Chapter 44

I wonder if there are any marks left on my throat from Karia's grip.

Even as I touch and caress the area, I feel nothing in particular. I let out a sigh, swallowing my anxiety and agitation as if drinking down the ale.

Karia, placing her hand on her lips, narrowed her eyes and let her thoughts wander. Occasionally, she would glance in my direction.

Please, have mercy. I have almost no cards left to play.

"I see, for the sake of your childhood friend. I see, that's why you're walking on burning iron."

Nodding several times, Karia muttered to herself as if trying to convince herself. A faint smile lingered on her cheeks. I wonder if she's convinced. I hope so.

Of course, I can't tell her everything. More than that, if I seriously told her about the mysterious shadow or the fact that I came back from the future, she would doubt my sanity.

But I told her everything else. About Alyeno, my goal as an adventurer, and my plan to use the upcoming chaos to my advantage. Of course, I didn't mention my feelings for Helt Stanley and others, which are deeply rooted in me.

This was the utmost sincerity I could show Karia. She trusts me as a companion and wants to be with me. Yes, the same Karia who, in the past, had repeatedly belittled me and declared my life worthless. Of course, she's a different person now. But this Karia called me a companion.

If so, it's not right to just use her. If I want to respond to her feelings, I should show a certain level of sincerity, I think.

I'm just a gutter rat with no manners or knowledge. So this isn't about noble obligations or etiquette, but just my pride and stubbornness. It might be cheap, but it's the best I can do.

Finally, Karia removed her fingers from her face and nodded deeply.

"Your childhood friend in the cathedral—Alyeno, was it? I see, indeed, you wouldn't willingly side with the emblem believers. You seem to have multiple cards, but your options were limited from the start."

She uses a lot of "I see" to convince herself. But her expression still held a faint smile.

Shaking the longsword at her waist, Karia drank the ale on the table in one gulp and met my gaze.

Her gaze, which seemed to pull me in, sparkled like a silver gem. I couldn't help but catch my breath. The silent moment felt unusually long.

"Very well, I'll contact the self-defense organization. Surprisingly, I'm not bad at such things. I have some experience in social circles."

She continued in a light tone, moving her lips to speak.

"I'll go along with your plan this time. But that's it. From there, I'll act based on my own judgment and reason—do you have any complaints?"

Of course, I nodded in agreement.

If not, I'd be in trouble. What I want isn't a puppet wearing Karia's skin. I want Karia, the person who can use her reason to make judgments on the spot and seek the best solution. That's why I can trust her.

As I said this, Karia's pale cheeks turned slightly red. I couldn't tell if it was from the ale or the surge of emotions.

"You sure can talk. But fine, I won't push you away. I'll act to achieve the best for you... no, for us."

She said she would leave the communication methods to me. By the time she said this, her gaze was no longer on me. She walked out, her footsteps echoing on the guild's wooden floor.

Well, it's my turn. I need to prepare too. If I just rely on Karia and do nothing, I won't deserve to stand beside her.

Like Karia, I drank my ale in one gulp. The words that were about to spill out from the surge of emotions slipped down my throat. Ah, suppress them. I have to suppress them.

*Clank*

When I placed the container on the table, the overflow of emotions made my hands shake, making a sound.

I slowly placed my hand on my mouth, suppressing the emotions that were about to burst out. The expression and emotions I couldn't show in front of Karia. Yes, that joy.

Karia's behavior today. That emotion, it was undoubtedly a kind of obsession. A strong, almost sinful obsession that Karia showed. And she showed it not to anyone, not to Helt Stanley or any other man, but to me.

I felt the sticky emotion that had settled deep in my heart stir.

Stop it. Don't be happy. Don't show your emotions. This is Karia. Karia Bardonic. The woman who once trampled me with cruelty, who declared my life meaningless, who toyed with the weak, who was cold and unapologetic about her prejudices.

Ah, but. But.

—How can I strangle the joy that rises from the depths of my heart, the breath of the emotion called joy?

*

Karia was using all her soul to suppress the twitching of her cheeks as she walked, her footsteps echoing on the floorboards, out of the guild's gate.

Her heart was restless, and her emotions were about to spill from the corners of her eyes. Her blood seemed to surge with renewed vigor, running from the tips of her hair to the tips of her toes.

Yes, she had gained something. Something so big it could burst her chest.

Karia clenched her teeth. The teeth pressed against each other, grinding, with a pressure that seemed to threaten to collapse.

Did you see it, that face? The expression on his face when Louis mentioned the name Alyeno.

It was an expression I had never seen before, an expression full of warmth.

It was frustrating. The cats and gutter rats running around seemed to tremble from the atmosphere and emotions Karia emitted, making way for her. People were the same. Nothing stood in the way of her silver hair that swayed.

Many words were about to spill from her throat. Clenching her teeth, she tightly closed her lips, desperately holding them back. But the flood of emotions wouldn't stop.

—Very well, Louis. If you say so, I'll follow for now.

But, but. Don't think it will go as you wish. Karia heard the voice that slipped out as her emotions trembled. It was her own voice, but it sounded like someone else's, almost demonic.

The smile on her profile was strangely beautiful.