Chapter 54

My steps toward the banquet hall became more urgent. Though I couldn’t run without losing my dignity, I quickened my pace as much as I could, which felt incredibly fast to me. The servants who were cleaning the corridor seemed surprised by my hurried walk and stepped back, bowing in greeting. I ignored their gazes and, upon reaching the entrance of the banquet hall, found myself out of breath.

'One, two, three…'

I counted silently, catching my breath, and then carefully opened the door. It swung open smoothly without a creak, revealing the scene inside. A large table was set with an array of delicious dishes, and Altair and Pavel were seated opposite each other, enjoying a cozy meal. The two of them turned their heads to look at me, their utensils paused mid-air. Their eyes widened simultaneously, and I felt a slight shiver run through my shoulders.

“Dinner… um… well….”

Not knowing what to say, I stood at the entrance, fumbling for words. Pavel sprang up from his seat and guided me to the table.

“Please, take a seat, madam. We’ll bring you new utensils.”

Feeling a bit dazed, I followed Pavel’s lead and sat down. He skillfully collected the utensils he had been using and signaled to the servant who was serving the meal.

“But… I’m interrupting your dinner….”

Feeling guilty for taking Pavel’s place, I let my lips droop, but he shook his head with a rare, wide smile.

“No, not at all. You’ve actually saved me.”

While I was having a brief conversation with Pavel, the new utensils were quickly prepared. Even the salad Pavel had been eating was brought out fresh. After the somewhat frantic meal preparation, I looked up and found myself making eye contact with Altair, who had been watching me. How should I approach my husband, whom I had awkwardly turned my back on after an argument? Unable to find the right answer, the heavy silence filled the space.

“Well, then, enjoy your meal, both of you. The dishes will be served in order.”

As Pavel bowed and left the banquet hall, the atmosphere became even more awkward. I poked at my salad with my fork, constantly checking Altair’s reaction. Seeing him eat the salad with a somewhat sullen expression, I found it hard to speak, but I desperately tried to think of a topic to break the silence.

“The tree….”

I started tentatively, and Altair’s hand paused mid-air.

“The tree in the garden broke. It suddenly fell over on its own, and I’m worried it might be diseased.”

“…Diseased tree?”

Altair repeated, looking somewhat uneasy. I nodded, relieved to have started a conversation, and continued.

“Pavel insists it’s not, but how could a tree just fall over on its own?”

“…True. A tree doesn’t just fall over on its own.”

Altair agreed, avoiding my gaze. His response, which was uncharacteristically vague, made me tilt my head in confusion as I continued.

“I picked all the trees carefully. I chose each one by eye.”

“…I see.”

“Yes, I really put a lot of effort into it… and to think it was diseased… It’s my fault for not being thorough enough.”

Sighing deeply, I saw Altair’s expression grow darker. I had tried to lighten the mood, but it seemed I had only added to his worries. I quickly added,

“Pavel will take care of it! You don’t need to worry about the garden!”

“No, that’s not it….”

Altair, who had been maintaining his silence, sighed deeply and ran his hands through his hair.

“I broke the tree.”

“Pardon?”

“I… I broke it. It wasn’t diseased, and it wasn’t your fault.”

Taken aback by this unexpected confession, I was momentarily stunned but quickly regained my composure.

“Why did you….”

“….”

Altair fell silent, frowning slightly. His demeanor reminded me of a child trying to find an excuse for his mistake, though I might have been imagining it.

“I was… training… and my kick went astray… and hit the tree.”

“….”

‘Oh my.’

There were so many things to question—why at that time, why in the garden, why training, and why he, who was not physically adept, missed his target. My unspoken questions must have been evident on my face, as Altair sighed deeply and ran his hands over his face.

“…I saw it.”

“Saw what?”

“I saw you talking affectionately with the prince.”

“Um….”

“I was angry when I saw my wife, who had just turned her back on me, talking affectionately with someone else. So I took it out on the tree.”

As Altair’s story unfolded, my mouth slowly opened in surprise. Losing my words, I could only blink, and Altair, seeing my reaction, bowed his head seriously.

“If I had known how much effort you put into choosing those trees, I would have taken out my anger elsewhere. I’m sorry.”

“No… I didn’t want an apology….”

Looking at Altair’s sincere, bowed head, I felt a burst of laughter from deep within.

“Haha.”

Trying to stifle my laughter out of respect for his apology, I couldn’t help but let out a chuckle. Covering my mouth with both hands, I laughed, and Altair looked up at me, his eyes meeting mine, which only made me laugh harder.

“Haha.”

As my laughter continued, Altair’s face grew increasingly puzzled. Finally, I managed to compose myself and spoke.

“You could have pretended it was just a strange tree. You could have let it slide. But you told me the truth?”

If Altair had kept his mouth shut, I would have never known the truth. He could have saved face. But seeing me blame myself, he chose to tell me the truth, despite the risk to his own dignity. Isn’t this a sign of his affection? Even though his way of showing affection can be a bit clumsy, I could clearly see that he wasn’t treating me with ill intent. With this reassurance, I looked at the table and finally noticed the dishes laid out. They were typical of the capital’s nobility, quite different from the eastern cuisine Altair preferred.

“Did you prepare the meal with dishes I’m familiar with? To make up?”

“No, I didn’t prepare it. Pavel did….”

“Even that you’re being honest about?”

Laughing again, I saw Altair still looking at me seriously.

“Nadia.”

The name that slipped from Altair’s lips stopped my laughter.

“I’m not used to adjusting to others. I’ve always been alone, and giving orders is what I’m used to, and everyone accepted it as normal. But now, I need to change. I understand. Well, not completely, but I’m starting to.”

Listening to him, I felt him take a small breath.

“So, if I do something wrong, get angry like you did. I’ll think about why you’re angry and try to find the right answer. I believe that by doing so, we’ll get closer to the kind of couple we want to be.”

The kind of couple we want to be.

“I don’t really know either. What kind of couple I want to be. For now… I just want to be helpful to Altair. I don’t want to be a burden. That’s all.”

The people of the von Baun family treated me as a troublesome burden. If that’s the case, I felt I could do anything. I thought Altair would be pleased with this, but he frowned unexpectedly.

“You’re already not a burden.”

“But….”

“Besides, in a relationship, one can be a burden to the other. Your burden is so small, I can carry it with one hand.”

“Small? It’s not that small!”

“It is.”

Altair compared our sizes with a confident look.

“Compared to Altair, I might be small, but I’m just average.”

“Then, if you’re average, can I say that an average burden can be carried with one hand?”

“That’s not what I meant…!”

Clutching my utensils in frustration, Altair chuckled softly this time. I felt my emotions deflate like a punctured balloon, and I watched him laugh, blinking. It was rare to see Altair laugh, and it felt strange to witness it.

“I’m saying that in any situation, you don’t feel like a burden to me. If your efforts are for your own satisfaction, that’s fine. But if you’re trying not to be a burden, you don’t have to.”

I didn’t understand. If my efforts to avoid being a burden are for my own satisfaction, isn’t it the same thing? Unable to respond, I closed my mouth, and Altair resumed eating his salad.

“And why don’t you eat more meat instead of these greens? Can you really get strength from this?”

“I get plenty of strength. Besides, with Altair overprotecting me, I don’t even get to do anything strenuous. What’s the point of getting stronger here?”

“Getting stronger for what? That’s….”

“What’s it for?”

Altair, who had been naturally continuing the conversation, suddenly clammed up and looked at me. His eyes held a strange heat, making my heart sink. At that moment, the door, which had been firmly closed, opened, and the next dish was brought in. This sequential dining was a culture of the capital’s nobility, unlike the eastern nobility, who enjoyed all dishes at once. The strange atmosphere dissipated instantly. I took a deep breath, unsure if it was relief or disappointment, and looked at the next dish. As soon as I identified it, I choked and started coughing.

‘That, that’s!’

The fish dish, famous in the capital for enhancing a man’s strength, was currently trending. ‘Many nobles have shared vivid testimonials about its effects in social circles….’

Though the dish’s intent was obvious, Altair, seemingly unaware, poked at the fish with a displeased look.

“Look at this. Just fish. How can you get strength from this?”

‘You might be the one with the problem….’

I swallowed hard and quietly picked at the fish, pushing it into my mouth. It seemed that tonight would not be a quiet one.