Chapter 89

### Chapter 89: Change (3)

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#6

“What’s what, what’s what? How do I look right now?”

“Well….”

The cigarette he had just lit. The cynical look in his eyes. The blonde hair. The slanted posture. His recent behavior and tone of voice.

Isn’t this the standard answer?

“Rogue?”

“……”

He makes a “huh” face and scratches his head.

“If that’s how you see me, then I must have succeeded magnificently. I did act like a rogue in front of you, and I did curse a lot. Rogue, rogue… So, you don’t want to associate with me, right?”

“Don’t you know already?”

“I know. You avoid me not out of fear, but out of disgust.”

“Disgust? It wasn’t that bad.”

“It’s a metaphor. And it’s not entirely wrong, is it? If you touch filth, your hands get dirty. Would you want to keep a rogue like me around?”

“……”

“See, it’s the same thing.”

Yuseul mocked someone. He habitually put his hand in his jacket pocket, but then looked at me with a “whoops” expression. He seemed to have wanted to take out a cigarette. His lips were twitching. Is he even going through withdrawal?

He took a deep sigh. He was tapping his foot and trembling. Yuseul, who seemed to be in a state of nervous instability, suddenly said:

“I don’t know what you’re thinking, but I work part-time here. I found a job as soon as I enrolled. I have no experience, but I’m confident I can do well. Plus, I’m not bad to look at when I dress up, so they hired me right away. The owner seems to like me. Hehe.”

“Do you think it’s a good idea to say that yourself?”

“What, isn’t it true? Facts are facts.”

“……”

I kept quiet.

“So, this is my first part-time job. What do you think of the rogue I mentioned, smiling to serve? Was I professional enough?”

His expression management was quite artistic.

Yuseul smiled, as if he already knew my answer.

“……What do you mean by ‘first’?”

When I asked, Yuseul answered lightly.

“Ah, I have other part-time jobs too.”

“……Other part-time jobs?”

“Yeah.”

Yuseul held up his fingers, folding them one by one.

“On weekdays, I work as a restaurant server in the 4th district in the evening. At night, I work here until this time. On weekends, I do cleaning in the 2nd district from lunchtime to night. I’m trying to find another job during my free period around lunchtime, but it’s hard to find one that’s only on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. Still, I think I can find one if I look hard enough. After all, this is the frontier.”

He looked at me as if seeking my agreement.

Meanwhile, I was slightly dazed and asked:

“……You’re doing three jobs at the same time?”

“Yeah.”

His tone suggested there was no problem.

There was no problem.

However, he was fully occupied with hall service and kitchen work on weekdays. Even if we consider the cafe, it seemed like a lot. On weekends, he was taking on the arduous task of cleaning, which seemed like a lot for anyone, let alone a normal person.

Most importantly, living like that without a moment to breathe. When do you even get to rest?

It didn’t seem like Yuseul was working part-time to earn money for entertainment. If that were the case, he would at least need some time to spend the money he earned. He seemed to have come here to work in the frontier.

“Why… are you doing this much?”

My gaze on Yuseul became a bit strange.

Not softer, but I couldn’t understand it intuitively. For what, exactly.

“What’s the reason for working part-time?”

“To earn money?”

“Yeah, to earn money. Then, why do you have multiple jobs?”

“To earn more.”

“Exactly.”

A lot of money. More money. He needed it.

Yuseul must have been a noble lady. Although he had fallen like me, he must have had no connection with such things in the past.

“It’s surprisingly common. Taking out loans to enroll in school.”

Noble families are generally wealthy. At least, they rarely take out loans.

“I’m not in a position to be tied down for more than five years after graduating from here. So, I’m trying to pay off all my debts as soon as I graduate. At this pace, I’ll have about 40 million left just before graduation. I can’t let it be like that, so I need to increase my part-time jobs.”

He took out a loan to barely enroll. What did he want to achieve in the frontier? Ultimately, Yuseul didn’t seem interested in studying. Reading my thoughts from my expression, Yuseul chuckled.

“I tried to balance part-time work with studying, but it didn’t work. It just didn’t work. The money I earn from part-time jobs is much better than scholarships, so why should I study hard? It would be nice to learn something properly here, but the most important thing for me is the graduation certificate.”

He’s too busy working to cram studying into his head. That makes sense.

I understood it in my head, but there were still parts I couldn’t understand. For example, the incident at the first meeting. The unpleasant attitude Yuseul showed that day was still etched in my mind.

……That’s why.

“Why are you telling me this?”

I was curious about Yuseul’s intentions. Objectively, personal matters are personal matters, and Yuseul wasn’t a close friend of mine. Moreover, he had indeed made some very unpleasant remarks during the group meeting.

“I don’t know.”

“……?”

“I just wanted to apologize for being a jerk to you and the others. I’m usually always pissed off, but that day was especially bad.”

“Yuseul.”

“……Why? What are you mad about?”

“Don’t say things like that lightly.”

“What do you mean? About calling myself a ‘bitch’? It’s a fact….”

“Yuseul.”

“……Oh, you’re consistent.”

Yuseul looked at me mockingly.

“You did the same before, right? You said you had nothing to lose, but don’t lose yourself. Honestly, it was a bit cringeworthy, right? I was so creeped out that I told you to fuck off.”

When he says that, I feel a bit awkward.

“And I don’t need to hear that from you. You don’t need to say it even if you don’t. Why would I lose myself? I haven’t lost myself yet, and I won’t in the future. It’s inevitable that I’ll change, but I can’t find my original self anymore, so the changing me is ‘me.’ So, don’t meddle in my life. It’s the most miserable thing for me.”

“……”

If that’s true, I have nothing to say.

At that point, Yuseul slightly lowered his head. He lifted and lowered his heels, looking at the shadow cast by the moonlight.

“This is my life. It’s the way I chose to survive after my fall. Trying to maintain a meager self-respect when I have nothing is just pretentious, right? It’s better to let it all go and act like a woman with no foundation.”

“……”

“See, you guys have already given up on me. There’s no point in getting involved with me. Who would want to be friends with a girl who only leaves filth on others? My personality is also really bad. I know I’m such a girl, so I’d rather no one came near me.”

A short sneer formed on Yuseul’s lips.

Well, I don’t know what to say here. I don’t understand why Yuseul is telling me this. So, I just listened quietly.

“Back then.”

“……Back then?”

“The day of the first meeting, right?”

“Ah, yeah.”

“At that time, I told the restaurant I would only work until the meeting time. They allowed it, right?”

Yuseul suddenly recalled a funny situation and continued with a chuckle.

“But just before my scheduled quitting time, I was cleaning the warehouse, and the materials collapsed.”

“……”

“Suddenly, a lot of black powder from the boxes flooded over me. I was completely covered. I was planning to go straight after work, but how could I go like that? There was nothing in the restaurant bathroom. So, I had to go back to the dormitory, so I rushed out after work. When I came out after showering, it was already quite late.”

“……”

“At that moment, I felt really bad. If I was just studying alone, it would be fine, but this was our first group assignment. If only I messed up, it would be one thing, but you guys were involved too, so I had to go. That’s why I took a break from my part-time job, but when things turned out like that, I felt like, ‘What the hell am I doing?’ I had a mental breakdown. My head was completely empty, like a poor woman’s. Anyway.”

Again, he was saying things that belittled himself. Just as I was about to call his name unconsciously.

I closed my mouth.

Yuseul chuckled.

“……I didn’t want to explain the situation to you guys. How could I say it? I was late because I got covered in filth while doing a part-time job cleaning a restaurant. Even if I’ve hit rock bottom, that’s a different issue. So, I thought, ‘What am I doing trying to get good grades?’ and just rushed in. Sorry, I talked like an asshole. My apology is also an asshole. Sorry.”

He didn’t bow his head like last time. He said it with a bitter smile, so I just nodded without saying anything.

Yuseul suddenly remembered something and said:

“…Ah, how did I dry my hair? I don’t know why there’s such a thing in sacred magic, but it’s possible.”

He took his hand out of his jacket pocket, muttered something, and a warm light bloomed from his palm. The dark alleyway suddenly became bright like a path of light. Yuseul, whose face was illuminated by the reflected light, said as if telling a funny joke:

“If you put this on your head and rub it roughly, it dries. It’s quite convenient. I’ve been using it to dry my hair on my way to work.”

……What? Is it real?

After listening to Yuseul’s various stories and judging that it wasn’t a complete lie. I looked at the calluses on Yuseul’s fingertips, which were visible from the light, and was about to speak softly.

“Don’t tell me you’re apologizing?”

“……”

“If you apologize for that, you’ll just make yourself feel bad. I was indeed a jerk, so just be yourself.”

Yuseul lightly punched my chest. His cat-like eyes, curved like a crescent moon. Then, he took out a pack of cigarettes from his jacket pocket, put one in his mouth, and looked up at me as if realizing something.

I didn’t react, but he clicked his tongue and put it back in his pocket.

At that point, a question came to mind.

“Didn’t you say you didn’t want anyone to come near you?”

“……Did I?”

“But why are you telling me this?”

Is it to make me understand the situation that led to the misunderstanding? Or to ask for sympathy for his difficult situation? The latter seems impossible given Yuseul’s personality. Even if there are several possible reasons, they don’t converge into one.

“Hmm……”

Judging by his expression, it seemed like he didn’t know either. But he didn’t. Yuseul shrugged playfully and said:

“Since I got caught working part-time, I just thought, ‘Why not?’ I talk like this, but sometimes I act silly on my own. I don’t even know what I’m doing. Being human, I’m not completely immune to loneliness.”

He deliberately scrunched up his face and continued.

“Plus, maybe it’s because I just had my period. I get emotional and moody. I thought you might be a good listener, so I just tried it. ……But, it seems I wasn’t completely wrong.”

For some reason, I became more cautious with sensitive words. When I flinched, Yuseul hummed and made a sound. Knowing I wasn’t familiar with such things, he subtly poked my shoulder with his finger.

“Hey, you’re actually a bit shy, aren’t you? You look like you could make dozens or hundreds of women cry. You must have gotten a lot of advances in social settings, right?”

“……No, I haven’t.”

“Bullshit. I don’t believe it. You’re shamelessly lying.”

Well, if I had always been in this body from the beginning, it might have been true. But how can I when it’s not actually the case?

Suddenly, Yuseul asked:

“Do you really not have a girlfriend?”

“……No.”

“Then, did you have one?”

“……”

“……I can’t answer that. Well, it doesn’t make sense. I don’t know who it is, but you must have had a good time with your eyes during your relationship. Hehe.”

No…

It was probably the opposite.

“Hey, but.”

“?”

“Do you not quit smoking?”

“……Ah.”

Oops. I’ve been here too long.

Looking at my watch, I thought I could still make it if I ran quickly.

“Thanks for talking to me. I’ll go now.”

Just as I turned to run to the station.

“Hey, wait a minute.”

What now.

“Do you know you’re not supposed to tell anyone about our conversation? I’ll really bite my tongue and die if this gets out.”

“……I won’t.”

“I thought so.”

Now I’m really going.

“And one more thing.”

“I’m late.”

“You can run faster.”

“……What? Just say it quickly.”

As if wondering why I was in such a hurry, Yuseul hummed leisurely and followed me out of the alley, continuing:

“I’m being serious.”

“……What are you talking about?”

When I tilted my head in confusion.

“You’re good-looking. I see your face a lot. You definitely said you don’t have a girlfriend, right?”

“……”

He asked a meaningful question and waved at me without waiting for an answer.

“See you on Thursday. Bye-bye.”

What can I say.

……It was a rather peculiar feeling.