V4C6

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The little Highness that did not remember anything was like a piece of white paper that had never been dyed in thick and heavy colours- the pair of eyes were lucid and clear, exploratory towards any object, even towards him.

“Who are you.” The little Highness’ eyes did not have the prior loathing inside them, “And who am I?”

“You are this subject’s little Highness.” Xu Hao Ran smiled, took hold of the other person’s hand and kissed it, “In the past, you would always like to call this subject Big Brother Hao Ran.”

Perhaps Xu Hao Ran himself did not know- subconsciously, the way he normally talked, dressed, had more and more remnants of Chang Ge. That was up until when Zhou Jun Yan saw Chang Ge, nestled in his embrace, and expressed, “Big Brother Hao Ran, that person’s features resemble yours.”

His strength unconsciously increased. Even if the little Highness in his embrace called out in pain, he did not loosen up. He rigidly stared at the person in front, and called out, “Master.”

It was not Master that resembled him. It was he who began to lose his ego.

To draw in the little Highness’ gaze, slowly, he learned Master’s way of conduct, and learned the other person’s way of dressing. But when he and Master stood together, the little Highness’ gaze would still be attracted to Master, even if he didn’t remember anything.

“Brother Hao Ran, he is your Master? He’s so good-looking.”

That’s right, Master was the most good-looking person they had ever seen; even if he was handsome himself, because of the campaign in the sands, traces of his service remained on his face.

He was only Dong Shi making a unintelligible and awkward imitation[1]– the things he did was always meaningless.

That night, he looked at the cage he locked the little Highness at first, and in the end, put the key back.

He wanted to trust the little Highness this time. Perhaps this time, the little Highness truly liked him?

However, the unease in his heart had continued to amplify. Xu Hao Ran discovered he could no longer tolerate the little Highness smiling towards someone else, or talking with someone else. Even if he was giving someone else a glance, he would not be willing. He chopped off that hand that the little Highness touched, and just because the little Highness smiled towards that person, he would even immediately have the person dealt with.

He became what others called a tyrant. His former subordinates saw no result in persuading him, and thus formed ideas towards the little Highness himself.

Unable to suppress his own behaviour, he killed those people, and lost the hearts of his subordinates.

These things did not matter much. Every night, he would embrace the little Highness in his arms, and tell himself, it was worth it. If he could have the little Highness, everything would be worth it.

The Highness seemed to have sense something, and began to maintain his distance with strangers. He no longer smiled towards other people, and would even sit about for long periods of time, and look at the outside sky.

It was good. Quite good. This way, his little Highness, would only have himself now.

Zhou Jun Yan’s obedience had let Xu Hao Ran relax for a little bit, but on a certain day when he wasn’t paying attention, the other person instead escaped from the palace.

Xu Hao Ran did not understand. He did not understand even though he clearly treated his Highness that nicely, why the other person would still escape from his side.

He gave up[2].

He sat down in the seat the Highness previously sat on, restrained his eyes from looking at the trembling little Highness, and walked toward him step by step. He drew out the sword that had accompanied him for many years, and stabbed the person who with such courage[3], dared to take the little Highness away from his side.

Blood splattered onto Zhou Jun Yan’s face, and the other person’s pupils widened in defeat. Xu Hao Ran knelt down with one knee, and quietly looked at the other person. His fingers gently wiped the other person’s face with still warm drops of blood, “Your Highness, why must you be like this?”

“Is earnestly staying by this subject’s side not also good? The outside world is so dangerous- being by yourself in an unfamiliar environment, this subject would be worried.”

“If you were by this subject’s side, I would protect you so you wouldn’t be anxious.”

Zhou Jun Yan’s body kept shaking, and his lips trembled. When Xu Hao Ran came close, he even unconsciously retreated back, but he was shackled still.

“Your Highness, don’t be afraid of me, please?”

Xu Hao Ran had the person knocked out, and returned to that palace with the gilded cage that had been set aside, then placed the unconscious Zhou Jun Yan inside it.

Staying inside it together, with the other person held in his arms, Zhou Jun Yan’s black hair passed through his finger webs, coming and going. When he gazed at the other person’s sleeping face, Xu Hao Ran could not help but laugh.

This was a picture of a rather year-long peaceful feeling, but he knew, it was all a false impression.

In the end, His(pos.) Highness would still be afraid of him.

A kiss filled with nothing more than affection lightly fell upon the other person’s forehead, and Xu Hao Ran firmly held the sleeping Zhou Jun Yan. Even though he clearly knew the other person would not see it, he also closed his eyes as to not allow the madness emerge.

Your Highness, this subject loves you deeply like so, but why would you instead not be willing to turn your head back to look at me all this time?

On the next day, the Zhou Jun Yan that woke up would still evade him as usual. His eyes carried disgust and fear, not even a bit of dependency it once had. Even when he came close, he would let out an ear-piercing shriek.

Xu Hao Ran quietly looked at the other person, and passed over the meal to the other person, only to have it knocked over by the other person as expected.

He smiled and ordered someone to have the person who made the meal brought to the front, and had the person killed in front of Zhou Jun Yan’s face without hesitation. This time, the blood splattered onto his body, and the bits of blood droplets had made him look just like Asura[4], “Your Highness, for every time you knock it over, I will kill one more person. Since in any case, the number of chefs under this sky, are much plentiful, no?”

“Xu Hao Ran, have you gone mad?”

When he saw Zhou Jun Yan’s look of astonishment, Xu Hao Ran’s expression calmed down a lot. He could also hear himself say in a carefree manner,

“Yes, I have gone mad.”

He had long gone crazy when his Highness pulled apart at all his wounds. Otherwise, he would not seek Master for help, nor would he forget the Xu family’s family teachings and gather an army for rebellion, and he would not so ruthlessly kill his own subordinates that supported him.

How did he turn out like this in the present day then? This was something that he had never dared to think about.

He became a tyrant, one that could not tell between the right and wrong; he became a fake ruler, one that only cared for the sparrow inside the cage and not care for the matters of the courts.

How could Xu Hao Ran himself not know he was already mad- uprising soldiers had already pressed towards the capital. The army would reach the city at any time, but he was still in here, without a care for those things.

Because he had gone mad.

After going silent for a while, Xu Hao Ran asked, “Your Highness, if there was one day, Zhou[5] no longer existed, would you escape with this subject?”

Zhou Jun Yan only looked at him with hate, and mocked him “Madman.”

He loudly laughed as he turned. Xu Hao Ran did not want to let his(pos.) Highness see his frailness. At a time long long ago, the moment the Highness walked into his heart, he had already been twisted and skewed into a unknown shape, and lost himself.

He could still remember that year when he went through the Guo Shi’s doors. Before he entered the tall tower, his father asked him, “Do you know who the Xu family generation vows loyalty to?”

“Zhou.”

“What of the Xu successive family teachings?”

“Repay the country with supreme loyalty.”

Father, sorry. From since the very beginning, he was wrong. But he could not change. The one who was engraved in his bone, the person he was loyal to since the beginning, was only his Highness.

Slowly turning into a deformity, never changing.

[1] 东施效颦- an expression describing how a person would imitate someone else, but would not imitate it well, and instead make themselves a laughingstock. The term is derived from a story by Zhuang zi that goes as such- one day, Xi Shi’s(西施) heart was in pain, so she was creasing her eyebrows as she walked through the village. One particular (ugly) person, Dong Shi (东施), saw her during this and found her to be beautiful. So once she returned home, she started clutching at her own chest and walked around the village. And instead, when people saw her they would run away. Dong Shi knew that creasing eyebrows would be pretty, but did not know why creasing them would be pretty. The next sentence in the line refers to this part of not understanding the meaning behind what he tries to imitate just like Dong Shi.

[2] 死心- This term is more for use of, giving up hopes, dreams, illusions etc. forever. Literally, a dead heart.

[3] 胆大包天- Literally, so much courage that they would even defy the heavens.

[4] 修罗- an existence not of god, ghost, or human- a eccentricity that is between all. Said to be easily angered and constantly fighting, brave and wise in battle, both viewed good and bad. Known to be constantly in battle against Deva (提婆).

[5] Name of the ruling dynasty. I realized I previously mistranslated the ‘zhen’ part of 镇国将军 as the country’s name rather than the actual position title which is ‘General that manages/suppresses the whole country’. Changes have been reflected onto previous chapters.

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