CH 20

Translator’s Note: I was extra busy the last few weeks but I finally had some time to come back to this! I hope you guys are still reading. We’re still right in the middle of the flashback and this chapter is quite sad, but it really helps readers understand Jiang Jun’s character better.

Please note, there might be a couple minor translation errors which I marked with (1) and (2) so I wouldn’t have interruptions within the text. So (1), I still don’t get what Yin Zhe meant by “再有就是很克我” and even checking Baidu didn’t help me make sense of that line…“克我” apparently refers to when an astrology horoscope means you’re ill fated to be with each other, as in, the other person will repress you and you’ll have bad luck by being with that person, such as having bad things to happen to you. But why would Yin Zhe answer with that when JJ is asking why he loves her? Who knows! As for (2), there was this one line about “神气得要命” that really had me going ??? and I’m pretty sure this is a mistake by the author but someone correct me if I’m wrong.

I also added a couple of line breaks within this chapter using ~ and ~ ~ ~ that weren’t originally there, but I think helps a lot to distinguish when one scene suddenly jumps to the next, like when the flashback ends.

By the way, I’ve found a different website for the Love is Sweet ebook in Mandarin半是蜜糖半是伤 that has a much nicer interface for readers: https://www.qimao.com/shuku/195222/ But Qimao divides the novel into 43 chapters instead of 53, so it doesn’t quite correspond – for example, this chapter is actually 18 on Qimao but 20 on the Houhaiwang website.

~ ~ ~

On the day that Yuan Shuai was going abroad, Jiang Jun finally met him at his house. Yuan Shuai still dearly cared for her and played video games with her until the moment right before departure. Jiang Jun accompanied him to the car to see him off. In the pocket of her pants was the cell phone she had stolen from him when she had hugged him and said goodbye.

Then she dialed Uncle Yuan’s cell phone number, sobbing and crying about all the bad things Qiao Na had done. There was no need for Jiang Jun to add fuel to the fire; as soon as a few facts were revealed, Uncle Yuan was red-faced with anger.

Later on, Qiao Na invited her to have tea. Jiang Jun couldn’t refuse her warm hospitality, so she prepared a big gift for her. Qiao Na expressed her good will to Jiang Jun, hoping that she would help put in a good word for her in front of Yuan Shuai’s parents.

Jiang Jun asked her, “Do you still love Yin Zhe?”

“Yin Zhe? He’s very good, but he’s too young and I’m not interested in raising a son. I’m just pursuing the things I want. You’re also too young, so it’s okay that you don’t understand. Later when you grow up, you’ll naturally know how I feel.”

“Then why do you always call him?”

“Even if I don’t call him, he still wouldn’t be able to forget me.” Qiao Na laughed. “Little sister, most men will never forget their first love. Yin Zhe is deeply emotional person, so it’s even more true for him.”

“Then I can only make you disappear. At least he won’t see you again, so my heart will be happier.”

“Little sister, have you watched too many Hong Kong and Taiwan dramas?” Qiao Na looked at Jiang Jun with a smile, “Do you want to pour acid on me or stab me a few times? Don’t be stupid. When men love you, they’ll love you no matter what you do, even if you take something too far. But if they don’t love you, you could die for them and they still wouldn’t spare you a second look. Jiang Jun, don’t mess with me. You’re only how old? How many people have you known? I genuinely like you and if you treat me as your sister-in-law, how could I still give you a hard time?”

“You want to be my sister-in-law? But Yuan Shuai’s parents won’t want to let you join the family.”

“You just need to help me! Don’t they like you very much? You can help me talk to them, recommend me… I’m pregnant.”

Jiang Jun sneered. How cliché was this scene, Qiao Na was really shameless enough to play that card. “Why would I?”

“This way, I won’t bother Yin Zhe again. You two are so well-matched and you’re both so cute, I actually want to set you up together.”

“Is that so?” Jiang Jun remembered Yin Zhe’s expression when he read those ambiguous text messages.

“Really. I promise I won’t show up in front of you guys again.”

“Too late,” Jiang Jun sighed.

“What?”

“Do you want to give your dad a call? If you wait any later, his cell phone will be confiscated.”

Qiao Na’s father was arrested and Qiao Na was taken into the Supervision Office to assist in the investigation. She couldn’t contact Yuan Shuai and couldn’t prove the origin of the jewelry, furs, and brand-name clothes, let alone get any help.

By the time Yuan Shuai returned to the country, the big picture had already been set.

Yuan Shuai came to her dormitory with a murderous air, bringing with him the informant documents that she had signed, and harshly condemned her. His eyes were bloodshot and he was furious.

Jiang Jun didn’t want to lose either Yin Zhe or Yuan Shuai. She took out the photos of Yin Zhe meeting with Qiao Na, the screenshots of Yin Zhe’s text messages to her, the phone call records between the two people, and also Yin Zhe’s diary, all of which she had prepared beforehand. She asked Yuan Shuai, “Was I wrong to do it?”

Love had made her selfish and vicious, but Jiang Jun had no regrets. That was how love was, and that was how it should be.

Looking at Yuan Shuai’s sunken cheeks and bleak eyes, all Jiang Jun could say was, “I’m sorry, I’m really sorry.” Her tears suddenly fell without warning.

When she least wanted to see Yin Zhe, he came to the dormitory to find her.

Yuan Shuai was just then sitting on Jiang Jun’s bed and they were cuddling together like two wounded little beasts.

Yin Zhe turned to leave and slammed the door shut.

Jiang Jun didn’t chase after him, her heart filled with misery. “Yuanyuan-gege, you said that you don’t blame me, but someone will punish me for you.”

She went downstairs with Yuan Shuai to send him off and saw Yin Zhe crouched down next to the entrance of the building.

Yuan Shuai glanced at Yin Zhe, gently touched her hair, and turned to leave. Jiang Jun seemed to hear him say “I’m sorry.”

Yin Zhe hung his head and followed Jiang Jun into the dormitory. Jiang Jun thought to herself: A showdown is good, I’m too tired already, what else can happen at this point?

“Do you love me?” Yin Zhe asked.

“Yes!”

“What about Yuan Shuai?”

“He’s my brother, we’re family.”

Yin Zhe scratched his head in a childish manner. “Let’s make up then. When you ignore me, I’m so miserable.”

“Do you love me, Yin Zhe?” Jiang Jun asked this question very helplessly.

“Of course I love you.”

“What do you love about me?”

“You’re smart and independent, and also, you repress me (1). In some ways, you’re very much like me, and I’m always exposed in front of you. You can always guess whatever I want to say and do. Although what you say and do is sometimes hard for me to accept, you’re always right. There are times when I’m quite annoyed with you, but there’s nothing I can do about it, I just love you and I’m just happy to be with you.”

“What about Qiao Na?”

Yin Zhe hesitated a little. “Her? She’s a friend, there were some things she couldn’t bear, and she begged me to help her, how could I not help? She can’t be compared to you, she’s too fragile, pure and innocent like a flower bud. She’s too good to everyone and easily gets cheated and hurt by others. Just forget it, don’t bring her up, she’s wretched enough.”

Qiao Na is innocent? Jiang Jun thought: if Qiao Na is simple and innocent, then this world really is too dirty.

“I’ll ignore Qiao Na from now on, so don’t ignore me.” Yin Zhe put his arm around Jiang Jun’s waist and ingratiatingly took out her favorite chocolate from his pocket.

He was the one who was truly innocent, how could Jiang Jun give up a boy like this? Having been in love for so long, Jiang Jun had forgotten why she liked him in the first place. But loving someone was loving someone; she was caught in an endless loop and she didn’t want to let him go, nor could she let him go.

Just like this, Jiang Jun and Yin Zhe fought, made up, fought, and made up… Another year passed without anyone noticing.

Yin Zhe’s parents had a 180-degree change in their attitude towards her, and the previous indifference and disregard she had experienced from them completely disappeared.

Jiang Jun knew it was because Yin Zhe had told his family about her relationship with Yuan Shuai. She also knew that Qiao Na’s father’s downfall had caused Yin Zhe’s stepfather’s loan plans to fail. His family thought Jiang Jun could do something for them and offered to visit her family several times. They thought she was the beginning of their good luck, yet Jiang Jun knew that she was just a poor gambler and the only bargaining chip she had was her family’s love for her.

Jiang Jun told Yin Zhe that she could not provide any shortcuts or conveniences to his family.

Yin Zhe said unconcernedly, “Why care about them? We’re living our own lives and we’re not relying on them.”

Was Yin Zhe naïve, or was she overthinking things and making it too complicated? It would be great if they could really have nothing to do with it.

Soon, the media was buzzing over the news that the “three ministries and commissions jointly issued a notice on rectifying illegal operations in the real estate industry.” A large number of real estate developers were included in the investigation list, and among them was Yin Zhe’s stepfather. His mother cried and begged Jiang Jun for help, and Yin Zhe told her that the problem was with the approval, and that Qiao Na had been the one that had helped them get it.

Jiang Jun didn’t understand any of it, so she took the copy and went to find Yuan Shuai; he had to have had something to do with this. Yuan Shuai happily admitted that he had done it, but how could there be a problem?

Jiang Jun and the lawyer studied the legal validity of the approval document, and Yuan Shuai kept calling to find out any news.

The lawyer told her that there was only a very small loophole, and that the approval would still be valid if it had not been not deliberately pursued.

How could this be? She looked at Yuan Shuai suspiciously. She didn’t know what news he had heard, but he shifted around and avoided her gaze.

Yuan Shuai said, “You should hurry home.”

Jiang Jun, sensing that her sky was about to collapse, stumbled into the house and found her grandmother and mother already waiting for her in the living room. They told her, you and Yin Zhe have only two choices: one is to break up, and the other is for Yin Zhe to make a complete break with his family.

“Have you already known about this matter from a long time ago?”

No one answered Jiang Jun.

A complete break? Didn’t that mean the destruction of the family? After ruining someone else’s family, would she still be able to have happiness for herself?

Jiang Jun looked at the visa and the university admissions notice in front of her. Wasn’t it already chosen for her? From the beginning to the end, there had only been this one path to take, wasn’t that the truth? No wonder no one had ever stopped her from being with Yin Zhe, not out of acceptance of the relationship, but because they already knew how it would end.

She has lost. She had lost as soon as she was born, lost because of the family background that others envied, lost at the hands of her relatives who she had thought loved her more than anything else.

In the face of interests, whether it’s familial love, romantic love, or dreams, there is nothing that cannot be sacrificed. She didn’t want it to be like this, she just wanted love.

She ran across the familiar courtyard and bridge, and saw the courtyard wall getting closer and closer to her until she left it behind. She couldn’t tell whether it was sweat or tears on her face. There was white snow everywhere, no more high walls, no more confinement.

Jiang Jun chose the third way, her own way—to give up her own family.

~

The north wind, with snowflakes mixed in, assaulted her senses. Jiang Jun couldn’t see ahead of her but also couldn’t turn back, so she could only run forward. She braced herself to step onto the highest level of the stone steps in front of Yin Zhe’s villa. It was so cold and after walking for so far and for so long, there was only one step left. She only needed to step through the door and then she could get warm.

Yin Zhe supported Qiao Na as they walked out, his expression even colder than the wind and snow. “Why are you doing this? Is it because Qiao Na is my former girlfriend, or is it because she’s Yuan Shuai’s fiancée? Not only did you report her father, but you also had to frame her?”

He grabbed ahold of Jiang Jun’s shoulders and hysterically shook her. “Why are you so cruel? Whatever it is that you like, you have to take over for yourself. You’re like this to your brother and like this to me, what the hell do you really want?”

The white snow that blanketed the sky nearly made Jiang Jun suffocate, and the bone-chilling cold attacked her body from all sides. Why did he always believe only what Qiao Na said?

What else could she say? He would only ever believe in the people and the things he wanted to believe. He believed in Qiao Na and believed everything Qiao Na said. Then what about her? What about her words?

“I made the report, but I didn’t set her up.” Jiang Jun was surprisingly calm. “She knows exactly what she did, she brought this on herself.”

SLAP!

She was hit hard across the face and tumbled down the steps, dazed and dizzy.

The earth turned upside down and everything was turned on its head. The entire sum of her family relationships and her romance had all collapsed into ruins, leaving only dust and debris as far as the eye could see. There was no going back. Her relatives, her home, her Yin Zhe, her love, everything that Jiang Jun had had, just disappeared from the world. There was nothing left, nothing at all. Had she known, she wouldn’t have loved; she really didn’t dare to love anymore. Warm liquid slid down her cheeks, but she didn’t feel any pain. She looked at Yin Zhe despite the blood blurring her vision.

“Junjun!” Someone shouted her name loudly.

Jiang Jun turned her head to the side and saw Yuan Shuai running towards her. He looked just the same as he had been when he was a child, wearing a military cap and an armed belt, his expression angry as hell (2). He opened his arms to her and said, “Don’t be afraid, don’t be afraid.”

Unable to stop her tears from streaming down, Jiang Jun stretched out her hand to Yuan Shuai. “Yuanyuan-gege, take me away!”

~ ~ ~

Only when the burning cigarette hurt her fingers did Jiang Jun return from her memories, and after the sudden jolt, she extinguished it. The only way to deal with the problem of Yin Zhe was to given an honest account about it, even if now was not a good time.

After she went home, she immediately called Yuan Shuai to surrender, and this time Yuan Shuai picked up quickly. “My dear wife, miss me?”

Jiang Jun said bluntly, “Yin Zhe has joined MH.”

After half a minute, Yuan Shuai finally asked, “On your team?”

“Yes.”

“And then?”

“There’s no ‘and then.’ I’ve only now realized just how childish and naïve I was back then, like a native girl who has never seen anything in the world.”

“Silly girl, it’s getting late, wash up and go to sleep.”

After Jiang Jun came out of the shower, she put on a cotton nightgown and watched TV as she combed the tangles out of her curly hair. The TV station was just then showing an old Hong Kong film, and the Green Snake asked the White Snake, “Sister, you cultivated for a thousand years, was it worth it for a Xu Xian?”

Without waiting for the White Snake to answer, Jiang Jun rushed to answer for her: “Worth it, my ass! I regret it to death!”

She lost the patience to comb her hair and endured the pain as she pulled out the tangle, then threw the clump of hair into the trash can, turned off the TV, and went back to the room to sleep.

~ ~ ~

T/N: The old Hong Kong film probably refers to Madam White Snake, a 1962 classic film by the Shaw Brothers that’s based on the Chinese folklore of the Legend of the White Snake. This myth has been retold countless times in various operas, movies, dramas, etc. and is about a white snake spirit who cultivates for a thousand years in order to achieve a human form. She falls in love with a man named Xu Xian and they get married, but he’s tricked into forcing her to reveal her true form as a white snake and dies from shock when he sees her. She goes to steal a magic herb to restore him to life, suffers a whole lot, and gets imprisoned for a long time. In modern versions there’s a happy ending, but the original was less romantic.

Anyway, if you have a moment, please comment to let me know you’re reading, thank you!