Chapter 100. Go Back.

Chen Jiashu saw Chen Du’s face suddenly change drastically. He stood up at once, as if he wanted to leave, but he couldn’t take a step. His entire body was fixed there, and the phone line was shaking along with the hand holding the phone, shocked by this sudden death news. “Who is dying?”

Her heart sank as she took three or two steps to press the speakerphone, and Wen Yun’s disembodied voice emanated from the speaker, “You don’t believe me? You think I’m lying to you?” She laughed breathlessly, “How could I lie to you? You’re so good, running away abroad with someone. You’re much better than that soft-rice father of yours.”

“Chen Jinan also left that night. Unluckily, he had a car accident on the way, became directly paraplegic, and his internal organs were all destroyed.” Wen Yun’s hand rubbed the oxygen mask on her husband’s face. “He was awake for a while this morning and said he wanted to pull out the tube. He said he didn’t want to live. Do you think I should pull it out?”

“…” Chen Du clenched his teeth, his eyes widened as he listened to the barrage of information. His face felt like it was frozen in a layer of frost, standing in silence as he held the silent receiver.

“Heh, you can’t decide either, can you? Ask the one next to you. Ask her if she wants to pull it.” Wen Yun’s voice became distorted with pain, spewing out of the PA like venom as she called Chen Jiashu’s name and sent the murderous knife into the hands of an uninitiated child, “Chen Jiashu, you hate him so much. You must want your father to die, right?”

Chen Du reached over to turn off the PA button, but Chen Jiashu held his wrist. She looked up at him, expressionless, and shook her head gently.

The voice continued to come out of the phone, “Do I owe it to you Chen’s? Huh? One by one, they’re all running away from home; one by one, they’re all trying to kill me.” Wen Yun’s voice choked; her throat rumbled with grief as she broke down little by little. “Do you know what he just said to me? The first thing he said to me when he woke up after lying on the bed for six days was that he was most sorry for his ex-wife! That the dead one! That dead person who was buried in the dirt!”

“Pull it out.” Chen Jiashu said.

She leaned against the bed, sitting up straight. Chen Du’s angle could only see the side of her face, from top to bottom, with her rich, lustrous features. Her eyes were cold and still, “Pull out his tube.”

The other end was silent for a few seconds, and Wen Yun let out a very light and short “ha,” as if squeezing it out of her teeth, “Chen Jiashu, you really are ruthless enough to not even want your own father’s life.”

“He’s not my father.” Chen Jiashu clutched the bed sheet in his hand and repeated again, “He’s not my father.”

“Fine, you disown him; you can disown him. Do you disown Chen Du too? You even want to leave your home and parents for a woman? We gave birth to you and raised you! Have we wronged you? Can you and her be together? What? You’ve fled abroad; you’ve fled around the world. Where in the world would you be recognised? Can you get a licence? Chen Du, you are siblings!” Wen Yun was crying uncontrollably on the other end. She had never been so vulnerable and in so much pain.

Chen Du felt like he had been slapped in the face out of thin air, unable to retort, unable to lift his head from the repeated questioning by his birth mother, and finally showing the panic and confusion expected of a seventeen year old.

The desperation in Wen Yun’s words was carried through the air to his ears, and the silence between him and Chen Jiashu added to this desperation. The reef that had been buried beneath the iceberg for days surfaced, the ice shattered, the sweet surface of the mirror was torn apart, and all the contradictions pierced out sharply. Now, everyone saw it and they couldn’t escape it.

Wen Yun snapped, “I’m asking you one last time. Are you coming back or not?”

Chen Du’s eyelashes fluttered as he closed his eyes, hiding all his emotions and suppressing them. His voice was so hoarse that it was unbearable. “I’m sorry.” After saying that, he snapped the microphone, and the call ended.

He reached out to shake Chen Jiashu’s hand. In the Maldives, where the temperature was thirty-five degrees, her hands were cold. But he was no better, even as cold as she was, and neither could warm anyone.

Chen Jiashu’s lips moved, as if she wanted to say something, but in the end she said nothing, as if she had expected the answer Chen Du gave. Both love and hate were so clear and strong, but she also became powerless in the face of the complex conflict.

After a long time, Chen Du’s Adams apple rolled, and he squeezed out a smile to Chen Jiashu comfortingly. “Alright, it’s alright.”

He stood up as if nothing had happened, picked up the pile of shopping bags on the floor, turned off the lights, and led her to bed to pull the covers back on as usual. There were no goodnight kisses or bedtime small talk today. Both of them had their eyes closed, barely able to fall asleep in a fragile calm.

“I’m never going to leave you alone.” In a small voice, it was as if he were promising Chen Jiashu and as if he were saying it to himself.

Chen Jiashu didn’t respond; she was already asleep.

Chen Du held her a little tighter, opening his eyes until midnight and then closing them as well.

He did not know that this was his last night with Chen Jiashu.

The next morning, he woke up with his arms empty. The bedding was cold around him, and the whole house was without Chen Jiashu. The person had disappeared along with her documents.

The only thing that remained was a ticket to China on his pillow, to be boarded by him, with a note attached in her handwriting –

You should go back.