Chapter 72

A dog was still an animal, so its meat could be eaten. And if he managed to skin it properly, he might be able to make a pair of foot warmers to get through the cold winter.

“Even when I picked him up, his joints were stiff. It looked like rigor mortis had occurred. I took off my coat, wrapped him up, and took him to the attic, just in case anyone tried to take him away, but fortunately, no one was watching. I figured I would have to thaw it out a little to skin the corpse, so I tucked him under my blanket and went downstairs to eat. But when I returned from a warm meal after a long time, I heard a thin moan coming from under my blanket. It was similar to the sound I would make when crying alone in the same spot.”

When he rolled up his blanket in surprise, the dog, which he thought was dead, opened its eyes faintly and whined. Eugène was disappointed at the thought of not being able to eat meat, but he soon changed his mind.

The dog wasn’t dead yet, but it looked like he would be soon. The dog’s condition was not good enough for him to be disappointed already.

However, contrary to the young boy’s impure hopes, the dog’s will to live was tenacious. Perhaps the extra layer of cloth helped, for the dog survived to the end even though he was ill without water.

At first, Eugène wrapped the dog up in a piece of clothing that was too small for him to wear and left the dog at the foot of his bed to let it die on its own, but after a day or two, Eugène’s heart wavered.

Despite everything life had thrown at him, he was still a young boy. Eugène had not become so heartless as to continue to leave the sickly animal at his feet alone. As time passed, he became more and more concerned and could not bear it, and after three days, he truly couldn’t take it anymore and finally gave in.

“There was not much I could do for him, being a clumsy child. All I could do was fill a bowl of water for the dog to drink, and catch a mouse if he needed something to eat. Still, he managed to live. He was a guy with a strong enthusiasm for life.”

Aside from that, the only other thing he did for him was hug him to sleep in his bed to keep the shivering animal warm. However, it was Eugène, not he, who truly found comfort in the other’s body heat that day.

“In that cold attic room, where not even a single ember remained in the brazier, it was the first time I had ever felt such warmth. Our skin touched, and it was as if we instinctively leaned into each other’s body heat. He was small, yet unbelievably warm. Thanks to him, I fell asleep that night without feeling the cold at all.”

Not only that night but in the years that followed, Eugène survived the winter thanks to him. Once Trileg had more or less recovered, he slipped out of the house one day and only returned the following night.

Eugène, who thought he had completely left him, was greatly surprised to find him sitting at the front door on his way home from work as if he had been waiting for him. But the creature followed him up to the attic as naturally as if he had never left, and fell asleep on his bed.

Since then, he had always been like that. He wandered the streets during the day and came back to sleep at night, repeating the routine all winter, and then disappeared without a trace in the spring. Then, around the time it started to snow, he reappeared and shared his body temperature with him.

“Certainly, one cannot call that taming.”

It was only after the Emperor had heard the story that he could understand what Eugène meant. If that was the way their relationship was, it could not be said that he was nurtured, nor could it be said that he was tamed.

“To put it crudely, it was like sleeping with a lover. He came to my room every night, but when I met him on the street, he did not even pretend to know me.”

He raised an eyebrow at Eugène’s inappropriate analogy.

“Of course, he did. Since you gave him the space but took no concrete actions to follow through, it is natural to lose the initiative, no?”

Eugène felt that the Emperor’s sarcastic remark had a rather ambiguous nuance. On the surface, it seemed like they were having a conversation about Sambal, but if you listened carefully, you could tell that his words were not entirely about the dog.

“What specifically do you think I should have done?”

Is it really what I am thinking? Or am I simply imagining things?Even though he was not dense, he did tend to be slow on the uptake when it came to such topics. Eugène contemplated whether or not he was thinking too sensitively and asked a question.

“Dogs are animals that require a lot of human care. You do know that once an animal follows a person, it seldom leaves his side? FromOurpoint of view, it is not that you could not tame it, but rather that you chose not to.”

Wd mLAJ’d L qLidQGUYLiYp LGGUALdfip dfJT, gUd dIT kPqTifi JLQYTB IQP mQdI dIT gYLPT Sfi dIT iTYLdQfJAIQq. EILd mLA gTGLUAT kUNèJT’A LGdQfJA fS AIfmQJN LSSTGdQfJ df L YfJTYp LJQPLY YQsT L mQYB BfN, gUd JTaTi iLQAQJN Qd, ATTPTB L gQd GiUTY df IQP.

WJ SLGd, dIT kPqTifi, dIfUNI IT BQB Jfd iTLYQeT Qd, mLA TPqLdIQeQJN mQdI dIT BfN df AfPT TcdTJd. EITQi AQdULdQfJA mTiT aTip AQPQYLi QJ dILd dITp gfdI ILB STTYQJNA Sfi dIT fdITi qTiAfJ gUd mTiT JTNYTGdTB.

qdxèOw bMdrt gkkwWP gppwkPfMO bnwO fP bgT MppwCwt, grYwfP CwrdkPgOPrj, jwP OwZwC MOkw tft nw Cwgkn MdP Mp nfT MbO gkkMCt. KT PnMdxn MppwCfOx jMdC nwgCP MO g WrgPPwC bwCw TMrwrj jMdC YdCtwO, nw CwJgfOwt pfCJrj CMMPwt fO Wrgkw, dObfrrfOx PM Pgvw wZwO g TfOxrw TPwW pMCbgCt.

“My circumstances did not allow me to raise him. He did not want me to either.”

“How do you know that he did not want that? Did the two of you ever have a candid conversation?”

“Even though we could not directly communicate, I could tell by his actions. If he had intended to live with me, he would not have left the house soon after he was well enough. He would not have hidden his whereabouts every time spring came.”

He was just talking about old memories, so why did the conversation suddenly start moving in this direction? Eugène, unable to comprehend the intricacies of the man’s mind, could not contain his confusion and spoke as if defending himself.

“Perhaps that was all the space you gave him, and he, too, sensed it subconsciously.”

“… Are we really talking about the dog right now?”

“Yes, we are talking about the dog.”

The Emperor replied dryly to Eugène’s doubtful question.I do not think so... He began to worry that someone nearby might overhear the conversation. The conversation was taking such an odd turn that it could be misinterpreted by someone who didn’t know better.

“I am not sure what Your Majesty thinks, but I did not want to tame him. He was free and bound to no one. He came back to me not because he was tamed, but because he chose to. Maybe that is what I liked.”

In a way, he and the dog used each other out of necessity. But still… there were definitely some things that he was able to get through because of him.

Eugène remembered with perfect clarity the sound of the dog’s paw scratching at his door on that bitter winter night.

He would then rub his sleepy eyes and open the door, and the three-legged fellow would arrogantly scamper across the floor and onto the bed. Then he burrowed his cold nose into the blanket and curled up in a ball.

“When he first came in from outside, he was cold as ice, but once he curled up behind me, his body would slowly grow warm, filling the blankets with a gentle heat. Sometimes, I would reach back and wrap my arms around his neck, drawing him close to share that warmth. He would flick an ear as if bothered, but never pulled away. And every time, the low sigh he let out through his nose carried a strangely forgiving air.”

“Love without responsibility is not love. That is whatWewere taught.”

“Not everyone can think the same way, can they?”

“Is that why you always let the other go? So that they can choose their own life?”

Eugène looked back at him, dumbfounded by the Emperor’s sudden leap.

Now, what on earth…?Why has the topic veered in that direction so suddenly?A chill ran down Eugène’s spine, and he broke out in a cold sweat. He felt his heart plummet as if he had been pushed off a cliff.

Regardless of status, there were more than 20 pairs of ears around, so what was he talking about in front of them? The ominous premonition that was slowly creeping up on him was not wrong this time; they were definitely not just talking about the dog.

“Must I even answer such a question?”

“You always evade answering at the most crucial moments.”

The Emperor seemed to be serious, so he spoke bluntly with a more frightening attitude. If he were doing this on purpose to reinforce the rumors floating around, Eugène would have been more comfortable. But the Emperor’s attitude showed raw emotions, which made Eugène feel truly ashamed.

He got goosebumps on the back of his neck, his heart was pounding as if he had just been attacked, and it felt like dozens of butterflies were fluttering all at once in his stomach. It was the Emperor who stripped off his heart naked, but for some unknown reason, Eugène felt like he was the one actually naked.

“As you said, everyone tends to think differently. ButWeare different from you, soWeconsider love as holding on to rather than letting go. It is notOurway to simply wait blindly in an attempt to respect the other person’s choice.”

Quietly, yet with unwavering determination, the Emperor declared war on Eugène. It seemed like he was still keeping in mind the fact that he had shown his feelings to him several times, but had not received a special response.

Is that supposed to be love…? Wait a second—love?

Even when he thought it was only lust, the weight had already been too much, and then, all at once, a solid mass of iron dropped onto him.As if it wasn’t enough already, now he says it’s love? What in the world is he saying?!Eugène could not digest the words he had just heard, so he became dizzy.

“Your Majesty… .”

“But I do not think this is the right time to have such a conversation. This is a long-awaited hunting competition, andWewould have preferred to accompany you, but alas, you cannot hunt, so there is nothing that can be done about that.”

To strike without warning, shattering one’s composure, only to retreat in the blink of an eye. Such was the Emperor’s main specialty. He beckoned to one of the cuirassiers following him and attached him to Eugène.

“If you are going to stroll, take him with you. It is dangerous to roam the hunting grounds unaccompanied. If you are mistakenly shot at, you could be seriously injured.”

The Emperor kindly instructed Eugène to wander as he pleased, so long as he returned to the camp before it got too late, and with that, gave a sharp tug on the reins. After offering Eugène a brief nod, he spurred his horse forward. The nobles, who had been casting sidelong glances at the two of them as if their eyes might tumble out of their sockets, were startled into motion and hastily rushed to follow.

The Emperor’s entourage’s departure was as abrupt as their arrival. This was nothing new, as the Emperor had always struck Eugène this way. It was like standing firm one moment, then feeling a dagger land a decisive blow without warning.”

Eugène let out a deep groan, pressing his temple with his hand as his head felt heavy. The refreshing feeling he had initially was gone, and all that remained was a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach.

Eugène, who had been wandering through the forest for a while, unable to overcome the panic left behind by the Emperor, finally came to his senses when he realized the gaze of the cuirassier, who had begun to look at him with anxious eyes. The young, almost childlike guardsman eyed him with a gaze that made it seem like he was looking at a hysterical lady.

“Are you okay?”

A young man who, at best, might rank as a first-class seaman in his crew cautiously gauged the mood before he asked. Eugène smiled faintly and nodded, not wanting to trouble him.

“I am sorry, but I would like to keep strolling a little longer. Do you know the way back?”

“It is one of our Guard’s primary duties to escort distinguished guests of the hunting competition. I am thoroughly familiar with the geography of this forest, so please do not worry and continue.”

The cuirassier answered kindly as if he were soothing a heartbroken person. No, the truth is, it was with the same polished courtesy reserved for a noblewoman of a high rank rather than a heartbroken person.

Though visibly uneasy himself, he could not treat the person rumored to be the Emperor’s lover ordinarily, especially after witnessing a scene that seemed to prove those rumors even more so.

As ridiculous as it was, Eugène couldn’t wholly blame the man, so he didn’t even bother to point it out. Not only did he not have a hobby of tormenting innocent young people, but he was also preoccupied with more important concerns that prevented him from thinking about anything else.

… Now what?

Rather than return to the camp, Eugène was tempted to flee to the Eastern Continent, and lapsed into troubled reflection. The embarrassment might fade with time but greater trouble lay in wait.Thatperson was clearly biding his time, so if not today, then in the near future, disaster would undoubtedly occur.”

Never before had Eugene encountered emotions that confronted him so directly. Even now, whenever he saw the Emperor, about thirty thousand question marks would rise up in him, thinking‘Just why does he?’, and as time passed, seeing only that the other’s feelings were unilaterally growing deeper, Eugene could only feel perplexed.

If His Majesty were just an ordinary person, I would not have been so distressed. If it had been someone else, then maybe I would have been inclined to respond just because he likes me.

To be honest, this was the first time he had met someone who coveted someone like him so much in his thirty-five years of life.

It’s not that he never had sexual relationships as a grown man. But they had always stopped at the dry satisfaction of sexual needs. He exchanged feelings with Prince Cyrill, who was his first and last love, but due to the limitations of each other’s status and position, they had to end their relationship after just one dreamlike night.

It had been so even with the prince of a mere duchy. How much more so now, when the man in question was the Emperor himself. However beautiful and captivating he might be, however often Eugène found himself swept up in the intoxication of his allure, he always regained his senses in the end. It was the sheer weight of the Emperor’s supreme status that never failed to bring him back to reason.

If it were just acting out of necessity, that would be one thing, but truly becoming his lover was not what Eugène wanted. The empire belonged to the Emperor, but the Emperor could never belong to anyone.

What made this matter particularly burdensome was the way the Emperor treated him. Whenever he expressed his desire for him, the Emperor treated Eugène as if he were a lady being courted.

He was unilaterally seduced and demanded to be thoroughly passive. Each time, Eugène felt trapped in subjugation to the Emperor. In truth, he could escape because the Emperor generously left open room to flee, and could refuse because the option of refusal was given. In the moment, overwhelmed by the imperial presence, he never noticed – yet in hindsight, the pattern was always there.

That helplessness made it all unbearable for him more than anything else. He had spent his whole life trying to protect himself, but in front of him, all his efforts were in vain.

He was not a noblewoman satisfied with being loved like a flower. Even if he may not be able to achieve what he wants with his own hands, he has no desire to become an object that was won by others.

I need to stay grounded.

The Emperor, like a lion chasing prey, kept catching and releasing him, driving him toward a corner. Having set his mind to it, His Majesty wouldn’t abandon the hunt until the powerless quarry’s neck was clamped in his jaws.

But Eugène was not a fragile herbivore who would simply run away when spooked by a predator; he was more like a wolf, in the sense of respecting authority while still being a fierce beast.