Chapter 42

42

No.

The voice inside her head reacted instinctively. No, don't waver.

"…I know too."

I know, I know. I've already seen it. I've witnessed it. When he regains his memory, he will forget all these days that seemed like a mirage.

So, I shouldn't even create a moment of weakness.

"Lily…"

Theo, who had been about to speak, slowly reached out his hand toward me. His fingers gently traced my wet eyes and cheeks. His azure eyes sparkled with tenderness.

It was a tenderness that would vanish like soap bubbles.

"…Did I do something wrong? I didn't expect you to cry… I didn't realize…"

"…"

I shook my head silently. I didn't want to say anything, knowing that any words I might utter would ultimately be futile.

So, I just gave an appropriate response, piecing together the puzzle of this moment.

"…I guess I'm just moved. Thank you for the gift."

"…"

Theo's eyes seemed to notice something more as he silently looked at me, a glimmer of realization in his gaze.

But no matter what questions he might have, I couldn't answer. I just turned my head, hoping this moment would pass quickly.

Everything that shakes me now will eventually settle down.

That's what time has taught me. Whether slowly or quickly, confusion will eventually be sorted out.

"…Do you really believe I'll regret it?"

"…"

Instead of answering, I took out a handkerchief and buried my face in it. As I submerged myself in the small darkness, the turmoil in my heart seemed to gradually subside.

I just wanted to disappear into this darkness.

"Lily, could you look at this for a moment?"

Theo gently asked. I wanted to pretend I didn't hear, but I had no choice but to lift my head.

The first thing that caught my eye was a shining bronze coin. It was very small and unremarkable, a common coin.

You couldn't even buy a piece of bread with it. Theo held such a coin in his hand and said,

"The result of flipping a coin is determined by chance. And that chance is said to be the will of the gods."

"…"

Theo, with a faint smile, tossed the coin high into the air. The coin, spinning and soaring, soon landed on his palm.

The result was tails.

"I asked if I would regret it."

"…"

"The answer is 'no.'"

He placed the coin in my hand. Upon closer inspection, this coin was very old. It was impossible to tell which era it was from. The ancient characters inscribed on it suggested it was at least 800 years old.

"It's a memento from my brother. He also taught me about divination using coins."

At the mention of a memento, I suddenly lifted my head. Theo smiled as I stared at him with wide eyes. I moved my lips, then reached out to return the coin to him. But Theo shook his head, refusing to take it.

"I want you to keep it."

"This… why should I… It's your brother's memento, isn't it?"

"That's why I'm giving it to you. You are very important to me."

His words made it sound as if my existence was as important to him as his brother. …It was hard to believe. I knew all too well what Camille Valentin meant to him.

"…I can't accept it. Take it back."

"I don't want to. Please keep it for me."

"…"

I watched Theo, who was acting like a stubborn child, and tried to place the coin in his hand or put it in his jacket pocket, but all attempts failed.

Exhausted from the continued struggle, I slumped into a chair. The coin in my hand was warming up, absorbing my body heat.

Theo approached me and knelt down. I felt a sense of déjà vu. He had looked up at me from this angle a long time ago.

But back then…

"…"

The coin in my hand suddenly felt heavy. It was the day of Camille Valentin's anniversary.

"…If my brother were still alive."

"…"

"He would have sternly reprimanded the past me for being cruel to you."

A bitter smile spread across his lips. He took my hand, which wasn't holding the coin, and placed it on his cheek, tilting his head to look up at me.

"My brother was a much gentler and softer person than me. I, well, tend to be… sharper and more sensitive."

"…"

"I know myself well. Even without my memories, when I imagine how my past self treated you… I feel a chill in my heart."

He kissed my hand. The moment his lips touched my skin, I flinched and tried to pull my arm away. But he held my hand tightly, not letting go.

His gaze, fixed on me, was like a blue flame.

"…You can hate me and blame me."

"…"

"I will accept any hurtful words you might say. But…"

"…"

"Please don't run away from me."

…My heart sank at that moment.

…Could he know about Charlotte and my plan? But the plan was still uncertain. It might not even come to fruition. Besides, we had only discussed it in private, never letting it slip anywhere.

But if Duke Valentin wanted to find out… it wasn't impossible. If he had us under surveillance…

"Lily, I won't regret it. What I regret is… why was my past self so cruel to you before I lost my memory?"

"…"

"You asked if there was any misunderstanding between us, or if I had come to dislike you. …I."

He gripped my hand even tighter, his Adam's apple bobbing. His eyes, looking at me, were filled with earnestness.

"I am certain. I could never have disliked you. Now, just looking at you… my heart beats so fast it hurts."

He placed my hand on his left chest. Through the fabric, I could feel his heart pounding.

"…"

I stared at him blankly, not knowing what to say. My thoughts remained unchanged. The earnestness in his eyes… the trembling of his heart, would eventually fade away.

How can you be so sure?

Isn't it too hasty to judge? Shouldn't you be more skeptical? What if you really end up regretting it?

I tried to pull my hand away again. But he didn't let go. …After a few attempts, I sighed and said,

"Let go of my hand."

"…No."

"Why are you being so stubborn?"

"…"

His eyes reddened, as if he was about to cry. I was taken aback by the sudden change.

"I want you to trust me. And… don't push me away."

"…"

It seemed he intended to continue like this until he got the answer he wanted.

I had no idea Theo Valentin was such a persistent person. He was also subtly authoritarian.

After a moment of hesitation, I realized that he would forget all this when his memory returned.

…So, I decided to give him the answer he wanted, even though it would all be a lie.

"…Alright."

"…!"

He lifted his head and moved closer to me.

But it seemed that wasn't enough for him. He stood up, pulled me to my feet, and hugged me tightly with both arms.

"…"

I clenched my teeth for a moment, then continued,

"I'll try to trust you."

"Really…"

"And I won't push you away."

In the end, I found myself lying and acting for Theo Valentin.

But once I resigned myself, it didn't feel so difficult. …As always, things without sincerity are easier.

"…Thank you, my lady."

Theo buried his face in my shoulder and murmured with a grateful voice. I had to stay in his embrace for a while.

Everything about that time was a lie. The sunset light pouring through the transparent glass was so vivid and beautiful, yet…

* * *

Lately, it seemed that Lady Seymour's position at Valentin Castle had become more precarious. Or maybe it was just my impression.

The cause was naturally… due to Theo's continued favorable attitude toward me, which made the courtiers start to recognize me as the lady of the castle.

I was more afraid of the potential consequences than pleased by this change. But there was no need to be afraid. After all, I had no intention of staying at Valentin Castle for the rest of my life…

"Lady, we've arrived."

Charlotte's voice broke my thoughts. I snapped out of my reverie and looked out the carriage window.

Indeed, we had arrived at our destination.

"But… is it really okay? The exhibition chosen by Lady Pynes is… the salon of Elsner's viscountess…"

"…"

Florentine Elsner was Owen's former fiancée. I didn't know the exact reason why their engagement was broken, but I had heard that she was quite possessive, which annoyed Owen.

"…It should be fine. By now, the viscountess must have other suitors in mind."

"Still… I have a bad feeling. If you sense anything strange, just leave quickly."

"…But this is a rare opportunity arranged by Lady Pynes…"

Today's exhibition was attended by several notable figures, including George Renier, who was actually Cecil Pynes.

It was also a precious chance to see rare artworks that were usually hard to come by.

Florentine Elsner might be a bit bothersome, but I didn't want to miss this valuable experience.

"Let's go, Charlotte. What could possibly go wrong?"

"…Yes, my lady."

I opened the carriage door and stepped out. The sky was clear and blue today, as if it promised only good things.

Of course, I hadn't had many good things in my life.