Chapter 5

"Karina! Did you take the thing that was up there?!"

"Huh? No, I didn't."

"Then why does Abelia have it! I told you it was dangerous!"

"I didn't do it…."

"Why can't you listen to me at all now that you're a big sister! Why do you make me so worried!"

She couldn't say that she hadn't done it.

Seeing Abelia, who was pale white, looking at her and hiding behind their mother, sobbing, she couldn't say that she hadn't taken it.

She realized that no matter how much she said she hadn't done it, her voice wouldn't reach her mother.

Her heart ached.

Desperately trying to escape the darkness, she waved her hands in the air, but the scene changed again.

"Tomorrow is the graduation ceremony at Infric, so would it be okay to have your birthday party a few days later, Karina?"

"Yes, that's fine. Father."

"Karina, I'm sorry. If the tea party you're organizing isn't urgent, could it be postponed a bit? Abelia isn't feeling well."

"Yes, Mother."

In the changed scene, she was sitting with the same expression, one that never got hurt, indifferently.

Saying it was fine had become Karina's natural response.

She tried not to feel hurt. It seemed that feeling hurt would make her a bad child.

Because her younger sister was sick, because her older brother was injured.

Was it selfish to ask for company just because she was lonely?

'Compared to the greatness of my older brother, who everyone praises, my drawings are nothing.'

'My older brother, who makes Mother and Father happy, is more amazing than me.'

'My younger sister is sicker than me, so I should yield.'

'Even if my birthday is celebrated a few days later, the variety of food and the number of gifts won't decrease.'

'I'm strong, so I'm fine.'

'I'm... fine.'

The number of drawings Karina made gradually increased.

In the process, she realized a few more things.

The drawings only came to life when she put all her effort and sincerity into them, and they would disappear after a short time, ranging from an hour to a day.

The number of miracles she created also increased. Many drawings came to life and then disappeared.

Instead of her family, who never properly acknowledged her, she was captivated by the living beings in her drawings that would turn to her at the sound of her voice.

They sometimes became friends who listened to her lonely stories, pets that comforted her, and even doctors who healed the twins and Infric's injuries for her grieving parents.

As her loneliness grew, her vitality was unknowingly eroded, eventually reaching a point of no return.

* * *

"We have arrived."

Karina, who had dozed off in the swaying carriage, opened her eyes wide at the voice.

Perhaps because of the short dream, her back was drenched in cold sweat.

Pressing her trembling heart with her palm, Karina composed herself and got out of the carriage.

Since she could use the carriage stop to return, she dismissed the driver. She had tried to calm herself by closing her eyes during the ride, but she had fallen asleep and had such a dream.

"Just think about it more casually."

It wasn't just a day or two. She muttered to herself sarcastically.

In fact, the conclusion she always reached after such thoughts was the same.

Abelia and Ferdon are young and younger siblings. It was always Karina who had to understand.

'I should go to the doctor.'

Feeling depressed alone wouldn't help. After all, no one would comfort her even if she cried.

Young Karina realized this before she even turned ten.

"What, did you suddenly want to live after a day?"

As soon as Karina entered the doctor's office, a clear voice recognized her.

However, she didn't seem particularly uncomfortable. On the contrary, Karina found the doctor with a harsh tone much more comfortable than a kind family.

With her mind made up, she smiled brightly and chuckled.

The doctor, with his white hair, looked very healthy despite his age.

"No, I need medicine."

"Medicine? What kind of medicine?"

"I want to leave."

At her concise and unexpected answer, the doctor was about to laugh it off but stopped when he saw the relaxed look in Karina's eyes.

"I've never felt like I was the master of my own life. It always felt like something else was in control... Now, I don't want that anymore."

"So you want to leave?"

"Yes."

Although it was better than the state she was in yesterday, the idea of traveling with her current condition was concerning.

The doctor didn't really want to recommend it. However, her eyes were resolute and unwavering.

"How long do you plan to travel?"

"Um... Have you heard of Jenthar in the far north?"

The doctor's eyes immediately widened. Suddenly, Nocturne came to mind, and Karina shook her head. Why did that young man come to mind from this old man's face?

"Rather, you should say you're going to die. Then I'll make you a quick-acting poison."

The doctor casually stabbed her with a smile.

Karina's face stiffened awkwardly.

She had expected not to hear something nice, but she hadn't expected such a sharp and direct response.

At a loss for words, she rolled her eyes.

"What! If you came here to die, you came to the wrong place. Shoo, get out!"

"No, that's not it..."

The doctor waved his hands as if shooing away a bird pecking at rice, making Karina flustered.

"Is there any way to get there safely without dying? I'll plan for about two months. And if I rest for a couple of days at an inn once a week, would that be too difficult?"

"Why the north? If you want to rest, you might as well take a boat. That would be better."

"Um... I have someone to rely on in the north."

"Go on, do you know how cold it is there? Winter is approaching in two months."

"Um, will the cold be a problem? I'll mostly stay indoors anyway..."

The doctor's gaze turned disapprovingly toward Karina.

Her expression became subtle under his gaze, as if he were looking at a naive child.

"Exactly what do you want?"

"As long as I don't collapse and die on the road, I think it will be fine."

"When are you leaving?"

"In a week."

"...Tsk, that's a tight schedule. I understand. I can't fundamentally restore the vitality you've lost to your artistic illness, but I can slow its progression."

Karina's eyes widened.

"If you stop taking the medicine, your condition will worsen more than it would have without the medicine. I'll only make enough for two months."

"That's enough."

Karina nodded readily. Having obtained the answer she wanted, she placed a generous amount of gold coins.

"Why do you keep giving me money like this?"

"It's for two months' worth of medicine."

"Even so, I don't need that much!"

"Then I'll give it to you as a token of gratitude. I don't need it anyway. I'll come back in six days."

Karina smiled and bowed lightly.

The doctor clicked his tongue, watching Karina leave without even waiting for a response, leaving a dozen gold coins without a second thought.

"Young people give up so quickly."

But he was a doctor. He would save those who wanted to live, but he wouldn't try to save those who wanted to die.

The doctor watched her leave with a relaxed expression.

"What kind of life did you live to decide to die and look so relieved..."

The doctor roughly swept the gold coins into a drawer and shook his head. He rested his chin on his hand, watching Karina walk away through the window.

* * *

Before returning home, Karina packed a few skewers to give to Abelia.

Her parents and older brother, who were picky eaters, probably wouldn't eat this food that commoners ate, but the curious twins would surely enjoy it.

"...Skewers or juice! I wanted to try them!"

Abelia's kind smile came to mind.

"Sister, it must be nice to always go out..."

At the same time, the words that had turned her stomach came to mind.

She knew Abelia didn't have any ill will toward her. For some reason, she liked her. But from a certain point on, she couldn't genuinely smile at her.

Feeling a sudden pang of guilt, Karina also bought two glasses of the fruit juice that Abelia had said she wanted to try.

She went to the carriage stop and rented a carriage. The driver, who had been indifferent at first, bowed hurriedly when she mentioned her destination.

Karina climbed into the shabby carriage. It was old and smelly inside.

The jolting was so severe that even after a short ride, her buttocks and back ached.

If it was any consolation, the large market in the earldom wasn't far from the mansion.

"Snacks before dinner would be appropriate."

Karina thought to herself with a sigh.