Chapter 2 Part 2. There Was No Place For Me

I never once rebelled, I always tried the best I could to live up to my father’s expectations. That’s what he was always proud of.

“Father, are you proud of me?”

“You’re going off on a tangent. Of course you’re my pride.”

“Really?”

“I know better than anyone how hard you have tried. So straighten your shoulders, like the daughter of the Duke of Tiodurop.”

What if I’m not the daughter of Duke Tiodurop? Would I still be able to make my father proud? I looked earnestly at my father and clasped his hands.

“It is not like you to be weak-hearted before an important event. Don’t be anxious; you are Charlotte, Duke Tiodurop’s daughter. There is nothing to be afraid of.”

My father’s hand clasped mine tightly. But that was not enough to calm my fears. I needed to be sure. That was not the answer I wanted to hear. I only wanted to hear my father say to me……

“Your Grace!”

‘What is all the fuss about all of a sudden?”

Felio, my father’s lieutenant, glanced at me, and said in a low voice, so that only my father could hear.

“That is…. “

And as I watched him, I gasped reflexively. I tried to deny it, but I was used to everything that had happened. The events of the dream were repeating themselves. Now, the news that Felio was going to tell my father was ………I couldn’t keep thinking and bit my lower lip. The dream I had was not just a dream. It was the future. But even though I was convinced that it was not all a dream, my eyes were still on my father.

I couldn’t help but remember vividly the look on my father’s face as he watched me suffer from the poison, and the way he turned his back on my outreached hand until the end. From the moment I stepped into the Tiodurop family as Charlotte, he was my whole world. It would be too cruel to ask him now not to see everything in my world.

“I’m sorry. Charlotte. It seems that this father will have to leave his seat for a while.”

Before I knew it, he had stepped away from me. I instinctively reached out to him. In a panic, I took him by the arm and pleaded to him.

“Don’t go, father.”

“Charlotte.”

I’ve never embarrassed my father, and I didn’t want to. A good daughter wouldn’t do that. I could not do anything against my father’s teaching. But now I couldn’t afford to think about it. I didn’t want to let go of my father’s hand even if I died.

As soon as I let go of his hand, I felt like everything was going to end.

“It’s almost my birthday. Can’t you just stay with me until the party starts?”

I tried to speak plainly, but I started to cry. I realised now that this was the first request I had ever made to my father.

“Charlotte.”

“You promised to be the first to wish me a happy birthday.”

I knew I was being childish. I knew that nothing would change just because I begged him. Still, I couldn’t let go of him because I was hoping. If I did a little better……..If only I’d been a better daughter… I knew it wasn’t my fault, but all I could do was blame myself. If I didn’t blame myself, I would have hated my father. But I didn’t want to hate my father. I just loved him and wanted to love him forever.

“It’s almost my birthday. Will you stay with me just for a moment, just for ten minutes?”

I didn’t expect much. All I had to go on was the hope that my father loved me. With that, I could dismiss everything as a nightmare.

“Don’t behave like a child, Charlotte.”

It was only a refrain. My father struck my hand coldly and I bit my lip in dismay.

“I’m sorry. I’ll be back before the party starts.”

My father finally tapped me on the shoulder and whispered softly. But the hope in my heart had long since collapsed. Once again my father did not keep his promise to me. Like in a dream, I looked at my father in the distance and smiled disappointedly. Then I thirsted even more to know what would happen afterwards.

When the party started, my father didn’t come back. Because the real Charlotte had returned. I wanted to think of it all as a bad nightmare, but I knew it was not. I knew that what I had experienced was not just a dream. As soon as I accepted this fact, I felt suffocated and choked.

“No, I’m still fine. If it turned out that Charlotte is a fake…”

No, what was I thinking now? I stood alone on the stage, holding only the hem of my innocent skirt. From the beginning, it didn’t matter whether the Charlotte I knew was real or not. The reality was that I was a fake and could always be abandoned if the real Charlotte appeared. A substitute can always be replaced.

“Ha ha ha…”

I laughed awkwardly and leaned against the railing. I was sad now, and I felt sorry for myself. But I was still stamping my feet, unable to let go of my regrets. I sat down and covered my face with my hands. I didn’t want to admit it, but now it was time to accept it.

There was no place for me here.