Chapter 15

I left the hospital and returned to my parents’ house, where I retreated to my room to cry.

I pondered over the words Shuhei said today, over and over in my head, and thought back to the past that I had spent with him.

This must be my punishment, I said to myself, as a sense of regret struck me as I calmed down.

It was definitely me who made Shuhei say those words.

Whose mouth was it that asked you to protect me? It’s true that I never directly asked Shuhei to do so. But in the end, I was so comfortable being protected by Shuhei, that I was sitting cross-legged 1 in this relationship. I bound myself to Shuhei by making him think of me as an object to be protected. Shuhei did nothing wrong. It was me who stuck to this relationship of “Shuhei protecting and me being protected,” and it was my own selfishness that caused it.

I didn’t make any effort and took advantage of Shuhei’s kindness and stayed next to him. And this is my punishment.

When I’m gone, will someone else stand next to Shuhei as a match? Will Shuhei smile at someone who’s “more suitable” than me? My heart throbbed just by thinking about it.

At that moment, there was a knock at the door. “May I come in?” I heard my mother’s soft voice.

I sniffled and opened the door. “Oh, my, you must have cried your eyes out, your eyes all puffy,” she said with a troubled smile, wiped the tears from my cheeks, and sat me down on the bed.

“So what in the world happened?”

“…Shuhei and I broke up.”

My mother gasped in surprise at the words.

“He said he couldn’t protect me anymore and that I deserved better.”

“And then you leave without saying anything after he said that? Why?”

“I didn’t want to hear those words much longer.”

“Well… if that’s the level of commitment you have, why don’t you just give up? As Shuhei says, there are more suitable people for you and for him.”

I choke on her words. That may be a good argument. But still, I…

“…I don’t want to.”

“Hm? Why?”

Even if I’m no longer next to him, I don’t want to give that spot to anyone else.

It doesn’t matter if there is someone else suitable, I will be a man suitable for Shuhei, so much so that no one will be able to beat me, so that no one will complain.

I will not let Shuhei fight alone anymore, I can’t be a crybaby who only wants to be protected.

I wiped away my tears and looked up.

“I guess you got your answer.”

I nodded firmly at my mother’s question.

“Yes, thank you, Mother.”

My mother laughed at my words and said, “You now look like a full-fledged adult.”

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Footnotes

Being carefree and not making any effort