Chapter 8

There were many guards and servants in the deep palace. As soon as the Emperor’s words fell, a man bowed in and saluted respectfully.

“Physician, you say what’s going on?” The Emperor asked anxiously and impatiently.

At this moment, the Emperor released my hand, only the thin embroidered gold brocade was covered all over my body. The delicate, white, and satiny ripe arms were exposed, and my face was as rosy as the sun, giving out an involuntarily kind of charming atmosphere. Therefore, even if the Imperial Physician is too old, he dare not come to close so as not to anger the dragon’s countenance.

He took a few steps tremblingly and looked carefully before saying, “Madame’s hand wound is not a problem. Just rub on the medicine and change the cloth a few times. But...”

At this point, the Imperial Physician had no face to show at all. He slammed his head firmly on the ground, “Madame is weak. I’m afraid he can’t stand too intense intercourse, I hope the Emperor considers.”

I never dared to raise my head anymore, my whole body fell on the ground. I grinned and tried to smile, however, as soon as I moved the corners of my mouth, I felt all around me was spinning. The Imperial Physician’s figure was shaking and the Emperor’s face blurred. It was as if there was a stream of water hitting the head but couldn’t find a way out. I heard the sound of blood flowing in my ears and the voice of panic from the Emperor.

Panic? Really?

I tried to hold a smile, but consciousness has fallen into darkness.

———

The copper pot leaked, and the iron horse swayed. When I woke up, it was already bright. The Emperor sat beside me anxiously.

I saw him from the gap of my eyes, he still has his elegant demeanor, with a little fidgety, with a little gaunt, and with something I don’t understand.

What’s up with me?

I closed my eyes tightly again. I suddenly didn’t want to wake up. Suddenly I didn’t want to see him like this.

Suddenly...I hate myself.

“Angry?” The hoarse, steady voice sounded in my ear.

I missed a beat in my heart, I almost heard the thumping of my heartbeat. My eyes blinked involuntarily, but I still did not open them.

Fear or disgust, it’s not even clear to me.

Then came a slight sigh.

A bitter sourness constantly pouring into my eyes. I almost thought I couldn’t control the trembling on my body. He’s always like this, taking pride in controlling others and ending with self-righteousness. Everyone are just a clown dancing on his palm, playing with his mood. As long as the clown dances well, he doesn’t care about the way he dances and what kind of dance he does. It’s all about pleasing him and following the path he expects. No matter how painful, how struggling, how embarrassing others are. He despised the suffering of others so much, just because he never felt the same.

I couldn’t restrain myself and trembled all over. He held me tightly with both hands, sending warm body temperature, a strong heartbeat, and bursts of breath.

I feel the emotion called ‘excitement’ pressed on my body fading away, and my breath gradually calmed down.

“The Physician said that you are weak, and your mood should not fluctuate too much.” I looked up and saw his deep eyes.

I set aside my eyes, and still felt bitter the violence I just had. Those who have fallen will always remember the pain. Those who have seen blood will also remember the smell of blood. Is it because he is the Emperor, he is high and powerful above me, so one consolation and one look can be taken as if nothing happened?

I can’t.

I can’t. Even if someone tries to crawl under my feet.

Perhaps realizing my disgusted eyes, the Emperor sighed again.

“Qing-er, I like you.” He said. I stared blankly and for a moment didn’t react to his words.

The Emperor held me firmly in his arms, mercilessly rubbed me in.

“How about you? Qing-er,” He asked again.

Me...what about me?

I raised my head from his arms and looked into his burning eyes, eager and expecting... what else, I don’t know...

“What do you like about me?” I asked instead, “You like all the three thousand beauties in your harem, otherwise how could you let them stay? What do you like about me? Why did you tell me? Is my answer important to you? If I say I don’t like it, will you let me go? Will you not see me again?”

“No! I won’t let you leave.” The Emperor’s voice seemed to reach the ridge, as dry as a desert and as sharp as water chestnut on uneven stone.

I shook my head. “You will eventually let me leave you, the day when you are tired of me.”

No matter how beautiful and meticulous the clothes are, no matter how much you like them, you will eventually throw it away someday. And I have too little to afford such an expensive price.

“Why are you so unconfident? Qing-er, don’t you believe in me, nor do you believe in your charm?”

Is it? I smiled bitterly. Confidence doesn’t mean ignorance.

The Emperor, he...in fact, is just like people living in the desert, when they suddenly see the vast ocean in front of them, because of freshness and curiosity, they are moved. When the ocean changes back to a desert in their eyes, everything will pass away, no longer any nostalgia.

“What are you thinking?” The distressing voice and shaking pulled me back from my deep thoughts.

“Can’t I(wo) like you? Don’t you have any feelings for me?”

Is it ‘I’(wo), not ‘I’(zhen)?

*The Emperor used I (wo), not I (zhen);imperial use.

I fell in his arms, listening to his flunctuating heartbeat and smelling his calm breath. My heart began to wander. Shear continuously and return disorderly.[1] Since ancient times, ‘love’ is still the most difficult word to understand.

———

When the wind blows and ruffles the river of spring water. Everything has changed since the last incident. Just like a piece of thin paper, it cracked when you tear.

Although the Emperor would take time to accompany me to play chess and enjoy wine and flowers everyday, I still laughed and talked with him, sometimes I even thought nothing had happened.

But I just thought.

The world is clouded: Today, Consort Qing is the most favored by the Emperor. The nation’s prosperity improved. As time goes on, more and more people will take the lead.

I have a headache. There are too many self-righteous people, rumors will always enter without any gaps. I don’t know what my father and mother think after hearing this, will they think their son is very skillful?

Thinking of this, I can’t help laughing at myself.

That night, the cold moon shone and the cold stars shake. The Emperor came to HanQing courtyard again. He talked about all kinds of interesting things in the palace and the imperial court. I didn’t pay much attention to either, I just gave a false response from time to time.

“Can you still forgive me?” The Emperor’s sudden words woke me up.

Looking at his painful eyes, I bowed my head, “The Emperor spoke heavily.”

Pulling hard on my face, the Emperor’s deep eyes met my flashing one.

“Does being favored bothering you?”

My heart ached. I couldn’t say a word or look into his eyes.

The Emperor sighed, hugging me, “I want to be with you. Can’t you give me a chance?”

I clenched my lips, but tears fell uncontrollably, onto my clothes, onto my hands—and onto my heart.

What kind of emotion can make people have such desire? I don’t know.

Or is this knowledge is rhetorical, he just wants to coax me then lie to me. But—even lies, it still hurt.

Waking up alone while everyone is drunk. Sometimes, some people would rather be drunk than awake.

I held my breath, closed my eyes, and caught the hot breath lingered around me. I think—I will remember this moment.

That night, I cried all night in the arms of the Emperor, the mustard in my heart slowly unraveled.

———

Soon after, I heard a rather shocking news from Tong Jin.

Ling Kai was arrested by the Emperor and imprisoned on charges of ‘deceiving the Emperor and behaving arbitrarily’. When I heard this, I was shocked. My father asked me to take care of him. How could this be? So I went to plead with the Emperor without asking.

As the saying goes, there are two difficulties in life: difficult to reach the heavens and even more difficult to ask for help. As soon as the Emperor heard me interceding for Ling Kai, he became furious and angry. He also strictly ordered me not to mention this again in the future.

I wrinkled my nose and didn’t mention it. The Emperor is really stingy! I angrily turned back to HanQing courtyard, but my heart was filled with another idea. Anyway, mountains and roads doesn’t turn around, people kill people by means of knives, so I will come borrow to save one.

Who does this mean? I took a fancy to that Yu Han’s left prime minister. This is the only person I’ve ever met who dared to say no to the Emperor. He should be able to plead for Ling Kai openly.

But...the difficulty is—I have never been any contact with him. How do I get started?

I thought hard, but couldn’t get in. Finally, I decided to ignore this difficulty.

In any case, the ancients have said: a gentleman means righteousness, and a villain means profit. Whether he is a gentleman or a villain, there’s always a way to suit the remedy to the case.

I hurriedly packed up the bribe and told Tong Jin this idea.

Tong Jin was frightened and refused to help with anything. I used all kinds of threats and inducements, both hard and soft. Tong Jin can’t stand it and finally yielded. According to him, it’s better to protect me by my side than stop me from going out of the palace. At this moment, it happened that the situation in the palace seemed suddenly tense, and the guards changed greatly.

As soon as I saw it, I knew the time came. Taking advantage of the chaos, I fished in troubled waters and threatened to lure Tong Jin to help me change into a eunuch. With the jade pendant that the Emperor gave me, I got out of the palace harmlessly.

As soon as I walked out of the palace gate, I let the sky fly and birds flew, the vast sea leaped south, the fish headed straight up the left prime minister’s mansion.

With the help of Tong Jin, it’s really more convenient for me to go out of the palace. After he led the way, we quickly changed our clothes and arrived at the gate of the left prime minister’s mansion in a carriage. At the sight of this mansion, people who used to see the splendid imperial palace couldn’t help but be stunned. The left prime minister unexpectedly built such a lofty mansion in this bustling city and densely populated capital, clearly challenging the authority of the Emperor.

“What are you still looking? Let’s go!” Just after we had a look at the mansion, two guards in front of the gate came to drive people.

As expected, it was a dog fighting the master’s authority. I can’t help but frown, but I came here to begged for help so I swallowed the anger in my heart, bowed my hand and said, “I want to see the left prime minister.”

“The left prime minister is not someone you can easily see.” They looked at me up and down, but their eyes became slightly obscene, “But our brother isn’t an unkind person either. If you can accompany us, it’s okay to give you a glance from a distance.”

As soon as I heard it, I became angrier. Just when I wanted to attack, someone was already one step ahead of me. A bursts of swords light, blue and red flashes. The two guards clothes were full of trees and pears, Tong Jin poked holes.

“Report immediately. Say that the Phoenix, Consort Qing arrived.” Tong Jin blew his sword and said with a smile to the two scared guards.

The guards opened their mouths wide and didn’t close it for a long time. When they came back to their senses, they fled immediately.

Looking at the back of the two guards, I frowned and said, “Ah Jin, are we being too rash this time?”

Tong Jin remained silent for a long time before he said, “This lowly one is also unsure. However, there has always a rough sea between the left prime minister and the Emperor, and this lowly can’t tell why. Perhaps it’s really a little lack of consideration!”

I was shocked. It took me a long time before I said, “Now we have come, let’s just stay and take the rough with the smooth.[2] Let’s walk!”

At this moment, the left prime minister came out to meet me personally. Tong Jin and I looked at each other and came forward to salute, the left prime minister returned the salute, then we followed him into the mansion. When we entered the main entrance, we turned west. First, we passed a hanging flower gate, then walked through a hall, then passed a hand-painted veranda. Then turn around the screen and pass through the carved beams and painted buildings with thousand of eaves. It took a long time to reach a clear hall.

I felt a little sore on my legs. I couldn’t help complaining to Tong Jin, “This mansion is more complicated than my brain.”

But Tong Jin was wary, “Madame, be careful, it’s not simple here.”

Of course, it’s not simple. If it is, how can this be so complicated?

I smiled. It worried Tong Jin, “This slave was bold enough to contradict against Madame. This phase has been severely punished, I hope Madame will forgive me.”

After the seats were settled, the left prime minister asked people to offer tea and smiled.

“If one doesn’t know any better, one cannot be held responsible. Let’s see.” I pretended to be gracious and gave a smile.

“Hehe, Madame came to my humble abode, I don’t know why?”

“This...” I pretended to bow my head in a deep way and passed Tong Jin a wink.

Tong Jin soon took notice, immediately opened my package and put it in front of the left prime minister, “This is a small gesture. I hope the left prime minister will accept it.”

“···” The left prime minister was shocked by the dazzling jewels in front of him. He immediately looked at me blankly, “What does the Madame mean?”

I smiled cheerfully, “These are all pearl agate and coral night beads. Almost all of them are tributes. There are more than ten thousand gold pieces. The left prime minister is a wise man, how can he not see them?”

Unexpectedly, the left prime minister glanced coldly, his eyes suddenly became dense and electrified, “I understand Madame’s kindness. Is Madame’s visit also the Emperor’s intention?”

I was puzzled, wondering what he meant by this remark. I hesitated. A few quick laugh signaled Tong Jin to take back the jewelry in his hand.

“Haha! The Emperor has no intention of doing so, the left prime minister worry too much!”

The left prime minister’s eyes immediately take lightning, with a long smile, he said, “Madame came here alone is really courageous. No wonder the Emperor dotes you so much! Somebody, serve the sword!”

“What?” Tong Jin was really crazy about martial arts. He was extremely sensitive to the word ‘sword’. As he heard the left prime minister’s words, he narrowed his eyebrows and drew the sword out half-sheathed.

The left prime minister smiled and waved, taking over the antique sandalwood sword box handed by the servant.

As soon as it opened, I already felt that the sword was cold and bright. I couldn’t help but marvel. Born in the Wulin family, of course I know this is a sword that cuts iron like mud and blows hair named ‘Longquan’, which means the Longquan’s voice sounded and blood splattered everywhere.

“Madame seems to like this sword very much.” The left prime minister smiled and ignored Tong Jin who took out the sword from the box presented by the servant and pulled out the body of the sword.

Slowly, he said, “This sword was left behind in the inn by a downcast scholar. Later, it was discovered that this sword has a long history. It’s really a rare sword! It’s as smart as a Phoenix. Today, it’s rare of Madame to come here. I should take it out and appreciate it with him.” He said and swung his sword across my face.

The sword is as bright as autumn waters, green and dense, and stings people’s bones—it’s indeed a good sword!

With an innocent glance over Tong Jin, I noticed his forehead was exuding a thin layer of cold sweat. I smiled and touched the blade of the sword, and said, “Although the sword is good, it’s also used to kill people. It’s a bit outrageous.”

For people like me who can’t practice martial arts, seeing such a good sword is just like Zhu Bajie[3] seeing a mirror.

“Madame, you have never killed anyone so how can you realize the joy of killing?” The blood in the left prime minister’s eyes spread rapidly, the corners of his mouth constantly pumping.

I looked at him and replied, “The left prime minister has never been killed. How can you feel the pain of being killed? It’s too useless to base one’s joy on the pain of others. Besides, the advantage of sword falls next. If a person has a sword in his heart, even if he doesn’t have a sword in his hand, he can still kill people invisibly. Left prime minister, wouldn’t you say so?”

The clangorous sword fell on the ground. I looked up and saw the lower half of the left prime minister’s face was shaking like a hot wax oil in his mouth. After a long pause, he said, “Well...well...it turns out that the Emperor has intended to...”

What? I stared at him widely, confused.

However, the left prime minister breathed a sigh of relief and said coldly, “Madame doesn’t like this sword, then I’ll just put it away. Somebody, escort the guests off!”

The attitude changed too fast, I secretly complain.

At this moment, I caught a glimpse of a pot of leaves in the corner of the hall which were seriously distorted, I smiled and said, “This potted flower is special. Presumably, the left prime minister likes it.”

“It’s from a thousand miles in the moon state. It’s very difficult to find.” There was an ineffable conceit in that tone.

But I just don’t like this conceited one. I said smilingly, “It’s beautiful, but it’s just a pity.”

“What pity?”

“All creation has its original position which cannot be changed by imposing manpower. Although this potted plant is beautiful for the left prime minister, it lacks a bit of natural elegance.”

“Madame made a reasonable point, but unfortunately, I believed that it is still ‘man will prevail over heaven’. Even if we go against the current, we will not give up in vain. Madame, please!” said the prime minister in a deep voice, then he fell his sleeve and led us out of the hall.

When we came out of the mansion, Tong Jin and I looked at each other and didn’t look elsewhere. We changed our clothes and went back to the palace.

Footnotes

jiǎnbùduàn lǐhuánluàn - a poem which means you can’t break it or get a clue, predicting the lingering and complicated feelings (source:baidu)

jìláizhī zéānzhī (idiom) - since we are here, we may as well stay and make the best to fit

zhu bajie - with a pig-like characteristics and armed with a muckrake; Pigsy in Arthur Whaley’s translation

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