Chapter 5

No matter what name,

the repayment I could give to Hyun-oh hyung. After much deliberation, the solution I came up with was to give him a song.

Since I found solace in music from a young age, it was natural for me to start composing.

It was an inevitable conclusion. I couldn't bear to keep the feelings inside me any longer.

Even though I never had the chance to play for anyone else, I continued to compose steadily.

Perhaps because I had so much I wanted to say, the song I dedicated to hyung was completed in no time.

The problem was the lyrics. The song itself was decent, but the lyrics didn't satisfy me, and I was considering discarding them all.

What would Hyun-oh hyung's reaction be?

The answer came immediately. He would probably say it was fine even if the song was poorly made. It was obvious.

I decided to give the song to hyung as it was, without any revisions.

The next day, after making that decision, I found Hyun-oh hyung with a restless heart. I held back my embarrassment and handed him the file containing the sheet music.

"Here, a gift. It's a song I wrote."

Hyun-oh hyung opened the file, looked at the sheet music, and his eyes widened.

"Is this for me? A song you composed yourself? Really? Wow…."

His voice trembled with how moved he was.

It was rewarding to see him enjoy the gift so much.

"Can I sing it?"

"Do as you please."

The ownership had transferred to hyung. Since I wrote the song and lyrics for him, I hoped he would sing it to his heart's content.

Hyung looked at the sheet music and lyrics but didn't start singing. He moved his lips.

"I can't do it. I'll practice and sing it after I get it down. I want it to be perfect when you hear it for the first time, Eon."

I could tell how much he valued the song I wrote.

Even though we weren't in a formal setting, he wanted to give a perfect performance.

It was truly the mindset of a singer filled with sincerity.

"Eon! Let's go on a trip! A music trip."

So suddenly? Out of the blue?

"It might not be possible right away, but a few days later, you'll be on winter break. Let's go then. I'll sing our song there."

Our song? How touching.

"And I want to leave this behind. I have to. I'll take care of all the preparations for the trip, so you just need to get permission."

By "leave behind," did he mean he wanted to record the song?

...Just how sincere is he?

* * *

Hyun-oh hyung was like a runaway locomotive.

After getting recommendations for filming and sound equipment from acquaintances he met while working as an idol, he said he would learn how to use everything.

He kept his promise, and the days flew by.

Unexpectedly serious, I was bewildered but not displeased. As a minor, I decided to trust the enthusiastic hyung.

Hyung bought and rented equipment, including a camping car, and planned the schedule. I only brought my instruments, clothes, and myself.

A winter trip in a camping car. It was a romantic journey I had always wanted to try, so I was excited for the first time in a while.

Family trips were always abroad, and school trips or outings were forced, so the memories were erased. Thus, this trip with hyung would be my first proper domestic trip.

Hyung's first destination was Inje, Gangwon-do, where he said we would stop the camping car in a beautiful, secluded spot.

Hyung ran around like a dog playing in the snow, exhaling white breath.

"How about this angle? The background is amazing."

The white birch forest covered in snow was breathtaking. There were few people, making it perfect for filming. However, there was one complaint.

"It's cold."

Is the fairytale-like setting worth coming to cold Gangwon-do during a cold snap?

Hyung didn't seem to hear my grumbling and started setting up the equipment.

"I'll sing the song you gave me here. I want to capture it perfectly."

Hyung checked the sound and warmed up his voice. He took off the long padded jacket he wore outside and changed into a stylish camel-colored long coat.

It seemed he was willing to risk his life for the video. Was this the spirit of a professional?

Overwhelmed by his burning passion, I decided to cooperate with hyung's plan without a word.

"Who will play the accompaniment?"

"I think a piano or guitar would be good, but are you okay with it? It's too cold."

Hyung is cold too, huh? It's just one song. I can endure the cold for a short while. Ah, that's why you told me to bring neat clothes?

I took out the digital piano from the camping car and connected the battery.

"Shall we start filming right away?"

"Are you saying you don't need to practice? We'll be fine. Eon, you're a genius, so you'll perfectly match my song."

Here we go with the genius talk again.

Without responding, I changed into a white sweater and black long coat and finished preparing. Hyun-oh hyung checked how he looked on camera, pressed the record button, and returned to the center of the screen.

"I'll start. Ahem. Hello, we are the new boy group Hamjeong. I'm Hyun5, and the member in charge of the keyboard is H21. The first song is a gift from this friend to me. The title is 'No Matter What Name.'"

Did you even come up with a stage name? The concept is quite extreme. It feels like an idol debut performance.

I tried to hide my smirk, but our eyes met. Hyung smiled happily. It was a smile that made me feel happy too.

The piano softly played the prelude. The song, which began with a calm and simple melody, soon welcomed hyung's voice.

Whether by chance or fate,

The selfless kindness you offer

Draws a rainbow in this world.

Because it's not done intentionally,

Everyone can recognize the pure heart.

Having walked the dark mountain path,

The approaching dawn is even more moving.

I was worried about how it would turn out, as it was the first time I gave a song to someone else and wrote the lyrics to the end, but my worries were unfounded.

Hyung perfectly conveyed what I wanted to say. He made the meaning and emotions in the lyrics his own story.

Hyung's deeply immersed voice was more beautiful because it was filled with sincerity.

It was embarrassing to have my heart laid bare, but there was no falsehood in those lyrics.

Loneliness cannot stop you,

It is a process that completes you.

Always remember, no matter what name,

There is someone who wishes for your happiness, yeye.

The ad-libs added appropriately enriched the song. The interlude came alive thanks to the skilled ad-libs.

More beautiful flowers will bloom

Than the comfort you have planted, and I will give them to you.

I will sing the song we created together

With even more joy and make a new promise.

Don't be afraid of a new beginning.

It is a prepared arrangement for you.

Always remember, no matter what name,

There is someone who wishes for your happiness, yeye.

After finishing the song, Hyun-oh hyung bowed his head and stood still.

It seemed he hadn't yet processed the emotions he put into the song.

Like an actor who can't immediately break out of the character's emotions in a method performance.

Hyung raised his head. His eyes were moist.

This is how it feels to hear a singer perform your song.

I couldn't express this feeling in words, so I stood quietly and watched hyung fiddle with the camera.

"Eon, come here and check the footage with me. The song is satisfying, but whether the filming was successful is another matter. If it didn't turn out well, we might have to reshoot."

Fortunately, the footage was good enough that we didn't need to reshoot.

Hyung watched the footage over and over again until I nagged him to stop.

* * *

The music trip of the boy group Hamjeong went smoothly.

Except for the first shoot, hyung filmed the videos casually, like writing a diary.

We filmed ourselves singing and dancing spontaneously, and many of the videos were a mess.

The camera was shaken around, and we often jumped out of the viewfinder while dancing, so it was hard to get good shots.

Still, the footage was clear thanks to the expensive equipment.

After the music trip, hyung was very busy.

He announced his intention to officially record "No Matter What Name" and release it on music platforms, and he took me to a recording studio.

It was my first time in a recording studio, and there were many toy-like machines.

Maybe I should come back and play with them later.

The sheet music I gave hyung included piano, cello, and violin accompaniment, and I played all of them myself. Perhaps because I composed it, I developed an attachment to it.

I finished recording the cello in two sessions because I hadn't played it for a long time. The recording studio engineer, with his mouth agape, occasionally asked if I would consider session work.

A job offer to a student like me?

For a moment, I doubted the engineer's skills, but the result was good, so I let it go.

The final product was satisfying enough to pass my picky standards.

Hyung confirmed my reaction and then used all his connections to release the song.

He asked a distribution company employee he met while working as an idol, but I don't know the details.

By the way, hyung convinced me to register the copyright until I agreed. It was truly a display of incredible action.

After finishing all the schedules, hyung looked exhausted when I saw him after a long time.

Did he exhaust his energy trying to keep his promise to leave a record of our song?

He ignored my nagging about eating three meals a day and sleeping regularly. It seemed he was the type to forget his instincts when he had a goal.

At least it's over now. Registering the song twice could kill a person.

When I checked the music site, the song information was registered as follows:

【No Matter What Name】

【Artist: Hyun5 (Hamjeong)】

【Composer: H21】

【Lyricist: H21】

Since he didn't want to use his real name, he wrote H21. He even changed his own name.

I laughed for a while at hyung's serious immersion in the idol role.

Since I gave the song to hyung as a gift, I transferred all the rights. I had no intention of making money from it.

I recorded it just to fulfill hyung's request, and it was fun.

I thought of it as a special experience, nothing more.

* * *

Time passed quickly.

The day hyung was leaving for the United States was getting closer.

I shouldn't hold him back, right? He's going for his future, so I should support him. I reaffirmed this, but I couldn't hide my disappointment.

The past five months were enjoyable, making it even harder to think about parting. Of course, we wouldn't completely lose contact just because he was going abroad, but still...

Since my parents allowed me to visit the U.S. during the break, I decided to take comfort in that.

I thought I should spend more time with hyung before the break ended, so I headed to the practice room.

Lately, I could only see hyung for two or three hours a day. His schedule was messed up because of the song release.

He looked half-dead, probably from not resting due to the tight schedule. So today's menu was specially chosen to be a nutritious dish, haesintang.

It was a place I visited with my parents, and the high price had a reason.

I needed to replenish hyung's energy.

Ding-dong—

I pressed the doorbell, but there was no response.

I pressed it again. It was quiet, and I couldn't hear any sounds.

Is he sleeping? I was 10 minutes late because I took a longer route, but that's not enough time to fall asleep.

I tried calling him instead of pressing the doorbell. The call went through, but it went straight to voicemail.

He's not answering the phone... Is something wrong?

After banging on the front door loudly, I hesitated. Should I wait longer, or should I leave?

I stared at the haesintang I prepared for hyung and chose a third option: to break in.

I hesitated and then pressed the door lock code.

I had memorized it from watching hyung press the numbers so many times. It was a simple number, so it stuck in my mind.

I quietly opened the door and went inside.

"Hyung? Are you here?"

Is this breaking and entering? Will I get in trouble?

He wasn't in the living room or the bathroom.

Is he out? If he's not here, I'll leave the food and go, I thought, and opened the practice room door last.

And I saw it.

Hyung lying on the floor.

I was so shocked that my body froze for a moment.

"…Hyung!"

Regaining my senses, I quickly approached and shook hyung. His hair was drenched in cold sweat.

"Hyung! Hyung! Wake up!"

No matter how much I shook him, hyung didn't wake up. It didn't seem like a simple faint. I tried to carry him, but a person who has lost consciousness is much heavier than expected.

With trembling hands, I took out my phone. When the call connected to 119, the operator asked what was wrong.

"Hyung, he's fallen! He's not waking up."

"Where are you? I don't know the exact address, but it's the Sesiyong Building on the first floor near Cheonho 2-dong Resident Center."

"No, it's the Sesiyong Building on the first floor near Cheonho 2-dong Resident Center."

I stuttered in my panic, so they might not have understood. I repeated the address clearly.

Still,

"Ugh!"

I've never been so frustrated with my voice.

Why am I making sounds they can't understand! Hyung is down, and I need to call 119 in this urgent situation!

I swallowed the rising frustration and clenched my teeth. I needed to call the ambulance as soon as possible.

"…I'll send a text."

After several typos, I successfully sent the address to 119. I informed them of hyung's condition and received a reply on how to handle the situation.

The paramedics arrived quickly and transported hyung to the nearest large hospital.

I wiped the sweat from my palms onto my pants and held hyung's hand tightly. His hand felt unusually cold, making my heart shudder.

At the hospital emergency room, I handed over hyung's ID, as advised by the 119 operator. The nurse paused while registering his information.

"This person… I'll connect you with the responsible doctor. You're a minor, right?"

"Yes."

"Minors can't act as guardians. Can you contact the patient's family?"

"I heard he doesn't have any family…."

"Then we'll start treatment and wait for the patient to wake up."

Minors can't be guardians...

I can't be hyung's guardian.

Swallowing the tears that rose to my throat, I left a message in the family chat group, asking them to come to the hospital because hyung had collapsed.

The short time until a reply felt unbearably long.

Dad said he would come right away. Mom seemed busy and hadn't checked the message yet.

Hyung was moved from the emergency room to a room with complex equipment.

I sat by the bed, holding hyung's hand, when the doctor arrived.

The doctor in a white coat checked a few readings and sighed deeply.

My heart sank with the doctor's sigh.

"…Is he very ill?"

"Unfortunately, he could pass away at any time. You need to prepare yourself."

"What? What?"

What kind of ridiculous thing is this? Why? Why do I need to prepare myself?

Are you saying hyung is going to die?