Chapter 1

This is the same world as the ongoing series "Trinitas Mundi."

Since the prologue feels a bit heavy, if you prefer a faster-paced read, feel free to skip it.

Do you know the poem "Youth" by Samuel Ullman?

It starts with the line, "Youth is not a time of life, it is a state of mind." It's a famous poem, and it's often used as a motto by notable people, so you might know it.

I hate this poem.

I've hated it since I was young.

Why?

Because I was someone who had lost the "youth" described in this poem.

To be honest, when I first read it, I thought it was written about me.

It's not a pleasant feeling to have your own self-awareness pointed out by someone else, right?

It's the same for me. It's not about the content of the poem itself.

I just hate it because it makes me want to say, "I already know that."

Young people reading this probably haven't thought much about it.

When I was in elementary school, I believed, without any basis, that I could become anything I wanted—be it a sports player, a pilot, or anything else.

By the time I was in middle school, I realized I couldn't become a professional athlete.

I also started to think I wouldn't be able to become a celebrity or lead a glamorous life that everyone envies. But I still believed there were many things I could do and that I could find something to make my life enjoyable.

When I became a high school student, reality hit me hard.

I realized that with my academic abilities, I wouldn't be able to get into a top university. I wouldn't be able to become a politician or a top executive who influences society. Still, I believed there must be something I could do, and I just needed to find it.

But I took the safe route when choosing a university. I chose a department I wasn't interested in just because it seemed easier to get a job.

I attended the engineering department of a national university in a local area.

At that time, dreams didn't matter. I only thought about enjoying each day.

In the year before graduation, I reluctantly started thinking about my future. And once again, I took the safe route.

I chose a company that seemed unlikely to go bankrupt and one where I could still have options even if I got laid off. I believed I couldn't dream anymore and that I had to live in reality.

At twenty-five, I got married without much thought. We didn't have children.

At thirty-five, my wife left, saying she wanted to live for her dreams. Still, I believed I was physically fine and that I had a future.

At forty, I realized I had almost no options left in life.

It's called the "age of no confusion," but I realized it means having no options to confuse you. I also realized that there was no time left to start over.

At forty-five, I started feeling a decline in my physical abilities and stopped even thinking about starting over.

At this age, I often reflect on my life. I spent every day thinking about how uninteresting my life had been. I often thought about what I would do if I could be reborn.

Do you know what humans consume to live?

We live by consuming our "dreams = possibilities."

The "dreams = possibilities" that seemed infinite in childhood are what we consume to live.

I think that successful people in life are those who have effectively digested the possibilities that fade away.

I, however, lacked the spirit of adventure and took the easy path. I was someone who had lost the "youth = youthfulness" that Ullman talks about.

Yes, I had discarded the "dreams = possibilities" that I was supposed to have.

This story is about a man who lived aimlessly, giving up on his dreams and just existing for the sake of living, and his dream of starting his life over from scratch.

My name is Kawaishi Yataro, and I am a dull middle-aged man turning forty-five this year.

I work for a company related to plants in a port town in Kansai.

I'm still a section chief, even though some of my peers are already managers. I never had the ambition to climb the corporate ladder, so it's no one's fault.

If my last name were "Iwa" instead of "Kawa," I would be a founder of "Yokosan" (Mitsubishi Heavy Industries). But since my last name is "Kawasansan" (Kawasaki Heavy Industries), I feel somewhat in between, and I'm often teased in this town.

However, I haven't actually suffered any real disadvantage because of my name, so it's not a problem.

I usually eat dinner at a cheap izakaya and return to my condominium, where I still have more than ten years left on the mortgage. I could have sold it since I've been transferred often, but I just live there out of laziness.

When I get home, there's no one there, and the only things I do are watch porn sites or read web novels online.

I hardly watch TV.

How long has it been since I watched a drama?

I don't get excited by the world of dramas anymore.

No, that's not it.

I stopped watching dramas because they make me feel miserable. I know there's no happy ending for me, so I stopped watching.

Today, I'll browse the web novel site.

I rarely find interesting novels, but I feel like I've read almost all the reincarnation stories.

I fantasize about being reincarnated, even though it's impossible, to escape from the gray reality.

As usual, I search for "reincarnation," "different world," and "fantasy."

The screen shows nearly a thousand works.

I randomly choose one and click on it.

Today, there are many duds.

After skimming through about ten works, I go to get a can of beer.

I start reading the novel with a can of beer in hand.

(Ah, this is another dud. I can't empathize with a high school girl as the protagonist...)

Just as I was about to look for another work, I suddenly felt a tightness in my chest.

My vision rapidly darkened.

I collapsed onto the desk, and the can of beer fell, wetting my arm.

(Ah, I spilled it...)

I thought this without any sense of tension or urgency. It was the last thing I thought before leaving this world.

The title of the novel "Trinitas Mundi" was faintly visible on the computer screen in front of me.