26-The meaning of that gloominess

I heaved a sigh as I looked at the caterpillar crawling on top of a tomato leaf. Once it grew up, would this colorful one become a butterfly, or a moth?

I'd heard that insects with bright colors were poisonous, but I'd seen a caterpillar like this being eaten by a bird before. Maybe this one wasn't poisonous?

If it didn't have the skills to protect itself, it should have chosen to be a duller color.

Having such an eye-catching color, of course it'd be easier for it to be spotted by predators and eaten.

"I'm moving you, okay? This is my tomato plant. There are lots of weeds around; you can eat those all you like."

I scooped it up with a blade of grass and set it loose on the forest of weeds. The caterpillar crawled further in and disappeared.

And then, I stood there just like that, dazedly watching the grass swaying in the wind. I've been like this for three days straight now, not in the mood to do anything.

Ever since I saw Krish-san on a date at the market.

It'd been three days since I caught sight of Krish-san escorting Annette-sama at the market.

I'd been worrying about what to say to Krish-san once I meet him. Somehow I felt uncomfortable, and I didn't think I could greet him like how I usually did.

Was it okay to say that I'd seen him on a date when Krish-san had told me that he didn't have a lover?

If it were a classmate from my original world, I wouldn't have hesitated in telling them, 'So you do have a girlfriend. She's really pretty.' But I wasn't close enough to Krish-san to be able to casually talk about relationships like that.

Would he hate being asked about private matters by a mere acquaintance? Would I be able to smile as I greeted him? Such questions whirled in my mind.

In the first place, why was I even worried about these things? I had no idea. I had no idea, but ever since that day, my heart has been heavy.

Genett-san even asked me, "You're not acting like your usual self. Are you feeling unwell?"

I didn't have any physical ailments, and I was eating all of my meals. I was getting enough sleep too, since I slept as soon as it got dark, just as always.

I even touched my face to make sure, but I couldn't figure out what was wrong.

Three days passed just like that, with me still carrying that gloominess in my heart. However, it turned out that all my worrying had been useless.

Because ever since that day, Krish-san never came to visit.

Well, it wasn't like we'd planned to meet every day. Plus he was busy, and I'd always felt bad about him coming over so frequently.

But for him to stop coming so suddenly, I worried that something might have happened.

With how Krish-san looked so tough, I probably didn't have to worry at all.

But I didn't know anything about all of the dangers this world had.

The area where I lived was peaceful and had a lot of nice people in it, but whenever Krish-san had paid a visit, he'd always ask if something had changed.

Because there had been some disturbances recently, he'd said.

When one said 'disturbances', what came to my mind were things like break-ins, muggings and random stabbings. But I never heard of anything like that happening from the people in town, nor from Norn and Couge. Though apparently drunken fights were a daily occurence.

But even then, those tended to end peacefully with conciliatory punches to each other's shoulders.

However, there weren't any televisions or newspapers here, so even if something were to have happened, I wouldn't know. That was why I was worried.

It was Krish-san's job to maintain public order like a policeman, so I was worried that he'd gotten involved in an incident and was injured.

"He didn't come today either......"

My shoulders slumped as I watched the sunset dye the field red. Suddenly, Pochi came up from behind me and leaned on me.

He laid his front paws on my shoulders and pushed.

"Wait, Pochi, you're too heavy—guh!"

From above me, I could hear Pochi panting, sounding somewhat proud.

"Pochiii, you're too h-e-a-v-y..."

I repeatedly smacked my hand on the ground, tapping out. Finally, he let me up.

"Owowow."

Getting up, I was met with the sight of a sitting Pochi. He cocked his head and let out a single bark. "Ruff!!"

I'd noticed it recently, but whenever I was feeling sad or lonely, Pochi would do this kind of thing a lot.

It might just be a coincidence, but at times I would think that maybe he was doing it on purpose to cheer me up?

Even his bark just now, it felt like he was asking me, 'Have you cheered up?'

"Thanks as always, Pochi."

As I vigorously rubbed at Pochi's muzzle with both hands, I caught a glimpse of his sharp fangs. When I'd first met him, I was scared of his huge body. I'd thought, if he were to bite me, I would die. But Pochi's teeth have never once hurt me.

Now I'd come to love these huge teeth that would protect me with all their might.

"I miss him."

The words that slipped out as I stroked Pochi's fur surprised me. I slapped a hand over my mouth.

I see. So I was missing Krish-san.

The reason I'd been worried was because it had become a matter of course for me to see Krish-san everyday. And the reason I hadn't been feeling like myself the past three days was because I hadn't been able to meet the person I wanted to see.

.........Subconscious actions were scary.

Without realizing it, I had spit out the emotions I had unknowingly hidden deep inside my heart.

"Will Krish-san come tomorrow?"

Pochi whined.

"Pochi, do you miss Krish-san too?"

"Ruff!" he barked.

I ruffled Pochi's fur. Somehow, it was like my feelings had cleared up.

Once I'd acknowledged the truth, the gloominess in my chest dissolved, and I became more familiar with my heart.

My feelings towards Krish-san felt a little different compared to my feelings towards Norn or Couge, or even my grandparents.

I still didn't know how to express it, but he'd become so important to me that I wanted to see him everyday.

Once I'd understood that point, I raised my head. From the horizon, I spotted dark thunderclouds rapidly approaching. It would probably rain later tonight.

I would have to make sure to shut the barn doors tight so my precious family won't catch a cold.

"Pochi, we should head in early. Hanako, Hanayo, Brian, and my sheep! Go back inside the barn!!"

At my call, my family members who'd all been peacefully chewing on the grass looked up. The chickens and Pyonkichi had all already returned to the breeding hut earlier, so now they were all relaxing there.

"It'd be nice to see him tomorrow."

If I were to meet him tomorrow, this time I'll be the one to ask him, 'How are you? Same as usual?' These were the questions he always asked me, but it might be good to be the one to show my care every once in a while.

Even if I didn't see him tomorrow, it would only take an hour to head into town to meet him. It wasn't like it was too far away, unlike my friends from my original world whom I couldn't easily meet. There was no reason for me to be so depressed.

"Alright, I've cheered up! I should hurry and sleep so I'll be ready tomorrow."

I put away my tools, checked that the barn doors were shut tightly, and had an early dinner. Lightning flashed outside the window.

Crash

"Whoa, that scared me. What a loud noise."

In this world, the people, the animals, and even the plants were huge. I guess the thunder had to make a huge noise, too.

"Ah, another lightning."

I didn't hate lightnings. In fact, you could even say that I sort of liked them.

I knew that they were dangerous, but I found those streaks of light and the way they ran through the seams in the clouds like stitches beautiful. As long as they sounded far away, I could safely watch them.

And it was a little exciting seeing a phenomenon one didn't get to see everyday.

Though a huge reason that I'd felt safe enough to stay put might have been because the apartment I'd used to live in was made with rebar, and there'd been a lightning rod installed on the building.

But here, I wonder... There were trees here and there, but most of the surrounding area was a flat plain with nothing but grass. Plus my house was wooden, so if lightning were to strike, it would probably cause a fire.

"That reminds me. Back at grandma's place, when there was thunder outside she would always tell me, 'Cover your bellybutton, or the thunder god will take it!' and then would wrap a haramaki around my waist. I wonder why that was?"

What would the thunder god do with a bellybutton? If he took it, would the hole on your stomach disappear and become completely flat?

If it were the limbs then that would be troublesome, but a bellybutton wasn't anything vital. In my opinion, it wasn't really anything that you had to so anxiously protect.

I remember thinking as a child, 'Then, the reason that frogs like the rain is because they don't need to protect a bellybutton?' But when I'd tried to investigate my picture books, I'd been disappointed to find that there weren't any that had information connected to thunder.

Crash

This time, it took five seconds for the sound of thunder to arrive. It was getting a little closer.

I had a friend who was so terrified of thunder that they couldn't sleep through it, but I was completely fine. That night, I listened to the rain and kept counting the seconds between each flash of lightning and sound of thunder. Without realizing it, I fell asleep.

~

A dog's yelp sounded.

".........Pochi?"

I woke up in the middle of the night, feeling like I'd heard Pochi's cry. The rain was no longer pouring heavily, but it was still thundering outside.

Animals had way better hearing than me, so maybe he was scared of the sound of thunder?

If so, then I had to keep him company.

The night I'd heard about Nott's father from his mother, my heart had been racing and I couldn't sleep. Back then, Pochi had stayed with me, so now it was my turn to stay with him.

"Being scared of thunder, so even a guard dog has a cute side to him." I chuckled as I stepped onto the wooden floor that had gotten cold from the rainy weather.

Everyone in this world wore shoes inside the house, but a born and bred Japanese like me couldn't get used to it, so I didn't allow footwear inside.

After all, I worked on a farm. It would be too troublesome having to clean up dirt all the time.

The sound of my footsteps rang into the air as I cautiously went down the stairs with one hand pressed against the wall. Every step of the stairs was tall when compared to my legs, so it was quite the chore going up and down.

I felt a bit of a looming sense of danger thinking that in the future, once I grew so old that my knees ached, there would come a day when I just wouldn't be able to climb up the stairs anymore.

I moved forward in the pitch dark room by feel, until finally I arrived at the entryway. This was the first time that I was able to get here without bumping into anything.

I had poor night vision, so I knew that I had to be mindful of where all the furniture were, but sometimes I would forget to put the chair back in its proper place and would inadvertently kick it.

I put on my shoes and went outside in the drizzling rain. One step out, and the top of my head turned wet. The barn wasn't that far though, and it didn't take long for clothes to dry, so I decided not to bring an umbrella.

Once again, I moved forward slowly with one hand against a surface, this time on the house's outside walls. I walked with a little more caution than usual. I didn't want to be careless and slip because of the muddy ground.

I walked on until the edge of the wall. Just as I got closer to the barn, lightning flashed and illuminated the area for a split-second, like the flash of a camera.

I paused as I realized that there was a figure nearby. It looked like a stocky man. And he wasn't alone. I hadn't been able to see clearly, but I was sure that there were at least three of them.

And the doors of the barn that I'd been heading to were wide open.