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002

When it was heard that Zhao Li Xin exchanged handkerchiefs with Fu Miao Han[1], Imperial Concubine Liu had thought of it strange. Later, when Zhao Li Xin brought up going to the Fu residence, she even more so directly rejected the idea. If the Fu family had come to know Zhao Li Xin was a prince, would she able to handle the crime of lying to the Emperor? It might even burden her Ming Zhe along with it.

Much later, when Zhao Li Xin used the excuse of studying needlecraft[2] to go to the Fu residence, the dubious Imperial Concubine Liu had permitted it. She only wanted him to completely give up the throne, settle down as a “Princess”, and then after a hundred years, there might even be a good position for him. Since there would be people monitoring in any case, if skewed thought were to rise, it would be just as easy as directly confining them in the palace.

With this, borrowing the excuse of learning needlework, Zhao Li Xin secretly studied with the brother and sister of the Fu residence.

The days at the Fu residence were Zhao Li Xin’s happiest since he was born. There was the loving Fu couple, the Fu Miao Han whose imagination would not lose out bit to other boys, and also…… The one who would always look at him with a smile, always praise him, Fu Hong Wen.

Here, no one would monitor him, and there wouldn’t be anyone to tell him that he couldn’t do this or couldn’t do that. Here, he was free.

“The Princess today learned very fast, much more smarter compared to the princes in the imperial academy.”

“If the Princess was a prince, then you would definitely gain the attention of the Emperor, and can also bring the citizens to rest.”

“Princess, the way you are dressed today is very pretty.”

Under the peach blossom tree, that person was dressed in verdant clothing, just like a nobleman, and smiling quite refined and cultured. The sudden comment had Zhao Li Xin’s heart skip a beat, making their face instantly go red, “Grand Tutor must be joking.”

The young girl was dressed in a watery red long dress, with the hair combed in a flying celestial style[3]. The face had no makeup except for a light coat of lip balm, and the glowing sunset colour due to embarrassment made Fu Hong Wen entranced.

“Ke ke, truly, whenever the Princess comes, Big Brother’s eyes are unable to look elsewhere.” Fu Miao Han joked, bringing up a handkerchief to conceal half her face, and quietly laughed, “Looks like this little sister is unneeded here.”

Fu Hong Wen felt directly staring at Zhao Li Xin like he had was disrespectful, and embarrassingly brought up a single fist and pretended to cough, “Mother said she made some pastries. For making Princess you to endure such disturbances every day, honestly couldn’t be let go, and thus she wanted the Princess to have a taste.”

Being joked around like this, Zhao Li Xin was not displeased, so much that it could be said that he was secretly a bit happy. The three went to the main hall together, unknowingly with Fu Miao Han at the front, and Fu Hong Wen and himself walking shoulder to shoulder.

These few years, when Zhao Li Xin had frequently came in contact with the Fu residence, Imperial Concubine Liu was uneasy at first, but each time the person monitoring Zhao Li Xin would say the Princess was studying needlecraft with Miss Fu, she then no longer paid attention and let him go as he wanted. She rather would have this son raised to be useless, and have one less opponent for her beloved son to face.

As Zhao Li Xin’s train of thought was floating about, Fu Hong Wen’s thoughts too were the same.

The girl who use to be just before his hip, now, had grown up to be a graceful maiden below his chin, with her appearance growing more and more outstanding. He did not know since when this girl, who he took to be like a little sister, had already been deeply rooted inside his own heart.

“Princess.”

“Grand Tutor.”

The two mutually opened their mouth at the same time, gave each a dumbfound look, then began to laugh at each other. Zhao Li Xin looked at the man beside himself, and blinked, “You go first.”

Clearing his throat awkwardly, Fu Hong Wen did not dare to boldly look upon the pair of eyes that would move his heart, and asked, “Princess, you will soon be of age[4] , and will be of a marriageable age. Does the Princess have anybody in your heart you admire?”

The heart thumped for a moment. Zhao Li Xin did not know if it was because he was nervous, or if there was any other feelings mixed together within it, but his throat felt a bit dry, “Not yet. Why do you bring this up?”

“I[5] was previously the top scholar, and afterwards, had the opportunity to be recognized by the Emperor, and entered the imperial academy as the grand tutor. I am unmarried, possess no bad hobbies, and am willing to treat you well with my whole heart.” Seemingly embarrassed, Fu Hong Wen’s ears became red. His eyes however, did not move from Zhao Li Xin the entire time, “I’ve heard that the Princess still does not have someone in her heart. I wish to be with you together by your side for a long time, as your husband[6] , and turn away from the career of an official.”

Zhao Li Xin’s arms and legs felt a bit like jelly, the heart was unexpectedly delighted, but even more so, was at a loss.

Wholeheartedly, to be by each other’s side for a long time.

Such wonderful words.

If it had been any girl, they would probably accept it without a second thought at that very moment. But he could not. He could not forget that past he wanted to forget. He also could not peacefully live on as a girl for the remainder of his lifetime.

What he wanted, was that throne.

From the beginning, he had his eyes on Fu Hong Wen’s knowledge, and wanted to bring him into his camp. Then afterwards, did he not want him to assist him once he ascended the throne?

But towards those pair of eyes filled with expectation, Zhao Li Xin wavered again. A hidden voice resounded in his ears nonstop, again, and again.

Admit to it. You are moved by with him.

He would bring you a feeling and regard that nobody else ever would give you. You were long already touched by him- it was just that you would not admit to it.

It was either the throne, or wanting a life here.

Even if he were to become his wife, there would come one day where he knew of his own identity. At that time, would he still use this kind of affectionate gaze to look upon himself?

Zhao Li Xin had not dared. He could not even bet on it.

He pretended to be collected , but did not know why- his hands nonetheless could not help but tremble, “Grand Tutor, you still have a great potential ahead of you, with so many opportunities to be a part of the country’s power. For a princess that doesn’t even have the favour of the Emperor, is it worth it?”

“It is worth it.” Fu Hong Wen answered without hesitation, with his gaze shining, “I’ve thought about it clearly. The tens of thousands of citizens of this country have many other honest and upright officials that can help them, but there is only one of you.”

“A brilliant pearl cannot be compared to the tens of thousands of stars in the sky that shine upon the moon.”

“Princess, you are the one to shine upon my moon[7] .”

“I know the princess’ days within the palace are not well. Other people have upright officials, the Emperor has his subjects, but the Princess only has Fu Hong Wen.”

In that moment, Zhao Li Xin had almost agreed without a care any more. He knew it was as Fu Hong Wen said- other than Fu Hong Wen, he had nothing left remaining.

He quietly looked at the man carrying unease and expectancy in front of his eyes, just like an immature, rash person, waiting for the response from his beloved maiden.

“If I said, I was a boy then?” He relaxed his throat that was normally suspended at every moment, revealing the body’s original voice. The youth’s clear and rich voice still carried a few slivers of hoarseness. Zhao Li Xin looked at the pale Fu Hong Wen, felt that he was slightly out of breath, yet continued to brace himself, “Fu Hong Wen, if I was not a princess, but a prince, would you still wish to go against the world, marrying me without concealing anything?”

“Can you put up with the Fu family not having a next generation[8]?”

At that moment, that person’s face was cleanly drained of any colour.

Zhao Li Xin did not have an opportunity to taste the pastries that day. After that day, he did not see Fu Hong Wen again. It was heard that he had gotten very ill, and had taken time off to recover.

Once he knew Fu Hong Wen had gotten sick, he could not hear anything his subordinate was reporting about clearly, and even allowed ink to drip on the paper, forming halos.

“Princess?”

“You should go back. I am not feeling well, we’ll talk about this another day.”

He wanted to know if Fu Hong Wen was well, but he also knew that perhaps in this lifetime, they would no longer cross paths. And if they do, it would only be as Emperor and subject.

[1] Handkerchiefs were a more personal item for girls. To exchange handkerchiefs in ancient times was a way to express the closeness of the relationship between girls.

[2] Literally read as a popular activity among girls.

[3] 飞仙髻- A type of hairstyle with “wings” in the back, like so https://www.huanqiujiemi.com/content/uploadfile/201606/20160701002744.jpg

[4] The term used here is used to refer to the girls as becoming 15.

[5] Read, a lowly person.

[6] Read, the emperor’s son-in-law.

[7] Cryptic message aside- The princess is essentially saying he cannot make the Grand Tutor happy, and in turn the Grand Tutor says that he is his happiness. Any future instances of the moon used in this story will be synonymous to happiness.

[8] Read, no offspring. The girls in the family don’t count in continuing the next generation since they will be a part of another family once they marry.

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