struck on him again. He has already grown numb to the pain. Lying on the ground, he only had one thought, and that was—

He couldn’t die.

He cannot die.

Consecutive thunderbolts struck him, and after an entire night, the final one landed on his body like a swimming dragon. Fu Changling shivered at the familiar pain of the heavenly thunder and the inherent pain he was in. He knew that he'd arrived at the last stage. He needed to control himself, force his energy to flow, and guide the heavenly thunder through his spiritual roots to spread throughout his body before flowing into his golden core and circulating again.

If the heavenly thunder swarmed through his spiritual roots and was converted by his golden core, then it was beneficial to his body. However, if there was any mistake and the heavenly thunder slipped away from his spiritual roots, then it would harm his body. Hence, the entire process demanded all his attention, intolerant of even one careless mistake.

“Conceal spirit and qi, peace at heart and attention fixed[3]…”

Fu Changling recited the Cleansing Heart Spell at the same time he was guiding the heavenly thunder through his body. As he watched the heavenly thunder enter its late stage, a series of images began unraveling themselves in front of his eyes. He knew that this was one of the stages in a heavenly tribulation, a test of the heart.

To a person who without liabilities in their heart, he would have no problems passing this test of the heart. But to this Fu Changling of the present, he might not pass it.

Presently, he was already in a state of chaotic mess. His calmness was forced.

He felt a countless number of images playing before his eyes. He didn’t stop. He knew that he could not overthink any of those images, could not allow the heavenly tribulation to discover any flaws in his state of mind.

The cold sweat from his forehead began to fall in heavy drops. A string of familiar faces flashed before his eyes, until finally, as one of them met his gaze, they suddenly reached out to grab his sleeve.

Fu Changling stopped in his steps as everything fell quiet. Fu Changling didn’t dare to look back; the other person didn’t either. They faced different directions and the only thing that linked them was that the other person’s grip on his sleeve loosened.

“Fu Changling,” the other person quietly said, his voice hoarse. “I’m in pain.”

Something struck Fu Changling’s heart and he abruptly turned, but there was no one behind him, only a vast sea of blackness.

He momentarily forgot everything. He began to frantically run, frantically chase after. A person running at breakneck speed towards a very long seemingly endless alley.

He found this alley a little familiar, but he couldn’t think where.

So he continued to frantically run. At the end of the alley, he finally found some light.

It was Qin Yan.

He was sitting alone on a little table. A sliver of smoke rose up from the bronze lamp[4] of dragons with pearls in their mouths. He was wearing white and looking a little pale.

Someone asked him, “Why are you burning the zen lamp with blood from your heart? He would never feel gratitude towards you.”

Qin Yan calmly answered, “I do not ask for his gratitude. I only ask that he lives.”

“My love for him; has nothing to do with him.”

Speaking, Qin Yan placed a hand along the edges of that bronze lamp.

Its edge has long been rubbed till it shone. The name engraved on it said: Fu Changling.

Fu Changling felt the world spin. He blinked his eyes open and saw Qin Yan panting as he knelt on the ground.

Two depthless voids had replaced his eyes. He had no pupils. All his meridians had been broken and his bones were twisted into an agonizing shape. There was no more spiritual energy in his body. His golden core was gone. His spiritual consciousness was destroyed. As he panted, those empty sockets from his face still looked like he could see him as he tilted his head upwards.

Fu Changling knew where this place was.

This was the day Qin Yan died.

It was that day when he wanted to search his spiritual consciousness in person and then saw a zen lamp in the spiritual consciousness of this person that he had hated for almost thirty years.

His breath quickened.

He knew what he’d said. He didn’t want to say it again, but he couldn’t control himself.

He had said, “You loved me?”

His voice was shaking. His tears were seething in his eyes. He leaned in close to Qin Yan and interrogated him softly, “How dare you love me?!”

Qin Yan froze.

Fu Changling watched his expression and suddenly felt fleeting. He felt that after seeking vengeance for so many years, this was the first time he’d managed to truly hurt his enemy.

After a long time, Qin Yan said, “I’m sorry.”

These words were said in a calm voice, just like their owner. There was no warmth, no emotions. Suddenly, he reached out and thrust his hand into his chest. Fu Changling watched him, shocked, frozen on the spot as he watched Qin Yan search and fumble, cold beads of sweat pouring down his temples. Even after a few periods of rest, he was determined. Finally, he pulled out a bundle of light enshrouded by blood.

“The fault is mine, that my actions were not mine to choose.”

“The fault is mine, that my life was not mine to choose.”

“The fault is also mine, that my feelings were not mine to choose.”

“Now that my love root has been destroyed, so are my sins.” Qin Yan spread his palm and tilted his head once again. This time, he smiled a smile that didn’t fit in with his entire person. It was exceptionally gentle, exceptionally friendly. Hoarsely, he spoke, “From today onwards, Zhenjun, you are freed from these emotions, and so… I am also freed.”

With his last bit of strength, he crushed that last fragment of soul in his palm.

Applause rose from all around him. Fu Changling watched him fall to the ground, watched as someone heaved him up, and watched as his flesh was cut out piece by piece. The fires of the Avici flared from beneath his feet. He was standing amid the fire, his last shadow kind and gentle.

Fu Changling looked at that fire, numbed. All of a sudden he felt like he was the only person left in this world. He looked at the sky as snowstorms howled around him. In front of him sat the stupa of the Golden Light Temple with drawings of all living things painted on its walls. The one closest to him was the calm and handsome look that Qin Yan always carried. He was nailed against it with sixty-four bone-piercing nails as he quietly looked at him.

He was familiar with that gaze of his. It was the same one he saw every time they met across thirty years.

In that moment, Fu Changling suddenly realized what Qin Yan meant when he told him, “I’m in pain.”

That was Qin Yan from his heart.

In his heart, Qin Yan was still nailed to the walls of the stupa, still enduring being hacked by a thousand knives, still burning in the fires of the Avici, still kneeling in front of him, reaching into his chest to pull out his love root and crush it before his eyes.

He had never told anyone else.

He had never mentioned it before to anyone that before Qin Yan’s death, he saw, from Qin Yan’s spiritual mind, a zen bronze lamp with his name engraved on it.

He had never brought this up to anyone before, that before Qin Yan’s death, he’d told him that “The fault was also mine, that my feelings were not mine to choose.”

He wandered the mountains and rivers after Qin Yan’s death, and everyone had thought that he was lost from losing the only person who could ever rival him. Many times, even he himself thought of it that way.

After all, it was impossible for him to fall in love with Qin Yan. This was a person who’d murdered his entire family. To cherish the memory of him after he was dead, to Fu Changling, was a disgrace.

But when he knew that Qin Yan was Yanming, when he knew that Qin Yan was the person who shouldered the name of the mortal enemy of Yunze in his stead, when he knew that he was kept in the dark in his last life, when he knew that the person he always missed was someone whose face he’d never even seen clearly before.

When he saw, in this moment, Qin Yan nailed against the walls of the stupa, expressionless like a buddha’s statue.

His tears streamed down.

He blinked his eyes open to see a white-robed person coming into his sight. Those white robes had patterns of cranes sewn onto them. Fu Changling tilted his head as he quivered and saw that person’s shadow enveloped by light.

As that person’s shadow reflected in his eyes, he suddenly smiled.

Presently, he had nothing but a skeleton, not even a handful of flesh. His smile made him look extremely terrifying.

Trembling, he reached out with a hand and grabbed the other person’s sleeve with his skeletal fingers, soundlessly speaking some words.

No one could tell what he’d said.

Only he himself knew.

He was telling himself. He was finally admitting—

That he loved him to begin with.

From since their first meeting amid a white snowstorm, until this present life after he was reborn.

He, Fu Changling, had been in love with Qin Yan since forty-two years ago.