Chapter 43

I have a sense of guilt towards my parents.

It's not like there's any special meaning to it.

It's a simple story.

This is the story of a person named Rain.

Most likely, the body, or rather the life, of this person named Rain, was given by God.

To put it more simply, I think God created a child that shouldn't have been possible and implanted it in my mother.

That's because God told me,

"Since you've become a weed, I won't interfere with you during your lifetime."

So I think this applies to others as well.

I know it's a forced interpretation, a theory full of holes, more so than a beehive.

But since it's a theory that's pointless to think about, it's fine.

However, I feel guilty for deceiving my parents from the moment I was born.

I can't possibly tell them everything.

Even if I die, I have no intention of talking about my past life.

What about being a child who has secrets from the moment of birth?

It's better not to know, truly.

It's better not to know at all.

But not saying it doesn't mean I can just smile and say, "It's fine as long as they don't know."

That's why I wanted to leave home.

I wanted to get rid of this thorn in the eye that I am in this family.

I already make my parents look at me with such faces.

I, who am essentially a complete stranger sent here by God's whim, am getting in the way of the family.

So I thought I would leave and become famous.

I thought I would use my cheats, gather companions, and make the name Orion known across the continent.

I thought I could do that with my cheat skills.

And when the family was in danger, I would appear heroically and help.

Then, as soon as the crisis was over, I would leave heroically.

I thought I would live a life like that, behind the scenes.

Would that be satisfying?

It would be.

I thought that's why I chose this life.

I tried to run away with nothing but self-satisfaction.

I was afraid to know my flaws, didn't try to understand my parents, and tried to resolve everything within myself.

I couldn't stay in the dark.

Of course not.

Because "life" doesn't go as planned.

I slowly opened my eyes.

My vision was blurry, and I couldn't see my surroundings clearly.

A maid noticed my movement and leaned in close to me.

I couldn't hear what she was saying clearly.

But I had the vague feeling that she was calling my name.

Then she hurriedly ran out of the room.

"Ah'..."

(Guh...)

When I tried to speak, pain shot through my throat.

(Ah, right... I fainted.)

The moment I realized the love of my parents and my own foolishness, an endless passion for myself welled up.

I repeatedly cast Ex Heal to heal my throat.

It only takes a moment, so I had to repeat it several times.

Then I let out a deep sigh.

"Haahaaaaa~...

What should I do now..."

I lost the meaning of living.

I lost the drive to live.

I started to think that falling into hell might be the right path for me.

As I let myself fall into this negative spiral, the door was suddenly thrown open, and my father and mother rushed in.

(Ah, what a mess...)

What kind of face should I make?

They were genuinely worried about me.

How should I deal with betraying such people?

"Rain!! Are you okay!!??"

I heard my mother's voice, which sounded like a scream,

"Rain! Are you alright!!??"

I heard my father's voice, which sounded relieved, and I started to cry.

It felt like my failures were being thrust in my face.

Seeing my tears, my mother hugged me.

And she said,

"I'm sorry, Rain. I couldn't tell you that you couldn't use magic because I was indecisive..."

(No!

Mother, you did nothing wrong!

If I hadn't built walls from the beginning, this wouldn't have happened...)

"It's not your fault...

It's not your fault, Mother...

It's all my fault."

(Of course.

My parents were good parents.

But I wasn't a good child.)

"No, if I had been more attentive to you, this wouldn't have happened."

(That's not it either.

Mother was watching me closely.

I was just trying to hide it from her.)

"It's my fault...

If I had approached you and Father more, I wouldn't have put you through this pain.

Because I kept hiding myself, I made Mother cry and worried Father.

What a foolish man I am."

Then my father, who had been silent until now, spoke up.

"Stop talking nonsense! What's foolish about a five-year-old?

We are the ones who are responsible for expecting too much from you."

"Intelligence has nothing to do with age...

I knew about Father's expectations and ignored them, and I pretended not to know about Mother's worries.

What else could this be called but foolish?

In the end, misunderstandings led to the situation worsening, and I only thought about leaving home."

I confessed.

"What are you talking about, Rain?

What misunderstandings?"

It's a natural question.

"I noticed that Father and Mother seemed to feel guilty about my skills."

Then both of them stiffened.

Ignoring that, I continued.

"But I thought it was because I couldn't use offensive magic."

Thinking back, what a foolish idea.

I had vaguely accepted that not being able to use offensive magic in this world was a bad thing.

"But it was different...

Yesterday, I realized that Father and Mother were worried because I had no magical talent."

My mother said,

"I'm sorry, I'm really sorry!

If I had told you this sooner..."

"It's not your fault! I had magical talent! If I had trusted you just a little more..."

"N, what are you saying, Rain.

You... you have no magical talent at all."

Then I decided to talk about my skill.

"Level 9 skill: Mage King"

"W, what... L, Level 9..."

"The ability is to use all magical talents."

"..."

They were so shocked they froze.

"I thought Father and Mother knew about this.

But I just learned from a maid that they didn't.

How foolish I was!!"

Thinking about it, anger welled up inside me.

"There were plenty of chances to find out!!

But why didn't I make that effort?!

For what did I...?"

I didn't reincarnate into this world to go to heaven.

Was I going to repeat the unsatisfying life of my past life...

Suddenly, such thoughts crossed my mind.

"I want to die..."

A phrase I hadn't said since coming to this world, a habit from my past life, slipped out.

At that moment,

SMACK!!

"!!??"

I was confused by the sudden action.

In front of me, Mother's right hand was near her left shoulder.

It seemed she had slapped me.

It was the first time Mother had hit me.

Even after causing so much worry, she had only hugged me.

"Stop talking nonsense!!

Do you know how much we would grieve if you died?!

You might have made a mistake.

If you had told us earlier, this might not have happened.

But! But that kind of mistake isn't a reason for you to die!

If you made a mistake once, you can try again!

You still have a future!"

"I... I..."

I was about to say that I had already failed many times.

"It's fine even if you fail many times! Even if others don't forgive you, we will!

So... so don't end everything and seek comfort in death!!

If you're tired, we'll listen to you!

If you're about to give up, we'll encourage you!

If you're about to fall, we'll support you!

Until the very end, you must keep trying!!"

Hearing that, my tears wouldn't stop.

No one had ever said such things to me in my past life.

My parents in my past life had told me to just die if I wanted to.

How much those words had cut into my heart...

Someone was telling me not to die, to live.

"Mother... I'm so sorry!! I'm so sorry, Mother!!"

"I love you, Rain."

"I love you more than anyone, son."

"Father, Mother, thank you... Thank you so much!!"

I cried like a child that day.

Physical age 5, actual age 26.

That day, I first understood the love and greatness of my parents.