Chapter 23

23

Whoosh—

The jet of water that defied gravity burst into droplets in the air and fell back down. Where the tiny droplets landed, a brilliant piece of multicolored light hung in the air. It was a rainbow.

“……”

I stared blankly at the small rainbow. One of my ears was pressed against Theodore’s chest, and I could hear his heartbeat. It was pounding loudly, as if he were startled and afraid. I tried to push him away unconsciously, but it was a futile resistance.

“Lily… I’m sorry, I….”

Theodore’s words trailed off. I felt I could guess what he was going to say next. ‘I didn’t remember, so I didn’t know,’ but he couldn’t bring himself to say it.

My stomach started to churn again. Being this close to him inevitably triggered a rejection response. This rejection was intertwined with fear. His tenderness made my heart race, and I didn’t want to feel hopeful again. I was afraid. I wished this emotion, which I couldn’t control, would die completely, not even sprout a tiny bud.

I would just wither and fade away.

I raised my hand to push Theodore away. This time, I put a little more strength into it. He flinched slightly and slowly moved away from me. However, he still held my arm.

If I struggled to shake off his hand, I would only stagger weakly, and he would pull me back into his embrace. So I stood there silently, taking deep breaths, hoping to regain enough composure to walk on my own. I quietly organized in my mind what I had to say to him.

After some time, I managed to speak.

“I can’t accept… that you don’t remember what happened between us.”

“……”

“What’s the point if you, who can’t remember anything, apologize to me and try to change from now on? And… I can’t understand how you could change so much just because you lost your memory…! You hated me. How could that emotion just disappear!”

I poured out my words until I was breathless, and Theodore firmly held me as I swayed. The moment his hand touched my cheek, I kicked and tried to avoid him. Theodore groaned softly and said,

“Lily, it seems there was some misunderstanding between us.”

“……?”

I laughed bitterly at his words. It wasn’t a misunderstanding between us; it was you who misunderstood me.

“I will find out what the misunderstanding was and correct it.”

“Do you even realize how ridiculous it is to try to correct a misunderstanding when you’ve lost your memory?”

“Perhaps losing my memory is an opportunity.”

Theodore’s eyes became serious. He took my hand and held it tightly. At that moment, I stiffened as if a beast’s fangs had pierced my neck. His demeanor was not ordinary.

“The first emotion I felt when I saw you visiting me in the hospital, after I lost my memory, was… definitely tenderness.”

“…I don’t want to hear it.”

“No, listen. It must be, without a doubt, my pure emotion. But there must have been some misunderstanding, which I don’t remember, that overshadowed that tenderness.”

“Stop saying ridiculous things….”

I was so exasperated that I felt tears welling up again. He was saying something absurd. Tenderness? I didn’t feel any of that. He was judging me arbitrarily and never listened to my story.

In the end, I can’t be saved by anyone. The moment I realized that, no matter how much I struggled, I was nothing more than the property of the Everett family, I extinguished the last spark of hope. I lived like a dead person, having given up. The only future I could foresee was divorcing Theodore and falling into Lennon Chester’s hands.

When that moment came, the desire to live might finally be overwhelmed by the fear of death, and I might end my own life.

Charlotte, however, hoped I would choose a different path. She wanted me to escape from all this, from the Valentinos and the Everetts.

‘Run away, my lady. Go to a place where no one knows you. Take a ship to the Eastern Continent and find a place to hide. Live there as a different person. I will help you. I will always be by your side.’

Maybe I should really do that. Now that Theodore’s elemental power has grown stronger and the Valentino family is on the rise, it’s uncertain how the Everett family will react. I could just disappear somewhere.

If it weren’t for the worry that Charlotte would suffer because of me, I might really have done it….

“…What if your memory returns before we find out what the misunderstanding was?”

“Even then, it doesn’t matter. It would be better, actually. We would know immediately what the misunderstanding was.”

“What if you forget this time, when you lost your memory?”

Theodore hesitated at my question. He looked a bit flustered, then opened his mouth to speak.

“That’s a hypothetical—”

“What if it just leaves another misunderstanding between us?”

“……”

“Just… just give up. All this talk is pointless. There’s nothing we can change anyway.”

“Lily.”

Theodore grabbed me again. As I stumbled backward, I lifted my head weakly, still in his grip. I don’t want to have false hope anymore.

“I… I’m tired. Yes, I feel tired….”

“……”

“My life is laid out before me, and I have no strength to resist… I just don’t want to do anything. I don’t want to struggle to live anymore.”

I slumped to the ground. Despite the boiling resentment I had felt toward him just moments ago, my emotions plummeted sharply. What’s the point of resentment and distrust? In the end, I feel no meaning in anything.

I could feel Theodore’s gaze on me. I hoped he would leave me here, but he did the opposite. He carefully wrapped his arms around me and lifted me up. I covered my ears and closed my eyes. I don’t want to hear. I don’t want to see. I don’t want to hope anymore.

Hope and despair are both exhausting.

“…I will try, Lily.”

“……”

“To make you trust me completely one day.”

Theodore began to walk, and his words sounded hollow to me. Trust? It’s useless now.

* * *

The next afternoon, I heard that a few servants had been fired. Charlotte knew them all.

“They were the ones who incited the harassment of you, my lady.”

Charlotte fumed. Upon further inquiry, I learned that those who had spread negative rumors about me or had shown poor attitudes had all been disciplined. …Of course, all of this was Theodore’s doing.

I inwardly clicked my tongue. I had been planning to deal with them myself soon, but Theodore’s late intervention had ruined my plans.

“I was planning to get back at them someday. It’s a bit disappointing that they got fired, but it’s a relief. I wanted to take proper revenge with my own hands.”

Charlotte had a subtly aggressive nature. If she hadn’t been a lady’s maid, she might have thrived as a mercenary or a knight.

“Anyway… about the matter you asked me to look into last time….”

I stopped my embroidery and looked at Charlotte directly. There was no one around to overhear, but she glanced around before continuing.

“It seems that the recent activities of Lord Hessen are not normal. People have seen weapons dealers visiting his private land.”

“What about Owen’s side?”

“Ah, right, and about Lord Owen… It seems a new mage has recently joined his ranks. According to what I heard, the timing of the mage joining Lord Owen’s command….”

Charlotte lowered her voice and continued with a suspicious tone.

“Coincides with the time when Duke Valentino was injured. So… about a week before the Duke set out, the mage joined Lord Owen’s command.”

“……”

I moved the ring to the side and thought for a moment. I had suspected something was amiss with the Everett family… and indeed, it seemed suspicious.

It was strange that a minor head injury could cause partial memory loss, and for it to last so long….

“My lady… do you suspect that the Duke’s memory loss was intentional?”

Charlotte asked cautiously. I nodded without answering. …The Everetts wouldn’t let Valentino’s recovery go unchecked. They would certainly try something. Perhaps they already have.

‘Was the original plan to make Theodore completely brain-dead?’

Or maybe it was to make him forget a secret he shouldn’t have known….

Whatever it was, there were many suspicious points about Theodore losing his memory. The demons of the Everett family were the most suspicious. They had the power and ability to do it.

‘I need to investigate the circumstances of Theodore’s injury in detail. To review the records of that time….’

“……”

I need to meet the commander of the knights. Military records are under his jurisdiction. The problem is that I have no connection with him. Of course, I wouldn’t. I’m just a puppet of a duchess….

“Ah, maybe I’ll just give up….”

“Pardon?”

“Just… what’s the point?”

The usual sense of powerlessness washed over me. I slumped onto the sofa, and just then, a knock came at the door. Whoever it was, they had terrible timing.

I gave Charlotte a look, and she went to the door to check.

“Who is it? My lady is resting now.”

“It’s attendant Albert. There’s something….”

I was still lying on the sofa with my eyes closed when Charlotte came over and gently shook me awake.

“My lady? Are you sleeping?”

“…No.”

It’s not time to sleep yet. I mumbled as I weakly sat up. Charlotte looked at me worriedly and spoke softly.

“It seems a guest has arrived. Since Lady Seymour is out, you will have to receive them….”

“Who is it?”

“Well, it’s… Lady Adeline Albines….”

“…Adeline Albines?”

I paused and repeated her name, then laughed bitterly.

I can see right through you.

‘You came to verify if the rumors are true.’

She’s no saint either.