Chapter 40

22

"Mana, what do you think of your master?"

When Mana heard my question, her expression froze.

It must have touched on a fatal part for her.

Until now, no one had touched on or allowed themselves to touch on this part of Kato Mana. At this moment, I took a step into the inner world of this girl, and I could feel it.

"…Won't you stop, Rose? This conversation surely won't be pleasant."

Mana's response was calm on the surface. In just a moment, she had completely regained her usual expressionless face. Perhaps this was a testament to her composure. She spoke to me.

"Hey, Rose. Wasn't today really fun? Well, I was embarrassed, and I did something bad to Gerbera… But it was a fun day, wasn't it? And to ruin it with a strange conversation at the end would be such a waste. So, let's stop, okay?"

"No. I won't stop."

I shook my head.

It was indeed fun. Despite a few mistakes, they were the kind that would eventually become stories we could laugh about. This was a fragment of our daily life.

But even if it would ruin the day, or even if it would collapse what we had built up until now, I couldn't stop this conversation.

I had a sense of urgency.

I couldn't let this pass without addressing it. When she was looking at the fortress, Mana's smile was so fragile, as if it could disappear at any moment.

"I've been wondering about this for a while."

So, I pressed on.

Mana herself had given me the strength to do so.

"I'm talking about your behavior. Your master was suspicious of you, and you knew it. Yet, you continued to help him."

"…What's so strange about that? If I did something wrong, I apologize."

"Not at all. That's impossible."

I shook my head.

"I just think that you, Mana, could have done better."

I had been watching your master and Mana all along.

I had thought about them, wished to understand them. When it came to the two of you, I could confidently say that I had invested more thought than anyone else.

This might be a question that only I could have.

That night when I asked for permission to teach you magic, your master's heart was filled with misunderstanding and suspicion towards you.

Originally, your master had fallen into a deep distrust of people due to the harsh experiences during the colony's collapse. Even now, at least until that night, he had been looking at you with an unusual level of suspicion.

…But was it really just because of your master's trauma?

Now, I can't help but doubt that.

Your master was suspicious of you.

Despite knowing this, you continued to help him.

During the battle with the white arachne, you not only planned the strategy but also risked your life.

You even played the role of the villain to calm down the rampaging Lily.

You reached out to me, who was struggling with an immature heart, partly because I was your master's vassal.

Without a single complaint, without getting angry or sulking, this girl who had no fighting power, was always looking for what she could do.

…Without expecting anything in return.

It's natural to wonder what she was thinking.

But I can't understand her motives.

If that's the case, wouldn't it be normal to be suspicious?

Especially for someone like your master, who harbors a deep-seated illness?

It wouldn't be strange to suspect that there was a hidden motive, to wonder what she was planning.

As Mana herself once said, her behavior only showed the human desire to "want to do something for someone," without any "wanting to do something" or "wanting something done" for herself.

It was almost like me when I was trapped in the idea of being a doll. As a result, Mana's "humanity" never became clear…

What's strange is that, when it comes to me, the situation is quite different.

Even though I didn't doubt Mana as much as your master did, she had always been clear with me, saying things like "I empathize," "I'm grateful," "I want to be friends," and so on.

But she never made any effort to understand your master. In a way, it was like watering the seeds of doubt.

The biggest problem is that even someone like me, who is not very perceptive, could notice this. It's impossible that the astute Mana didn't notice it.

Therefore, I can only come to this conclusion.

"Weren't you intentionally acting in a way that made your master suspicious?"

From your master's perspective, Mana must have seemed very suspicious.

At least, the Mana I know is not there. Instead, there is the figure of a certain "monster" hiding its fangs and lying in wait.

However, it wasn't just because of your master's suspicious nature. It was because you were acting in a way that made him suspicious that he couldn't help but doubt you.

"If what Rose says is true—"

Mana tilted her head slightly without denying my words.

"…Why did I do such a thing?"

"I didn't understand it until just now."

I don't think anyone else could have understood.

Who would act in a way that makes others doubt them?

To put it bluntly, it's a form of self-harm. There's no reason to do such a ridiculous thing. There's no return for doing it.

That's why, even though I had always found your behavior suspicious, I had convinced myself that it was just my imagination.

"But, after seeing you just now, I understood. Mana, you—"

I looked into my friend's eyes from under my mask and said,

"—don't you want your master to trust humans?"

"…"

Mana was silent, her eyes widening slightly.

This small expression of emotion, which might have been overlooked by anyone else, was enough to give me confidence. With that confidence, I continued.

"Believing in you means that your master, who has been hurt, is deciding to trust humans again. …I can't even imagine how difficult that must be. It might be impossible for him alone. I can't help him, and neither can Gerbera. As for Ayame and Asarina, it goes without saying… Perhaps the only one who can support him is Lily, who is closest to his heart."

Still, Lily has her reservations about this issue. That's a different story, though.

"It's difficult for anyone to help your master in this matter. But, Mana, I think you could have unraveled his heart."

"…That might be a bit too much to expect from Rose."

Mana smiled faintly.

It didn't seem like a forced expression, but a genuine smile.

"…Is that so? I don't think so, but if you say so, it might be true."

I can't deny it if Mana, the person herself, says I'm overestimating her.

But I don't think so.

Kato Mana, who has guided my immature heart, is an amazing girl. I can believe and do believe that, even if I'm the only one.

That's enough for me to speak my words.

"However, whether it's a hypothetical situation or not, the fact that you didn't even try is undeniable."

"…I can't deny that. But, why did I do such a thing, Rose?"

"That's…"

I recalled Mana's earnest eyes from just a moment ago.

Mana, who looked at the fortress with the same intensity as me, if not more. If her heart held the same feelings as mine…

"It's because you don't want to leave your master's side."

Here, the conversation returns to the initial trigger.

Mana, like me, wants to be by your master's side. If that's the case, the logic holds. Because, unlike me, the relationship between Mana and your master is time-limited.

"Your master has said from the beginning that he will 'take you to a safe place.' He feels indebted to you now… No, even if he didn't, he wouldn't irresponsibly abandon you. He intends to find a place where he can entrust you with peace of mind. …But, that's a very difficult task."

"Difficult?"

"Yes. Considering your master's personality, he can't entrust you to someone he doesn't trust. But, on the other hand, he doesn't trust humans. So, there's no place where he can entrust you with peace of mind, at least not as long as he doesn't trust humans."

Of course, he will continue to search and will eventually fulfill his responsibility in some form. There's no doubt about that, and it's not something I need to worry about.

It's not something to worry about. …But, it's also a fact that it's a difficult task.

That's why I think the reason for Mana's actions lies here.

"The time-limited relationship can be extended. If resolving doubts and misunderstandings would shorten that time, you might not try to clear them. If that's the motive, it's possible to understand Mana's mysterious behavior."

But that action is futile.

It's so painful to watch.

By continuing to be doubted, Mana can stay by your master's side. If that's the case, the relationship will indeed continue.

But in exchange, no matter what form it takes, their relationship will never deepen.

"Even if you're doubted, you still want to be by your master's side. You must have such strong feelings for him. And because you have such feelings, you've done everything you can for him without seeking any return, haven't you?"

It might have been a prayer-like feeling.

Because, no matter what Mana does, there's a possibility that your master could overcome his distrust of humans.

If that happens, the time-limited relationship will end. Only the girl who has been doubted will remain.

I couldn't just stand by and watch that happen.

"Mana must have very strong feelings for your master. So, why do you neglect your own feelings? Didn't you tell me not to kill my own heart?"

There was no need for such a method. Mana could have stayed by your master's side.

To me, it seems as if she deliberately turned her back on happiness and chose a destructive path.

If you don't want to leave, just say so.

If you have special feelings for your master, just tell him.

Unlike me, Mana should understand her own feelings. If that's the case, she should be able to tell him at any time.

"…I kind of understand. The feelings you have for your master are the same as mine, aren't they?"

—Let's try our best to make our wishes come true. …Because Rose's wish can come true.

I recalled the words spoken to Mana before.

If my wish can come true, what can't be fulfilled?

Who was the one who had given up? Why did she empathize with us vassals? What did she mean by saying "I'm envious" so many times?

To put it more bluntly, wasn't the tactic of defeating the white arachne, who "crushed hearts by forcing unattainable happiness," a product of a self-deprecating mindset?

If that's the case, Kato Mana is a tragic figure. I couldn't just leave her alone. So—

"Mana, what do you think of your master?"

I asked the girl who wouldn't express her feelings.

"…"

Mana looked at me intently, as if measuring me.

I looked back at her. I wasn't going to back down.

Eventually, Mana smiled faintly.

"…To be honest, I'm surprised."

It was a rare, clear, and transparent smile.

…But, I couldn't see her intention.

The calm smile she had while looking at the fortress made me feel uneasy.

"I didn't think Rose, who used to complain about not understanding human emotions and your master, would realize my situation so quickly."

"…It's not that surprising. In fact, I'm still far from perfect."

I know my own shortcomings better than anyone.

"But, I learned all of this from you."

"Indeed. Because it was me, Rose was able to realize it. It's a bit of an awkward story, isn't it?"

Mana was my teacher and the person closest to me, so I was able to get close to the truth within her.

Also, Mana didn't try to deceive me.

Manipulating words to toy with me would have been easy for her if she wanted to.

She didn't do that, which was a sign of her sincerity. As a friend, Mana faced me. Responding to her when she said, "I want to be friends," was not a mistake. That's why I couldn't leave her alone.

Mana must have grasped my inner thoughts accurately. She added a slight smile to her lips.

"What do you think of Senpai?"

She murmured, clasped her hands behind her back, and turned her body around.

What she saw was the fortress below.

"It's not that complicated. It's a common, rather ordinary reason, I think."

With a faint smile still on her lips, Mana, who exuded a fleeting atmosphere, said,

"But, Rose might not understand yet. The feelings a girl has for a boy who saved her from the worst possible situation in her life…."

If you touch it carelessly, it might break. If you look away, it might disappear. That atmosphere gave a ominous transparency to Mana's already delicate and small appearance.

But I couldn't say anything to such a fragile her.

Because, as Mana said, I don't "understand."

I still can't properly grasp the feelings inside me. Therefore, I can't express in words the feelings of Mana, who shares the same emotions.

If she says I won't understand, I can only remain silent. Mana turned her gaze back to me.

"I don't intend to tell Senpai how I feel."

"Wh-Why not…!?"

"I don't want to."

Mana said in a calm tone. Her calmness conveyed her resignation, and I couldn't keep my composure.

"So, why? You know it's important, you told me so, and yet, why…!?"

"Because this is all I have."

Mana's faint smile didn't waver.

"I'm not a strong person. Honestly, I should have died in the chaos of the colony on that day when everything ended."

Looking at Mana's doll-like expression… Ah, I realized now.

The wounds she had carried in her heart since coming to this world had not healed at all.

"But I survived thanks to Senpai Mizushima. When she died, and I should have died in that mountain cabin, I survived again thanks to Senpai. But by then, almost everything inside me was gone."

She had not been strong enough to stand up after suffering and despair.

Or perhaps, humans are not that strong.

If struck by a devastating disaster, one might choose death.

Losing the will to stand up again is not impossible.

It's commendable to rise again fueled by resentment, and it's a rare case to face forward with wounds. Laughing and forgiving would make one a hero, and feeling nothing would make one a monster.

In that sense, Mana was ordinary. She was a common girl, and naturally delicate.

The weak and delicate girl named Kato Mana died in that mountain cabin.

Her heart might have been beating, she might have been breathing, and her skin might have been warm. But she had lost the most important thing.

…Her heart was dead.

"Senpai led Lily and the others to save me. The first genuine killing intent he felt was for the evil that killed Senpai Mizushima and the injustice that pervaded this world. After all that, Senpai's heart must have been frozen. …But, he was the first to care about me. He came to me first. At that moment, I felt I had touched Senpai's heart."

Mana shook her head, her braid swinging.

"Of course, it was an illusion. I know that. I'm human, after all. This kind of illusion might be unpleasant for a vassal like Rose. …But, even if it was an illusion, it was fine. After losing everything and becoming empty, it was the only warmth I could cling to."

Mana placed her hand on her chest, as if recalling the sensation there