Chapter 37

Various men and women, dressed in splendid attire, spanned a wide range of ages.

---Perhaps among them were his real family.

Thanks to Lady Octavia's assistance, I was finally able to stand here. The pre-ball had just begun. Whether the information about my family was true or false, it was too early to seek results. Still, I felt anxious. So far, there had been no progress.

"Lord Burks is said to be a friend of the next Duke of Knightfall. ...However, it is regrettable. I heard that some people are suspicious of their relationship. Of course, I do not think such things."

"That's a relief. I consider the next Duke of Knightfall a dear friend. Prince Serius feels the same."

"Wonderful. Then, as such a close friend, ...are you worried about the future?"

Just then, the middle-aged merchant man, with whom I had been chatting, who had just opened his own store, directed his gaze somewhere. There, Lady Octavia was conversing warmly with Viscount Winfell and his fiancée.

"They have grasped glory—what about the next Duke of Knightfall?"

Implicitly, she was referring to the fact that Lady Octavia and Derek had performed the opening dance.

"Do you intend to doubt what Lady Octavia herself has explicitly stated?"

"No, no. I would never doubt. Due to my lowly status, I can't help but speculate. Dancing itself has no meaning—. If you want to know the truth, you should ask the princess for a dance. Confirm it with your own body. However, don't you think that's difficult?"

Pressed for agreement, I was at a loss for words. I couldn't give an appropriate response.

Silence ensued.

The tension of the moment when the three-sided dice were rolled in the VIP room resurfaced.

Two on the bottom—If it were me, I would be the one to dance. If I, who am not recognized, were to dance with Lady Octavia?

What would happen? I lacked confidence in myself.

As if reading my inner thoughts, the merchant man continued.

"To be honest, I would hesitate. Moreover, the prince also said, 'I don't dance with just anyone.' In other words, he is discerning his dance partners. Even if he accepted your request, if you were to step on his foot—frightening, isn't it? It's a challenge only for those with a strong heart. ---Lord Burks, you, for example?"

"Huh?"

"How about you, Lord Burks? Unlike me, you must believe the princess's words. Why don't you ask her for a dance? You are renowned as a skilled dancer. The princess would be delighted, wouldn't she?"

If you believe the princess's words, then you should dance.

Well, what will you do? You probably can't do it anyway.

Behind the polite words, laced with a smile, lay such intentions.

My opponent was waiting for my response. But I couldn't find the best answer.

"…Oh."

The merchant man's smile faded, and a murmur escaped his lips.

Lady Octavia had left the hall, accompanied by her guard, Lord Alderton.

"The princess has left. What a pity. ...Or perhaps, for Lord Burks, it's a lucky escape?"

When he asked, the smile returned.

"...Yes."

As I answered, I realized that in all the pre-balls I had attended, Serius had always been the one to face the front. How many times since arriving at this venue?

Lady Octavia had seen through me as well.

Until now, I had rarely been the target of sarcasm, even indirectly. Scrutiny and probing. Today, it was particularly evident. Painfully so.

I had to handle everything myself. It was obvious, yet I had relied on Serius. ...But I couldn't run away.

"I can't dance with Lady Octavia until I grow more. It would be disrespectful to the princess."

"I see. You are humble. Still immature. I support you. ---Lord Burks, if you ever stroll through the capital, please visit my chamber of commerce."

"Yes, if the opportunity arises."

Exchanging formal smiles and pleasantries with the merchant man, I stepped out of the circle of people.

I took a breath. Sensing someone's presence, I turned around.

"...What, Derek?"

"What do you mean, 'what'? Sil, that's quite something."

In the past, Serius had introduced me to a few of his friends.

Strangely, among them, the one I could still talk to casually—jokingly, even—was Derek, who had been the most critical of my relationship with Serius from the beginning.

The attendees who had been surrounding Derek dispersed in various directions.

"---That man?"

Derek indicated the merchant man I had just parted ways with. He was greeting Viscount Winfell, and his fiancée joined in—appearing to have a lively conversation.

"...He seems to be a foreigner. A merchant born in Kangina, he said."

"That explains his attire."

"Attire?"

The merchant man was dressed in the typical formal attire of Esphera, and his features did not particularly evoke those of a Kangina native. While Esphera and Kangina are separate countries, their original ethnicities are the same. He spoke perfect Esphera, and without a brief introduction, I probably wouldn't have thought he was from Kangina.

"That man had three circular ear decorations on his left ear. They are ornaments that embody the pride of Kangina people, and that shape declares, 'I am a Kangina.' ...But that's not the point. On the surface, relations with the neighboring country are good."

Ear decorations. I must have seen them, but I hadn't paid attention.

Derek was observant.

"The attendees at this pre-ball are quite diverse."

Derek muttered, more sarcastically than admiringly. I nodded.

"Quite broad, I guess."

There was almost no bias in terms of status or faction. As a result, attention tended to focus on certain individuals.

"Partly because Lady Octavia decided to attend. ---Listen, Sil. Be extremely careful. Try not to show any weaknesses. Serius isn't here."

"I understand."

During the journey to this venue, an incident occurred—its details I had shared with Derek. Derek had concluded that the runaway carriage was not an accident.

Serius and the others were trying to keep it under wraps, but I was being targeted by someone.

...Probably since I was born.

Regarding bloody matters, neither Serius nor Derek ever spoke to me about them.

I couldn't tell why I wanted to attend this pre-ball.

Except for Lady Octavia, who secretly gave me the protective ring, no one else knew.

"---What do you think of Lady Octavia?"

Asked abruptly, I stared at Derek, who stood beside me.

"...Me?"

For someone who is usually nonchalant, Derek looked worried.

"I like her."

"You, you just—like?"

Derek turned sharply toward me. I was taken aback.

"Because I like her, I want to be recognized. I want to be considered a friend."

Is it strange to feel this way about a younger woman?

Lady Octavia is a princess, and there's the issue of status.

Even if it's strange... I can't describe my feelings for Lady Octavia any other way.

I have a sense about people, and I tend to be influenced by it.

If I feel someone is good upon first meeting, it's usually correct, and the same goes for negative impressions. They rarely change. However, sometimes my impressions are completely opposite to what others think, so I try not to voice them.

Ultimately, they are just my personal opinions. They don't determine who is friend or foe. No matter how good an impression I have of someone, they might dislike me or become an enemy due to differences in position or thinking. Conversely, someone I have a bad impression of might be an ally.

"Romantic feelings... not, right? Spare me. Blood will rain."

Derek asked, as if confirming. I chuckled.

"Of course, as a person."

"Even though she doesn't welcome the relationship between you and Serius?"

"So, I should hate her?"

I also want Lady Octavia's blessing. But I am an unknown person, a man, and of the same sex as Serius. It's not surprising that Lady Octavia doesn't welcome me as her brother's lover.

"If that's the case, it's the same as the old Derek, so it would be strange if I hated you."

"Ah..."

Derek exhaled and ran a hand through his bangs.

"Fair enough."

Since we've settled this, Derek didn't say anything more.

Now, even without the connection through Serius, I can call Derek a friend, and I believe he feels the same.

"...To be honest, I almost started to dislike Derek, thinking you were a rival in love."

My statement seemed unexpected to Derek.

His brows furrowed deeply.

"A rival in love? ...That's not funny at all."

"Really? There was a time when I seriously considered whether Derek liked Serius and I was in the way."

"Don't think that. If anything, it would be someone else. A few people come to mind. ---Me and Serius? That's disgusting."

He grimaced, questioning himself. I couldn't help but laugh at his expression.

"Back then, I mean."

Derek's feelings toward Serius are respect and loyalty as a royal, and pure friendship as an individual.

His criticism of us was probably more about me being a man than anything else. Not that Derek dislikes same-sex relationships. He doesn't usually interfere in others' romantic lives, whether they are heterosexual or homosexual.

...It was probably because it was Serius. Derek never doubted that Serius would choose a woman as a partner.

Derek sighed deeply in response to my laughter.

"---But, can you really compare me and Lady Octavia so simply? You've hardly met or spoken to her. Today is an exception. It's different from when I had multiple opportunities to interact with her."

"I've heard a lot about her, even indirectly."

"From the people around you? Then it's even stranger."

"---Except for Derek, the people around me aren't particularly favorable toward Lady Octavia? ...Including Serius."

The people around me, more so than me, are oddly wary of Lady Octavia. I don't know why. It's not because they disapprove of my relationship with Serius. Is it because of the rumors surrounding her? ...But they are just rumors.

Even so, being in that environment, I might have been influenced.

I didn't look at her with negative feelings partly because of my intuition and partly because Derek maintained a neutral stance regarding Lady Octavia.

There's one more thing. There is someone else I feel wary of, not Lady Octavia.

I have no evidence. I just feel this way, and I haven't been targeted with hostility or malice. My intuition doesn't determine who is friend or foe, and I think I might be wrong. ...I should be.

"Serius... "

Derek's expression was as if he had tasted something unpleasant.

Serius himself is wary of his sister, Lady Octavia.

However, the first time Serius clearly spoke negatively about Lady Octavia in front of me was two days ago.

When Lady Octavia asked about the heir.

I couldn't answer that question.

I know what to do in theory.

I couldn't answer because I thought that if I spoke the truth, I would be despised rather than accepted.

That might be why.

I strongly wish to know my origins.

Because...

---No matter what they are, if I knew my origins, I would feel more confident.

I thought I could choose the right path.

Sometimes I fantasize about what it would be like if Serius were a commoner.

But Serius is the first prince. As long as I can't change my gender, being just in love isn't enough. To continue being with Serius, I have to make a choice.

But in my current unstable state, I can't make any choices.

Just being under Serius's protection, succumbing to the pressure.

Worse, I might choose the wrong path.

Lady Octavia must have seen through that.

"What do you think about the princess dancing with the Duke of Knightfall's son?"

"What does the 'black fan' mean? It's a warning, but to whom—"

"The Viscount of Winfell and the princess—"

"Why does the princess elevate a former commoner to a guard knight? Even the Earl of Alderton—"

"When it comes to Lady Octavia, isn't it the mysterious lover who has been revealed?"

If I listened carefully, amidst the music, I could hear several voices speaking excitedly. The topic of their conversations was all about Lady Octavia.

"A mysterious lover, huh."

Derek muttered, uninterested.

"According to Derek's 'friend,' 'Lady Octavia doesn't have a lover,' right?"

"Just for reference, what's your opinion?"

"...I don't know."

---Isn't Lady Octavia's lover Lord Alderton?

In my heart, I was saying something different from what I told Derek.

A small scream woke me up. My shallow sleep was disrupted, and I immediately sat up.

I thought the carriage had been attacked.

But I quickly realized that wasn't the case.

"No..."

The scream came from Lady Octavia.

Lady Octavia was asleep. ...And she was having a terrible nightmare.

Her pale, slender hand wandered, searching for something, and clutched Lord Alderton's uniform as if clinging to it.

Lord Alderton seemed surprised.

He glanced at me for a moment after I woke up, but his attention quickly returned to Lady Octavia.

Lady Octavia showed no signs of waking up and continued to be tormented by the nightmare. Words escaped her lips in fragments.

I felt uneasy. It didn't seem like a fleeting moment.

Perhaps Lady Octavia often fell asleep like this, plagued by nightmares. The scene suggested as much.

I only knew Lady Octavia as the resolute princess who could stand up to Serius. I thought they were very similar siblings. But even Serius isn't perfect. He has his weaknesses. ...And so does Lady Octavia.

It felt like I was being shown that side of her.

What should I do? Should I wake her up?

I fidgeted, but as I hesitated, Lord Alderton moved. He stroked Lady Octavia's head. Her tense face softened.

But he still held onto his uniform. If he let go, she would disappear. It seemed she was afraid of that.

Both of them were a bit different from how I usually saw them in the castle.

Lady Octavia seemed more like a young, vulnerable girl of her age, and Lord Alderton had a more human expression, as if he was confused by himself—different from the usual atmosphere.

A princess and her guard knight. If that's all they were—.

I sat back down and closed my eyes. Just before we arrived at 'Heaven's Paradise,' I pretended to have just woken up. I decided it was best to pretend I hadn't seen Lady Octavia having a nightmare. She wouldn't approve of such a display.

I glanced at Derek beside me.

"---What do you think of Lord Alderton?"

"Is this in response to my earlier question? The guard knight of Lady Octavia, Clifford Alderton? You said he saved your life. Are you curious?"

"...That's not the case. Lord Alderton says he had never met me before coming to the castle."

I wasn't convinced.

Even though he denied it, I still thought it was Lord Alderton. The impression I had of my savior and Lord Alderton was exactly the same.

"Is that so? ...What do you think of Alderton?"

After a moment's thought, Derek spoke.

"He's quite skilled. It's a waste for him to be just a guard knight, isn't it?"

"Yeah..."

I felt the same. I have some knowledge of swordsmanship. I can tell a person's skill level from their movements.

Before meeting Serius, I had thought about making a living as a soldier or a knight. It wasn't because I was adopted. That's just what noble sons, except for the eldest, usually do. Many also enter the clergy. Fight for a living or serve the gods.

In my case, the former suited me better. I don't dislike fighting. It even makes me feel sharp.

---Especially when I'm wielding a sword and facing an opponent.

Derek, who is the next duke but is exceptionally skilled with a sword, also praised Alderton as a skilled fighter. It seems to be the policy of the Duke of Knightfall's family. In noble society, the higher the rank, the more the head of the family is protected, and they rarely wield a sword themselves. To enhance the head's security, it's common to hire highly skilled personnel.

"By the way... Sil, you're pretty strong, aren't you? Despite your appearance."

"Despite my appearance, I think it's more of a plus."

I couldn't help but frown. Compared to Serius and Derek, I don't have a particularly masculine appearance. I'm aware of that. ...But it's fine. I'm betting on my potential for growth.

"I meant it as a compliment. It's perfect for lulling enemies into a false sense of security. Being called a skilled dancer might be due to your natural athletic ability? It seems innate. Maybe it's in your blood."

Derek's casual words made me flinch.

The Barons Burks are more knowledgeable about the arts. They have no connection to combat, past or present. I, who am not related by blood, stand out in this regard. Appreciating paintings and music, which my adoptive brothers love, was boring to me as a child. Dance, which involves physical movement, is the only thing I enjoyed in the realm of art.

...Blood. If this trait is inherited, does it mean my real parents'?

I shook my head. I paused my thoughts for a moment.

I asked Derek about Lord Alderton with different expectations.

It seems I was disappointed in that regard.

In Esphera, it's not unusual for male nobles to have same-sex romantic interests. In fact, it's almost the norm. Serius and I benefit from this atmosphere.

However, I feel that Derek is just going along with the flow due to his position. It's probably more convenient for him. At balls and pre-balls, he often dances with men.

But—Derek is aware of Lady Octavia, and he cares about her, in some way.

Since the protective ring returned to me, whenever I saw Lady Octavia in the castle, I couldn't help but look at her. I realized Derek did the same.