Chapter 18

### Chapter 18: Hoping to Become Closer (6)

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#11

In the past, I would have reflexively opened my mouth to deny it outright.

Just as Rubia considers me her most precious friend, I had come to think of Rubia as a friend who is almost like the other half of my body.

But now.

It’s not easy for my voice to come out.

It took considerable effort to fully grasp the meaning of the question. The question of whether I dislike Rubia delved deep into my heart, relentlessly demanding a sincere answer.

What do I really think of Rubia?

Just as Rubia feels guilty towards me, I also feel guilty towards Rubia.

Of course, it’s not a good thing for such feelings to be exchanged between good friends.

Then, what are we?

If the childhood friends Rubia and Edgio, who used to run and laugh together in the valley, are no longer here, where should our strained relationship go from here?

Most importantly, why do I maintain this cold attitude towards Rubia for the next five years?

The desire to reconcile with a friend and the wish to get along well with them again stem from a genuine wish to do so. I am now reflecting on my current state of mind in this context.

Do I want to become the most precious friend to Rubia again, like in the past?

The past me couldn’t be satisfied with that and made a huge mistake. Even if I have changed, I have never stood by Rubia’s side again since then, so I can never be sure of my feelings.

I don’t want to repeat that painful experience, and I don’t want to untangle the knots between Rubia and me and resolve the pent-up emotions, at least not from my side.

I am too exhausted for that, in many ways.

“I don’t dislike you.”

I didn’t dare sit next to the bench where Rubia was sitting and instead sat on the ground below.

I felt I couldn’t say this if I looked at Rubia’s face while talking. That wasn’t what I wanted.

Therefore.

“I don’t like you either.”

“—!”

I could hear Rubia gasp, but I couldn’t look at her, which is why I could say this.

My reflection in the water still looks awkward.

While my characteristic cynical eyes remain the same, everything else has changed so much. Even my parents, whom I visited before school, couldn’t recognize me.

It was quite a shock.

Eventually, they accepted my changes positively and were happy that I had grown, but still.

There’s no trace of the old Edgio Crani in the current me. This might not be limited to just my physical appearance.

“I think it’s better to keep childhood memories as just that, Rubia.”

“...”

It was too complicated during the day.

It was a particularly confusing shock, and the things I had to say and the things I didn’t want to say were all tangled up in my head, causing my brain to malfunction. It was even worse because Mu and Rubia were both there.

Now, it’s better.

The night has calmed my heart.

Of course, my feelings are still complex, but it’s much better than the chaotic thoughts that scattered everywhere during the bright day.

For example.

When I’m with Rubia like this.

Rubia is next to me, but I feel a different emotion from the past. I didn’t want to distance myself, and I kept looking at Rubia without shifting my gaze. That’s how it was back then.

Now, I feel uncomfortable with Rubia.

...That’s a sad thing.

It’s sad, but the fact that I think this is right and don’t shed a single tear is even more tragic.

I only feel a sense of regret.

Our relationship was too deep, and the wounds inside are like deep pits.

Now, we are far away from each other, and there are many parts that are impossible to mend, like when we used to get our hands dirty and look around as children, thinking only of each other.

Swoosh—

The wind, brushing against the leaves, whispers in my ear.

The enhanced senses absorb the sounds and changes around me, capturing even the sound of droplets falling between Rubia’s knees and thighs.

“...I’m sorry, Edgio...”

It seems she still considers me a friend.

When Rubia cries, my heart still aches.

Her already gaunt appearance makes the sadness even more intense.

She didn’t collapse and cry, clinging to me as she used to. Her sadness seemed to be solely hers, and she bowed her head to avoid showing me her tears, gradually soaking her white negligee with a transparent light.

Soon, Rubia’s moist voice reached me.

“Even if you say you dislike me... I have nothing to say. I did that. ...But, I’m in so much pain right now.”

“...”

“...When Edgio tried to distance himself from me, it hurt, but if that’s what Edgio wanted... I thought I shouldn’t get closer to Edgio. Actually, I shouldn’t have, but should I have done otherwise...?”

She wasn’t asking me.

After a brief silence, Rubia continued.

“I’m sorry, Edgio... I think I should have rejected it back then. I also think I was too young. The love I knew seemed completely wrong. I really, really... didn’t have anyone to rely on other than Edgio...”

“That’s not something you should apologize for, Rubia.”

When I thought she was going to bring up something, it turned out to be about that time.

In fact, if we only look at the relationship, the main culprit in ruining the relationship between Rubia and me was none other than myself.

Because of that, the feeling I get when I see Rubia is no longer comfort but rather self-reproach or discomfort.

Therefore, the pain Rubia must have felt was clearly my fault.

So, this is definitely not something Rubia should apologize for.

If I have to apologize, it should be from my side.

“I’m sorry.”

Rubia whispered in response.

“...What do you have to be sorry for, Edgio?”

“Just... everything.”

Including the confession I made to Rubia.

The fact that I distanced myself.

The self-reproach that is the first emotion I feel towards Rubia stems from the thought that if I had been a little better, nothing would have happened.

It’s a pity. This whole situation.

Rubia, who had been silent, suddenly spoke.

“...Edgio.”

“Yeah.”

“I feel like I’m becoming a bad kid.”

“...Why?”

I didn’t expect such words from Rubia. Surprised, I took my eyes off the pond and looked at Rubia for a moment.

Her voice came from her head buried in her knees.

“I know these thoughts are really strange... I was really anxious earlier. Something happened at our restaurant, right? At that time, everything Edgio said was true, but I was really upset and, on the other hand, I was also angry. ...No, I wasn’t angry at Edgio. Just at myself.”

“...”

Rubia shook her head, looking confused.

“...I don’t know. Yuri is a good kid. She’s cute and kind. I know that, but when I saw her talking to Edgio, I felt... anxious. I’ve distanced myself so much from Edgio, and the idea of a new kid getting closer to Edgio made me feel really upset. Why? Am I really strange, Edgio...?”

“...”

She wasn’t asking for an answer.

Rubia muttered sarcastically.

“...At the restaurant, I kept thinking that way. I can’t go back to the way things were with Edgio... Now, it’s all just old memories. I was trying to reassure myself by thinking that we had so many memories, even if it was just for a moment...”

“...”

“Yeah, now it’s probably meaningless...”

Would it be right to say it’s not?

I don’t know what to say.

Now that the relationship between me and Rubia has become ambiguous, and it seems that Yuri is intruding into that space, it’s a strange sense of unease.

Moreover, it seems that Rubia herself doesn’t know the exact nature of this emotion...

Well.

I still think of Yuri as a cute little sister... I don’t feel the same discomfort as with Rubia, so it might be a somewhat correct thought.

If things stay this way, it’s clear that the person I can get along with better than Rubia will be Yuri.

From what I’ve heard from Rubia, it seems she wants to restore our relationship. That’s natural. I understand that.

However, it’s not what I want.

To be honest, I don’t want to get close to anyone, not Yuri, not Rubia, not Mu, or anyone.

I naturally put up a wall.

It’s hard to predict how things will turn out in the future, but for now, that’s the predominant feeling.

At that point.

Rubia slowly lifted her head, wiping the tears from her cheeks with her fingers.

“...I talked to a kid named Mu earlier today.”

“...Really?”

“Yeah.”

Rubia asked a sensitive question.

“She said she dated you. Is that... true?”

Ah, Mu told Rubia that.

It doesn’t really matter.

Our relationship is already broken.

At that time, it wasn’t just Rubia who didn’t know; none of the academy students knew that Mu and I were dating. It was surprisingly well-kept.

It wasn’t really a secret relationship, but because we didn’t fit together, surprisingly few people in the academy thought we were a couple.

There was no way the rumor would spread.

“It’s true.”

“...”

Rubia closed her mouth at my confirmation.

I thought she would ask more, but Rubia didn’t speak for a long time.

As the silence continued, my thoughts drifted elsewhere.

I don’t know how late it is. I wonder if I can get up properly tomorrow morning. Since this is a place for the elite of the elite, attendance and evaluations are very strict. Being late would be a problem.

I didn’t even get to see the inside of the cabin, which was my goal today. I ended up having a conversation in this gloomy atmosphere because I met someone unexpected. For Rubia and me, it wasn’t a good rest time.

The night air on the path is cold.

Rubia, dressed in a negligee that exposes her shoulders, might catch a cold if she stays here in just that thin dress. The air around here is a bit damp.

Since my curiosity about Rubia’s unusual state at the restaurant has been somewhat resolved, it’s probably time to go back.

I don’t really have much to say to Rubia. I don’t really... want to talk more.

“You must be cold too. Let’s go back, Rubia. You need to sleep now to get up for class tomorrow.”

I brushed off the dirt from my cardigan and pants, then looked down at Rubia and said this.

The moonlight made Rubia’s hair, which flowed down her neck and back, shine brilliantly.

Then.

Rubia, who had been blinking slowly in front of me, suddenly lifted her head and opened her eyes, which were filled with moonlight.

“Edgio, can I ask you one last favor?”

“...What favor?”

If it was a request to help her stand up because her legs were stiff, I would have considered it.

But unfortunately, it wasn’t that.

“I want to be a bad kid today. No, just now.”

That seemed to be the request, and then Rubia laughed foolishly, saying, “Hehe.”

“I was really upset and wanted someone to comfort me, but it had to be someone I like. I think I can only sleep peacefully tonight if I get comforted by someone I like. Otherwise, I might stay up all night.”

Rubia put on her slippers and stood up, standing very close to me.

Looking up at me from close by, Rubia’s face.

From my perspective, looking directly into her eyes, I couldn’t deny that she had become even more beautiful and mature than during the Lorson Academy days.

“I don’t care what Edgio thinks. Just for today... I hope Edgio will do this favor for me.”

Shiver—

Even in the completely dark background, Rubia’s face, which was now flushed, shone brightly.

Rubia opened her arms with a faint smile.

“Can you hug me just once?”

Even though her face was flushed with embarrassment, she didn’t avoid my eyes and looked at me with teary eyes, making it impossible for me to respond to her unreasonable request.

“...I’m really happy to see Edgio again. But I won’t ask about the circumstances. I’m just grateful that you’re here. Of course, Edgio probably really dislikes me... But can you hug me just once?”

“...”

Because I didn’t say anything.

Rubia slowly shook her head.

“...Yeah, no. I decided to be a bad kid today. I won’t care what Edgio says. So... can you just stand there?”

Tap, tap.

Rubia, who smiled faintly again, took two steps towards me, who was standing still, and gently wrapped her arms around my body.

Swoosh—

Rubia’s light pink hair gently fluttered.

The cold wind blew, and the sweet scent of Rubia enveloped my entire body.

Rubia rested her soft right cheek on my chest and closed her eyes softly, muttering.

“You’re cold on the outside, but really warm and... solid.”

“...”

Tight.

She tightened her arms around my back.

I could feel Rubia’s small and delicate body, which was so fragile that it might break with a little force, but it was warm like a spring day and soft to the point where I didn’t want to let go.

I felt like I could tell the shape of Rubia’s body even with my eyes closed. Occasionally, the wind blew Rubia’s hair, which brushed against my waist and legs.

Rubia, buried in my arms, spoke softly.

“You’re really big. You’re hard, but... it’s so comfortable. It feels like my heart is melting. And... if I just listen, I can hear Edgio’s heartbeat. It’s really... amazing.”

Rubia naturally smiled, as if she was really enjoying it. From my perspective, looking down, I could only see her small forehead and the tip of her nose, but Rubia was definitely smiling faintly.

Rubia’s body was cold when she first hugged me, probably because she had been in the cold wind for a while.

However, as she stayed in my arms, her warm body temperature gradually seeped through my shirt. It was more noticeable because Rubia was only wearing a thin dress.

I just stood there, not knowing what to do, with my arms hanging down. Rubia seemed to think this was enough and continued to hug me tightly, moving her small body slightly and speaking slowly.

“...I’ve never been in another man’s arms since childhood, but I ended up in Edgio’s arms again as an adult. Hehe... Even though the current Edgio is completely different from the past, it feels really comfortable and happy because it’s still Edgio, right?”

“...”

Rubia rubbed her cheek against my chest like a cat.

And...

“Yeah, I still like Edgio the most. I’m really, really happy that Edgio is back and is by my side. Edgio is my most precious friend and my only place of rest, and it will always be that way.”

“...”

“Yeah... I don’t want to lose it again... it’s so precious...”

I had a vague idea that it would come to this.

Tight.

The strength with which Rubia hugged me gradually increased, and at the end, she gripped the back of my shirt with her hands.

She gradually moistened the place where her face touched with transparent droplets and repeatedly said sorry to me in a trembling voice.

In my mind.

It’s normal to comfort a friend who is crying.

...That’s what I thought