Chapter 79

〈 Chapter 79 〉 Conclusion (7)

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#14

My shoulders trembled.

I have never asked Elena for anything first. It was neither the right time nor the right situation, and I hadn't been confident enough.

But Elena asked as if she could read my mind. I was flustered, but Elena wasn't. She stared at me without any sign of hesitation.

"...Did you know?"

"It would be stranger if I didn't."

I had never mentioned losing my memory. I wondered how she knew, but I naturally accepted that someone like Elena could easily find out the records of a specific patient's hospitalization.

"You must have a lot of questions. What your condition was like last Saturday night. Why you lost your memory. The exact reason for losing your memory. Most importantly, why only parts of it are missing, not a large chunk."

"...You seem to know quite a lot."

I had never confided in anyone about the fragmented memories, except for Miu and Rubia.

Elena nodded with a "Hmm" expression.

"Well, it's written on your forehead. I don't know who did it, but it's neatly written in black ink."

"...Huh?"

"Kidding. I felt a bit stupid saying it, but you took it seriously. You're a curious one, aren't you?"

She chuckled as I touched my forehead.

"I made an educated guess. But it seems I hit the mark. Of course, it wasn't a baseless guess; there were similar cases. Just keep that in mind. What's important to you now is not that."

It didn't seem like she would say more.

"So, what's your answer?"

"..."

In the thick smoke, Elena's face was blurry.

After a long pause, I spoke softly.

"...Of course, I want to get it back."

"Sure."

It was a short response.

"If I were in my right mind, I would have thoroughly investigated where you came from... But now it's difficult. The fact that my body doesn't break down even if I smoke a lot is good, but damn, I don't even collapse from overwork. My head hurts. Do you know how long I've been awake, junior?"

"I... I don't know..."

"Three days. Three days. And it's still counting. I should just lie down, but I can't fall asleep because I've used my eyes too much. Damn, it's so frustrating. You should sleep on time. You're still growing. If you grow any more, you might look creepy. Oh."

Thud. Elena slammed her forehead on the table as if she had collapsed. Then she suddenly lifted her head, apparently trying to regain her composure. Her forehead, which was scrunched up like a frown, was red.

"...Anyway, we should have had a friendly Q&A session as seniors and juniors, but the situation is what it is. I can't do anything from my side, and I'll prove your innocence. From now on, I'll only tell you about the parts you're curious about. I won't repeat myself, so listen carefully, junior."

I nodded and swallowed.

Elena raised one finger.

"First, about the incident on Saturday, you were attacked by a demon. It was a demon."

"...! A, a demon?"

It was a fact I had no idea about.

"Yeah. Damn. It's a top secret that should never be leaked outside the Frontier, but since you'll know everything anyway, I just told you. But if you go around blabbing, you'll die. The Frontier will take care of you, not me. Of course, I'll take care of you first, but..."

Puff, huff... She puffed out smoke.

Elena tilted her head.

"...That's the gist of it. Nadiria Halenia. Her real name is Eligos. She's one of the great demons expelled beyond the border."

"A, a great demon...?"

"Yeah. She had been masquerading as a human and building a reputation as a scholar for quite a while. From her actions, it seems she was quite clever, but she overreached and self-destructed this time. In the process of attacking you, she triggered something very fatal for both you and her."

"...I don't understand what you mean."

"It's like punching a time bomb that would have been safe and dormant for a long time, making it explode. There's no one stupider than that."

"...I can sort of understand."

"Are you saying there was a bomb inside you?"

"Not just a bomb. A large bomb that could easily wipe out a city. It was something that shouldn't be taken lightly. I wonder how much greed she had..."

Elena shook her head and continued.

"Anyway, that demon died, and you, in a sense, died too. As a result, you lost your mind and became a rampaging monster. But don't worry, no one died because of you."

Became a monster... My eyes trembled as I heard this unbelievable story, and Elena reassured me.

"Well, you should have died there. Returning to normal was almost impossible. But it's strange. You're here, talking to me in perfect condition, and the only problem is the hole in your head."

Elena stopped as if she was about to say something more. I didn't ask what it was, as the information in my head was already quite overwhelming.

"You lost your memory as a result of the incident. A lot of things that were a significant part of who you are now are probably gone. Of course, there are other things too. In any case, the you before you lost your memory and the you now, while they might look the same on the surface, will have significant differences if you dig deeper. These differences will likely never be bridged, even if you hear about your lost memories from someone else."

"...Why is that?"

"Because what you lost wasn't just your memory."

Elena continued, lighting another cigarette.

"...Or rather, saying you lost it is a bit of a misnomer. You didn't lose your memory. You just can't recall it. It's been buried deep in the abyss where no one can touch it."

Puff... Gray smoke billowed again.

"That's where the problem lies."

Elena narrowed her brows.

"Because it's buried too deep, if it's ever brought back, it will come back with everything that was originally there. It's a very bad situation. So, the risk you have to take to recover your memory is quite significant."

I had a puzzled look. What did she mean?

Elena scratched her head and then raised her finger, which had been tapping the table, to show a number.

"To put it simply, the memory you lost in this incident is the primary memory, and what's deeper is the secondary memory."

"..."

"Just listen. I'll explain it simply."

I nodded silently.

A moment later.

"It might be hard to distinguish what you've lost and what you remember, but you probably had a lot of memories you had forgotten even before this incident. ...Hmm, for example, the memories from when your head and body were completely rebuilt, or the memories after that. I'm almost certain about this. Anyway."

"!"

"Don't look so shocked. Whatever the past was, as long as you look good now, that's all that matters, right?"

How much does she know? I felt a bit scared, as if I was being ambushed from an unexpected direction. But Elena spoke calmly, as if she didn't care at all.

"Anyway, let's call the deeper memory the second seal, and the memory you lost in this incident the first seal. Until last Saturday, you only had the second seal. The time bomb I mentioned earlier is exactly that. In other words, if the second seal is broken, you become a monster."

"..."

"For you now, it might happen once, but it can't happen twice. The next time will be complete death. When that happens, I'll have to deal with it myself."

"..."

"I'll make sure it never happens. If your nightmares get worse, I'll be in trouble too."

Elena suddenly coughed, as if she was getting tired of talking. She tried to clear her throat a few times, but it didn't help much. She gulped down the water bottle lying on the table and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand before continuing.

"...The first seal has merged with the second seal, which was already in place. So, to recover the memory you lost, you must necessarily break the second seal, which is a very bad dilemma. This is a very difficult situation. If I make a single mistake, I'll have to kill my junior with my own hands."

Elena said she wouldn't repeat herself. I was listening intently, but the words were quite serious.

Elena's piercing golden eyes were fixed on me. There seemed to be a hint of pity in them.

"It's not just about the memory returning. By recovering the jumbled memory, your damaged personality will also be restored."

"...Is it that bad?"

"Yeah, kid. You look fine on the outside, but inside, you're like a living corpse."

A hollow laugh echoed and then stopped.

"You're still seventeen, right?"

"...Yes."

"You're in the prime of your youth. You shouldn't be facing the world's storms alone and acting so gloomy."

"..."

"When I first saw you at the opening ceremony, I thought... You looked pitiful. In your class, there are quite a few pitiful kids, but you were the most pitiful of all. Do you understand?"

"..."

"Regardless of the life you've lived, there are quite a few things I can relate to. I want to take better care of you, this pitiful junior. ...Cough, cough."

She gulped down the water bottle again, finishing it off and tossing it aside. Thud.

"Damn, I feel like I'm dying. My throat hurts. I should have learned telepathy from a bald guy. I suddenly regret it..."

Elena lowered her head. Thud. Her forehead touched the table. Her voice came out in a low murmur.

"Let me ask you one thing. What will you do with the dirty memories you find?"

"That's..."

I trailed off.

Elena, sprawled on the table, lifted her head slightly and looked up at me with fierce eyes, only moving her lips.

"Is it because of her?"

"...?"

I tilted my head.

Her?

"Your ex-girlfriend or something. Number 1."

"?"

No...

How did she know this?

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