Chapter 33

Rias was the only direct descendant born in Pencilia.

Pencilia's strict educational policy was well-known even among the nobility. From the time he could understand, he had private tutors, and his interactions were mostly with them rather than his parents. Even as an infant, he was raised by a wet nurse, and his memories of his mother were not many.

As far as he could remember, he had never been embraced by his parents. The only time he saw them was during the silent dinners, where even the sound of cutlery was absent. This happened only a few times a month.

Especially with his father, he had to report on his progress in the education and martial arts befitting a duke, and received instructions. Looking back, he thought his father was more like a superior.

Until he saw Cynthia raising children, he thought this was normal. Every time he saw Cynthia affectionately hugging Eidan and lifting Marievel, he felt a warm sensation, and it seemed so sacred that he hesitated to reach out.

— Whether Cynthia knew of Rias's feelings or not, she always made him hold the baby without giving him a choice.

The first time he saw Cynthia was when he accompanied his father to the palace. Though it was from a distance, Cynthia's surroundings seemed to glow even from afar. As a child, he was breathless, thinking an angel was there.

The first time they exchanged words was unforgettable, at a sword tournament. "As the successor of Pencilia, leave a result you won't be ashamed of," his father had said. His earth magic was unparalleled, and he had become the strongest in Pencilia's knight corps. He thought winning the tournament was a given.

However, no matter how strong he was, or how much magic he had, it wasn't that easy against adults. The sparring with different opponents was difficult from the start, and the participants, though young, were far more experienced than Rias. He lost, and not just that, he was badly injured.

Losing and being badly injured, Rias experienced the greatest setback he had ever faced. By the time he was carried to the infirmary, he was in a daze and couldn't think of anything. That was until he saw the silver-glowing Cynthia.

"—Oh, such terrible wounds," Cynthia said, touching Rias's chest wound gently, with genuine concern. His heart beat loudly.

"I don't know if I can do it, but can I use my healing magic on you?"

Cynthia placed her small hand gently, and the wound closed in an instant. To Rias, it seemed like a divine act.

"—You don't have to cry anymore. It shouldn't hurt, right?" She smiled, and Rias realized for the first time that he had been crying. Instantly, his face flushed with heat.

Showing tears after losing was not befitting a knight.

"Cynthia, did you use healing magic?"

The prince, who had come to check on him, seemed a bit surprised.

"Usually, I'm afraid to use it. Rias, I couldn't leave you alone."

Had the prince seen his tears too?

"I am... I am here to protect you."

Rias realized he was kneeling.

"I will become stronger. When the time comes, please grant me the honor of protecting you."

Cynthia tilted her head slightly, looking a bit puzzled.

"Um...?"

"You just need to say 'I allow it.'"

The prince, patting Cynthia's fluffy hair, spoke gently with a wry smile. Cynthia looked a bit troubled but smiled warmly.

"I allow it. Please take care of me."

This memory, though embarrassing and pitiful, was still invaluable to Rias.

After that, every time he went to the castle, he couldn't help but look for her.

"Hey, the Lady of Light is in the courtyard!"

"Really? Let's go see!"

"Me too!"

"Hey, what about Rias!?"

Even when his fellow knights were excitedly talking, Rias couldn't join them.

Going to see her seemed too disrespectful...

Though he met the prince more often, when Cynthia was there, he froze and could barely respond.

Just watching the prince gently stroke Cynthia, and Cynthia looking up at the prince happily, was enough to satisfy him.

Indeed, it was too disrespectful.

He thought about refusing many times.

But the senior officials insisted it wasn't enough.

"Besides the debt we took on behalf of the royal family, we have lost many comrades in this war, from promising young people to seasoned knights. No one will be satisfied with a half-hearted compensation."

"Your Grace, throughout history, no one outside the royal family has had such strong light magic. Now, this lineage will be passed on to Pencilia."

"Only such a historic change will satisfy everyone."

Rias had neither the power nor the experience to reject these demands. He had never even spoken much to the first princess. Foolishly, he had imagined himself standing beside that radiant being. Was this his punishment? Reaching out to someone almost divine and trying to make her his own was unforgivable.

After the marriage, things were terrible.

Cynthia had not yet recovered from the prince's death. On top of that, she was married off as if abandoned by her family, and she looked utterly exhausted, barely able to eat.

"You alone survived."

"You killed my brother and even aimed for the royal family's position."

"You are a crude, dirty barbarian."

Rias could only silently accept Cynthia's complaints. He couldn't respond.

Pressed by his family to produce an heir, he went through the motions of the wedding night, feeling like he was just going through the motions.

After that, his relationship with Cynthia was completely destroyed. She never left her room. When they accidentally met, she would throw anything nearby at him and destroy everything in the house.

"Monster!"

"This time, you're going to kill me, aren't you!"

Cynthia's screams made something inside Rias collapse.

This wasn't supposed to happen.

He couldn't understand where he had gone wrong. He had just followed orders and lived according to tradition, thinking it was necessary and natural.

— But what about now?

Perhaps the facade of Pencilia was maintained. But was this what he wanted to protect the most? The vow he made as a young squire was supposed to be in his heart. It was supposed to be there.

Gradually, he distanced himself from the house. He was extremely busy as the new captain of the knights, and he worked tirelessly to solidify his position as the Duke of Pencilia. He reclaimed the rights he had lent to his family and took all the rights of the Duke in name and reality. The sleepless nights of unfamiliar work were better than having free time. By building his position with all his might, he could make decisions on his own.

Eventually, he received news of Cynthia's first son's birth, and that his life was in danger. Rias threw himself into his work even more. He wanted to immerse himself in work, forgetting sleep and food. If Cynthia died, he would die too. Thinking this made him feel a bit better.

Cynthia eventually recovered and her son had brown eyes. When the news reached the Pencilia council, the family members said casually:

"Wait for the first princess to recover and have a second child as soon as possible."

"Next time, a child with golden eyes."

The faces of these people suddenly looked ugly. He had followed their orders without thinking. His anger was directed at his own foolishness. He had been the leader of these ugly people, acting without thought. "When will it be next, Your Excellency?"

Rias slammed his fist on the table, which split in half, and the family members finally fell silent.

"I am not a stud horse, and I have no intention of being your puppet."

He banned all access to the house, taking great care to ensure these people never interacted with Cynthia. He surrounded her with things that would protect her and not harm her. The Pencilia house became a kingdom for Cynthia, for Cynthia alone, filled with things she liked and wanted.

He wanted to support her from a distance, keeping their interactions as formal and minimal as possible. When the child grew up, he would transfer the dukedom as soon as possible. Then, he would have fulfilled his duty. Once his duty was done, he would offer his life to make amends to Cynthia.

He lived on this resolve.

Rias...

Growing up without feeling loved and with extremely low self-esteem, he lacks confidence in his achievements and believes it's better to give up than to face failure. He feels that he might be better off not existing at all.