Chapter 17

Rias returned home shortly after.

It seems he left early.

Eidan was still napping. I was reading a book in the afternoon.

“Cynthia. The escort was a one-time thing.”

As soon as he came in, Rias said this, almost as if he was cornering me.

He hadn’t even changed his clothes.

I put down the book. A sigh escaped me.

“Of course, I understand that it’s not just a one-time thing.”

“I have no way to verify it. ——I’ve been thinking. When we first got married, my attitude towards you was terrible. There will be times when we have to attend parties as a couple.”

He listed these things, as if making excuses for something.

I have no memory of ever attending a party with Rias. It wouldn’t have been good for his reputation as a husband.

“I have my faults too. ——You said you would be a good husband and a good father from now on.”

It’s an old story, so there’s no point in me getting angry.

Rather, I’m more upset by Leila’s outrageous behavior.

“Cynthia”

“Can we end this conversation?”

“Cynthia”

Just as I was about to leave, Rias firmly grabbed my shoulder. His hand was large. Even though he didn’t grip me too hard, I couldn’t move.

“—I don’t want to see you with such a sad face.”

Sad face? Was I making one?

But, when I thought about it calmly, I didn’t think either of us was entirely at fault.

“The escort was truly my mistake. I was foolish. After that, they did try to persuade me to take a mistress.”

“Huh...”

“I firmly refused!”

The Kingdom of Vandrag is a monogamous society. ——Yet, suggesting a mistress implies they might want to replace me. During my pregnancy...?

“How can I make you believe me, Cynthia...”

I’m not doubting Rias’s words. And I’m not angry with him. ——But. I couldn’t say anything, not wanting to show my frustration.

Rias, taking this in, said in a heavy tone:

“Would you believe me if I revealed my secret?”

“Secret...?”

Rias swallowed hard.

Our eyes met, his were serious.

“I don’t function as a man.”

“...What?”

Rias, with a serious face, added:

“I can’t get an erection.”

I was speechless.

—What? What do you mean?

“But, Rias, on our wedding night...”

I recalled. The wedding night ceremony took place on the day Cynthia came of age.

If I searched my memory of that night... it definitely worked, didn’t it?

Cynthia felt fear at seeing a man’s body for the first time and hurled every insult she could think of.

She didn’t struggle. As a married woman, she knew it was her duty, and no one would help her. She had no choice but to accept it.

It might have been the last bit of pride she had as a royal.

So, to demean this hateful man as much as possible, Cynthia cursed him throughout their first intimate encounter.

Even after, she said things that made her head hurt to remember.

“It was after that.”

“What...”

I covered my face.

“It’s my fault.”

“No, it’s not.”

It is. It’s entirely my fault.

“I regret it. ——I was a puppet to my vassals, thinking I had to produce an heir, trapped in meaningless obligations. As a result, I deeply hurt you, both emotionally and physically.”

Rias said he loved Cynthia. He respected her and felt joy in being her husband.

To be deeply hurt by his beloved wife on their first night...

“Rias...”

“I made you suffer, and you were even in danger of your life while giving birth to that child. I am the one who is guilty. I thought it was divine punishment.”

As I looked at Rias, who seemed more hurt, I felt a pain in my forehead.

“I’m sorry, Rias.”

I was the one who should apologize.

“Saying those things and hurting you. ——I only have regrets.”

“No, that’s not it. I didn’t say it to make you feel guilty. I just wanted to clear my name.”

That doesn’t matter anymore.

How can I help Rias, who looks so hurt right in front of me?

Why didn’t I recall each of those cruel words I said back then?

Did I just apologize and take Rias’s kindness for granted?

“You forgave and loved the past me. I...”

“Forgiveness... Cynthia. I said it before, didn’t I? I’m not asking for a response. You just need to accept my love. I don’t expect anything in return.”

Rias smiled.

“You’re here, raising Eidan. You smile at me every day. How happy that makes me.”

“It’s just a normal thing.”

“I know how precious and grateful this normal family life is.”

I know too.

Being able to hold a child, go out with them, play, and laugh. Being able to say I love you and hug them. How valuable that is.

“Cynthia”

Rias looked utterly despondent. At the same time, tears streamed down my face.

Rias, clearly flustered, released my shoulder and moved his hands nervously.

“How... How can I... Ah, it’s all my fault. Please, don’t cry.”

Why are you always thinking about me?

Even though you’re the one who’s hurt.

“Rias”

I threw myself into Rias’s chest.

His sturdy body stiffened.

“Thank you.”

I had to convey that he had nothing to feel guilty about.

“Thank you for introducing me to Eidan. Thank you for creating a family with me.”

“Cynthia...”

Rias didn’t respond.

After a while of silence, I looked up, only to be gently embraced.

“Please don’t look.”

His voice was slightly hoarse.

“I look terrible.”

I was hugged tightly.

This might be the first time we’ve embraced like this.

Burying my face in his broad chest, held by his strong arms, I felt so calm.

“Rias”

“Cynthia. The one who has gathered all the blessings of this world. My one and only. What should I do? I can’t find the words to say to you.”

A natural laugh escaped me. I think it’s enough.

“Rias. Say it as you usually do.”

“Cynthia”

Rias, looking up, had his usual passionate eyes fixed on me.

I might actually like these eyes.

“I love you.”

Hearing this, a smile naturally spread across my face.

“Thank you.”

I still can’t say “I love you” yet.

But, with all the gratitude and trust I can muster, I said it.