Chapter 75

75

‘If only I had realized it sooner...’

Would things have been different?

Could I have protected her properly?

Once again, the scene of her collapsing, coughing up blood, replayed in his mind. She was so fragile, so delicate. And yet, he had let her come to this. He had failed to protect her.

Despite his abilities, which should have allowed him to do so much... he had failed.

The overwhelming sense of self-loathing made him feel like he was going mad. No matter how harshly he berated himself, it never felt enough. His heart continued to beat erratically. He felt sick to his stomach, tormented and sad. If there was a way to go back in time, he would do so without hesitation, no matter the cost.

But as always, the miracle of undoing past mistakes is not granted to humans.

Theodor emerged from the cold water, staggering. Despite his body temperature dropping significantly, he was relatively unharmed, thanks to the incredibly strong vitality bestowed by his lineage. Theodor chuckled bitterly to himself. He sat down on the bed, naked, and muttered with a dazed mind.

“Vitality...”

...At that moment, a sudden thought flashed through his mind.

What if, he could transfer his own vitality... to Lily?

If that were possible, she wouldn’t have to suffer so much anymore.

Theodor, who had been sitting in a daze, suddenly jumped to his feet. He couldn’t waste any more time. He had to do something.

He quickly dressed, not even bothering to dry his hair. Every second counted. To save her...

‘I need to meet Derrick.’

Theodor hurried down the corridor, heading towards the direction of the wizard’s laboratory.

* * *

It was a dream again.

Young Lily Everett was in front of me. She had sneaked out of the house, avoiding the stern gaze of her governess and the servants, and was playing in the flower bed in the backyard.

“Under the fragrant flower shade~ listening to the nightingale’s song~”

She sang softly while shaping the mud into bread and making a cake. She picked flowers to decorate the cake and stuck thin twigs as candles.

It was the worst birthday cake in the world. The candles couldn’t be lit, and it couldn’t be eaten. But young Lily Everett looked very proud as she gazed at her mud cake.

She closed her eyes slightly and blew out the candles with a puff of air.

“Happy birthday, Lily.”

Young me smiled brightly. It was a very innocent smile. I stared at the face of young me, feeling a sense of distance. I had once had such a time.

A time when my heart was unblemished and innocent, when I could cherish a sliver of sunlight that seeped into my soul.

What if I had grown up like that? I would probably be a very different person now. I wouldn’t have a heart full of resentment, and I wouldn’t be consumed by aimless anger. I could speak my mind and laugh like a sunflower in full bloom.

...People undoubtedly have a nature, but ultimately, it is experience that shapes them. I had become a very different person from that young Lily. ...It felt a little sad.

“Hey! What are you doing here?!”

“...!”

Young Lily flinched at the sudden shout. In the next moment, a hand reached out from somewhere and roughly grabbed her hair. A shrill scream erupted.

“Ah...!”

“This, where do you think you’re running off to? You should be studying right now! How much money has your father invested in you... and you, this lowly girl, don’t even know gratitude!”

The hand that grabbed her hair belonged to Hessen. Hessen shouted and threw Lily to the ground.

Lily, now covered in dirt, lifted her head and sniffled. A twisted sense of pleasure flashed across Hessen’s face as he looked at her.

Hessen didn’t stop there. He smirked and stomped on the mud cake Lily had painstakingly made.

Seeing the destroyed cake, Lily finally burst into tears. Hessen covered his ears as if she were too noisy and kicked her.

“Ah, shut up! Why are you crying and making a fuss?!”

“Haaaang...!”

As Lily cried even more pitifully, Hessen paused his kicking and hesitated for a moment. He seemed to be thinking about something, then grabbed Lily by the collar and pulled her up.

“Hey, you... don’t you want to stop getting hit? Then you should follow my orders properly. It’s all because you make me angry—”

At that moment.

Lily’s eyes flashed with a deadly glare, and with some unknown strength, she kicked Hessen’s shin fiercely.

Hessen let out a cry of pain and released Lily’s collar. He glared at her as she fell to the ground and lunged at her.

“You, you crazy girl...!”

“...!”

Lily picked up whatever was within reach. ...It was a fairly large rock. She smashed it into Hessen’s head as he lunged at her.

“Aaah!”

“Ah! Master!”

“M, Master!”

The maids, who had just discovered the two children, screamed and ran over. They paid no attention to Lily, only fussing over Hessen, who was in a sorry state.

“Oh my, Master! Are you okay?”

“Blood is coming from your head!”

“Ugh... Ugh...! That... that crazy girl...!”

As Hessen pointed at Lily, the maids turned their heads almost simultaneously. Lily stood there, her eyes still filled with anger, holding the bloodied rock in her small hand.

“...”

I watched all of this quietly and waved my hand, dispersing the dream. The vivid scene blurred like watercolor paint in water.

I sighed quietly. What if I had picked up a larger rock and finished Hessen off then and there?

‘Probably the Duke of Everett would have strangled me to death himself.’

In the past, I often regretted not having smashed Hessen’s head and killed him when he was tormenting me.

But now, looking back, it was fortunate that I didn’t kill Hessen and incur the Duke of Everett’s wrath.

If I had died at that young age, I wouldn’t have met Charlotte and others. I wouldn’t have come to love *The Lamp in the Darkness* or met the small light in Panopticon. So...

What about me?

“...”

I paused, hearing a sudden voice. It sounded like a child’s, yet also like an old person’s. The owner of this voice...

Aren’t you going to think of me?

Somnia, the spirit I had contracted with in Panopticon.

Is it okay for a contractor to treat their spirit like this? How can you not even care about me?

“...”

I thought Somnia was being a bit childish. It was true that Somnia had played a significant role in helping me escape Panopticon, but she had also rummaged through my memories and threatened to swallow me if she didn’t like them.

In many ways, she had acted like a tyrant, so I couldn’t exactly like her.

As if reading my thoughts, Somnia said in a resentful voice.

I’m the spirit who will be with you for the rest of your life. In a way, I’m closer to you than your spouse. You should value me more!

I nodded absentmindedly, staring into space.

“Yeah...”

Isn’t that a bit too unenthusiastic?

“Yeah...!”

Just putting a bit more force into your voice doesn’t make it sound more enthusiastic!

I had to argue with Somnia for a while.

Although I couldn’t fully perceive the passage of time in the dream, I knew that quite some time had passed since I had collapsed in the wasteland.

I was curious about the situation in reality and why my body hadn’t woken up despite my consciousness being in the dream.

As if reading my mind, Somnia explained kindly.

Your physical body in reality is suffering from a fever. You need more rest for your consciousness to return. And...

Her voice took on a slightly angry tone.

Someone has cursed you. It’s a rather complex curse. That’s why your organs are so damaged. I’ve been holding it back with my power; otherwise, you would have died in the wasteland just now.

“...A curse?”

Yes. While you were unconscious, I traced the person who cursed you. It’s someone you know.

“...”

I had a feeling I knew who it was. There was only one person who had the ability to curse someone and had that much resentment against me. Well, maybe two, if you count Lady Seymour.

Adelaine Albinis.

Somnia muttered the name chillingly, her voice filled with malice. I nodded, as if I had expected it.

“I thought so.”