Chapter 73

73

"…You can forget your memories? Completely?"

If that's what you want.

"…."

Then… it means that I can forget all the painful memories, the terrifying memories, the memories of being hurt.

If I could forget those painful memories, wouldn't I be much happier than I am now…? Suddenly, that thought crossed my mind. At first glance, it seemed like a very good offer.

…But if I forget those memories, would I still be truly 'me'?

An incomplete picture with a missing puzzle piece. Could that really be called happiness?

"I…"

I hesitated for a moment. But my hesitation didn't last long. I soon made up my mind and declared firmly.

"I won't forget any of my memories."

They were all me. All of those memories of me. The countless 'me's that existed in the myriad moments, like the stars in the sky, made up the 'me' I am now.

If even one of them were to disappear, I would no longer be me.

Then, what would be the point of extending my life?

I'm proud of you.

"Proud…?"

Usually, people would choose to save their lives by losing a memory.

"…."

That's true. I know this is a crazy choice. But… just because my body is in such a terrible state that it feels like I'm going to die, it doesn't mean I will.

Choosing not to forget my memories was a choice to live. To live as a complete 'me' without any part of me missing. Even if the memories were painful, it was because I endured those times that I am who I am now.

So, I will escape from here as a complete 'me,' without losing any part of myself.

I stood up, leaning on the stone coffin. I forced my eyes, which were gradually closing, to stay open and squeezed out my voice.

"Somnia, guide me. I'm getting out of here."

But then, a small light flew toward me. It just stared at me intently without saying a word.

I sensed something was off and stopped, facing the small light.

After some time, the small light finally spoke.

Big sister, then I'll give you my memories.

"…What?"

In exchange for my memories, you'll gain life force. …Actually, I don't remember much because I'm just a remnant left behind by lingering regrets. So, you probably won't gain much life force from my memories. …But I want to give my memories to you. I really want you to live.

"…."

I didn't know what to say. I never thought there would be someone willing to sacrifice themselves for someone they just met today. I thought such things only happened in fairy tales and hero stories. I opened my mouth, but no words came out.

"…No, you don't have to do that much. I wasn't healthy to begin with…"

Then I want to give even more! Big sister, you have to live a long and healthy life!

"Wait…!"

The small light suddenly lunged at me. It happened in an instant. In a flash, the world became hazy, and someone's memories flowed into me.

They were the small light's memories.

'Hey, you're a monster's child, right?'

'Our grandma said your mom had a relationship with a monster and gave birth to you. Ugh, that's disgusting!'

'Disgusting! You monster!'

"…."

I wondered if it was just the bad memories that remained from her life. The following memories were similar. The neighborhood children and adults pointed at the small light and called her names, even saying she should be burned.

The small light went home crying. Her parents were arguing. Blaming each other, they shouted that it was all the other's fault that a monster's child was born.

Then, their eyes changed when they saw the small light. Without a word, they grabbed her and locked her in a small shed.

The small light shivered from the cold in the small shed and dozed off.

When she woke up, she found herself being dragged somewhere with her hands and feet tied.

The place they arrived at was a deep pit called Panoptykon at the time.

'W-Where are my mom and dad? Why am I here? Mom! Dad!'

The small light cried, looking for her parents. But the adults in black ignored her and dragged her to the edge of the pit. No one tried to comfort or save her. And so, the small light fell into the deep, dark pit.

"…."

Big sister, don't cry.

That was the last of the memories. It was only when I heard the small light's voice that I realized I was crying.

Hot tears were streaming down my cheeks.

It happened a long time ago. It's okay now.

…Liar. You were crying even when we first met.

In this pit, I always hoped someone would comfort me. It seems that was my wish. I wanted someone to hold me and comfort me. I thought that would finally stop my tears.

"…."

Thank you, big sister.

"…."

Thank you for holding me tightly. Now I can leave in peace.

My voice was hoarse, and my chest ached. A wave of sadness and emptiness washed over me.

Finally… I'll tell you my name. Remember it.

I swallowed my tears and nodded, promising to remember. I said several times that I would remember that you existed in this world, that you were a very kind and gentle child. The small light smiled and whispered.

My name is….

The name she told me in a gentle voice shone brighter than any star in the night sky, illuminating me.

* * *

We've arrived.

Somnia said, sounding somewhat relieved. …It couldn't be helped. Thanks to the life force the small light gave me, I made it this far, but my original poor health made me feel like I was about to collapse.

You need to take better care of your health.

"…."

At that moment, I thought of Jane and Charlotte and smiled slightly. When I laughed, Somnia scolded me, but the sound of hooves was heard nearby. A group of about five or six people were quickly approaching.

'Who are they…?'

After being in the dark for so long, my vision was blurry from the sudden light. I squinted and slumped to the ground. My legs had finally given out.

Still, I had held on for quite a while. By the time I reached the surface, I had to borrow a cane from a skeleton. I hoped the skeleton wasn't someone important in life, as I couldn't return it.

…Lily, that man…

"Uh…?"

I blinked blankly and responded reflexively to Somnia's words. I was exhausted and had no strength left after not eating for so long and pushing myself. I was so tired and sleepy that I could have fallen asleep even in the middle of the wasteland.

Just as my eyes were about to close, a familiar voice came from nearby.

"Lily!"

"…!"

The voice I could never forget jolted me awake. I opened my eyes wide and looked in the direction of the voice. Black hair flying in the dry, sandy wind, and striking blue eyes visible even from a distance.

Theodore had jumped off his horse and was running toward me.

* * *

"Lily…!"

…Unbelievably, he looked worried.

His expression and eyes were filled with genuine concern, and I was left speechless.

Theodore rushed to me and pulled me into a tight embrace. Somnia, who was attached to my body, cursed and fell off. I just blinked in shock. …Really, Theodore had come to this wasteland? To find me?

'How did he know I was here…?'

I didn't know the exact location of this wasteland or Panoptykon. Adelaine likely used a teleportation spell to bring me here. Theodore, judging by the fact that he was on horseback, seemed to have not pinpointed my exact location.

But he must have figured out I was in the area.

"…."

…Could it be that, like Jen's Ventus, Seraphim had hidden elemental power within me?

"Lily, are you hurt anywhere? Does anything hurt? I… searched for you for a long time."

"…."

What should I say? Right now, he… seemed like the 'him' from when I lost my memory. …Could it be that, as the doctor said, his personality had split? I asked, just in case.

"Theodore, do you remember the conversation you had with me on the day of the rainstorm?"

"…What are you talking about?"

Hmm, it doesn't seem like it. He was still the original Theodore. He had forgotten the time when he was kind to me after losing his memory.

I tried to push him away and stand up, but Theodore held me tightly and wouldn't let go. …What's gotten into him? I thought he was angry with me. I had disgraced Valentine's honor by running away…

"…."

My heart raced, hoping… if he really came here out of concern for me… If the last look he gave me before I lost consciousness wasn't just my imagination…

I still harbored resentment toward him. The wounds he left were still fresh. I couldn't fully trust him.

But, if, just maybe, this time something could change…

"Te…"

Just as I was about to call his name, a burning sensation hit my chest, and something hot gushed out of my mouth.

I stared blankly at the bright red blood that stained Theodore's clothes. A metallic taste filled my mouth. What I had just coughed up was…

"Blood…"

Theodore's shocked face came into view.

The world spun, and I lost consciousness.