Chapter 9

Loop 0

Manga Chapter 5 (Pages 1-21)

I hated my sister.

She could do anything,

was loved by everyone,

and had a bright future promised to her.

I hated myself.

I couldn't do anything,

wasn't needed by anyone,

and my future was dismissed with a casual "do what you like."

▼

"Again, you couldn't do it, could you?"

"…I'm sorry."

"Don't worry about it. It doesn't matter anyway."

This was when I, Sophina, was about to turn fifteen. My father and mother glanced at my report card—filled with numbers that made me hate myself—and then returned their attention to their respective documents.

"…Another petition from the maintenance department. How many times has this been now?"

"It's about the deterioration of the carriage storage. Spending so much on repairs is a waste of money."

In their line of sight, there was no longer any place for me. Just as they stamped "No" on the petition, my existence as an incapable daughter was a "No" to them.

"Oh, you're still here. You're in the way. Go away."

Mother disliked me even more than Father. If the child she had suffered to give birth to turned out to be such a failure, it was only natural.

I was slow to learn and lacked any aptitude.

In academics, etiquette, music, and dance—everything a duchess's daughter was expected to excel in—I was at the bottom of the bottom.

In the past, they were both kind to me.

When I was little, I was forgiven for my shortcomings.

But even at ten, and then twelve, I showed no improvement—resulting in me being neglected.

Now, even the servants mock me in secret.

A duchess's daughter who is the first in the family's history to be a failure.

That's me, Sophina.

"Sophina. As I've said before, I don't expect anything from you. Just do what you can."

"That's right. As long as Rayla is here, our family is secure."

"…!"

The moment the word "Rayla" was spoken, a metallic taste spread in my mouth. I had overreacted and bitten my lip too hard.

Rayla is my older sister by two years.

She is so beautiful, intelligent, and physically capable, and even possesses magic.

There are no words to describe her other than "perfect." She was already engaged at a young age—to the second prince of this country.

God had set a cruel gap between us sisters.

It wasn't just her appearance. It was her character too.

I envied and hated my capable sister.

But, my sister—

"Excuse me."

"Rayla."

She came.

Opening the door, my sister entered the room. Her composed and confident demeanor was nothing like mine.

"Father, Mother. Haven't you gone too far?"

"But Rayla, you know how incapable Sophina is."

"That's not true. This child has many good qualities."

"Such as?"

"Her aptitude for magic is higher than mine."

Mother laughed through her nose, hiding her face behind a fan.

"Just a heat spell. It's nothing to boast about."

"But heat magic is the foundation of people's lives. It's not something to dismiss—"

"…!"

She always stood up for me.

…This is why I hate my sister so much.

She uses her sister to show off her inner goodness.

She takes pleasure in looking down on her incapable sister.

If only my sister's character were as bad as mine.

But the perfect sister was perfect inside and out.

Her words were genuine.

She was truly angry at my parents for neglecting me.

"Anyway, as I've said before, please don't push Sophina too hard."

"We're not pushing her at all."

"That's right."

Even my parents, who are usually strict, don't treat my sister harshly, but they don't admit it either.

In short, it's all in vain.

"…Sophina. Shall we go?"

My sister knows this well.

After giving my parents a stern look, she took my hand and left the room.

To me, a failure with no allies, my sister… has become my only ally.

But she probably doesn't realize that this only highlights my own pitiful state.

"…"

"You shouldn't take what they said to heart."

I glared at the back of my sister's head as she walked a little ahead, holding my hand.

…We were born from the same parents.

Her intelligence, her long, beautiful hair, her excellent physical abilities, and her hidden magic—everything was so different.

I greedily studied things outside the curriculum, hoping to find something I could excel in over my sister.

But what I learned was that there was no way I could ever surpass her.

How much more must she be blessed to be satisfied?

I hate her.

I hate her.

I hate my sister so much.

"People have different strengths. It's hard to measure your abilities with the existing curriculum. That's all there is to it."

"Then… what am I good at?"

It was just a comforting word.

I have no strengths.

I asked this question knowing that, and it was a cruel question.

My sister would surely struggle to answer. If she did, an awkward atmosphere would follow.

But, contrary to my expectations, my sister confidently raised her finger.

"Never giving up."

"Never giving up…?"

"Do you remember? The chess problem book in Father's study."

"…Yes."

Father has a large collection of chess-related books as a hobby.

One of them was a book of chess problems.

It asks how many moves it takes to achieve checkmate from a certain point in the game.

It was before I turned ten.

As part of playing with my sister, whom I still liked at the time, we challenged this book.

My sister solved most of the problems quickly, but there was one she couldn't solve.

—And I solved that problem.

"…If you spend half a year, anyone can solve it. I'm sure you could have solved it in a month, Sister."

My method was simply to try all possible moves of the pieces.

It was a dull task, not fitting the elegance of chess.

Father scolded me, saying it wasn't a beautiful solution.

"No, it's the perseverance that's impressive."

My sister stopped and grabbed both of my hands.

"It might take some time, but you have the strength to overcome difficulties that others would give up on. I believe in you."

"…"

I couldn't look into my sister's pure eyes and averted my gaze.

Stop it.

I'm not someone you should care about.

Because… I still hate you, even now, for worrying about me so much.

A jealous and ugly monster.

That's me—Sophina.

I am not the sister you think I am.

"By the way, why don't we go to the lower town next? Your birthday is coming up, and I could get you a present—"

"I don't need it."

I cut off my sister's words and pulled my hand away.

"Then, I'll be going."

"Ah—Sophina."

When I closed the door to my room, my sister's figure and voice disappeared.

"Ugh…"

I pressed my face into the pillow and groaned.

My sister has no ill will.

She genuinely worries about me.

But what am I?

I throw my jealousy and ill will at my sister.

Even though I can't do anything.

I cried, stifling my voice.

▼

The next day at noon.

My sister visited my room again.

"Sophina, are you really not going?"

"I'm not going."

She came to invite me to go out again.

"I don't need a present. You're so busy, aren't you?"

My sister is truly busy.

In addition to her bridal training, she has recently been helping with the management of our parents' territory.

She shouldn't have a single minute to spare for me.

For several years, my birthday party hasn't been held.

Yet, my sister remembers it diligently and holds a small gathering for me every year.

At first, I was happy, but now it has become one of the reasons I hate her.

"What are you saying? It's your birthday, which only comes once a year."

"…You really like me, don't you, Sister?"

"Of course. Is that bad?"

"…!"

I clenched my teeth at my sister's casual response.

"That's the problem."

"What?"

"I live in a different world from you. Please stop paying attention to me!"

"Hey, Sophina!"

I locked the door, but my sister knocked repeatedly.

I pressed my head into the pillow and the bedding, blocking my ears until I couldn't hear her anymore.

"…Hmm"

When I next noticed, the surroundings were dim.

It seems I had fallen asleep.

Now, I am finally completely hated.

There is no reason to like a sister who pushes you away so much.

"…But, this is for the best."

My sister has a much brighter future ahead.

She shouldn't waste a single second on a failure like me.

"I'll just… go outside and breathe some fresh air."

Staying in my room only made me feel suffocated.

Even though I thought it was too late, I went outside with a light heart.

The back garden, where the servants rarely come, was my favorite spot.

While aimlessly wandering, I noticed the carriage shed.

—Oh, right, it's deteriorating.

Apparently, there had been many petitions, but from the outside, it didn't look particularly different.

Out of mere curiosity, I went inside.

At that moment.

The ground rumbled.

"An earthquake…!?"

A wave from the earth spirits.

I don't know the details, but our country is prone to the wrath of the earth spirits.

This phenomenon occurs every few years.

Usually, it's just a small tremor with no significant impact.

At most, a ceramic on the edge of a table might fall and break.

But this time was different.

For me, inside a deteriorating building, the tremor was—

"Ah"

A grinding sound, something fatally breaking.

Looking up, I saw the roof coming down right in front of me.

I experienced overwhelming death for the first time.