Chapter 1

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I didn’t know when it became popular to say the word “bestie,” and I never understood what exactly a “bestie” was. It seemed to be used to describe two girls who could constantly be together, share the same bed, and even share secrets about sleeping with their boyfriends. But sometimes the relationship between two girls is very delicate, and one little trigger can make them strangers.

According to the previous criteria, Chen Ruobing and I were definitely considered besties. But I was reluctant to use that word, and for a time I couldn’t even find an accurate word to describe our relationship. Sometimes, these Chinese characters with thousands of years of history were really powerless.

Chen Ruobing and I met in high school. For the three years she was in high school, she would rank first in the grade for every test, and only once was she surpassed by a boy. Every girl in the grade was more excited than the boy that time. One, because Chen Ruobing finally wasn’t first, and two, there was finally a boy that had come to take on the title of a top student male god, satisfying the girls’ fantasies. Hence, this boy became the talk of our grade for a time.

Now, let’s set this boy aside and just talk about Chen Ruobing.

The first semester of freshman year, Chen Ruobing had already demonstrated extraordinary academic ability. In math, physics, and chemistry, there was almost no question that could stump her, and even her English and writing were among the best in the class. Such an impressive person happened to be a reserved and delicate girl, as well as very fair and beautiful.

Our school was a key school in the city, and although it couldn’t compare with today’s RDFZ, it managed to be included in the top group. At that time, all the teachers were training her to become a top scorer, so naturally she was different from us ordinary students. They wouldn’t mind giving her special treatment and even spoke to her in a much softer tone.

So since the beginning of freshman year, Chen Ruobing never knew how much envy she attracted from the same sex and how much adoration she attracted from the opposite sex.

Sixteen and seventeen year old girls had to find one or two so-called besties, otherwise they would become outcasts. I never understood this mentality. I later understood that from an early age, Chinese education didn’t encourage individuality. Everyone was afraid of being different from others and would only feel secure once wearing their school uniforms. And if a girl went around school alone year-round, it signified that she was a loner and would have to endure many different looks. For a sixteen or seventeen year old girl, it was a bit of a terrifying thing.

At the time, most girls would find besties that matched them in height. Chen Ruobing stood first in line and I was behind her, so naturally I became friends with her. Therefore, like some sort of ritual, we ate together, went to the bathroom, and did what any other good besties would do.

Chen Ruobing, as her name suggested, was a bit cold and even when she smiled, she would only turn up the corners of her mouth slightly before quickly returning to her original expression. When I first started hanging out with her, I always felt a bit uncomfortable. For a time, I speculated that she was forcing herself to eat and go around campus with me, but I later realized that she wasn’t. That was just how she was, and she was completely being herself in front of me.

When we walked in the school corridor, on the path to the cafeteria, and even on the broad rooftop of the school’s fourth floor, I could feel eyes from all directions. Those eyes weren’t on me, but on Chen Ruobing. If it was a secretive look, it was from a boy. If it was blatant and even a bit judgmental, it was sure to be from the same sex.

I didn’t know whether Chen Ruobing didn’t see them or if she was just used to it, but she never made any comments about those gazes, and I also shut my mouth about it. One time, she took out a box of chocolates and said they were given to her by someone else.

I smiled and asked, “Which boy?”

She hesitated for a moment then said, “From class two.”

I didn’t ask further.

Chen Ruobing pushed the chocolates toward me. “They’re for you now. I don’t like sweets.”

I shrugged my shoulders. Why didn’t she want white chocolate? They were even in various shapes, exquisitely placed in little individual squares. They looked very tempting.

I took a piece and threw it into my mouth, chewing as I said, “Seems like he isn’t the one you like.”

From then on, Chen Ruobing often brought all kinds of chocolate for me. For a while, she said her dad had gone abroad and brought back a box of chocolate for her. The chocolates were made in various cute shapes. Sometimes it was a rabbit head and sometimes it was heart-shaped, wrapped in a layer of gold paper. She would bring a piece every day, and when we would go to the roof after eating lunch to feel the breeze, she would pull it out of her pocket like magic. My daily pleasure was guessing what shape that day’s chocolate would be, and after receiving it, I would carefully peel the gold paper, examine it for a moment, then put it into my mouth.

It was autumn in Beijing at the time. The sky was vast and blue, and the air smelled cool and fresh. Chen Ruobing and I stood on the roof, our loose school uniforms swelling in the wind. Sometimes we would open our zippers and our jackets would fly up, as if we had grown wings.

In the whistling autumn wind, I would taste that bittersweet flavor.

It eventually became a custom, and even if there was no chocolate to eat, we still went to the roof often to feel the breeze. Sometimes it was only the two of us there, and I would take off my jacket, leaving only a tank top. Then I would experience the sensation of the wind cutting past my neck, arms, and even armpits.

At first, Chen Ruobing would only watch me, but later on she would also remove her sack-like school uniform. She normally wore a t-shirt inside. She was very thin and the wind would pour in through her loose sleeves. Facing the sun, the skin on her arms was delicate and her tiny, golden hairs danced in the wind, so much so that a year later when I would see her body covered in scars, it would hurt so much I couldn’t breathe.

Maybe everyone grew up like this. Perfect things always have to have some flaws to have the opportunity to say such nonsense like “one flaw cannot obscure the splendor of jade.”

Translator’s Notes

1. RDFZ is used to refer to the High School Affiliated to Renmin University of China, and it is among the best high schools in China and is affiliated to Renmin University of China which is one of the most prestigious universities in the country. Back

2. Refers specifically to becoming a top scorer in the gaokao, the Chinese college entrance exam. Back

3. Her name is 陈若冰 and the 冰 (bing) means ice. Back

4. An expression (瑕不掩瑜) that figuratively means that flaws cannot detract from someone’s virtue/good points, or it can mean that pros outweigh the cons.

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