Chapter 1

When I was a child, I was the class clown.

Everyone would pay attention when I made a loud noise or did something silly.

I liked being the center of attention—

And, the girl I liked would laugh. It made me happy.

One day, while I was roughhousing with my childhood friend, Miyazaki Shizuka, I accidentally knocked her down.

Shizuka-chan scraped her knee and started bleeding and crying.

I panicked and called her name over and over.

I could feel the atmosphere around me turning hostile.

"Why don't you apologize right away?!"

"You're the worst... I saw you push her just now!"

"I'll get revenge for Shizuka-chan!"

I must have said "I'm sorry, I'm sorry..." many times. I remembered thinking of the band-aid in my bag and was about to go get it—

"Don't you run away! Apologize!"

"Yeah, apologize to Shizuka-chan!"

"Shizuka-chan, should we go to the nurse's office?"

I was overwhelmed by intense hostility. I wanted to shout that it wasn't true. I just went to get the band-aid. Besides, we were just roughhousing. Why did it turn into such a big fuss?

Now I understand. Excessive righteousness can consume people.

"He hit Shizuka-chan."

"He tore my notebook."

"She called me ugly."

"He threw a rock at me."

I was indeed being a bit of a show-off, but I didn't do those things. Even if I denied it, no one believed me. My position had changed.

Eventually, the rumors about me spread throughout the school.

I, who made Shizuka-chan cry, became the villain not just in the class but in the entire school. Students from other classes came to watch me, pointing and laughing.

Shizuka-chan's gaze was cold. Maybe she thought I had been violent towards her. I guess—I was hated. My first love was over.

And I was called a terrible liar and a violent boy who made girls cry.

I felt like I was going crazy.

No one believed me. No one even wanted to believe me.

Shizuka-chan didn't say anything.

The rumors were taken as the truth.

The impact wasn't limited to school.

My family was a blended one. My strict parents scolded me severely. "You must never hurt a girl," they lectured me, as if I didn't already know.

I couldn't argue. I suppressed what I wanted to say.

Because, no one would believe me anyway. They didn't trust me from the start.

My stepfather and stepmother doted on their daughter. I didn't mind that.

I was always told, "You're the big brother, so you have to be patient"—even though we were in the same grade and I was only a few months older.

Maybe that's why I acted up at school.

My sister told my parents about the incident at school, exaggerating the details—

From then on, home was no longer a place of solace.

—If no one would believe me, I wouldn't do anything that could be misunderstood. I wouldn't even talk.

This is how my foundation was formed.

But, I realized I was still weak.

During my middle school years, I was quiet.

I spent most of my time alone. There's usually one or two loners in a class, and they don't stand out much.

Reading in the library was a daily routine for me.

I felt happy sitting in the same spot, as if it became my place.

There was always a female classmate in the library. Saito-san, who looked good in glasses.

I didn't intend to talk to her, but when she got up, she left her phone on the table.

I was conflicted. I didn't want to be misunderstood again. But...

At that moment, I hadn't talked to anyone for a long time. Even if I acted tough, I was lonely inside.

I took her phone and chased after Saito-san.

In the end, she said, "Thank you... I really appreciate it," with a relieved expression. I smiled in relief too.

From then on, I started talking to Saito-san more often.

I was really happy. I finally had a friend. I felt like I had a companion. I was relaxed and had forgotten about the past.

My heart was weak. I had forgotten about people's malice. I was drowning in a peaceful life.

I didn't want to remember that incident.

Believing in people leads to pain.

One day, a rumor spread that I had tried to assault Saito-san.

It always happens like this. When I believe in someone and become friends, something happens that almost breaks my heart.

It wasn't just with Shizuka-chan, Saito-san, and my stepsister Haruka. There were many other incidents...

I hated myself for trying to believe in people even after such heart-wrenching experiences.

I hated myself for being weak, even when I tried to be strong.

After repeating this cycle, I eventually—felt nothing.

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"Ma, Ma, go on. I hope you get along with your new class—"

"Thank you, I'll be going now."

As a high school student, I was seen as an outsider by my family. So, I acted as a serious student to avoid causing them extra trouble.

"Wait, big brother! I'm going too! Hehe, we got into the same high school!"

"I'm sorry, I have something to do, so I'll go ahead."

"Ah... u, um..."

No one cares about what happened when we were kids. They've forgotten. —Except the people involved.

After I was accepted into high school, my stepsister started bothering me more often.

My parents also started being more considerate of me for some reason.

I won't make the same mistake again. I won't trust anyone.

If I build a wall around my heart, I can live in peace.

In my first year of high school, I became known as a recluse who didn't interact with anyone.

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For a while after entering high school, I had a peaceful life.

I lived a peaceful life as a recluse.

"Ma, Ma-kun... I, I like you. W, will you go out with me?"

I can handle frequent fake confessions like this without any problems.

"I'm sorry, but I can't date anyone due to family issues."

In middle school, I would have been overjoyed and—ended up in pain.

I won't make that mistake again.

I didn't like being called to places where no one else was around. So, I asked my homeroom teacher to watch from a hidden spot in case of trouble.

Even if I accepted the confession and dated for a few days, I would end up suffering.

Small wounds can become big. I won't act up again.

The girl ran away, almost crying.

"Phew... I managed to get through it. Thank you, teacher. I appreciate your help."

The teacher, who had been hiding, sighed and came out.

"Really, why don't you trust people? You won't make any friends that way."

"I don't need friends. Thank you very much. Excuse me—"

"Hey, wait a minute! Listen to me—"

I don't really trust the teacher. But, there's no one else I can ask. This is to avoid making mistakes. If there's a witness, the wound is shallower.

I bowed deeply to the teacher and headed for the entrance.

It's not just fake confessions.

There are also my childhood friends, Miyazaki Shizuka and Saito Miyu, and my stepsister at this school.

I don't want to have anything to do with them.

Just as I was thinking that, I had just changed into my loafers when I heard a familiar voice.

"Hey, Makoto! Long time no see. Hey, let's go home together!! Hehe, it's been a while, right!"

Miyazaki Shizuka, who had ignored me until we graduated from middle school, was now talking to me as if nothing had happened.

Why—now—was she talking to me?

Miyazaki continued to talk as if she didn't care about the past.

I wanted to go home without paying attention to her.

Miyazaki followed me.

In the residential area where there were fewer students. My house and Miyazaki's were close.

This is in front of my house. I want to get inside quickly.

"By the way, you've become so gloomy, haven't you? It's understandable if you don't have friends... but, I can be your friend, you know?"

Miyazaki said, not wanting to leave.

My heart almost stopped.

I understood intellectually. This was a difference in perception.

The school life I saw and the school life Miyazaki saw were different.

"Even though a lot has happened, it's better not to worry about it! I thought you were violent back then... and there were a lot of bad rumors about you, but I didn't believe them! Hehe, because I believe in you!"

Believe in you. It felt like a curse.

Why now?

If I were the old me, I would have shouted—Why didn't you help me back then! Why didn't you clear up the misunderstanding!

But the current me understands. It was all my fault. I can't blame others. I can't.

"Come on, don't be so quiet. Say something silly like you used to. Hehe, it's nostalgic..."

There was no malice in her words. But, I knew that malice can develop from small things. I couldn't help but mutter,

"Why—now?"

"Huh? Are you angry because I didn't talk to you for so long? Ahaha, because... I was nervous and couldn't talk... We were in different classes. Besides, I'm sorry about that time... I was scared... But, I wanted to change in high school! I gathered the courage to... talk to you..."

Miyazaki Shizuka looked at me seriously.

"I... I've always... liked you... ever since we were kids—"

I see... Is this it—

Trying to reopen old wounds when I've forgotten about them.

My heart no longer hurts.

"Sorry, but stop the fake confessions. Don't involve me anymore."

"Wh-what do you mean... Stop joking... You liked me, didn't you...? Come on, don't say weird things... I've always thought about you—"

"I'm sorry, it's my fault. So, please stop."

"What are you talking about? I believe in you—"

Believe in you?

My heart was cold. I felt no emotion.

I just said one thing.

"Really sorry. It's too late to say you believe in me now."

"Eh... Ma, Makoto...? W-wait—"

I closed the door to my house, closing my heart.