Chapter 1

In the midst of cherry blossoms dancing in the wind, Misaki opened the old diary and read the words of promise written there.

---

He was a boy with dull brown hair.

Around ten years old. His body was slender, and his eyes were a clear blue. He looked very serious. And he seemed terribly naive.

From his hair color and appearance, he wasn't Japanese. His attire was also odd. He wore a long-sleeved school uniform that covered his feet, resembling the attire of a priest seen in movies.

My first impression was that he was a "greenhouse" boy. He looked serious and spoiled. If he said he came from a church, I wouldn't be surprised at all.

The boy said, with a deep sadness in his voice,

— My mother died.

"…I see. I'm sorry to hear that…"

I never had a time when I was just a kid, so I don't know what to say to a kid.

"Your father is around, right? What did your father do? What was he doing?"

— He was always with my mother.

"I see… Your father must have tried his best. So, what about your mother? How was she at the end…?"

— She passed away as if she were sleeping.

"…"

There are no words to describe a tragedy.

Parting is always sad, especially when it's family.

I feel sorry for you.

I truly do.

You'll understand when you grow up. Children need time to be loved by their parents.

— I'm looking for my brother.

"You have a brother? What was he doing when your family was in trouble?"

— Well, he was far away.

The boy said he had defied his father and set out on a journey to find his brother. It was a reckless journey.

— I had a hard time.

"…I bet you did."

A kid's solo journey. The world isn't that kind. It would be strange if nothing happened.

The boy said,

I'm really tired. I want it to end…

"Sure, you should. No one will blame you."

… I'm really, really tired…

The boy's face was exhausted, and he looked like he was about to collapse.

"…What's your name…?"

The boy said,

… 'Dietrich Becker'.

As I suspected, he was a foreigner.

"What's your father's name? What does he do?"

… Bernhard. He's a pastor in a small town in Saxony.

"By the way, what about your mother?"

… Christina.

"I see… I thought I could take you there if I knew the place, but unfortunately, I don't. Is there anything I can do for you?"

At that, the boy, who had been looking down, raised his head.

… I want you to help me find my brother.

"Where is he?"

… I don't know.

"Does he have any distinctive features?"

… I don't know.

"Your brother. Why don't you know?"

… He left our hometown before I was born.

So, the brother is much older than the boy. He must be around my age.

But… what a reckless boy.

He set out on a journey to find a brother he didn't even know. It's no wonder he failed.

"…Are you, by any chance… stupid?"

… That's something I inherited from my father.

"I see. I feel sorry for you…"

At first, I thought it in a different way.

The boy is reckless, and if his brother is the same, he will never find him.

The boy said, looking very tired,

… I'm tired… I'm really tired…

"Sure, you are."

Looking for someone you don't know. It would be strange if you didn't feel that way.

… You speak very clearly…

"Like you, I have my own story, Dietrich Becker."

Then, silence fell.

While we were silent, facing each other, I felt a strange sensation.

It's hard to put into words.

The boy and I are completely different, yet we share something. There is a common point, a sense of sharing something fundamental.

For some reason, I wanted to be kind to the boy, and the boy, for some reason, relied on me.

I don't understand.

But I empathize. Despite the differences in appearance and age, the boy and I share something important.

Suddenly, the boy said,

… Do you believe in God?

I nodded.

"Yes, I do. God exists. Close and far. Far and close."

… I don't understand anymore…

"I see. I feel sorry for you…"

I'm not religious, but I believe in the existence of 'God'.

Life is full of surprises.

In my thirty years, I have felt the presence of 'God's hand' a few times.

One was when my drunk father died. The reason was 'father hunting.' The man who had beaten my mother and me was beaten to death by a passing punk.

I laughed and clapped my hands.

The second was when my mother laughed.

My mother was a weak woman who always held back. I never heard her true thoughts, even from her own son.

But, to make her laugh—

I did all sorts of clowning. I imitated popular comedians, danced, and sang.

My mother had cancer.

She was young in her thirties, and it progressed so fast that she was reduced to skin and bones in no time.

I did all sorts of clowning to see her smile.

I don't remember what I did last.

But my mother smiled like a flower blooming.

She died with a smile.

I cried and, at that moment, I thought God exists.

I'm not praying. I'm not religious. I'm not even grateful.

But I believe in the existence.

It's a supernatural will. We, mere mortals, can't understand what it thinks. But it definitely exists.

It watches over us.

The boy was silent, looking at me with innocent blue eyes.

… Your faith is wonderful…

"It's not that great."

… I want you to help me find my brother.

"I don't know. If God guides you, you might meet him someday."

The boy was smiling.

… That's fine. As it is. I want you to be yourself…

"I will."

I agreed.

The boy said, with a hint of reluctance,

… It's time. I think I should go…

"See you again. At the end of an endless journey."

Without hesitation, I replied, and the boy looked surprised, then smiled.

That's right.

The last thing I saw was a smile appropriate for his age.

I don't understand, but I made him smile.

I don't know when, but I was standing in a pitch-black darkness, facing it without fear.

I heard a voice in the back of my mind.

◇◇

Each person has their own characteristics and cannot escape them. In Dietrich Becker's case, his naivety led to his downfall.

And—

When a person reaches a certain point, they must give up their individuality.

— I will give you knowledge—

— I will give you wisdom—

You must not be frivolous. Always exercise self-control. The raw instincts of humans are not suitable for their children.

Remember this.

The sacrifice brought by love is what I most favor.

Those who overcome their greatest difficulties are given the most beautiful destiny.

◇◇

Words overflowed and disappeared in my mind.

He said, in the end,

There were too many things the boy couldn't understand.

You must continue to live.

You will understand eventually.

"I will."

I have done it before. I am doing it now. It's not difficult.

I agreed.

"I will always be myself."

And—

The world was closed in darkness.

◇◇

……

…………

………………

……………………

At first, it was just painful.

When I woke up in a dim cellar.

I was sleeping, hugged by children.

Of course, my limbs and even my waist were entangled with kids. Thanks to them, I wasn't cold, but it was unbearably stuffy.

"…What is this?"

When I whispered, my own voice sounded very thin and unusually high-pitched.

Maybe I caught a cold.

As I rubbed my throat to get the kids, who were clinging to me and sleeping soundly, off, a figure stood up from the darkness at the back of the cellar.

"Newcomer, are you awake? You're the only human here. Keep being a hot water bottle for the kids a bit longer."

"…"

What is this guy? That was my first impression of the woman.

She was tall and slender, probably around fourteen or fifteen years old. She still had a childish face. She was a kid too.

I didn't respond to her, and instead, I silently tried to grasp the situation.

First, it was dark. I couldn't see the surroundings. Next, it was smelly. The stench was so bad it almost made my nose go numb. And it was cramped. It reminded me of a sewer tunnel. It was probably a similar place, or maybe the same.

The kids clinging to me were all in dirty clothes. They looked like vagrants or street children. They were all around ten years old.

"Where is this…?"

Again, a high-pitched voice came out. It felt like I had become a kid myself, which was unpleasant.

As I rubbed my throat, the girl, who was taller than the others, spoke to me again.

"Can't you sleep?"

She spat out a sigh of disgust and turned to face me.

"I'm Abigail. Call me Abby. So, newcomer, what's your name?"

"I am…"

I hesitated a bit when I tried to say my name.

— I can't say my name.

I am a Japanese man from the Reiwa era. I'm not married, but I'm over thirty and, of course, working. I live alone as a mediocre salaryman, but I like it. However, I can't say it. When I try to speak, it feels like my throat is stuck, and I can't get the words out.

Instead, a name flashed in my mind.

"…Diet. Dietrich. Everyone calls me Diet."

What the hell. I am…

And again, the high-pitched voice came out.

When I looked at my own palm, it was dirty and small, looking like a kid's hand.

"……"

Damn it.

Dietrich Becker.

I don't need to look in a mirror. I am Dietrich Becker now. As I was confused by this, Abigail, who introduced herself, walked over with a look of annoyance and patted my head in the same manner.

"Okay… then I'll call you Diet too. Go to sleep now, Diet."

"……"

I don't understand. Everything.

To avoid further confusion, I fell silent, and Abby said sadly,

"…You don't understand, do you? It's no wonder…"

"What…?"

The voice that came out was, again, a kid's voice. As my senses quickly adjusted, and I recognized this voice as my own, I realized I was a kid, around ten years old, just like the kids clinging to me.

And—Abby said.

"Diet. You were abandoned."

As she retreated into the darkness, Abby said sadly,

"I see…"

The voice coming from my throat was high-pitched, but the way I spoke was my own.

With a light dizziness, information flooded my mind.

The girl in front of me… Abigail.

One of the leaders of the numerous kids around here. The kids call her 'Abby' or 'Bee.'

Queen bee.

…Damn it.

What the hell is this? Why did this happen? What's going on?

Everything in front of me was beyond my comprehension.

◇◇

In short, life is a series of cruel jokes.

From the words of Asclepius.

◇◇

I lightly scratched my head and let out a small sigh.

Dietrich Becker.

A boy named me.