Chapter 39

Compared with Qin Weihang’s difficulties during the supplementary lessons in the law courses, An Ning’s progress with rock climbing can be described as going up leaps and bounds; he can already practice top roping. He was very excited that he was about to go on that wall for the first time. Qin Weihang took their connected safety ropes and tied it to his harness, and it made a soft click sound. An Ning was feeling deeply moved, saying: “Then I’ll leave my life to you, protector.”

Qin Weihang, who was pulling down his clothes, raised his head and looked at him. Then he lowered his head and smiled calmly: “You know a lot now.”

An Ning unconsciously smiled back at him: “I have done my homework, and too.”

Qin Weihang lowered his head and made an ‘mn’ sound: “You are indeed a top student.” He cast a glance at the rope on An Ning’s harness, “You even got the figure-eight knot done in one try.”

An Ning didn’t tell Qin Weihang that he actually found a lot of instruction videos in the past two days, so Qin Weihang just gave him a demonstration, and he was already able to do it.

However, the first time climbing the wall was not smooth. In 10 minutes, he climbed less than two-thirds of the less than 15 meter artificial rock wall.

Qin Weihang raised his head and said to him: “You can be a bit bold.”

To An Ning, who has a habit of proceeding steadily in everything, this was a suggestion that was difficult to digest. He would habitually stay in one position and mentally prepare himself before taking the next step. As he gets higher and higher, he would stay in place longer and longer. Although this keeps his hands from slipping and his body from falling, it also exhausts his strength.

At the height of 9 meters, An Ning felt that his arms were exhausted. At this moment, he was facing a very difficult spot. He could choose a closer open hold or a slightly farther pinch hold*. This was what he had previously planned when he was down below, but when he really came up, he realized that it was indeed harder than it looks. With the current state of his fingers, he probably couldn’t climb to the open hold because it was too slanted over there. Moreover, it was a bit far away from the pinch hold. He visualized himself stretching his arm, however, he may not be able to reach it…

[*TN: Pinch hold is when you pinch with your thumb on one side and your fingers on the other side.]

Open Hold

Pinch Hold

The idea ‘Should I dyno?’ came into his mind. He then looked down—the height and verticality made him retreat again.

Qin Weihang seemed to see what he was thinking: “You can try both routes.” Either was fine. It was better than what he was doing now.

An Ning wanted to know if Qin Weihang had encountered this kind of problem when he just started learning rock climbing, but he soon figured out that it was impossible for Qin Weihang to encounter this kind of predicament. He was definitely not the type to hesitate.

If the 15-year-old Qin Weihang was on the rock wall now, and his teacher was pulling him below, let alone top roping, even if it was the first time lead climbing, Qin Weihang will go for the pinch hold that was further away without even a second of hesitation.

“An Ning,” Qin Weihang’s voice came from below, “I don’t know what other rock climbers are like, but for me, dynamic moves are an important part of rock climbing. It can make you feel the charm of rock climbing.” He said, “I hope you can feel what I feel, otherwise, we are not playing the same thing.”

The last sentence was useful, and the person who was stuck on the rock was somewhat shaken.

“It’s not scary to fall while top roping. Following the principle of leverage, if you want to fall, you have to first drag me off from the ground. Compared to you, I am more than 70 kilograms, so is that possible?” Qin Weihang said, “Even if you were lead climbing and fell 100 times, I can still catch you 100 times.”

An Ning looked down at him.

“Really.” Qin Weihang raised his head and said.

There were only two of them in the climbing gym. They were three stories apart. An Ning can still see Qin Weihang’s bright and deep eyes looking at him. Qin Weihang has always had a cold aura in both appearance and voice. In this kind of situation, it gives people a sense of security, but it seemed like it was more than that. When he said these words, he exuded a wonderful aura. His voice echoed in the empty climbing gym—the natural, deep reverberation seems to shake everything.

An Ning didn’t know how many times he felt this wonderful chemical reaction, but this time, maybe it was because he was close to the rock wall and half-hung in the air, the adrenaline intensified the reaction. He heard the sound of his heart beating.

“Okay,” he took a deep breath, “then I will jump!”

Looking at the pinch hold on the upper right side that was an arm away, with blood rushing to his head, he imagined that he was Spider-Man—letting go of his feet and made a leap!

The feeling of his body soaring seemed to have carried a sound of breaking the air, but it was still a little short. His fingers only touched the edge of the hold, and he couldn’t grasp it at all. The slight miss made a huge difference…

He fell without any accidents. Qin Weihang only tugged the rope to lock the momentum of his fall. It was different from how he imagined falling during lead climbing would be like; he didn’t feel a shock-like weightlessness.

Thinking of Qin Weihang’s sentence, “Even if you were lead climbing and fell 100 times, I can still catch you 100 times,” he felt a little regretful.

It was just that…he was filled with adrenaline, so he wanted to show this person some extreme courage, but in the end it was wasted effort.

Qin Weihang asked him, “How do you feel?”

An Ning shook his head in frustration.

Qin Weihang laughed: “I wasn’t expecting you to be able to jump over there, just letting you jump to make you trust your partner.”

An Ning’s fallen heart jumped to his throat again, and he couldn’t help but look down. Qin Weihang was wearing an orange-red hoodie, which was the same fabric as the outdoor jacket. After putting on the harness earlier, he had put on the hoodie, zipped up, and covered the harness. After he got on the rock wall, Qin Weihang unzipped the jacket, revealing the black round-neck T-shirt inside and the harness on the waist and hips.

When he watched Qin Weihang rock climbing for the first time, this was how he dressed. An Ning still didn’t quite understand why he would go through so much effort. When he wore a harness for the first time, he suddenly realized why. At the Dark Horse Rock Climbing Base, Qin Weihang covered his waist and hips because there were many girls at the scene. But now, there were only the two of them—both of them were guys, so why was he still shy?

He thought about it, only to realize that he had some secret expectations and fantasies about Qin Weihang.

For the past 19 years, he had always lived by the rules. Many of his classmates would fall in love in high school, however, he could only remember spending time studying and working. There were also female celebrities that he liked, but was embarrassed to say that he liked them since he did not spend much money on them. When he heard his friends and classmates talking about a certain girl, and about the feeling of their heart beating for a girl, he felt that he didn’t really understand, so it was difficult to participate.

An Ning didn’t know what was the use of dating, but studying was really useful. He was admitted to the university he dreamed of, but then he found that he still couldn’t relax his energy, and he still couldn’t take it lightly. The tuition and living expenses were more than when he was in high school. He needed to work hard to get a job, and strive for the work-study programs and scholarships. If he slacks off, he will fall from poverty to extreme poverty. He reduced his daily sleep time to six hours, and his free time was almost equally divided between the library and working off-campus.

But he was here now. He wasn’t busy taking orders at the register of KFC, or repeatedly explaining an engineering problem to Yuan Xiaoye at the villa in Lantian County. He was now doing something that has nothing to do with his studies and livelihood, yet it attracts him so much. It attracts him more than Karl Marx’s Das Kapital. Qin Weihang attracts him more than the most attractive lecturer he has ever seen.

There were more people that date in university, and there were many couples on campus. He didn’t know how they started dating. Was it because one party had a good impression of the other party, and then they just told the other party directly? What kind of affection was it that made them confirm that it was love? Was it enough if it was like his affection for female celebrities? The so-called heart pounding feeling was still a mystery. Was it a sudden palpitation? Was the heart pounding because the other person was good-looking? Was it so superficial? There were so many good-looking people, so wouldn’t it be loving every person you meet? Or was it that the longer you spend time together, the more attracted you would be to the other’s personality? But it was just taking classes together, can you really know much about each other? It was not like he hadn’t been curious before, but he didn’t have enough time. It wasn’t even enough time to study law, so how can he be distracted and curious about these things. It was poverty that limits imagination.

It wasn’t until today that he realized with amazement that he seemed to have been enlightened.

But it was because of someone who he shouldn’t.

When he came out of the climbing gym that morning, the bustling world outside seemed to have completely changed. They were added with the filter called ‘vividness’. The sounds, smells, and colors became free and sharp.

An Ning came to Lantian County in a daze. He finished the lesson with Yuan Xiaoye in a daze, and then went back to school in a daze. He used to go to the library to self-study at this time. For the first time today, he went to the library, but it was not to self-study. He went to the borrowing section and found a homosexual-related book on the bookshelf of sociology and anthropology. He was embarrassed to borrow it, so he stood alone in front of the bookshelf and looked through it quietly.

How could he like a boy? Was he really gay? Obviously, he had feelings for girls in high school, and he has never had such a feeling towards other boys. Could it be that he was bisexual?

But after this feeling occurred, it seemed that there was no way to treat it. He couldn’t avoid Qin Weihang, after all, they lived in the same dorm room. But does he want to avoid him?

Even under such circumstance, it seems that he doesn’t want to avoid Qin Weihang. Not only does he not want to, but he still wanted to go rock climbing with him every week. Wasn’t this what ‘like’ really was?

It seems that many gay people do not dare come out, especially to their family. He thought about it carefully, and he didn’t seem to be afraid of it. He probably understood subconsciously that his family wouldn’t particularly care about it. So if he likes a boy, he can accept all the inconveniences that comes after, and he can bear everything.

He realized that he had suddenly thought far ahead because of an almost hopeless fantasy. Qin Weihang seemed very straight, so it was only him who was interested. The two of them lack the leverage that connects them.

He put the book back, and the world’s ‘vivid’ filter was taken off.

Don’t think too much about it, An Ning. It was just that they would be living in the same dorm room for 4 years. Thinking about it this way, he really took a huge advantage of Qin Weihang.

Should I avoid him? No, I don’t want to. My whole body is protesting this idea. Why should I avoid and be indifferent to him if I like him? This was too strange; this was a secret that belongs to me alone. I think I will be careful not to take advantage of him in the future, but I will not avoid him, nor let him know that I like him. That should be enough.