Chapter 34

### Chapter 34: Reflection (5)

* * *

#19

The moonlight illuminated my back.

Every time I pushed through the withered bushes, new cuts and bruises appeared.

It hurt, stung, but I didn't care. I roughly adjusted my twisted joints. It was excruciating, but the pain was fleeting.

I wasn't sure how my broken body was moving. I just kept walking because I could, kept moving because I could.

That was all.

“Haa, haa...”

Breathing was a struggle, but I didn't stop.

Tracing my steps back, I searched my memory and headed somewhere.

Now that I had saved Rubia, it was time to return to Miu. Despite the late and deep night with a full moon, I had to get back to the square.

Whether Miu would be there or not, I had to try. Before the clock's hands pointed to 12, before the first birthday we celebrated as a couple ended...

“...Ugh.”

My heart throbbed painfully.

I stumbled momentarily.

I almost fell but caught myself with my palm on the ground. Damn it. My body was starting to fail me.

But I couldn't give up. I couldn't afford to lose it.

Since I couldn't use magic, I didn't need to create a spark for light, which was a small comfort.

Using the moonlight as a guide, I slowly pushed through the bushes, walking toward the marks I had made with branches.

It was truly desperate.

So desperate that I felt it would be fine if I died, or even that I deserved to die.

“...”

I knew.

The one there wasn't me, but Shuriel. Before being kidnapped by the bat-winged demons, it was clear that Shuriel and I were together during the magic club training.

Shuriel was the one who noticed Rubia's situation first and tried to break the barrier...

It was impossible to imagine that I could have been there.

I was weak.

I was a talentless, useless person who couldn't help or save anyone.

...So, that was right.

I knew it too...

“...”

Surprisingly, I didn't feel bad.

Actually, I wasn't sure.

Regardless, I had saved Rubia, and that hadn't changed. If I had been a little late or hadn't been prepared to die, Rubia would have surely been taken by the demons.

That was a good thing.

But why...

On a day I should be smiling and laughing.

“...Haha.”

Was I crying?

Maybe it was because I felt refreshed.

I felt a sense of liberation, as if I had finally let go of everything that had been weighing me down. It was a kind of catharsis. I was so relieved and joyful that I couldn't express it any other way but to laugh and cry.

“Haha, hah, hahaha...”

So, I laughed and cried.

As transparent droplets fell from my eyes, I slowly pulled out the pieces I had kept inside.

Thud, thud...

Walking through the forest for a while.

When I was almost at my destination.

I opened my eyes wide.

“...I'm glad.”

I lowered my eyelids.

I let out two sighs of relief.

It was still there...

The gift for Miu.

The scarf was a bit dirty, but the fact that it was still there meant the gift beneath it was intact.

That was the meaning of my sigh.

And I...

“...Really, I'm glad.”

Now, I could finally let Rubia go.

That was good.

It was a relief.

Now, I could love Miu completely.

...I wanted to believe that it was good that it turned out this way.

“...Wait for me, Miu.”

Muttering that, I continued.

Thud, thud...

Slowly.

Dragging my feet forward.

#20

With trembling hands, I picked up the scarf and wrapped it around my neck.

I couldn't hide the torn and bloodied clothes, but I tried to cover my face as much as possible.

The scarf was dusty from being exposed for a long time. I tried to shake it off, but some dust remained. But it didn't matter. It was just a bit of dust. A few more coughs would do the trick.

With the scarf wrapped around me, I tightly held the object that might fall out of the hole in my pocket and retraced my steps.

Tinkle, tinkle...

It was a bright night with a full moon.

I wasn't sure of the exact time. It couldn't be past dawn. It didn't matter.

What mattered was that the sky was completely dark.

I was supposed to meet Miu at 1 PM.

At least, it had been more than 7 hours.

Considering the minimum, Miu must have already left the square.

“...”

It was okay.

I could still check when I got back.

If I could return to the temple with the gift and deliver it to Miu tomorrow...

I shook my head.

...No, that wasn't an option.

I had to deliver it today.

Today was a special day.

Miu's birthday.

I remembered how Miu had told me about her birthday a month in advance, asking what I would do for her.

Miu had been so looking forward to today.

...But everything had gone wrong.

At the very least, I wanted to tell Miu one last thing.

Before 12 PM today, I wanted to give Miu the gift and say those words.

I wanted to see Miu's surprised eyes and joyful face and give her a happy smile. I wanted to say just one thing.

—Happy birthday.

That was something...

I couldn't give up.

“...Ugh.”

I held on to my fading consciousness with a firm mind.

If someone saw me, they might think it was a miracle that I was still alive.

I didn't know what had happened. One blow had shattered my entire body, bones and organs, and a demon's finger had pierced my head, penetrating my brain.

Just thinking about that moment made me shudder with an unbearable, horrific sensation. Goosebumps rose on my torn arm.

It was a moment that should have marked my complete death, yet here I was, alive and walking out of the forest.

It was a miracle.

Something that shouldn't have happened.

A miracle that defied the laws of nature, happening to my useless body.

...What was that light?

While tracing the terrible memory, I suddenly looked up at the open space ahead.

“...”

A dark square filled with unlit buildings.

A long alley leading to it.

I had finally reached my destination.

#21

The atmosphere in the square was desolate.

Almost no lamps were lit in the houses. Some alleys were brightly lit, while others were pitch black.

The rest of the paths were illuminated by the moonlight, allowing me to see where I was going.

There were almost no people around. That meant there were a few.

“Hey, today I... Huh!”

“Ah! What, what is that!”

“...”

A young couple, presumably lovers, were walking and suddenly saw me, causing them to jump back in fear.

I pulled down the scarf and watched as they ran away in terror. Why were they treating me like a monster and running away?

It was really unfair. Of course, I couldn't deny that I looked terrible...

I was worried that the guards might come and arrest me. I didn't want to be caught, but I lacked the ability to escape, so it was almost certain that I would end up in a temporary prison.

Well, that was a pointless thought.

On my way to the fountain in the center of the square, I encountered quite a few people. They all screamed and ran away when they saw me, or looked at me with worried eyes and cautiously asked if I was okay.

They asked if I was badly hurt and suggested I should go to the temple with such severe injuries. If I didn't know the way, they offered to take me there...

Some had kind faces, but a few seemed to have ulterior motives.

Knowing I couldn't move properly, they might have thought of taking me somewhere to take advantage of me.

Of course, they didn't dare kidnap me in broad daylight, especially in a place close to the heart of the empire.

I ignored them and kept walking.

The more I walked, the slower my pace became.

My breathing and heartbeat became irregular and gradually slowed down.

But I didn't stop.

I didn't fall.

Even if Miu wasn't there.

Even if she had returned to the dormitory, angry with me.

After doing my absolute best.

Only then, after burning myself out completely, could I finally say the word "give up."

...At that moment.

“—Did you see that? She's still there.”

Covering my mouth with the scarf, I limped along, and the voices of people passing by reached my ears.

...Her? Who is she?

“I saw her. I couldn't talk to her though. I saw someone else approach her, but they all ran away. How terrifying must her expression have been?”

“I don't really find her terrifying. When I saw her face for a moment, I was just amazed. Wow... How can someone look like that? I usually don't like kids younger than me, but... I just couldn't help but say 'wow.'”

“Haha. Why don't you go talk to her then?”

“No way, I don't want to get hit. The way she treats strangers, she must have a really bad attitude.”

“Really? I think she might be nice.”

“What? Why?”

“Well, whoever she's waiting for, she's been sitting there motionless since we first saw her. At least, she must be sincere about that person. If it's a guy, he's lucky.”

“...That's a bit scary. Isn't it obsessive?”

“Idiot, that's why you're single. I'd actually like to date a girl like that. Someone who only has eyes for me, a devoted and virtuous wife... That's a man's dream, isn't it?”

“Really? Hmm... I don't think so. Ouch.”

The two men, chuckling, disappeared into the lit street.

“...”

What were they talking about?

I turned to look at the path they had taken.

Not far away, a white statue was visible.

It was bathed in a yellowish glow from the moonlight.

The statue, quite small from the distance, was placed in the center of a fountain.

I remembered it was probably a statue of a baby angel playing a trumpet. It was a common sight.

The fountain wasn't spouting water. Only the calm ripples below flowed as usual.

Around the transparent water, long benches were placed for people to enjoy the charming square, but there were almost no late-night strollers.

...So.

This time, too.

One person, at least, was visible.

The figure was as small as the statue, barely distinguishable.

It was huddled on a bench, face buried between the knees, as the two men had described.

The image reflected in my trembling eyes. I couldn't be sure if it was the right person.

But before I knew it, I had instinctively taken a step forward.

Thud.

Before entering the barrier, I had a sudden thought. It would get cold at night. I hoped she had dressed warmly, I thought.

It was a truly foolish thought.

She had to be dressed warmly, regardless of my wishes.

She had planned to spend the whole day with me.

Thud, thud...

As I took a few more steps, the figure became clearer.

Things that were invisible before started to appear.

The first thing I saw was...

“...Ah.”

A familiar-colored scarf.

Thud, thud...

Thud, thud, thud.

I started running.

My legs felt broken, and the pain from the injured areas spread throughout my body, but I couldn't stop running.

I was foolish. I should have run as soon as I entered the square. I wasn't in a state to walk slowly and drag my feet.

But even with my heart pounding violently and pain stabbing every part of my body, I didn't feel any of it.

What I felt more acutely were the tremors in my shoulders and hands.

As soon as I saw that familiar figure, I forgot all the pain in my body and just kept running.

Occasionally, unknown screams were directed at me as I ran, but I didn't care.

Of course, it could have been someone else. It might not have been the lovely junior I knew.

Maybe it was a girl with long black hair and a beige scarf, waiting for someone in a similar situation, sitting in one place all night...

No.

It was Miu.

“...”

Thump, thump.

Biting my lip, I held my aching heart.

When I finally reached the fountain.

Miu was just ten steps in front of me.

This was real, not a dream.

From the time we had agreed to meet at 1 PM.

No, even before that, she had been waiting, sitting on this bench, sometimes imagining what we would do today, and as 1 PM passed, she must have started to wonder.

She must have rubbed her hands as it got colder, pulled her scarf up higher, and rested her chin on her hand, watching people pass by. When happy couples walked by, what expression did Miu have on her face?

By 2 PM and 3 PM, and then 4 PM.

As the sunset approached and people's footsteps gradually faded, was Miu still smiling?

By 7 PM, long past dinner time, thinking I hadn't come to keep our promise, Miu must have slowly buried her head between her knees...

And so, for over 10 hours.

Only for me...

She had been waiting here.

“...”

The beige scarf covering her face.

A navy blue jacket and a checkered skirt.

Her smooth, long legs were wrapped in black stockings.

Her feet were covered in pretty black shoes.

It was a special outfit she had prepared for today.

...Thud.

Miu couldn't see my face, and I couldn't see hers. We couldn't know what expressions we had on our faces.

I didn't know how to face her.

But I could feel one thing.

I could finally feel that we were in front of each other.

Thud, thud.

With each step, my heart crumbled. My lips dried. I couldn't think of what to say first. My mind went blank, and I couldn't speak.

Should I apologize to Miu first? Or should I let her know I was here? When we looked into each other's eyes, what expression would I have?

I didn't know. A lump formed in my throat.

It was self-reproach.

It was resentment.

It was all the blame directed at myself.

At first, I wanted to be honest with Miu. I had been through a lot too. I had almost died, and in the end, all I had gained from coming back from death was a wounded heart.

I wanted to tell her about the determination and the painful feelings that led me to save Rubia, and what happened after I finally saved her... I wanted to pour out everything and seek forgiveness.

But that was wrong.

Seeking forgiveness was impossible now.

How could I, who couldn't understand Miu's feelings, explain my situation first and ask for understanding and forgiveness?

How could I, who had ruined the most important day for Miu, expect her warm comfort as usual?

That would be a heartless act, something only a demon would do.

Guilt washed over me like a tidal wave.

So, I couldn't say anything.

“...”

I stood silently, two steps away from Miu, who was hugging her knees and burying her head between them on the bench.

We were the only two in the square by the fountain. No one else was around.

It was our time.

At this moment, we were the only two here.

My vision blurred.

I held on to my fading consciousness and stood straight.

I barely held on to my shattered heart and opened my trembling lips, trying to produce a normal voice despite the hoarseness.

The carefully crafted word was a single letter.

“...Miu.”

“...”

I called her name softly.

Suddenly.

Miu's shoulders twitched.

But she didn't lift her head. I knew. She probably didn't want to see my face. The Miu who used to run to me with a bright smile was not here. She couldn't be.

I closed my eyes for a moment. My throat felt clogged, and I was afraid I wouldn't be able to speak.

After calming myself, I touched the small box in my pocket.

It was Miu's birthday gift, which I could finally deliver, but it was too late.

I repeated the words in my mouth several times, trying to figure out how to start. It felt like an eternity, but it couldn't have been more than a few seconds.

Finally, I moved my lips slightly.

“...I'm very late. I'm sorry.”

“...”

Starting with an apology.

It was the worst.

I felt like crying.

The next part had to be even worse.

“...There were circumstances.”

“...”

For a long time.

It felt like an eternity.

Finally, a slow response came.

“...What circumstances?”

“...”

Miu's voice was as hoarse as mine.

Had she not spoken for a long time, or had she been crying with her head buried? I couldn't be sure.

What mattered was that the life in Miu's voice was as dark and withered as my heart.

“I'm sorry.”

I apologized again.

Suddenly, my legs felt weak, and I almost stumbled. I braced myself strongly. My breath was short, but I couldn't lose consciousness here. After enduring one crisis, I continued.

“...Rubia—”

was kidnapped.

She almost died.

I was trapped there and couldn't leave the barrier. I couldn't run away and leave someone close to me in danger.

So, I desperately risked my life to save Rubia and succeeded. After everything was over, I came back to you.

I intended to explain only the facts to Miu, excluding my feelings.

That was a big mistake.

“Again.”

Miu, still not looking at me, interrupted.

“Again... that sister?”

“...”

At those sharp words.

I felt as if the world had paused.

Once said, words can't be taken back.

I, ...

...Miu too.

“Ha.”

It was a voice I had never heard from Miu before.

No, I had heard it a few times.

But this was the first time it was directed at me.

I took a step back.

Miu slowly, as if spitting out pent-up emotions, spoke to me in a hoarse, cold, or slightly angry voice.

“...Stop it, okay?”

* * *