Chapter 1

Soccer ball

June 1, 2021.

I died.

It was truly a ridiculous death.

I recalled the words that used to be written on the door of our house.

My soccer career was grand at the beginning but ended in weakness.

Soccer tempted me like a devil, promising to give me everything, but in the end, it took everything away.

My loving father, mother, younger sister, girlfriend, friends...

They all suffered because of soccer.

"What's this? Who is this guy?"

"He was hit by a minivan and died at the scene."

"But?"

"Higher-ups ordered us to determine the exact cause of death and report it."

"Higher-ups?"

"They said it was from the upper echelons of the soccer association... We just do as we're told."

"Is this guy a soccer player!? He looks like a complete homeless person."

"I thought so too, but I was surprised when I checked his resident registration."

"Why?"

"Well... Why... Back when... In the 1998 World Cup, there was a high school student who was selected and became famous for a short time."

"Lee Dong-gyun?"

"No! That guy is now a K-League legend, retired, and doing great in broadcasting. What are you talking about?"

"Then who!?"

"Kim Geon-woo. Don't you know?"

"..."

"Lee Dong-gyun scored against the Netherlands, but against Belgium, it was Kim Geon-woo who scored. He came on as a substitute in the second half and hit a powerful left-footed shot, even hitting the post. Don't you remember?"

"I don't. At all. It's been 20 years since then, how could I remember?"

"True."

"Is this guy that Kim Geon-woo?"

"Yes. Unfortunately, it's that Kim Geon-woo. He was a soccer prodigy like Lee Dong-gyun, but his life was... a mess."

"What did he do after the 1998 World Cup? I've never heard his name."

"Me neither. I just checked Wikipedia... It was really sad. After the 1998 World Cup, he suffered from injuries... Problems with his contract with the university and the club... Legal disputes... Arbitrary withdrawals... He got involved in various lawsuits and barely made it to the pros, but then he suffered a critical injury and his career ended in his mid-20s."

"Really?"

"Such a shame. He was once called a soccer prodigy..."

"How did he get into the accident? Surely... not suicide?"

"No. It's strange, though..."

What is this?

It's pitch black.

Is this what death is?

I felt a slight sense of relief.

Although death came so suddenly.

Perhaps I had been slowly committing suicide for a long time.

But I've been hearing someone's voice.

I'm definitely dead, my breath has stopped.

What is this voice?

"A primary school kid was playing with a soccer ball on the street and ran onto the road. He was about to be hit by a minivan, but Kim Geon-woo jumped in and saved the kid. But he himself..."

"Really!?"

"He was holding the soccer ball and died at the scene... It's quite bizarre to call it the tragic end of a soccer prodigy."

This place is a morgue, and the two are coroners.

As he said, my end was bizarre.

It's as if the god of soccer played with me like a doll and then threw me away when he got tired.

My life was torn apart by soccer, my legs and arms were ripped off, and finally, even my head was torn off.

"Journalists are already here, causing a commotion."

"Of course. What item can get more clicks than the tragic death of a fallen hero?"

"They'll probably praise him as a hero and milk the last bit of his story."

If I could, I would cover my ears.

I don't want to hear any more.

I don't want to live any more, and there's no reason for me to live.

My family is already gone, and all my friends have betrayed me.

And most importantly, soccer has abandoned me.

"I have no more regrets about my life."

It's over now.

Void.

A world without me, without the world, without soccer, where I will disappear like dust.

"... Still."

If I could see my parents just once more.

If I could stroke my beloved younger sister's head just one more time.

"Meaningless..."

I closed my eyes.

It's time to erase myself and become dust.

But...

A round circle appeared in my heart.

68 centimeters in circumference, 210 grams in weight.

A monster made by stitching together 13 pieces of leather.

Once, it was everything to me.

In the moment of my annihilation, the last thing that remained in my heart was that round, hateful circle.

"If I could go back one more time... to that time."

***

"Geon-woo! Geon-woo!!"

I opened my eyes at my mother's call.

When I got up, my back ached from the cheap bed.

"What's this? Where am I?"

I rubbed my eyes and looked around.

The small room was filled with cheap furniture: a cheap bed, a cheap desk, a cheap audio system...

What caught my eye was a poster on the wall.

A large poster of my idol, Johan Cruyff, raising his right arm to command the team.

"So, this is..."

I jumped out of bed and checked the calendar.

March 2, 1998.

The door opened wide.

"Brother! Mom made food! Ahh!!"

My younger sister Ji-hye screamed and turned around when she saw me naked.

In the full-length mirror, my body in just underwear was reflected.

186 centimeters tall, 74 kilograms.

A lean body for a soccer player, but with a good bone structure and long limbs.

"The scars... the surgery marks... they're all gone."

I was more surprised by the condition of my body than by the fact that I had regressed.

The injuries that plagued me endlessly during my playing days.

Ankles, knees, back... they were all fine.

My body was still intact.

"No, to be precise, it's just before it gets ruined."

I frowned at the single patch on my left knee.

I locked the door calmly and put on my tracksuit.

I touched and pinched my body in amazement, but it was clearly real.

"For this to happen to me..."

It was 1998, the year I so desperately wanted to return to.

The time I regretted every night, thousands of times, in my past life.

"I'm back."

I composed myself and came out to find the whole family gathered in the small living room, eating breakfast.

My father, Kim Pan-ho, ran a newspaper distribution center, and my mother, Choi Kyung-suk, was a housewife but also worked various part-time jobs. My younger sister, Ji-hye, was a first-year high school student.

We lived in apartment 301 of Happy Villa, located on the outskirts of Eunpyeong-gu, Seoul.

For a not-so-well-off family, the breakfast table was unusually lavish.

From pork ribs to beef bulgogi, eel, and deodeok, all kinds of nourishing dishes were laid out.

"Son~ Did you sleep well? Eat a lot, I made plenty~"

"Mom..."

I barely held back my tears.

To see my father, mother, and Ji-hye with such bright faces again.

"Hey! You eat after your brother! Then you can eat!"

"Ah! I'm so annoyed! Mom always takes care of my brother!"

"Of course! Geon-woo is the hope of our family! The hope!"

I laughed at the bickering between my mother and younger sister.

I really did go back to that time.

"Mom, don't be like that. Ji-hye needs to eat well too."

I understood why my younger sister was upset, but my mother was right.

I was the hope of the family, the ace of the soccer team at Myungseong High School.

I had been a starter in national tournaments since my first year of middle school, winning championships and MVPs as if they were everyday occurrences, becoming a nationwide star.

High school soccer coaches, professional club officials, and agents visited our home frequently.

My father would get free drinks and entertainment from them, and the reason I ended up at Myungseong High School was due to his decision.

The current coach of Myungseong High School, Ji Young-man, even called my father "brother" in private.

"Poor father..."

I'll tell the story later, but the seeds of tragedy were sown and sprouted from this time.

"I ate well. It's so delicious that it makes me cry."

"Oh, son... Why are you like this today? Is something wrong?"

"No, nothing's wrong."

If I told my mother about what I had been through, she would probably say it was just a nightmare.

It had been so long since I had eaten a meal prepared by my mother.

Her cooking wasn't great, but it was a heartwarming, tear-inducing comfort food.

I barely held back my tears, finished my meal, and was about to go to school when my mother stopped me and handed me something.

"Son, you forgot this."

"Ah... This is..."

My mother handed me a packet of traditional medicine.

The black liquid inside was...

Snake, centipede, frog, carp...

I'll skip the detailed explanation.

"Mom, I won't drink this anymore."

"For heaven's sake! How much did this cost!?"

"Throw it all away. I'll explain when I come back."

I refused the packet of the terrible juice and left the house.

Outside, I looked back at the truly old and shabby villa.

The exterior hadn't been cleaned since the 1994 World Cup in the U.S., and a few letters of "Happy Villa" had fallen off, leaving it as "HaBoBiL."

The neighborhood on the way to school was the same.

Garbage was scattered everywhere, and the ground was wet with cigarette butts and spit.

"Really... such a shabby neighborhood."

In fact, since I was born into a working-class family and had always lived in such places, I didn't have much complaint about my environment at the time.

I didn't want to be rich, and I didn't want to leave this neighborhood. I just dreamed of a warm, harmonious family, earning an honest living.

But.

That was a foolish and naive thought.

The whirlwind of misfortune that would hit us from next year would completely destroy our harmonious working-class family.

There were three reasons why our family would fall apart.

First, we didn't know who was good and who was bad.

Second, we didn't know what to believe and what to doubt.

Third, we didn't know how to accumulate wealth and protect ourselves with that wealth.

Now, I know all three.

I learned them in my past life, paying with my blood and tears as tuition.

In this life, I won't be taken advantage of by any bastards, and I will protect my body and my family to the end.

Using soccer.

Because soccer is money.

"Geon-woo!"

As I entered the school gate, female students waved at me.